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enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
Alright motherfucks in light of recent mummy discussion threads I am here to post some fuckin bog bods

if you are square or don't have plat i'll lay it out for you. bog bodies are dudes from long ago who got in peat bogs and well as I'm sure you can figure put PEAT=TANNINS=MUMMY

dead people from 5000-50 years ago really like to be in bogs and some irish scrub is always digging them up to burn to heat their houses

these mummies are ALL NATURAL, very few of them show signs that they had any help by getting their brains scooped out or stuffed with pitch or wrapped up like those jewish hollywood mummies or whatever. mostly they were killed to appease the wheat gods or some poo poo.

without further ado, i will present some wikipedia all star bog body.



by any metric the A#1 bod boggy is Tollund Man.


this baller rear end dude was born into eternal mummy life in a bog in denmark around 375BC. his power is so strong that when they dug him up in 1950 they thought he had been killed that year. after a little bit people figured out what was really going on and noticed he was hung before he got dumped in the bog. a lot of these bog mums were murdered or sacrificed or otherwise didn't just pass peacefully in their sleep of old age in the bottom of an ancient bog.

scientists cut open his stomach and found seeds from all over the place so either his people traded a lot or they traded a little and gave him a special meal before turning him into denmarks next top mummy.



another famuos danish bog body is Grauballe Man.


this guy got on the mummy scene probably a few decades after superstar Tollund, around 300BC. he was also mistaken for a more recent murder as his throat was slit ear to ear. dude was the first guy preserved by a bog to ever be dug up and kind of represerved for public view by modern scientists like professor glob.



im gonna leave denmark for a while to bring you Old Croghan Man from ireland.


this guy is another contemporary of the first two, got in that bog around 300BC. he was probably really tall and may have been a king, he had some fancy ancient bracelet thing on his arm and nerds suspect he was sacrificed for being the ruler during a lovely harvest. sounds like me at work. either way, it should come as no surprise to yuo that his head was off and the rest of his body was sliced in two. they still found out lots of cool stuff from his bog mum torso like he had girly hands that hadn't labored and he ate a bunch of meat but not for his last meal. also he had a bunch of slices under his nipples which is pretty hosed up and probably helped him stay angry for so long.



Cashel Man is another irish bog man and the european OG bog mummy.


they figured out this dude was from around 2000BC. that's older than a lot of them movie mummies! they also figured out this guy was probably some king riturally sacrificed and he had defensive wounds like his arm was all chopped up and poo poo. he was so old they couldn't figure out what he had just eaten or anything and he was a little butchered by a peat milling machine before his discover.



holy poo poo it's Clonycavan Man


another 2300 year old irish king in relatively good health sacrificed for a poor harvest. what the gently caress. i included this guy though because he was wearing 2300 year old hair gel and the scientitss speculate it was because he was so short he put his hair up to look taller.



here we've got Kayhausen Boy from sexon germany.

this mummy was 7 years old before he became 2300 more years old. he was found with his arms and legs bound with a bunvh of neck stab wounds but was probably sacrificed because he had a gimpy infected leg and not because he was a king with a poor harvest.



There are lots of other bog body mummies out there that can be discussed in this thread, but I think this is where I'm gonna WRAP UP the OP for NOW.

NO EGYPTIAN MUMMIES EVEN PRE DYNASTIC MUMMIES unless they were all natural sand burials with coincident mummification, none of this take you apart put you back together mummy business. I will accept ice mums from the Andes and Otzi if anyone wants to talk about those BUT NONE OF THESE WRAP MUMMIES WRAP=CRAP come on there are plenty more just bog body posts to make here before we start scraping the iceman barrels

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bog_body
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_bog_bodies

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XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid
what about andean ice mummies, theres some wrapping involved but theyre freeze dried

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
gently caress dude it's like just a few lines above your post, i mean sure i'll allow it here and they're interesting so if you wanna drop a post go ahead but i was hoping to exhaust some more bog bods before moving on to all of that





maybe some bog body babes will get everyone postin


This is Elling Woman

her face was poorly preserved but her backside looks fine from here. Look at that fancy braid from 280BC. she was found 200ft away from Tollund Man so maybe we should be calling him Elling Woman's Man.



here's Yde Girl from the netherlands.

they dug her out of the bog way back in 1897. apparently she looked like she had just died but people 100 years ago were clearly dumber than people 2000 years ago so now she looks like that. some anthropologist thinks he knows how she looked

...

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

enziarro posted:

holy poo poo it's Clonycavan Man


another 2300 year old irish king in relatively good health sacrificed for a poor harvest. what the gently caress. i included this guy though because he was wearing 2300 year old hair gel and the scientitss speculate it was because he was so short he put his hair up to look taller.
wait we can sacrifice irish people to improve agriculture? we should be doing this more imo

amuayse
Jul 20, 2013

by exmarx
Ritual mummy sacrifice best sacrifice
Also OP Incan mummies are cool

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007
heres the incan ice maiden



"You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy." - Bill Clinton

pathetic little tramp
Dec 12, 2005

by Hillary Clinton's assassins
Fallen Rib
here ya go op:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...her-genius.html

YourHealthyColon
Nov 21, 2013
gently caress ur anti-wrap bias, Incan mummy-kings are the be-all and end-all of any mummy discussion. Fuckers got more sex dead than most goons do alive. hell yes i want to be assigned a palace and a beautiful handmaiden for all of eternity

LifeSizePotato
Mar 3, 2005

changing my will to say "throw me in a bog"

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007

LifeSizePotato posted:

changing my will to say "throw me in a bog"

u want the full service two-week cocaine flight and garotting with that

amuayse
Jul 20, 2013

by exmarx

YourHealthyColon posted:

gently caress ur anti-wrap bias, Incan mummy-kings are the be-all and end-all of any mummy discussion. Fuckers got more sex dead than most goons do alive. hell yes i want to be assigned a palace and a beautiful handmaiden for all of eternity

Yeah and they get paraded around and see some sun and adoring fans unlike 99% of other mummies

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.

holy poo poo this guy DIYed like 30 mummies i mean they were little girls but that's gotta count for like 10 grown man mummies at least. maybe someone from the russia thread can contact him to be a guest speaker in here

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.

amuayse posted:

Yeah and they get paraded around and see some sun and adoring fans unlike 99% of other mummies

i don't know if there's something else special going on here but i don't think this is how mummies of any type accumulate real power

YourHealthyColon
Nov 21, 2013

enziarro posted:

i don't know if there's something else special going on here but i don't think this is how mummies of any type accumulate real power

they didn't have to accumulate power, Incan kings (just called 'Inca') were born with it. they were divine beings who never actually died, they just... stopped talking and moving one day. because they never died, their sons got little inheritance, so each new Inca had to build a new palace because the old ones were still occupied. they were considered so holy it was blasphemous to let their feet touch the ground and they all got paraded around on palisades. a loving mummy parade

edit: or palanquins, i think they're called. whatever

hemale in pain
Jun 5, 2010




wow, why would anyone want to be a king if you got sacrificed at the first bad harvest

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
good harvest blowjobs from redheads?

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid

enziarro posted:

gently caress dude it's like just a few lines above your post, i mean sure i'll allow it here and they're interesting so if you wanna drop a post go ahead but i was hoping to exhaust some more bog bods before moving on to all of that
sorry man this is gbs i barely even read my own posts

anyway i got thoroughly beaten on the inca hype so have some siberian ice mummies instead






not the best preserved but they have some amazing tattoos

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
those are the ones who had some elaborate burial in an ice cave that flooded with horses and loot and poo poo right? awesome

Business Gorillas
Mar 11, 2009

:harambe:



enziarro posted:

those are the ones who had some elaborate burial in an ice cave that flooded with horses and loot and poo poo right? awesome

yeah they flooded the tombs so it froze and they were encased in ice for thousands of years. owns.

Jen X
Sep 29, 2014

To bring light to the darkness, whether that darkness be ignorance, injustice, apathy, or stagnation.
This is a really cool thread

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





I know of this little old church in Ireland with hidden catacombs underneath it. If you ask to be taken down there, the crypt keeper will guide you. You will walk past many active family tombs, coffins, skeletons and the like. Until you come to the last tomb that is. The particular church was built on limestone and that along with just the right conditions has created the perfect environment...to preserve bodies. This last tomb contains mummified bodies several hundred years old, well preserved with clothes, hair, flesh, etc intact. The crypt keeper gives you the history on these bodies and casually mentions that touching the fingers of one particular mummy is known to bring good fortune. Should you ever go to this church, go alone. Because if you do, that is the point he will pull the "do not enter" gates aside and let you inside... :spooky:

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

Pawn 17 posted:

that is the point he will pull the "do not enter" gates aside and let you inside...

:pervert:

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

Pawn 17 posted:

I know of this little old church in Ireland with hidden catacombs underneath it. If you ask to be taken down there, the crypt keeper will guide you. You will walk past many active family tombs, coffins, skeletons and the like. Until you come to the last tomb that is. The particular church was built on limestone and that along with just the right conditions has created the perfect environment...to preserve bodies. This last tomb contains mummified bodies several hundred years old, well preserved with clothes, hair, flesh, etc intact. The crypt keeper gives you the history on these bodies and casually mentions that touching the fingers of one particular mummy is known to bring good fortune. Should you ever go to this church, go alone. Because if you do, that is the point he will pull the "do not enter" gates aside and let you inside... :spooky:
thanks for the gay sex encounters tips

Secks Cauldron
Aug 26, 2006

I thought they closed that place down!

enziarro posted:

holy poo poo this guy DIYed like 30 mummies i mean they were little girls but that's gotta count for like 10 grown man mummies at least. maybe someone from the russia thread can contact him to be a guest speaker in here
What's really hosed up is he lived with his parents and kept the mummies all around their house for years, and his parents never realized his "dolls" were actually dead people.

Sophy Wackles
Dec 17, 2000

> access main security grid
access: PERMISSION DENIED.





a hole-y ghost posted:

thanks for the gay sex encounters tips

Hey man, DON'T JUDGE ME and my gay Halloween stories.

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
Here's some more boggers for you to pursue

this is Windeby I.

another one dug up in the 50s, they thought this guy was a girl because he was waifish and had long hair. he had a hairband thing they said was a blindfold at first but they're still pretty sure he was killed becauseof some wounds and they piled a bunch of rocks and poo poo on him.




here's Lindow Man (AKA Pete Marsh :lol:), another v. famous bog body.

this dude from england, another guy of apparent wealth / status with no evidence of living a hard life (until the end). he ate a last meal of charred bread and then was strangled, his skull bashed in, neck broken, and his throat slit. he may have been unconscious with some of these injuries for hours before finally going to the big bog sleep. amazingly the harvest does not appear to be directly implicated in this case, but i think you know th edeal.

Verisimilidude
Dec 20, 2006

Strike quick and hurry at him,
not caring to hit or miss.
So that you dishonor him before the judges



suddenly I have a hankering for sausage

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
that's pretty gross man.

YourHealthyColon posted:

they didn't have to accumulate power, Incan kings (just called 'Inca') were born with it. they were divine beings who never actually died, they just... stopped talking and moving one day. because they never died, their sons got little inheritance, so each new Inca had to build a new palace because the old ones were still occupied. they were considered so holy it was blasphemous to let their feet touch the ground and they all got paraded around on palisades. a loving mummy parade

edit: or palanquins, i think they're called. whatever

going back to this point but bringing it over to the bog.

Cladh Hallan is a place in scotland where they found some prehistoric mummies. they found four skeletons from 1600-1200BC, they were initially mummified immediately after death in the peat and then dug back up after a couple years and put on display somewhere for another few hundred before being re-interred. at some point three thousand years ago someone played human lego and replaced missing parts with extras from completely different centuries.

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
Borremose Man was pulled out of the bog in 1946.

probably from around 700BC, they noted that he was buried with coats and a hat but was naked. he had a noose around his neck but his leg was also broken and his skull was bashed in. a year later and a kilometer away, they found Borremose II,

a (probable) lady mum from 400BC. she had a bunch of birch poles stacked on and around her and her leg was also broken and head was also smashed in. she had a fancy cloak and they found a ceramic jar and dead baby adjacent to her.

ContinuityNewTimes
Dec 30, 2010

Я выдуман напрочь
rubbing my nub rite now

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid
I can't find a picture but theres a cool bog body story. in the 1950s a guy's wife disappeared and everyone reckoned he did it but they never found a body and they couldn't prove anything

then in the 1980s (before they dug up the lindow man) they dug up a bit of a womans skull with some hair and an eyeball in lindow moss. the guy thinks it's bits of his dead wife and cops to her murder. when they get the skull carbon dated it turns out it was actually a bit of a woman who'd been dumped in the bog when the romans were around but the confession is enough to get him convicted. they still haven't found the actual body

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
yeah, that's a great one. more details under the wiki for lindow woman.

in another few hundred years someone's gonna dig up that guy's murdered wife and attribute her death to a poor harvest

Davincie
Jul 7, 2008

whats with all the rich people becoming bog monsters, wheres all the poor people bog bodies??

Libelous Slander
May 1, 2009

... you're just creepy ...
this is a good thread

enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.
thanks man i figured if i was gonna try to make a good thread i might as well try to make a good thread

now that we got some of the important names covered from the golden age of bog bodies, i figure i can hit some of the more recent players in the game

the Kreepen Man probably lived in the 1500s.

in 1903 they found a naked bearded dude face down in the dirt. i can't find much info on this guy other than most of the well-preserved remains were lost in WWII but whatever pubes survived until modern science poo poo allowed a dating to the 1500s



swedish Bocksten Man was found in 1936.

some farmer was cutting up peat and saw bones, ended up being a well preserved mummy dude from the 1300s. he had some fruity hood that the internet says means he was some prosperous tax collector or recruiter, and apparently there is a local legend about a medieval recruiter who was killed by peasants and buried in the bog he now haunts. he got his skull bashed in.

Unbelievably Fat Man
Jun 1, 2000

Innocent people. I could never hurt innocent people.


You can't waste good bog on the poor's. A nice bog is the domain of the 1%

XMNN
Apr 26, 2008
I am incredibly stupid
just gonna mummify myself



deal w/ it

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
when i die i want to be placed in a ron popeil man-sized food dehydrator

amuayse
Jul 20, 2013

by exmarx

quote:

For three years the priests would eat a special diet consisting only of nuts and seeds, while taking part in a regimen of rigorous physical activity that stripped them of their body fat. They then ate only bark and roots for another three years and began drinking a poisonous tea made from the sap of the Urushi tree, which contains Urushiol (same stuff that makes poison ivy), normally used to lacquer bowls. This caused vomiting and a rapid loss of bodily fluids. Finally, a self-mummifying monk would lock himself in a stone tomb barely larger than his body, where he would not move from the lotus position. His only connection to the outside world was an air tube and a bell. Each day he rang a bell to let those outside know that he was still alive. When the bell stopped ringing, the tube was removed and the tomb sealed.
Self-mummification is rad.

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enziarro
Sep 4, 2004

I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.

XMNN posted:

deal w/ it
hahaha were the eye sockets creeping people out or was he just remembered as a fuckin smooth monk




Dätgen Man was found in the 50s in germany in case the umlaut i copied didn't give that away.



this guy probably lived in the second or third century, he had been beaten and decapitated and his head was buried a ways from his body. apparently this was to prevent him from becoming a zombie... too bad he became A MUMMY. the hair shows a Suebian knot which was apparently stylish at the time




because Osterby Man had one too.

they only ever found this guy's head buried by itself in a deerskin sack so his bdoy probably went and did the whole wiedergänger zombie thing they were so scared of.

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