Anonymous GBS Confessions

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you irl: Jan 22, 2014

Kurnugia posted:

Could we have an anonymous FYAD type of thing for posting this kind of disgusting poo poo? It'd be interesting to say the least.

if this was permanent it would be garbage, it's only going to work as a thread until it devolves into obviously fake posts and then itll be closed

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:14

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 27, 2024 01:48

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

nd67loi

Anonymous Confessor posted:

Years ago back when I was a sexless insecure teenager I wanted nothing more than shed my pathetic pubestache facial hair and grow a real beard, and to do so followed the timeless advice of goons to rub piss on my face everyday in the hopes that it... well I can't remember what BS was cooked up at the time to convince people to do this but I fell for it big time. Every day for several months I used to piss in a tupperware container at night and then slosh a bit of it on my face when no-one was around like I was slapping on some aftershave, convinced that one day I was going to wake up to some crazy rugged beard or something. There was something about the musky smell of fermented piss smelt 'manly' to me which convinced me to keep doing it, and besides, there were dozens of goons vouching for the method, it had to be legit right?
I only stopped because one day my little brother was prattling about in my room when he opened up one of my bedside drawers, exposing a shelf of weird, Howard Hughes-esque jars of piss and used tissues (I used to chuck old jerk-off rags in there too because hey, the drawer wasn't getting any weirder was it?) He asked me why I kept a drawer full of pissjugs next to my bed, and just as I opened my mouth to tell him it was an innovative new way of growing facial hair I'd learned from the internet, the spell was broken. What the gently caress was I doing. I had been habitually rubbing piss on my face because a group of strangers on a notoriously untrustworthy internet forum had convinced me it was a good idea. In that moment, I realized I'd been had.
I told my brother it was for an 'experiment' and swore him to never tell anyone about it. That night I dumped my pissjugs, shaved my lame puberty-beard off and never mentioned the incident to anyone ever again. To this day my bro loves to tease me about the incident even although he doesn't know what I was using the pissjugs for, just the existence of them in general is incriminating enough. Nobody knows their true use except for me, and now you goons too. Congrats guys, you trolled one.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:15

Kurnugia: Sep 2, 2014; by Nyc_Tattoo

you irl posted:

if this was permanent it would be garbage, it's only going to work as a thread until it devolves into obviously fake posts and then itll be closed

yeah I guess so

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:15

naem: May 29, 2011

I have a nine inch penis

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:19

naem: May 29, 2011

Oh wait you said EMAIL

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:20

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

e37ft0e

Anonymous Confessor posted:

i hosed this chick during college while her fianc� was deployed in Afghanistan. It went on for about 8 months and she would frequently take his late night phone calls while causally jerking me off. I later hooked up with her younger sister and she got pretty pissed off that we were together but couldn't really protest without revealing her own infidelity.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:20

DrPlump: Oct 5, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

I have a sexual obsession with Something Awful Moderator Spanish Manlove. It all started when I found out he was a MENSA member. I have never had a person that smart inside me. Someday I hope to bare his children.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:21

DrPlump: Oct 5, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Why did it post with me real username I thought this was supposed to be anonymous?

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:22

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

dyafx1t

Anonymous Confessor posted:

A friend of mine witnessed my mother physically abusing me in the bathroom at school (it was after a play and I was washing my make-up off). I didn't say anything to her but was secretly hoping that she'd speak up to somebody about it so my parents could be forced to get the counseling they so desperately needed. She didn't say anything to anyone and nothing ever came of it. A month later I secretly used a magnifying glass to set her gorgeous knee-length hair on fire. I was a known goody-two-shoes and a straight-A student, so no one suspected me, not even her.

Hoping this one is ok.
(PS tell you're mom I said "gently caress you")

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:22

Police Automaton: Mar 17, 2009; "You are standing in a thread. Someone has made an insightful post."
LOOK AT insightful post
"It's a pretty good post."
HATE post
"I don't understand"
SHIT ON post
"You shit on the post. Why."

Windows 98 posted:

nd67loi

That's what SA is all about

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:28

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

e37ft0e

Anonymous Confessor posted:

Every woman I've ever had sex with was dating a friend/aquantence of mine as I pursued her. A few left their SO to date me for a short time, some just cheated with me for a while. Hell, even my wife of 7 years was engaged to my then roommate when we first hooked up. I'm addicted to cucking those around me.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:33

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

ebygw07

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I was once a hardcore heroin user. My girlfriend at the time was also a pretty major user. She was cheating on me, and she didn't know I knew.

After one particular heavy session, she 'accidentally' overdosed. Today my biggest regret about the entire situation is that I wasted perfectly good skag.

Jesse Pinkman?

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:40

1gnoirents: Jun 28, 2014; hello

you can be a responsible heroni user I promsise check out tCc

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:43

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

8sdt45k

Anonymous Confessor posted:

My inability to keep my dick in my pants has ruined two lives, and saddled another two with an 18-year burden.

Story 1: Back in the day, I knew this guy who was a straight up lunatic. But, when I was home alone drunk one day and his girlfriend showed up out of nowhere wanting to gently caress, even though I knew better, I dove right in. The next day, having sobered up, I got to thinking of how big of a mouth she had and how big their frequent arguments were, and knew that she'd eventually bring it up to spite him, at which point he would likely (literally) try to kill me. I decided my best chance was to come semi-clean to him, so told him that, as his bro, I thought he should know that she came over and tried to gently caress, but nothing happened. He ended up putting her in the hospital. When the cops showed up to arrest him, he had enough meth on-hand to be charged with intent to distribute, and also took a swing at one of the officers. He's currently towards the tail end of a 14 year prison sentence. As for the girlfriend, she developed a painkiller habit during her recovery, and eventually OD'd on Oxycontin.

Story 2: A few years after Story 1, I was seeing a girl with a bit of a wild streak, and during a night of Exstacy with a married couple we knew, we ended up swapping partners for the night. I didn't pull out quite in time, so partially came inside of the wife. Ended up breaking up with my girlfriend not too long after, and forgot all about any of them up until a few years ago, when I decided to look the couple up on Facebook to see how they'd been. There, I saw that they had a young son who was the right age for all of this to line up, and that his pictures all looked identical to me when I was his age.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:49

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

Seriously guys. Stop sending me confessions that involve sexually abusing children in any manner. Even if it wasn't you. :siren:

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:51

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Windows 98 posted:

8sdt45k

goons love2fuck

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:52

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

d58a3j1

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I spent four months convincing a friend of mine that his girlfriend was going to cheat on him, which made him totally paranoid. Eventually she got sick of his clinginess and jealousy and dumped him.

I eventually hosed her and got her to send me nudes.

I traded the nudes to a different friend for cocaine.

I have no idea why I did any of this. I think there is something wrong with me.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:53

Laslow: Jul 18, 2007

/
N

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:54

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

dvjjars

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I started reading Fallout Equestria on a lark expecting not to be able to make it pas the first 50 pages.

I read the whole god drat thing. 1500+ pages.

I enjoyed it.

What is wrong with me.

# ? Oct 21, 2014 23:59

Whirlwind Jones: Apr 13, 2013; by Lowtax

Windows 98 posted:

dvjjars

Finally one that's actually true and not some dumb goon fanfic.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:01

A CRUNK BIRD: Sep 29, 2004

Windows 98 posted:

Seriously guys. Stop sending me confessions that involve sexually abusing children in any manner. Even if it wasn't you.

Please stop letting ralp ruin your thread

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:01

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

ddth2f5

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I'm liberal. My mom is conservative and I like to argue about political things with her because she tends to at least listen to the other side. A few years ago we were talking abortion; I'm pro choice, she's pro life. My main point was that it's absolutely fine she would never terminate a pregnancy because it is her choice, but others should have the choice to terminate pregnancies. I brought up rape victims, she was still opposed. I finally said "you mean you would tell a rape victim who became pregnant as a result of the rape that they had to keep a constant reminder of their rape?"

Then she told me she was raped and she would have kept the child if the rapist had impregnated her.

I still disagree with her, but when your mom tells you that she was raped, you kind of can't argue with her anymore.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:10

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

djdbj4r

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I bought Romeo Rose his second account, Romeo Reborn. I'm sorry, goons. If it makes you feel any better, I inadvertently trolled myself since he ended up posting his rancid cock in a thread I frequent.

Not sure who that is

UPDATE: Additional information provided in a second email

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I never wanted to admit to being the one who brought Romeo back, but I always wanted to post the weird-rear end response he emailed me after I told him about his new account:

quote:
Romeo Rose <romeo@romeorose.com>

Aug 18

to me

Awesome, thanks, let the madness begin!

Hey, is there any way you can get into the NSAA thread at ShaggyBevo?

I think you have to be a member there 30 days and have a 1000 posts or something, I'm not sure. But I'd love it if someone could take screenshots there of the secret threads about me, especially the boobs in 8 days one that fitlove started. I want to know what all Mackenzie wrote on there knowing I can't see it.

It's crazy how was that guy at SA bans me, it's like what's the point of a forum if we can be fun and entertaining lol

See you soon on there, thanks again!

Windows 98 fucked around with this message at 00:24 on Oct 22, 2014

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:14

SIDS Vicious: Jan 1, 1970

Windows 98 posted:

djdbj4r

Not sure who that is

romeo rose is the sleepless in seattle guy, general all around creep i guess who ended upposting here after goons mocked him for months, he has really bad veneers

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:17

insulated staircase: Aug 21, 2014

Windows 98 posted:

djdbj4r

Not sure who that is

confessor is probably exceptional mouse(?), whatever the lady who had him at her birthday posts as

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:19

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

cwcnulp

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I figured all this poo poo was heavy so I'd lighten the mood. I was a pretty good kid growing up and never got in trouble at school. I took advantage of that to gently caress with this crazy old hippy science teacher I had in middle school, including writing "nipple sticks" on all of the rulers in her room for some reason. I have no idea why I thought that was a good thing to do and it got one of the poo poo disturbers in trouble, but gently caress that kid he was an rear end.

i told u i was hardcore

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:25

Pillow Clerk: Oct 18, 2008

Gj goons, it only took you five pages to get to murder.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 00:58

Kurnugia: Sep 2, 2014; by Nyc_Tattoo

Pillow Clerk posted:

Gj goons, it only took you five pages to get to murder.

three

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3674792&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=3#post436585170

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:08

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

e9jnymd

Anonymous Confessor posted:

Back in the dark ages before the internet taught us all how to jerk it, I was a confused kid in the middle of puberty who wasn't quite sure how it was all supposed to work. After hearing something about Clarence Thomas and a pube on a Coke can, I tried sticking my dick into a soda can and succeeded only in cutting the poo poo out of myself and leaving a scar I have to this day.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:12

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

e2yjnfy

Anonymous Confessor posted:

This actually might help me get over this:

When I was 18 I had a dog whom I loved very much and was a decade old. I also had anger control issues and would lash out at things that weren't people. I've been in my fare share of fights since then and gotten my rear end beat but I've never struck someone out of malice.

But this day I was walking my dog with the leash on my bike, he jerked to one side and pulled me off the bike, and lost my temper and pushed him to the ground. It's been a long time now since that happened, but shortly after, maybe a week, maybe two, he disappeared. We found him below the deck unable to move and took him to the vet on an ER visit, where we discovered that he had been bleeding internally. The vets tried their best but couldn't save him.

The last most vivid memories I have of him are me pushing him down, and seeing how hurt he looked, and then seeing him on the operating table. He died surrounded with stainless steel and concrete and strangers and I've never been able to forgive myself for thinking I was responsible for it.

So that's a confession for you. I've never raised a hand in anger towards a living thing since.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:14

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

ddvbr8g

Anonymous Confessor posted:

someone on byob told me to stick my head in a toilet and i did, i even recorded it and put it on youtube

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:14

Fluffy Bunnies: Jan 10, 2009

I'm a gimmick.

E: gently caress I hosed up the anonymous part.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:14

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

dalzqyu

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I haven't had sex in 10 years, mostly because I'm a jackass though I am also schizophrenia

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:15

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

dpfcun0

Anonymous Confessor posted:

I've had no sexual relationships with men ever, had a long term girlfriend til last year and hooked up with a bunch of gils from tinder. still can't admit to being a lesbian :(

plus goons think im a dude

:captainpop:

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:16

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

dy7xbks

Anonymous Confessor posted:

In middle and high school I was a super awkward dork, a complete late bloomer who 99% of girls ignored and 99% of guys bullies relentlessly.

But I studied my rear end off and ended up getting a free ride to college. In college I worked my rear end off to get my degree but also to improve myself physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

8 years later and I'm a dentist in the town I grew up in. Most people I went to school with don't remember me, and that's fine. However, it's pretty satisfying to be loving the wives of every single jock bastard who made fun of me in school. I take a lot of videos, too, with their consent of course. If I ever get bored and feel like moving to a new town, I plan to let every rear end in a top hat know what I did to their wives and watch the ensuing chaos.

I've done this with about 10 women so far and don't plan to stop. I realize I am a sociopath but I feel like I earned it.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:22

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

e4akc7e

Anonymous Confessor posted:

Way back when, stupid kid stuff, one of my buddies and my brother and I decided to explore the woods at a local park in my town. At one I told them I needed to take a poo poo. At that point we all decided to do it, because hey, kids are stupid and it was funny.

When we were done we needed to clean up and found some leaves. My brother and I kept thinking it was funny for a few days after...but then shortly my friend told us that he definitely was having some issues. It was that day my brother and I discovered that we weren't allergic to poison ivy. Also suddenly it all became hilarious instead of just funny. I mean my buddy had a poison ivy rash on his rear end because I told him we should all take a poo poo in the woods.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:23

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

ddy3u2o

Anonymous Confessor posted:

This is less "deep dark secret" and more "I was a retarded kid." As a child I tried multiple times to poo poo outside on the front lawn. I figured if it worked for the dog it could work for me. My mom was a combination of pissed and embarrassed. Sorry mom.

# ? Oct 22, 2014 01:23