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Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012

imo the most badass way to kill yourself would be to jump off a tall building nude (except white tennis shoes) while jacking off and jizz all over yourself before landing

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a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

throwing a baseball so hard it orbits around the world and comes back and hits you in the back of the hand with enough force to explode you

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp
haha, would it kill you to... make a good post? because your posting, it is bad op.

Kidsolo
Dec 4, 2006

Give the dog a bone
mod sass

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010
Crushing your head with your own hands

Robbie Fowler
May 31, 2011
blowing yourself up with a grenade at a preschool assembly. scar those mofos 4 lyfe

I am Toni Lippi
Aug 16, 2004
put a bomb up your rear end then you gently caress someone. Make sure you come before they do and say, "Not today." Then you press the button and blow up.

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

I am Toni Lippi posted:

put a bomb up your rear end then you gently caress someone. Make sure you come before they do and say, "Not today." Then you press the button and blow up.

thats p hosed up

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
shoving mountain dews into your eye sockets while sky diving yelling extreme

and also youre a skeleton

Segata Sanshiro
Sep 10, 2011

we can live for nothing
baby i don't care

lose me like the ocean
feel the motion

:coolfish:

hijacking a passenger jet and flying it into the wtc

Speedboat Jones
Dec 28, 2008



Lipstick Apathy
Train a shark to catch and eat you in midair just before you hit the water jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. Yell "Rand Paul 2016" before you jump.

orangesampson
Nov 22, 2012

by Ion Helmet

Sweet Tea posted:

imo the most badass way to kill yourself would be to jump off a tall building nude (except white tennis shoes) while jacking off and jizz all over yourself before landing

Convince everyone else to die, make a pile or 345643026 corpses, surrounded by the worlds nuclear stock pile, and use a candle as the detonator.

Grant DaNasty
Jul 17, 2006

Go to a local comedy club, wait for a comedian to start bombing, and then stand up and shout "This loving sucks!". Then shoot yourself in the head.

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Volume posted:

Rough time in life lead to a drastic decision that resulted in turning on the table saw and letting 'er rip.

Which wasn't as smooth as one might think. When I first pushed down, the sawblade sunk into my neck and just stopped dead. Had to pull up and try again.

Kept going til I could breathe through my neck and decided that was good enough. Turnned of the saw and laid down in the snow.

Turns out it was cold enough to condense/shrink my artieries and so I stopped bleeding, was found and rushed to the hospital.

Cpt.Sean Luc Picard
Nov 24, 2006
man why you even got to do a thing?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_gunshot_suicide

"One particular case has been documented from Australia. In February 1995, a man committed suicide on parkland in Canberra, Australia. He took a pump action shotgun and shot himself in the chest. The load passed through the chest without hitting a rib, and went out the other side. He then walked fifteen meters, pulled out a pistol and shot himself in the head. After reloading the shotgun, he leaned the shotgun against his throat, and shot his throat and part of his jaw. He then reloaded a final time, walked 200 meters to a hill, sat down on the slope, held the gun against his chest with his hands and operated the trigger with his toes. This shot entered the thoracic cavity and demolished the heart, killing him."

Cpt.Sean Luc Picard fucked around with this message at 01:28 on Oct 20, 2014

SurfinArbiter
Jul 3, 2013

Y
o
u

f
o
u
n
d

m
e

heh
Go into a ghetto neighborhood and scream friend of the family at the top of your lungs. Only works if you're white though.

Anhedonia
Jan 2, 2006

If you are reading this, the 9/11 club is not keeping my half-french ass down enough. Also I forgot my crazy pills...AGAIN!
Super glue hands to head, make noose out of piano wire, jump off building into noose head comes off but glued to hands, looks like u pulled off ur own head super badass

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Cpt.Sean Luc Picard posted:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple_gunshot_suicide

"One particular case has been documented from Australia. In February 1995, a man committed suicide on parkland in Canberra, Australia. He took a pump action shotgun and shot himself in the chest. The load passed through the chest without hitting a rib, and went out the other side. He then walked fifteen meters, pulled out a pistol and shot himself in the head. After reloading the shotgun, he leaned the shotgun against his throat, and shot his throat and part of his jaw. He then reloaded a final time, walked 200 meters to a hill, sat down on the slope, held the gun against his chest with his hands and operated the trigger with his toes. This shot entered the thoracic cavity and demolished the heart, killing him."

:drat:

Bobert Bobertson
Apr 1, 2014

Grant DaNasty posted:

Go to a local comedy club, wait for a comedian to start bombing, and then stand up and shout "This loving sucks!". Then shoot yourself in the head.

alternatively, when someone makes a poo poo thread post a vid of you shooting yourself

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

Anhedonia posted:

Super glue hands to head, make noose out of piano wire, jump off building into noose head comes off but glued to hands, looks like u pulled off ur own head super badass

Knew this one was gunna come up

stolen doug stanhope bit

came up in the last version of this thread too



anyway best way to kill yourself is by having your spine broken, bending you in half backwards while naked and wearing a reinforced steel belt then moved into a meat grinder via conveyor belt so that the last part of you to go in is your dick, the metal belt clogging the machine so that all that's left is a meaty mess and your dick intact for all to see

Segata Sanshiro
Sep 10, 2011

we can live for nothing
baby i don't care

lose me like the ocean
feel the motion

:coolfish:

wait no actually it's:

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

yea the doug stanhope clown one is the best imo

Pontificating Ass
Aug 2, 2002

What Doth Life?
I thought about this the other day and is made me think why would anyone just hang themselves or something boring like that when you only get to do the trick once

eating some kind of explosive and then trying to find a real cool space to paint with your innards is the best idea to me

like you could do it inside the museum of modern art and it would be pretty ironic everyone would think you are a cool artist

edit: were*

appropriatemetaphor
Jan 26, 2006

this is how i'd go what can i say i like french films its just who i am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apjzZp3tJfQ

Harminoff
Oct 24, 2005

👽
Stab yourself through your eye sockets.

Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 8 days!
I'm gonna take the David Carradine way out.

afeelgoodpoop
Oct 14, 2014

by FactsAreUseless
carefully end your life so that all your organs may be viable for donation.

Fetus Tree
Feb 2, 2003
Probation
Can't post for 2 years!

did you really do this

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN
Jun 26, 2009



Voluntarily starve yourself to death while keeping up a happy facade and the whole thing a secret while continuing your normal day to day life. Finally collapse with a happy little sigh at work.

orangesampson
Nov 22, 2012

by Ion Helmet

katlington posted:

Voluntarily starve yourself to death while keeping up a happy facade and the whole thing a secret while continuing your normal day to day life. Finally collapse with a happy little sigh at work.

For some people this is their last option, "to die with dignity" and it's pretty hosed up.

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN
Jun 26, 2009



orangesampson posted:

For some people this is their last option, "to die with dignity" and it's pretty hosed up.

Yeah was going to edit it but you already quoted it, nobody steal this one i'm doing it first.

orangesampson
Nov 22, 2012

by Ion Helmet

katlington posted:

Yeah was going to edit it but you already quoted it, nobody steal this one i'm doing it first.

Morals don't apply in this thread, post the whole story. Maybe these holy rollers would gently caress off then. GOD WILLING.

Baba Ganoush
Oct 12, 2014
Dinosaur Gum
Don't poop for 2 years until your bowels rupture and you slowly die from infection because your filled to the brim with feces and bile. Then at that point find your way to a tall building (probably the hospital you're in because you're dying) then jump of the roof as a giant human poo poo grenade.

orangesampson
Nov 22, 2012

by Ion Helmet

Baba Ganoush posted:

Don't poop for 2 years until your bowels rupture and you slowly die from infection because your filled to the brim with feces and bile. Then at that point find your way to a tall building (probably the hospital you're in because you're dying) then jump of the roof as a giant human poo poo grenade.

Some ladies rear end fused to a toilet seat once. a future trend

Ride The Gravitron
May 2, 2008

by FactsAreUseless

Fetus Tree posted:

did you really do this

ayup

Bip Roberts
Mar 29, 2005
Probation
Can't post for 8 days!

katlington posted:

Voluntarily starve yourself to death while keeping up a happy facade and the whole thing a secret while continuing your normal day to day life. Finally collapse with a happy little sigh at work.

That's some serious thinspiration I can get behind!

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002


im glad you are not dead

OhsH
Jan 12, 2008
brick on the pedal of a car when ya got a parachute attched to ur self in the desert, send car on its way tie ur self to the wheel get on top pull parachute shoot self while flyin have the car drive til it runs outta gas


can be streamlined to make it so u kill urself when u pull the parachute but eh

autoaim.cfg
Aug 6, 2005
:qq: WHINY SHITHEAD :qq:
*drops mic*
Guy around these here parts put a stick of dynamite on his head. Pulled a knit cap on his head. Took his bike. Went up a local hill, with an asphalt road running over it. Lit the fuse. Rode his bike down the hill road as fast as he could until... eventually... BOOM! [splatter]

I drove by there about half an hour after it had happened. There was a firetruck there. Firemen were spraying the road with water. I didn't take much notice. Only the next day did I realize that they were spraying blood and guts off the asphalt.

Finland, Kvevlax -- where they make good bread and do pretty jolly good suicicdes too. :tipshat:

autoaim.cfg fucked around with this message at 02:03 on Oct 20, 2014

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Kuato
Feb 25, 2005

"I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"
Buglord
Strap self in dynamite, attend one of those morning show audiences, and when the Al Roker type gets close to your area, yell SOMETHING AWFUL DOT COM and blow yourself up.

Another good idea is going to an all you can eat buffet and tell them you take their name as a personal challenge, and then proceed to eat yourself to death. Live blog the gluttonous display. The latter one could be something of a challenge, as many fellow GBS denizens attempt this quite regularly to no avail.

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