24 cops and armored vehicle needed to collect money from old man

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > 24 cops and armored vehicle needed to collect money from old man

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THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

kill

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:11

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 15:21

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

armed uniformed thugs enforcing the law excessively is the poo poo. whats wrong with that

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:13

orangesampson: Nov 22, 2012; by Ion Helmet

THE PENETRATOR posted:

kill

er tooth excatraction mandables

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:13

haljordan: Oct 22, 2004; the corpse of god is love.

the best part is when all these tiny dick motherfuckers get all dressed up in their ninja turtle armor and roll out the tanks to surround a house for 8 hours only to find out its empty

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:17

Horseshoe theory: Mar 7, 2005

Wisconsin is a shithole, news at 11.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:24

marshmallow creep: Dec 10, 2008; I've been sitting here for 5 mins trying to think of a joke to make but I just realised the animators of Mass Effect already did it for me

Chinatown posted:

But remember guys. Police officers are highly trained profess----hahahaha.

I grew up half my life in a town where most of the cops were volunteers. Like, their days jobs were things like "bank manager" and they played police officer because they didn't get enough of a power trip controlling people's mortgages and poo poo.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:26

wane tendo: Mar 19, 2005; Buglord

quote:

The Chase
You�re being chased by a van. It�s a Justice Van! You�re in for it now citizen! What you did was bad, because they wrote it in the Book of Laws Applicable to Them (as in you).
This warrant�s for you!
You poor sod! You forgot to pay your EnviroSafe taxes a month ago. You dumb thankless idiot�don�t you have respect for your benign benefactors? Don�t you have a shred of love for the god pigs that live in the Palace House? Have you no decency or gratitude for those who would live on a jet fifty thousand feet above your scorched planet while you hard candy suck on your own rubble and pray some brown plague comes to sweep up your remaining children into the dustbin of history so they don�t have to carry the torch of Generation Ruin?
Balls! Your car won�t start cause your registration is revoked�TOO HOT FOR FACEBOOK...$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$...
You, 2GOOD$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$, awoke in the United States of Taxes et Equality and you were here in this fine free place to stay, forever after. Don�t you remember?
HAHA TOO HOT FOR FACEBOOK
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ by a man who invaded your home, armed to the teeth. He needed TOOHOTFORFACEBOOK$$$$$$$ but you left your 3d printer off, so you couldn�t print a good gun in every room of your house. After that ordeal the killerman, mumbling sweet, dealt a deadly blow to her already soft skull, rendering the inside machine as useless as your will to resist arrest. Due to a misunderstanding, your father was gunned down by two blue triggers responding to the crime. You and an unidentified �male youth� (killerman) arrested for the murder of mom and pop, and for possession of undesignated lightbulbs that emit too much green ozone bubble gas out of them. And also, possession of CP child pornography which you only mildly suspect was remotely downloaded to your personal computer by your own government NSA/DHS/CIA psyops to ensure an already air-tight case against all defendants. Also, to your distinct disadvantage, the Judge and bluemen were best buds and share the same boss. The case was heavily stacked against you. You were unable to find a lawyer because you didn�t have the right last name, plus you were poor and a shithead.
In a courtroom dramatic turn of events, the Judge was legally obliged to rule in favor of the killerman�s testimony, for it was gold plated impenetrable after thirty-five hundred page FedGov Reg. 18b18b18-2, stating that when the Disadvantaged Prison Population (DPP) of any city designated disadvantaged equals or outnumbers the Disadvantaged City Population (DCP), the total population of said city reaches 0, the entire city population, living or dead, are thereby granted Disadvantaged Diplomatic Immunity (DDI) insurance benefits + eighteen hundred in U.S. dollar-credit.
Billy �The Youth� Killakilla was let off because there were too many people from his town already locked up in the clink (96% of his neighborhood were dying or jailed, 150% if you take into account the DPP/DCP ratio). All of his good section8 buddies somehow drive a nicer car than you and have more money for food and clothing. It�s all odd, the upside down way of everything now, helpless and wild. There�s no way to get out. Nowhere to go. You�re in hell, the real one. the one that sleeps inside of us all. You feel like you could do anything. You feel like you could just�TOO HOT FOR FACEBOOK
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
�you try and fight but you can�t. The blackmagic court system is closed to you now. HEY citizen, in case you don�t remember how it works: they write the laws, you follow them. If you don�t like it, well then lay down and die, dog. Welcome to Prison City. You now know that you know it well. You�ve totally known it for many years now, for as long as you�ve been alive. You told everyone but everyone you told is a busted nitwit �It Can�t Happen Here� breed of slavedog. You know that if a filthy pigjudge blows oxy eighties and pint-whiskey then she has the power invested to throw you in prison for drinking half a beer behind the wheel.
The big nice white van is turning the corner, easily keeping up with your broken down feeble destroyed pleb pace. It�s swerving to both sides of the streets, violent and jagged. Your body is calling out for it. That it being something you just don�t have. You don�t have help or suicide so you have nothing. You can�t run any more and you have nothing to give. All you can do now is just lay down and lose. Take a minute to relax and see how this plays out. The van approaches, what do you choose?

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:31

orangesampson: Nov 22, 2012; by Ion Helmet

carrion kit posted:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh_U1PprugQ

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:32

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

that man's lucky he's still alive

# ? Oct 28, 2014 02:34

Rand alPaul: Feb 3, 2010; by Nyc_Tattoo

If this dude was black they would have shot him and planted every drug possible on him. Like there would have been a photo of his body buried in a pyramid of dimebags.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 03:02

Prokhor Zakharov: Dec 31, 2008; This is me as I make another great post

Good luck with your depression!

lmao they was gonna pay his $80,000 debt with pallets.

pallets.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 03:17

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

Prokhor Zakharov posted:

lmao they was gonna pay his $80,000 debt with pallets.

pallets.

How does pallet repair even work? "Whoops, this board is broken, gonna take it off and nail on a new one" *repeat forever*

If it pays enough to have 80 grand in the bank I need to get into this field.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 13:12

School Nickname: Apr 23, 2010; *fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*

KennyLoggins posted:

shelter in place please!

ahahahaha jesus the guy in the humvee

# ? Oct 28, 2014 14:07

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

Retail Slave posted:

How does pallet repair even work? "Whoops, this board is broken, gonna take it off and nail on a new one" *repeat forever*

If it pays enough to have 80 grand in the bank I need to get into this field.

That's basically how it works. It's more profitable when you find someone who is either eager to get rid of extra pallets or not terribly careful about locking them up.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 14:16

Tubgirl Cosplay: Jan 10, 2011; by Ion Helmet

flakeloaf posted:

That's basically how it works. It's more profitable when you find someone who is either eager to get rid of extra pallets or not terribly careful about locking them up.

Yeah I can see this being worth whole dollars an hour. Did they just shake a crazy old dude down for his retirement savings?

# ? Oct 28, 2014 14:24

the holy poopacy: May 16, 2009; hey! check this out; Fun Shoe

Tubgirl Cosplay posted:

Yeah I can see this being worth whole dollars an hour. Did they just shake a crazy old dude down for his retirement savings?

Yes, this is literally what they did. Because having tractors and pallets on your 20 acre residential-agricultural property is a blight and a mockery of zoning regulations.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 14:38

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

So much so that a $500 fine every day for 160 days applied retroactively while the appeal is ongoing is a reasonable and proportionate response. Ditto for taking an old man's security away from him because he put some wood outside and then said a swear word to your bylaw officer.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 14:58

Dongattack: Dec 20, 2006; by Cyrano4747

100 years from now america will have obliterated itself somehow and Europeans can colonize it again and get it right this time. Can't wait!

# ? Oct 28, 2014 15:10

ate shit on live tv: Feb 15, 2004; by Azathoth

See why does the citizenry need guns when we have responsible police officers like this helping us out?

# ? Oct 28, 2014 15:13

Sancho: Jul 18, 2003

VendaGoat posted:

I would put it as such; Holy poo poo how pety and hyperbolic old white men have become in a futile attempt to hold on to the last dying gasp of power.

Yeah this problem will clear right up when most cops are black/latino I'd guess.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 15:53

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Sancho posted:

Yeah this problem will clear right up when most cops are black/latino I'd guess.

Hello Officer of the Joke patrol, what seems to be the problem? :siren:

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:01

Cardiovorax: Jun 5, 2011; I mean, if you're a successful actress and you go out of the house in a skirt and without underwear, knowing that paparazzi are just waiting for opportunities like this and that it has happened many times before, then there's really nobody you can blame for it but yourself.

Nobody got killed or even seriously injured, so as those things go that was a pretty good day for US law enforcement. They even got the money. I'd call that a full success.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:03

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

im glad they got the bad guy

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:04

Cyks: Mar 17, 2008; The trenches of IT can scar a muppet for life

Tubgirl Cosplay posted:

Yeah I can see this being worth whole dollars an hour. Did they just shake a crazy old dude down for his retirement savings?

Um you can make $2-5 per pallet. When I worked retail the pallet guy would make at least $50 off just our store for 10 minutes of work a week.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:14

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

Police officers are basically former military that were too stupid to stay enlisted or too dumb to go to college

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:14

Internet Kraken: Apr 24, 2010; slightly amused

Christ this is pathetic. Never before has it been more obvious that small town cops just want to push people around and feel important. Yeah its a 75 year old man with no history of violence, but he's cranky sometimes! We're gonna need 24 guys armed to the teeth for this one! :cop:

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:24

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

if i was a cop i would totally do this, it looks fun

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:25

flakeloaf: Feb 26, 2003; Still better than android clock

Internet Kraken posted:

We're gonna need 24 guys armed to the teeth for this one!

Well yeah we need all these guys to move the massive piles of poo poo that were lowering their property values or whatever it was the city was in a snit about.

Man it must really suck to work in a city without a functional public works department. I'm amazed the unions didn't creech.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:29

Alas Boobylon: Sep 30, 2014

it would have been funnier if the man had resisted and they had ragdolled his frail body with a fusillade on live television imho

e:the old man would poo poo himself and cry a lot before expiring as well that would be funny

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:35

BigBallChunkyTime: Nov 25, 2011; Kyle Schwarber: World Series hero, Beefy Lad, better than you.; Illegal Hen

Why don't the police departments just charge an hourly fee to use this stuff? Set up a few dozen acres outside of town where people can drive these vehicles around and shoot the guns and blow poo poo up. They'd make a shitload of money. Tell me you wouldn't pay for that.

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:41

VendaGoat: Nov 1, 2005

Retail Slave posted:

Why don't the police departments just charge an hourly fee to use this stuff? Set up a few dozen acres outside of town where people can drive these vehicles around and shoot the guns and blow poo poo up. They'd make a shitload of money. Tell me you wouldn't pay for that.

Libertarian.txt

# ? Oct 28, 2014 16:46