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Why haven't aliens probed my butthole is a question asked by scientists since they gazed at the stars. Several theories have been offered to explain the seeming absence of anal contact with the extraterrestrial. -The Fermi Paradox The most fundamental question for the absence of alien proctology. Where are all the loving aliens. Stuff like the drake equation shows that there should statistically be planets like earth. Even if that number is realy small, there's so much poo poo in the galaxy, some of that poo poo should contain ET. The sun is a young star, so ET's should have had time to figure this poo poo out. More: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/wait-but-why/the-fermi-paradox_b_5489415.html -The Great Filter Theory The idea here is that life is really rare. Like a good post on SA. Somewhere along the way to being developed enough for interstellar contact, life shits the bed. What we don't know, and what makes this theory particularly scary, is if we have already past the filter point (think abiotic genisis, evolution of a mitochondria in cells, etc) or if it lies in front of us (nuclear war killing everyone, singularity purging all life). In some ways "no news is good news" because it potentially means that we may have already hit the filter point. Finding life elsewhere would mean that it's relatively easy (read: probable) that the filter point and doom is in the future. More: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Filter -Alien Zoo theory So here's maybe the case that my butthole is already being probed million of miles away. There's the star trekian notion that aliens see us a primative apes, whom should not be contacted for our own protection. Maybe ET has advanced colon sensors that don't even need to be within thousands of light years to use. Tons of fiction take this as their starting point, because it's cool to think about. -Apex Predator theory The gist here is that thinking about alien life in the context of an ecosystem, or even a realpolitik weak suffer the strong sort of way. Noted Simpsons guest Stephen Hawking has likened alien contact with that of when famed humanitarian Christopher Columbus meet the native americans. In short, when aliens see that you have become advanced enough, they destroy you before you can become a potential threat. They rip you a new butthole. This would explain the deafening silence we hear today. -Boring Theories Proving Scientists are Unfun Fucks Anthropic principal Earth is rare Humans are first advanced race Aliens are gay Aliens killed themselves So why do you guys think ET's glowing finger hasn't been 6 inches deep?
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Oct 16, 2014 16:09
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 09:13 |
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do you wipe it thoroughly before you go to bed? maybe they're afraid of the klingons
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Oct 16, 2014 16:11
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they're too busy probing my anus, like 10 times a day your butthole must be boring, sorry bro i'll try and put in a good word for you though
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Oct 16, 2014 16:12
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maybe your butthole stinks
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Oct 16, 2014 16:13
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because your dad won't take his dick out
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Oct 16, 2014 16:14
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Harald posted:because your dad won't take his dick out question to consider: maybe op's dad is an alien and that's the probing?
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Oct 16, 2014 16:15
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Most alien races evolved naturally and live in peaceful agrarian societies that follow a belief system similar to Zen Buddhism, it's only humans who are raging assholes because they're more like cancer cells than a natural function of a healthy body
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Oct 16, 2014 16:15
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My vote goes to the Simulation theory wherein we are all npcs in an aliens video game that they haven't discoverer yet.
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Oct 16, 2014 17:46
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In just the last 100 years humanity has made so many advances in everyday life that we have far more free time on our hands, and yet we're getting less motivation to do anything that is outside the scope of what we individually consider to be a "normal day". Imagine an alien civilization so advanced that they've created every single convenience they can devise, eliminating the need to do anything at all except pursue individual pleasures. Why the gently caress would they want to cross vast distances of space and come all the way here just to knuckle-plunge the doodie-chutes of a species who's only real achievement so far has been having the good fortune to fall out of a tree? We're the Comedy Central of the galaxy, and any evidence of alien visitation was tourists swinging by to visit the cute little denizens of this goofy world. I'm talking of course about pandas, not people. Have you ever tried asking? Set up a ham radio and send out erotic pulses or something, maybe they just don't know where you live.
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Oct 16, 2014 19:43
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trying too hard/10
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Oct 16, 2014 19:52
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quote this if you literally didn't even read the op
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Oct 16, 2014 19:53
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they dont have probe big enough
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Oct 16, 2014 19:54
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Taken was a pretty good movie. Never saw the sequel
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Oct 16, 2014 19:56
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They watched Signs and figured you had a tinfoil diaper.
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Oct 16, 2014 19:58
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did you put any effort into your butthole, op? your dad probably chose your butthole primarily for convenience. aliens travel very far and have lots of buttholes to choose from. would a little glitter be asking too much?
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Oct 16, 2014 19:58
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saving my butthole for the right human
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Oct 16, 2014 19:58
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all life on earth is a cosmic mistake and there is nothing else out there anywhere
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Oct 16, 2014 19:58
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ya aint purdy enuf
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Oct 16, 2014 19:59
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Nuts and Gum posted:My vote goes to the Simulation theory wherein we are all npcs in an aliens video game that they haven't discoverer yet. dat explains why stupid and irrelevant poo poo is always comin outta my mouth
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Oct 16, 2014 20:00
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vaginas feel better imo. anal is pretty lame in comparison to a nice wet hot vagina. gays are seriously missing out on some good poo poo
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Oct 16, 2014 20:01
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Splatmaster posted:In just the last 100 years humanity has made so many advances in everyday life that we have far more free time on our hands, and yet we're getting less motivation to do anything that is outside the scope of what we individually consider to be a "normal day". Imagine an alien civilization so advanced that they've created every single convenience they can devise, eliminating the need to do anything at all except pursue individual pleasures. Yeah it's really a bummer that people don't give a poo poo about space anymore. Most of the stuff I read about this sort of thing all had that 'We went to the moon, motherfucker!' optimistic vibe that can be really contagious until you remember that NASA's budge it like half of one penny you pay in taxes and we have to hitch rides into space. I'm really hoping it's Contact aliens who are kinda chill and are just like 'eh, you guys will get it. We'll just give you a little longer'. I think a read somewhere that we don't actively broadcast a radio signal because we don't want an invasion or something. Like, serious scientists were concerned at one point about this sort of thing.
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Oct 16, 2014 20:04
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nomadologique posted:ya aint purdy enuf heres 1 of my glamour shots in a moment of passion  some got it some dont
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Oct 16, 2014 20:06
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