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Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

What if Hitler invented the BMW i3 Subcompact Electric car?
I went to a major, but cheap, chain restaurant out on Pacific Beach this morning. There is a grocery store nearby where I have noticed the absolute dreamiest, hunkiest, young man who has been working there for some time. So every Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday (I know his schedule well) I go for breakfast and will usually sit through and eat lunch as well (ahhhh the benefits of being on disability! LOL) as I take a table by the window so I can watch this young man work. And to be totally upfront, I am able to fantasize about what I think our lives would be like together. There is a single table in the corner where I can pull my mobility device up and turn the seat so I don’t have to get up and either embarrassingly squeeze into a booth or risk breaking a chair. So far this has not been a problem and the management knows me and respects me as a good customer–they should–they often get 6-10 meals a week out of me.

Today there was some chippy little BITCH and her horrible children sitting at my table when I showed up at my standard time, about 9:30 or so. The hostess who knows me well said something like “I’m sorry Simon, but they should be finishing up soon.” I was more than a little perturbed because I certainly feel like that should keep that table open for me on the three days I come to eat and watch my dream boy. I responded politely “well, how long will I have to wait?” She said “not long, I can seat you at another table until they finish up.” I responded to that, again in my nicest voice possible “I’m already sitting, aren’t I?”

Well minutes passed, that turned into 10 minutes and then 20 and I noticed that the little chippy was just staring out the window, obviously finished eating while letting her children color. I had enough of this garbage as I knew dream boy was already working and I was missing him carry groceries to the cars parked along the street. I went up to her and said “excuse me, you are sitting in my table.” Of course, this “pretty” girl who had probably never been called on her privilege looked shocked at her rudeness being pointed out. Because I was so irate I am not positive what she said but it was something like “I’m waiting for my husband and I can’t get in touch with him…I’m really sorry.”

Me: “Well can you move?”

Of course no response as she stared out the window like a complete dolt. The kids then squeezed close to their mom because no doubt they have been warned about “fat gay monsters” their entire lives.

Me: “excuse me, can you move?”

This is where the story gets really dicey. There were two Navy officers sitting at the table next to her (Father is a retired Navy Captain so I know the difference between enlisted and officers–one of these was a Commander, the other an Ensign). The older of the two spoke up and said extremely rudely, with obvious hate in their voice “leave her alone”

Me: “She has been in my seat long enough, thank you and I have business I need to attend to”‘

Officer: “There are plenty of other open tables” (I am pretty sure he mumbled under his breath “you fat bald queer”)

Me: “I have an agreement with the management, that is my table”

I’m not exactly sure what he said next but it might as well have been “get out of here you loving fat rear end fag before we beat the poo poo out of you” but I took the higher road to ignore the bullying and begin to ignore them and turned my attention to the chippy.

Me: “Can you please move, I’ve said it a couple times, you are in my table”

Chippy, now feigning tears because the “big fat gay monster” is “harassing” her responded with some absolute garbage about being worried about her husband.

Just then the younger Navy officer appeared to be lunging at me from his chair so I let out firm but polite “don’t you come anywhere near me, or I will call the police.” Hearing my warning he instead went to get the manager, who I thought I knew very well, who asked me what the problem was. I told him straightforward that this chippy was in my seat and that I was being harassed for being gay by the two Navy officers.

Now get this. The manager then said “Simon, we have a problem with you every time you come in here. I am asking you to leave an not come back” I told him I would absolutely not leave to which he said he would call the police.

Well after some choice words for all three parties I decided to leave, but they are so screwed. As soon as I get this off my chest I am calling an attorney specializing in gay rights and will be suing both this restaurant chain and the US Navy for: harassment, threats of violence, violations of my civil rights, denying me patronage at a business because of my sexuality and verbal assault.

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Muttonchips
Jun 5, 2014

by Shine
So how many fat people were there

And did you take any pictures? Of course you did.

Because you're a jerk.

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Three Olives posted:

(ahhhh the benefits of being on disability! LOL)
3O what happened?? are you okay?

Shasta Orange Soda
Apr 25, 2007
there's a beach in dallas?

Fart.Bleed.Repeat.
Sep 29, 2001

nice try Simon

NiceGuy
Dec 13, 2006

This is my BOOMSTICK
College Slice
Didnt happen

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012

Three Olives posted:

I went to a major, but cheap

The part that alerted me this content may be stolen

coolskull
Nov 11, 2007

hope you feel better (you fat bald queer)

Justin Tyme
Feb 22, 2011


where's this from, i wanna see the followup lol

Fart.Bleed.Repeat.
Sep 29, 2001

NiceGuy posted:

Didnt happen

happens every day when youre a fat bald queer gay monster

Dang It Bhabhi!
May 27, 2004



ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

OH BOY WHAT A FUN 3O POST

edit: lol http://simonjisforjenius.wordpress.com/2014/10/22/i-dont-even-know-what-just-happned-im-thinking-about-suing/

fist4jesus
Nov 24, 2002
Not getting enough attention?

Guancho
Aug 23, 2010

You don't write any postcards when you're on the road to self-discovery
i thought 3 olives had a heart attack while banging a male escort

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

i don't care, three olives

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib

Justin Tyme posted:

where's this from, i wanna see the followup lol

Yeah and who the gently caress calls someone chippy? Like it kinda made sense at first as an adjective but then...

Also I saw your condo legs, you ain't fat. Having a dog like that might put you in disability tho

TOOT BOOT
May 25, 2010

im not 100% but i think that guy might be gay

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
Also whoever did write that originally probably only gleaned their naval officer information from either NCIS or Star Trek

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...
you know what, though? this thread, i still had fun.

Muttonchips
Jun 5, 2014

by Shine
Just a reminder that Three Olives actually goes around taking pictures of strangers just to be a complete dick to them in an internet forum.

"God what a fat gently caress- I better take a picture to post on GBS or they'll NEVER believe me"


"I don't care if you're on welfare you can't wear that poo poo to court wtf"


"Look at this goony gently caress heh heh"


He literally took a picture of a poor person who was in semi-casual attire for jury duty.

Doesn't get much lower than that folks.

Count Freebasie
Jan 12, 2006

I knew you were an elitist homosexual who hates blacks congregating near your (parents') condo, but now finding out that you're fat, crippled, and your name is Simon? That's just gravy.

jalopybrown
Oct 11, 2012

Muttonchips posted:

Just a reminder that Three Olives actually goes around taking pictures of strangers just to be a complete dick to them in an internet forum.

"God what a fat gently caress- I better take a picture to post on GBS or they'll NEVER believe me"


"I don't care if you're on welfare you can't wear that poo poo to court wtf"


"Look at this goony gently caress heh heh"


He literally took a picture of a poor person who was in semi-casual attire for jury duty.

Doesn't get much lower than that folks.

haha 3O is the man, owning poors daily

Shasta Orange Soda
Apr 25, 2007
would 3O have posted this if it was exactly the same but the gay monster was a hot twink instead of a big fatty?

eric
Apr 27, 2004
Lipstick Apathy

Count Freebasie posted:

I knew you were an elitist homosexual who hates blacks congregating near your (parents') condo, but now finding out that you're fat, crippled, and your name is Simon? That's just gravy.

:vince:

Shoehead
Sep 28, 2005

Wassup, Choom?
Ya need sumthin'?
gently caress you

ashgromnies
Jun 19, 2004

Muttonchips posted:

Just a reminder that Three Olives actually goes around taking pictures of strangers just to be a complete dick to them in an internet forum.

"God what a fat gently caress- I better take a picture to post on GBS or they'll NEVER believe me"


"I don't care if you're on welfare you can't wear that poo poo to court wtf"


"Look at this goony gently caress heh heh"


He literally took a picture of a poor person who was in semi-casual attire for jury duty.

Doesn't get much lower than that folks.

Nice profiling and problematic negative stereotypes for assuming those people are poor you loving fascist shitlord.

Fruity Gordo
Aug 5, 2013

Neurotic, Impotent Rage!
3o not very chill or cool imo, fatties are people too

ashgromnies
Jun 19, 2004
I am absolutely asexual. Probably by choice (or as a reaction to my environment growing up) but I was probably born gay as I was attracted to men when I was seeking affection. I despise the fact that because my friends and family know me as a budding Body Positivity blogger, I have been sent links to the AWFUL Megan Trainor song all summer. Sure that song promotes a sort of positivity, it does so at the expense of asexual men like me, gay men, thin women, women who have had cosmetic surgery, etc…

Here is my response to various lines in the song:

“I can shake it, shake it, like I’m supposed to do”
–Excuse me? Supposed to do? Megan, I am largely confined to a mobility device because of massive knee injuries. I will ask you to keep your albeist sense of “supposed to do” to yourself. I am not supposed to move for you or anyone else.

“cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places”
–I do not care to be chased by boys and my weight (its not “junk,” its my BODY). I find it sad that not three stanzas in your existence is defined by men. And in the video, a very skinny, almost sickly looking man at that, despite being classically beautiful.

“‘Cause every inch of you is perfect
From the bottom to the top”
–Oh thanks for the backwards compliment honey, but no, every inch is not perfect. And no amount of silly bubble gum lyrics is going to make me perfect. My psyche is far from perfect either. But hey, thanks for insulting me for not being perfect!

“Boys like a little more booty to hold at night.”
–Boys like this? All boys? Why thanks Megan for leaving out the roughly 10% of the gay population and completely ignoring the asexual population. No, I chose not to hold on to any booty and that is just as valid as YOUR choices.

“You know I won’t be no stick figure silicone Barbie doll”
–It was really nice of you to insult the poor people suffering from anorexia and body dismorphia in your pop song too. Hey!! Togetherness…right Meg? I suppose you’ll be writing a song for my niece who has weighed 115 her entire life despite eating everything in sight. Yeah, she cries herself to sleep at night because she feels too skinny…is her song coming next summer?

“Go ahead and tell them skinny bitches that
No I’m just playing. I know you think you’re fat”
— So the “skinny bitch” thinking he/she is “fat” is wrong? ooooooohhhhhhh booooooooooyyyyyyyy.

Thanks for trying Megan…I think you can “keep stupid your comments in your pocket” next time. (A huge bonus for any blog reader who email the name the movie from which I drew that last quote).

eric
Apr 27, 2004
Lipstick Apathy
:gas:

im pooping!
Nov 17, 2006


i too am fat bald human being lets touch peepees

pathetic little tramp
Dec 12, 2005

by Hillary Clinton's assassins
Fallen Rib

Muttonchips posted:

Just a reminder that Three Olives actually goes around taking pictures of strangers just to be a complete dick to them in an internet forum.

"God what a fat gently caress- I better take a picture to post on GBS or they'll NEVER believe me"


"I don't care if you're on welfare you can't wear that poo poo to court wtf"


"Look at this goony gently caress heh heh"


He literally took a picture of a poor person who was in semi-casual attire for jury duty.

Doesn't get much lower than that folks.

To be fair, that's the kind of fat that is totally their fault

Muttonchips
Jun 5, 2014

by Shine

ashgromnies posted:

Nice profiling and problematic negative stereotypes for assuming those people are poor you loving fascist shitlord.

Uh if he's not poor how come he's not wearing a tuxedo?

Hammerite
Mar 9, 2007

And you don't remember what I said here, either, but it was pompous and stupid.
Jade Ear Joe

quote:

Brand new blog-asexual fat guy. Let's see if thats interesting

Im not an asexual but i play one on my blog

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp
fat gay bald people with autism are the worst.

Tsinava
Nov 15, 2009

by Ralp
like i know you're a fat gay bald retard do you have to be in my face about it. i trying to eat.

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

by Azathoth
Clicked on the thread, saw it was posted by 3 Olives, couldn't TLDR fast enough

Three Olives
Apr 10, 2005

What if Hitler invented the BMW i3 Subcompact Electric car?

Hammerite posted:

Im not an asexual but i play one on my blog

Just because I spend hours on end lusting after a man and picturing our lives together doesn't mean I am not asexual don't tell me how to be asexual you bigot.

Drone_Fragger
May 9, 2007


pathetic little tramp posted:

To be fair, that's the kind of fat that is totally their fault

"No you facist, it's genetics, you cis-het alternative lifestyle fat hating hitler" *opens 300 gram bag of Doritos and finishes the entire thing as a snack*

Muttonchips
Jun 5, 2014

by Shine

Drone_Fragger posted:

"No you facist, it's genetics, you cis-het alternative lifestyle fat hating hitler" *opens 300 gram bag of Doritos and finishes the entire thing as a snack*

I am Toni Lippi
Aug 16, 2004
Fat, disabled, ready for litigation. Keep on living the American Dream™.

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Fishy Joe
Apr 19, 2005
Eat at Fishy Joe's

Three Olives posted:

Just because I spend hours on end lusting after a man and picturing our lives together doesn't mean I am not asexual don't tell me how to be asexual you bigot.

op obv written by a fat woman you arent a fat women yet are you TO?

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