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Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.
There was a job fair at my school. I don't really plan on joining but I have sometimes wondered which branch I would pick. Here were my impressions of each table:

Army: The young female soldier started chatting me up and was cute and bubbly. Her middle aged superior took over almost immediately and told me I could graduate debt free and literally said the Army was going to use me so I should use them and they have the best benefits package. He had dead eyes and no sense of humour. The guy said he was in logistics but he was on special assignment as a recruiter.

Marines: I asked the young male marine who seemed about my age why I should pick the Marines. It was a little bit of a baited question to get a little bit of inter-branch rivalry going but my intentions were pure: I feel I would be a real catch for any branch of the military given my education and work ethic so I expect them to woo me a little bit in the recruitment process. He didn't take the bait, as he also had dead eyes and no sense of humour. He started asking me about what I wanted to do with my life and why. I told him I don't think about it that much (Why? I'm busy) but that I guess I want to settle down and start a family (Why? I dunno I have biological drives I guess). He said that the marines would teach me about leadership and give me a lot of responsibilty. He said he was a logistics guy when he wasn't doing recruitment. The female Marine who came over and joined our conversation smiled at me but not in the way the female Army soldier did. I did not make an F-35 joke.

Navy: The guy at the Navy table actually seemed like a cool and funny regular dude though he said the actual recruiters were out at lunch and he was just holding down the fort. We talked about planes and helicopters. The guy said he was going into flight school and he didn't know what he was going to fly but he was hoping helicopters.

The Air Force didn't even show up. They must not be hurting for talent.

Overall if I had to pick one just based on today I'd pick the Navy (I'd probably have picked them or the Air Force even before meeting the recruiters though). It helps when you pick someone who doesn't appear psychologically damaged to represent your organization.

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JFairfax
Oct 23, 2008

by FactsAreUseless
The navy doesn't get close enough to see dead bodies, rape, and destroyed cities so they can just enjoy buggery on deck and loving whores on shore leave I suspect OP.

let it mellow
Jun 1, 2000

Dinosaur Gum

Amarcarts posted:

my education and work ethic so I expect them to woo me a little bit in the recruitment process

lol

CommonTerry
Dec 16, 2013

good is soda grape
i heard in the navy that when youre on a ship you have to wear shoes in the showers cus dudes jo so much in there that you can get diseases from the floors

Dely Apple
Apr 22, 2006

Sing me Spanish Techno


They will all promise you a line of non-infantry intelligence work. Or computers! Or anything but infantry.

This means they will put you in the infantry.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
i miss being 16

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Dely Apple posted:

They will all promise you a line of non-infantry intelligence work. Or computers! Or anything but infantry.

This means they will put you in the infantry.

Yea if you're actually qualified for intelligence work they'll come find you, they won't wait for you to stumble upon some dumbass recruiting fair.

Dandywalken
Feb 11, 2014

All USMC friends who served in Iraq tell interested parties to not join the USMC, and are vehement and direct about it. Navy guys seem ok. Air force guys are kinda fat???????

Are they somehow doing a double-irony on the Uncle Sam's Misguided Children bit? Or does being shot and mortar'd not a good time???

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
have you considered joining the space marines?

Sir John Feelgood
Nov 18, 2009

I can't believe I read all of that. You shouldn't either hehe.

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax
Do you like meetings? Are you a fan of political strife at all levels?

Would you like to train people who outrank you how to do their job?

Do you enjoy lazy incompetent people?

Enlist in the US Army Signal Corp today!

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






also military people are mighty fuckin smug for belonging to an organization that welcomes the dumbest loving retards from your high school class with open arms. poo poo back during vietnam you could get out of jail by joining the goddamn army.

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





you always choose the air force because they have the best standard of living and dont die. i dont get the idiots that join any other service

SirEvelynTremble
Dec 25, 2013

FUCK YOU HITLER
STALINGRAD
ROFLMFAO

Amarcarts posted:

The young female soldier started chatting me up and was cute and bubbly. Her middle aged superior took over almost immediately

jealous bitch

spooky girlfriend
Oct 21, 2014

I have a friend who was going to join the Navy because the recruiter told him a whole bunch of whoppers like he was going to be sent to officer school and learn to be a nuclear engineer and have all these great job prospects after he was out. Fortunately he learned the guy was talking out his rear end before it was too late.

Inevitable
Jul 27, 2007

by Ralp
Have fun murdering babies.

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Inevitable posted:

Have fun murdering babies.

if that was their recruitment pitch i wouldve ditched high school to join up

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

haljordan posted:

if that was their recruitment pitch i wouldve ditched high school to join up

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
join coast guard.

get cocaine.

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



SaltLick posted:

you always choose the air force because they have the best standard of living and dont die. i dont get the idiots that join any other service

i think you actually have to be smart to join the air force since you're given a multi-million dollar machine as opposed to a gun and some body armor that had some corners cut during production

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


i had an air force recruiter beg me to drop criminal charges against someone who was trying to join

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Business Gorillas posted:

i think you actually have to be smart to join the air force since you're given a multi-million dollar machine as opposed to a gun and some body armor that had some corners cut during production

lol yea right like youre getting any body armor at all

Harald posted:

i had an air force recruiter beg me to drop criminal charges against someone who was trying to join

how serious were the charges? tell me it was an A felony.

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
i think if you join the marines you can fight a dragon or something

i saw it on tv once

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



i'm serving my country
*punches man who is responsible for his life in the back of the head so he can get sloppy seconds on a 13 year old afghani*

Alec Bald Snatch
Sep 12, 2012

by exmarx

Amarcarts posted:

The guy said he was in logistics but he was on special assignment as a recruiter.

that means he got caught loving a dog or making GBS threads in his commanding officer's sink and this is his punishment to avoid being dishonorably discharged

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


haljordan posted:

how serious were the charges? tell me it was an A felony.
stalking/harassment. the dude joining was literally the biggest autist creep I've met in my life.

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.

Harald posted:

stalking/harassment

recon

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



reminder that noted shithole afghanistan kicked out the us army because the us wouldn't allow the troops to be prosecuted for raping/murdering entire villages

MegaGatts
Dec 12, 2004

The Enteroctopus dofleini, also known as the giant Pacific octopus (GPO) or North Pacific giant octopus, is a large marine cephalopod belonging to the phylum Mollusca and is tripping balls.

Amarcarts posted:



The Air Force didn't even show up. They must not be hurting for talent.


The air force has to turn people away. If you can stand endless power points and aren't a woman scared of being raped pick it.

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax

Harald posted:

stalking/harassment. the dude joining was literally the biggest autist creep I've met in my life.

Thats the kinda people that will really AIM HIGH.

:rolleyes:

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010





comes along bort posted:

that means he got caught loving a dog or making GBS threads in his commanding officer's sink and this is his punishment to avoid being dishonorably discharged

yea recruiting is where your career goes to die then you get out

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Harald posted:

stalking/harassment. the dude joining was literally the biggest autist creep I've met in my life.

ah good. people like that should definitely have access to weapons and be trained in how to kill other humans.

Glasgow Kiss
Dec 12, 2007

Oh, put that thing away, Samurai. We all know what's going to happen. You'll swing your sword, I'll fly away, and probably say something like, "I'll be back, Samurai!" And then I'll flutter over the horizon and we probably won't see each for... about a week. And then we'll do the same thing again.
i remember when the marine recruiters would come to my hs and we would have pull up contests and other stuff

then the airforce shows up with a badass flight simulator

lol rekt

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe
lmao ur an idiot OP for even considering the military

StevePerry
Sep 5, 2003

don't stop believin

Amarcarts posted:

Overall if I had to pick one just based on today I'd pick
Why would you want to do any of that poo poo are you some kind of bonehead?

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax

Chinatown posted:

lmao ur an idiot OP for even considering the military

Alec Bald Snatch
Sep 12, 2012

by exmarx
btw if you join the military and don't make a career of it or didn't specialize in something that's useful outside specific military functions have fun trying to get a job when you leave because hr people just assume you're a ptsd case who'll shoot up the entire office one day. they're probably not wrong, but still

the unemployment rate for veterans is somewhere around 10%

haljordan
Oct 22, 2004

the corpse of god is love.






Glasgow Kiss posted:

i remember when the marine recruiters would come to my hs and we would have pull up contests and other stuff

then the airforce shows up with a badass flight simulator

lol rekt

i mean pressing a button and sending a missile to a target miles away probably isnt as satisfying as sinking your combat knife into the face of some 12 year old girl you just raped but hey to each his own

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


I've never been in the military..but I do know a couple of people who went in and were savvy enough to 'game the system' and it turned out well for them.

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Amarcarts
Feb 21, 2007

This looks a lot like suffering.
I should probably clarify that I'm in my late 20s, 6'1", in way better physical shape than all the recruiters, and I have a B.S. in Biological Sciences. I'm also from a liberal UMC family and I was dressed very very well at the job fair. I'm probably not their target demographic so that may have affected my interactions with them somewhat.

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