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mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.
assuming it would not negatively impact the health of a really lovely baby, would you get that baby super drunk? I honestly think if a lot of retard babies could just chill the eff out and learn to enjoy life they wouldn't piss me off as much and maybe we could get along and they'd probably even grow up to be cool adults. sometimes this one aggravating baby comes around to my house with his dingbat mom and without fail is just being... I don't know, a loving rear end in a top hat and I just immediately think about how much more down to earth and approachable that baby would be if it drank a cold one, or two. Also, nervous or stressed babies should be able to smoke. Also, I should be able to punch a baby if I don't like what it's saying to me. Also there should be no speed limit.

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Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
Little whisky used to put babies right to sleep OP :shrug:

I AM BRAWW
Jul 18, 2014
Why do you invite an rear end in a top hat baby to your house

Azerban
Oct 28, 2003



Luvcow posted:

Little whisky used to put babies right to sleep OP :shrug:

still does

Tonsured
Jan 14, 2005

I came across mention of a Gnostic codex called The Unreal God and the Aspects of His Nonexistent Universe, an idea which reduced me to helpless laughter. What kind of person would write about something that he knows doesn't exist, and how can something that doesn't exist have aspects?
I agree and I also think a strong baby should be allowed to box a weak toddler

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

by Azathoth
I'm reminded of this woman who's a member of the Tea Party facebook clone who's lovely parents fed her alcohol all time when she was a little girl so she would be more docile and not get fussy, and she still doesn't quite understand that's why her parents did it even though she's a middle age woman now

El Golden Goose
Jul 23, 2007


Nm just chillin u

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

Luvcow posted:

Little whisky used to put babies right to sleep OP :shrug:


yeah, but no. That's just small time. I'm trying to get this baby to a place when it just takes it down a notch and realizes it's being a giant cock about pretty much everything that's happening in its pretty sweet life. I could sing jingle bells or whatever if I wanted it to sleep a bit. This is about changing lives by changing minds

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations
who was the goon who got kicked out of his friends house for farting on their newborn baby and then wrote them a multi-page apology for it

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

I AM BRAWW posted:

Why do you invite an rear end in a top hat baby to your house

I DON'T EVEN! People are always just coming and going into my place, and sometimes the ladies have these goddamned touchy babies in their papooses or whatever yelling nonsense and I'm just like c'mon, relax and reconsider your behavior because you're just being... you know?

Colonel J
Jan 3, 2008
You should even be able to punch them in the womb really, the little assholes. Personhood starts at conception.

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

by Azathoth

mysterious frankie posted:

yeah, but no. That's just small time. I'm trying to get this baby to a place when it just takes it down a notch and realizes it's being a giant cock about pretty much everything that's happening in its pretty sweet life. I could sing jingle bells or whatever if I wanted it to sleep a bit. This is about changing lives by changing minds

Alcohol is bad for your liver, what you want to do is use opium because it's all natural and like the most relaxing carefree high ever

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

mysterious frankie posted:

yeah, but no. That's just small time. I'm trying to get this baby to a place when it just takes it down a notch and realizes it's being a giant cock about pretty much everything that's happening in its pretty sweet life. I could sing jingle bells or whatever if I wanted it to sleep a bit. This is about changing lives by changing minds

*baby puts bottle down on bar, liquor dribbling from mouth, looks up at OP with apologetic eyes and nods head*

"Thanks baby....that means a lot"

TOILETLORD
Nov 13, 2012

by XyloJW
if it's not my kid why should i care?

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

TOILETLORD posted:

if it's not my kid why should i care?
its yours you rear end in a top hat
he has your avatar

Cake Smashing Boob
Nov 5, 2008

I support black genocide
I'm super drunk right now and it pretty much fixed all my problems forever

don't see why it would be different with a baby OP

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

Yaldabaoth posted:

Alcohol is bad for your liver, what you want to do is use opium because it's all natural and like the most relaxing carefree high ever

Yeah, like that's going to fly with these dingbat moms. This one time there was a baby just loving spreading out on my couch like he owned the place while his mom was in the toilet and he yelling about god only knows what, because he got himself so worked up he didn't even make sense any more. So I decide, gently caress it, I'm giving this baby a Bartles & James and that's just going to be that. So anyways the stupid fucker can't even get the top off and I'm going to help him when his silly loving mother comes out and now she's yelling worse than the baby and I'm just "Like listen, sheila, this is a PG-13 house, at least, so if you bring a really tightly wound baby around it might have a drink and you need to get over it." If they can't even handle a bartles and james, which has like barely any liquor in it, I doubt opium is gonna get a pass.

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

mysterious frankie posted:

Yeah, like that's going to fly with these dingbat moms. This one time there was a baby just loving spreading out on my couch like he owned the place while his mom was in the toilet and he yelling about god only knows what, because he got himself so worked up he didn't even make sense any more. So I decide, gently caress it, I'm giving this baby a Bartles & James and that's just going to be that. So anyways the stupid fucker can't even get the top off and I'm going to help him when his silly loving mother comes out and now she's yelling worse than the baby and I'm just "Like listen, sheila, this is a PG-13 house, at least, so if you bring a really tightly wound baby around it might have a drink and you need to get over it." If they can't even handle a bartles and james, which has like barely any liquor in it, I doubt opium is gonna get a pass.

smdh

Battles and James is made for babies, wtf

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

Right? I'm not even trying to understand, because I don't have the time.

ThisGuy
Aug 16, 2014

This Fuckin' Guy
Who really gives a gently caress if this baby is even an rear end in a top hat though? Does it get dirty when it eats? Sure. Does the poo poo stink? Absolutely. But honestly you only have so many calories a day to spend thinking and you're spending it on a baby? poo poo son, I can think of like a couple grown rear end men who need be put in their place

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

El Golden Goose posted:



Nm just chillin u

I figured I should circle back to this, because it's pretty much what I'm talking about. That baby doesn't sweat the small poo poo, and that makes it attractive to women, relatable to men, etc.

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

ThisGuy posted:

Who really gives a gently caress if this baby is even an rear end in a top hat though? Does it get dirty when it eats? Sure. Does the poo poo stink? Absolutely. But honestly you only have so many calories a day to spend thinking and you're spending it on a baby? poo poo son, I can think of like a couple grown rear end men who need be put in their place

I get what you're saying, but also gently caress you.

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006

Placeholder.
If you get a baby too drunk they will have an existential crisis and that is the worst.

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring
You ever try to talk a baby down from an existential crisis?

smdh

Motherfucker
Jul 16, 2011

I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.
All drunk people are like children to me in that I have a near irresistible urge to shake them till their spine breaks and the crying stops.

Trixie Hardcore
Jul 1, 2006

Placeholder.
Also, I don't know you OP & I don't particularly like babies but I bet if we interviewed both you and the baby most goons would agree that you are actually the rear end in a top hat and the baby is just trying to make the most out of having to come over to your place against their will.

Amorphous Abode
Apr 2, 2010


We may have finally found unobtainium but I will never find eywa.

OP quit trying to make babies get drunk with you so you can feel less bad about your lovely life choices.

TOILETLORD
Nov 13, 2012

by XyloJW
so i think the only downside would be babies can have gross shits, a baby with beer shits would probably require a hazmat team.

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.
If we're talking blue sky tomorrows where all my original wishes from the op come true, I'd just punch it. Knock that poo poo off, dumbass, I'd say. Otherwise, if I can't punch it, it's like, it was screaming when it got here and got left lying around my house while its dummy mom does lord knows what, so it's not like it having a dark night of the loving soul, instead of just screaming about god knows what, is any more annoying. at least its crying for a reason now. life's a bitch, little baby. welcome to the desert of the real, man. christ.

Motherfucker
Jul 16, 2011

I certainly dont have deep-seated issues involving birthdays.
drinking won't make the crying stop. try heroin.

Fart.Bleed.Repeat.
Sep 29, 2001

cup your hands around its nose and blow out your :420: smoke

TOILETLORD
Nov 13, 2012

by XyloJW
anyone say blow air in it's butt yet?

Yaldabaoth
Oct 9, 2012

by Azathoth

mysterious frankie posted:

If we're talking blue sky tomorrows where all my original wishes from the op come true, I'd just punch it. Knock that poo poo off, dumbass, I'd say. Otherwise, if I can't punch it, it's like, it was screaming when it got here and got left lying around my house while its dummy mom does lord knows what, so it's not like it having a dark night of the loving soul, instead of just screaming about god knows what, is any more annoying. at least its crying for a reason now. life's a bitch, little baby. welcome to the desert of the real, man. christ.

Is it wrong that the more OP posts about this poo poo, the more I visualize him as a black man?

Lindsay LoHan solo
Apr 17, 2014

This makes no sense, I know.
Babies can detect ghosts, op! Get out of there!

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

Trixie Hardcore posted:

Also, I don't know you OP & I don't particularly like babies but I bet if we interviewed both you and the baby most goons would agree that you are actually the rear end in a top hat and the baby is just trying to make the most out of having to come over to your place against their will.

after that last round of anon confessions I don't think goon opinions are the hill you wanna die defending. lets' see; can't stop torturing animals, raping numb butts, isn't down with a baby taking a load off and learning to enjoy life. yeah, no.

checkmate hoss.

SHISHKABOB
Nov 30, 2012

Fun Shoe
a

greed

Devils Affricate
Jan 22, 2010
I agree with the speed limit part, the rest I will need to think about

Luvcow
Jul 1, 2007

One day nearer spring

Lindsay LoHan solo posted:

Babies can detect ghosts, op! Get out of there!

I have heard this. You need to look through their ears from behind them. Terrifying. :ohdear:

mysterious frankie
Jan 11, 2009

This displeases Dev- ..van. Shut up.

Lindsay LoHan solo posted:

Babies can detect ghosts, op! Get out of there!

People and creatures and whatnot are always creeping around my effing house without permission, so why not ghosts too? gently caress it. I'll get them drunk too if they're being dicks. Anyways, 90% of them are gonna be old dead grandpas and they're usually pretty chill, so whatever. It's not a big deal, stop worrying about it.

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madeupfred
Oct 10, 2011

by FactsAreUseless

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