WORST thing you've done as a child?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > WORST thing you've done as a child?

Beef Turret: Jul 9, 2009; by Lowtax

I think I seduced this grown-rear end man as a child using only my rear end. Though I do tend to delve into hallucinogenic fits of extreme denial, so I could be wrong

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:35

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 00:53

PrinceRandom: Feb 26, 2013

i think i know a cop who might want to find out that place.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:38

Topographic Nap: Apr 22, 2007

Muttonchips posted:

When I was young, my parents took me to some fancy party and there weren't any other kids my age. The lady living there gave me a handful of Hershey's kisses and told me I should go play with her dog.

IT was some tiny little toy poodle thing but it was really smart cause it knew tricks, like sit and stay and the like.

The dog looked kind of hungry, and I knew dogs liked treats, so I gave it some chocolate. But it kept on looking at me like it wanted more. So I indulged. When I ran out, I grabbed more chocolate out of the bowl.

As far as I know, the damned thing was fine when I was leaving. It died the next day. The neighbor was so heartbroken she died a few months later.

I didn't make the connection until I got a dog of my own during college and learned that chocolate is toxic.

I always wonder if she ever made the connection. I'll never know. Chances are she was too heartbroken to ever put two and two together.

There isn't enough toxicity in an entire bag of hershey kisses to kill even a small dog, it probably just got hit by a car

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:42

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

PrinceRandom posted:

i think i know a cop who might want to find out that place.

Germany. Tell him I said hello and good luck.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:44

Killed a Girl in 96: Jun 15, 2001; DON'T STOP CAN'T STOP

Cardiovorax posted:

No offense, but I don't appreciate that sort of statement even as a joke. I know a few actual rape victims. I'm not one of them. Don't cheapen their suffering like that.

what's the gayest thing youve ever done

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:46

EXTREME INSERTION: Jun 4, 2011; by LadyAmbien

Cardiovorax posted:

Germany. Tell him I said hello and good luck.

Looks like we have to invade again

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:46

Cool Blue Reason: Jan 7, 2010; by Lowtax

Cardiovorax posted:

Germany. Tell him I said hello and good luck.

The Germans are not capable of such evil.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:47

Zoq-Fot-Pik: Jun 27, 2008; Frungy!

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

Looks like we have to invade again

Two nukes weren't enough.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:49

PrinceRandom: Feb 26, 2013

and by that i meant that he wants to groom a child as a sex slave.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:49

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Unless he wants to be the sex slave, my example isn't really applicable. I knew what I was looking for and got it. The bad part was taking away the family of two little kids I honestly liked, not the rest of it.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 00:57

Muttonchips: Jun 5, 2014; by Shine

SpicyMeatSandwich posted:

There isn't enough toxicity in an entire bag of hershey kisses to kill even a small dog, it probably just got hit by a car

If this is true, that's such a huge weight off of my mind you have no idea. I'd been feeding it treats all night and it showed 0 signs of distress, no diarrhea, no vomiting.

That's why I never thought anything of it.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:34

yeah actually they will: Aug 18, 2012

Cardiovorax posted:

Unless he wants to be the sex slave, my example isn't really applicable. I knew what I was looking for and got it. The bad part was taking away the family of two little kids I honestly liked, not the rest of it.

Wait, you met the kids?

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:35

hofnar: Dec 27, 2008; by sebmojo

Cardiovorax posted:

Unless he wants to be the sex slave, my example isn't really applicable. I knew what I was looking for and got it. The bad part was taking away the family of two little kids I honestly liked, not the rest of it.

not exactly what i was expecting in the worst thing i did as a kid thread

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:37

BASF: Jun 16, 2011; by Ralp

I rapedf a fly.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:39

Cool Blue Reason: Jan 7, 2010; by Lowtax

Cardiovorax posted:

Unless he wants to be the sex slave, my example isn't really applicable. I knew what I was looking for and got it. The bad part was taking away the family of two little kids I honestly liked, not the rest of it.

Yeah that sucks that the kids no longer have a dad who likes to gently caress young boys asses.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:39

School Nickname: Apr 23, 2010; *fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*

broke a china vase worth a few thousand pounds

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:39

Tsinava: Nov 15, 2009; by Ralp

Cardiovorax posted:

No offense, but I don't appreciate that sort of statement even as a joke. I know a few actual rape victims. I'm not one of them. Don't cheapen their suffering like that.

Lmao.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:41

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

no they will not posted:

Wait, you met the kids?

We spent a lot of time together. I think the boy was a bit autistic, but in the cute way.

Cool Blue Reason posted:

Yeah that sucks that the kids no longer have a dad who likes to gently caress young boys asses.

Actually, it was the mother that didn't get custody.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:43

Frostwerks: Sep 24, 2007; by Lowtax

cynic posted:

My wife once set fire to another kid when she was about 6 or 7 (he was fine, but his shoes were ruined). She also stole and crashed a brand new Jaguar when she was 12. Tip of the loving iceberg.

I made my little brother shove a red chili-pepper up his nose because 'pepper makes you sneeze'

I made my other little brother bite his own tongue in half by shoving a stick in the spokes of his bike (he's 36 now and still pissed about that one, don't see what his problem is, they sewed it back on, can hardly even see the scar)

Kids are loving psychos.

psychos are loving kids!

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:44

PrinceRandom: Feb 26, 2013

Cardiovorax posted:

We spent a lot of time together. I think the boy was a bit autistic, but in the cute way.

Actually, it was the mother that didn't get custody.

lol. what the gently caress.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:45

EXTREME INSERTION: Jun 4, 2011; by LadyAmbien

Cardiovorax posted:

We spent a lot of time together. I think the boy was a bit autistic, but in the cute way.

Actually, it was the mother that didn't get custody.

Germany

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:50

Cool Blue Reason: Jan 7, 2010; by Lowtax

Cardiovorax posted:

We spent a lot of time together. I think the boy was a bit autistic, but in the cute way.

Actually, it was the mother that didn't get custody.

Hmm, did u mention to the court that he raped you

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:51

RideTheSpiral: Sep 18, 2005; College Slice

wtf dude just admit you were raped

that family man raped the hell out of your prepubescent arse

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:51

Robbie Fowler: May 31, 2011

ripped the legs off a lizard and left him on top of a mailbox.

i still feel bad about that lol.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 01:55

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

RideTheSpiral posted:

wtf dude just admit you were raped

that family man raped the hell out of your prepubescent arse

Not in any sense that actually matters.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:00

EXTREME INSERTION: Jun 4, 2011; by LadyAmbien

This thread got dark

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:02

RideTheSpiral: Sep 18, 2005; College Slice

Cardiovorax posted:

Not in any sense that actually matters.

would you like to be an official moderator of the somthing awful forums ??

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:06

Frostwerks: Sep 24, 2007; by Lowtax

RideTheSpiral posted:

wtf dude just admit you were raped

that family man raped the hell out of your prepubescent arse

seth macfarlane is n't funny i agree

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:07

hofnar: Dec 27, 2008; by sebmojo

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

This thread got dark

guess my post about throwing a cat in the water won't really compete with the prepubescent rear end sex

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:10

SniperWoreConverse: Mar 20, 2010; Gun Saliva

SpicyMeatSandwich posted:

There isn't enough toxicity in an entire bag of hershey kisses to kill even a small dog, it probably just got hit by a car

this is true, we had a little weiner dog and she was really crafty. One Christmas my mom left an unopened whole bag of kisses on the table, and she somehow got it off the table, opened it, dumped them all out, unwrapped each one, and ate them all.

Then we got home and she was so happy to see us but ashamed of herself she barfed it was like half a pound of mucousy chocolate pudding. Pretty loving sweet. She didn't feel so well, but at the same time she ate an amount of lovely milk chocolate that was a large percentage of her bodyweight. I would puke too.

I think it's the dark chocolate that's really poisonous to them.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:20

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

EXTREME INSERTION posted:

This thread got dark

For all the wrong reasons, amusingly enough. It was a good relationship, really. The guy did everything he could to make me genuinely happy. I was just a horrible rear end in a top hat at the time for unrelated reasons and hosed over everybody involved spectacularly. I didn't post that story here for nothing.

SniperWoreConverse posted:

this is true, we had a little weiner dog and she was really crafty. One Christmas my mom left an unopened whole bag of kisses on the table, and she somehow got it off the table, opened it, dumped them all out, unwrapped each one, and ate them all.

Then we got home and she was so happy to see us but ashamed of herself she barfed it was like half a pound of mucousy chocolate pudding. Pretty loving sweet. She didn't feel so well, but at the same time she ate an amount of lovely milk chocolate that was a large percentage of her bodyweight. I would puke too.

I think it's the dark chocolate that's really poisonous to them.

Hershey's probably don't contain any real chocolate anyway.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:28

EXTREME INSERTION: Jun 4, 2011; by LadyAmbien

I'm kind of depressed now

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:31

Muttonchips: Jun 5, 2014; by Shine

Well now I feel good because I feel like I let that dog have a little taste of the forbidden fruit.

I mean, unless that old lady gave him chocolate treats all the time.

Used to think all chocolate was toxic. Very good to know.

10/10 would GBS again.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 02:32

madeupfred: Oct 10, 2011; by FactsAreUseless

Sound posted:

a straight ghetto neighborhood.

Wow, welcome to Obama's America.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 03:30

SirEvelynTremble: Dec 25, 2013; FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Cardiovorax posted:

For all the wrong reasons, amusingly enough. It was a good relationship, really. The guy did everything he could to make me genuinely happy. I was just a horrible rear end in a top hat at the time for unrelated reasons and hosed over everybody involved spectacularly. I didn't post that story here for nothing.

at least it wasn't incest .... oh wait that's legal in germany

# ? Oct 15, 2014 05:19

NutritiousSnack: Jul 12, 2011

Los Lobos posted:

if it was a 40 year old man loving a 14 year old girl it would be rape, but because it's a boy it's actually normal and makes sense to well adjusted people.

loving 14 year old MEN is okay if you are a woman, acceptable if you are a man, and barrier breaking if you are trans. wtf

# ? Oct 15, 2014 09:00

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

just want to say that hitler would not have let that poo poo fly. just something 2 think about

# ? Oct 15, 2014 09:07

Joey Gladstone: May 26, 2003

It's actually not a big deal for a 14 year old german boy to seduce an older man with an autistic son

# ? Oct 15, 2014 09:08

cool new Metroid game: Oct 7, 2009; hail satan

this thread is hosed up lol

# ? Oct 15, 2014 12:05

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 00:53

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

SirEvelynTremble posted:

at least it wasn't incest .... oh wait that's legal in germany

It very definitely isn't.

# ? Oct 15, 2014 12:08

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