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Maybe you have heard that I have a new job and that it sucks big hairy donkey balls that have been shaved with a rusty razor. The restaurant is well-known and celebrities seem to flock to the place. In my short week there, I have seen famous chef Wolfgang Puck, famous lesbian finance guru Suze Orman and world renown pop star Katy Perry. I served Katy Perry on my first day out of training. As if your first day out of training isn't stressful enough, I have to have the managers breathing down my neck to make sure I cater to the every whim of Katy Perry. As it turns out, she was polite, friendly, sweet, down to earth, kind and patient. All the things that my managers are not. When she sat down with her circle of five friends, I decided I would treat her just like I do every other person in my station: like a person. Because that's what she is. A person. Who eats food. The table ordered and then Katy (I call her Katy, because we're close like that.) asked if we had mashed potatoes. "Um, I know we do for dinner, but I have feeling that we won't have them this early in the day. Lemme check and I'll let you know, okay?" I went up to manager Holly Hobbie and another manager who I have not written about yet (long story short: she's a bitch too.) "I have a table that wants mashed potatoes. Do we have those for lunch?" "No," said Holly Hobbie. "Oh, okay, because Katy Perry was asking-" Other Manager interrupted me. "Oh, is it for Katy Perry? Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes? I will go ask the kitchen if they can make mashed potatoes for Katy Perry since Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes." She zoomed off as if the world's very existence was at stake. Holly Hobbie let her glasses slide down her nose and said, "In the future? You should always say? Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes." (I don't know why so many of these managers say everything as a question, but they do.) Got it. So the next time anyone at lunch asks for mashed potatoes, I should say Katy Perry wants mashed potatoes. Other Manager came back from the kitchen looking like she had just had her stomach punched, completely defeated. "We don't have any mashed potatoes. You'll have to tell Katy Perry we don't have them. I tried, but the chef just doesn't have them. We would try to do it for Katy Perry if we could. Now if Joe Schmo wanted potatoes then..." I finished her sentence for her. "No potato for Joe Schmo!" I laughed and turned to walk back to my station. Other Manager called at me to return. With dead seriousness she said, "I'm serious. No mashed potatoes for Joe Schmo." Wow, she was for real. I went back to my dear personal friend Katy to break the bad news to her. "Yeah, just as I suspected we only have mashed potatoes at dinner and they're just not ready yet." And how do you think Miss Katy Perry responded? Like a normal person, she said, "Oh, okay. That's totally cool. Just fries then." I always thought I liked that Katy Perry chick and now I know for sure. She's cool. I want to send her a big tub of mashed potatoes from KFC just to say thank you for being a friend. 
Somebody fucked around with this message at 03:26 on Nov 4, 2014 |
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Nov 1, 2014 14:20
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 20:59 |
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I dont know she seems nice to me. Down home girl imo
Somebody fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Nov 4, 2014 |
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Nov 1, 2014 14:21
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imo anton shigur was the most terrifying sadistic motherfuckker ever conveyed in film. but r u an anton shigur or a jian ghomeshi son
Somebody fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Nov 4, 2014 |
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Nov 1, 2014 14:24
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uhhh goons do not compete in things as a rule, op
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Nov 1, 2014 14:25
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Bike without wheels posted:imo anton shigur was the most terrifying sadistic motherfuckker ever conveyed in film. but r u an anton shigur or a jian ghomeshi son was katy perry in that movie? Somebody fucked around with this message at 00:15 on Nov 4, 2014 |
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Nov 1, 2014 14:27
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Ahundredbux posted:im the incompetent villain of a childrens show that has a change of heart in the end No swiping.
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Nov 1, 2014 17:17
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Harime Nui posted:uhhh goons do not compete in things as a rule, op wwhat about poo poo posting
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Nov 3, 2014 23:47
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shitposting from my lair
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Nov 3, 2014 23:50
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what the gently caress is this thread. Kill youreself
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Nov 3, 2014 23:55
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Bike without wheels posted:wwhat about poo poo posting a most interesting game, the only way to win is not to play 
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Nov 4, 2014 00:03
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Bike without wheels posted:imo anton shigur was the most terrifying sadistic motherfuckker ever conveyed in film. but r u an anton shigur or a jian ghomeshi son He is literally a manchild with a bowl cut who uses a shotgun to off a few people. If you want terrifying and sadistic look in a different genre. and if you want creative and nice sounding musical stylings, look no further than the music of katy perry Somebody fucked around with this message at 00:16 on Nov 4, 2014 |
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Nov 4, 2014 00:10
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Dark hourse is good song
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Nov 4, 2014 00:14
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I am glad Katy Perry was nice and normal, and I want more stories about bitch managers and Joe Schmo
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Nov 4, 2014 00:24
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she sang in church
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Nov 4, 2014 00:25
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dark hoarse
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Nov 4, 2014 00:28
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If your stupid restaurant had mashed potatoes Katy Perry would have slathered them all over her massive, heaving breasts.
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Nov 4, 2014 00:33
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I think being friends with such a celebrity would be kind of a pain in the rear end OP, sever
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Nov 4, 2014 00:38
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Bike without wheels posted:imo anton shigur was the most terrifying sadistic motherfuckker ever conveyed in film. but r u an anton shigur or a jian ghomeshi son Serious question: Do Americans get this reference?
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Nov 4, 2014 00:55
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ShaqDiesel posted:If your stupid restaurant had mashed potatoes Katy Perry would have slathered them all over her massive, heaving breasts. do people ever describe her bosoms as "matronly" because i think that fits
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Nov 4, 2014 00:55
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Aint that a kick in the head, OP? (working in a high-falutin' restaurant) Your managers direct you to TAKE CARE OF EVERY GUEST AND THEIR NEEDS and then one of your guests has a problem or request and they're like "is it for joe schmo? oh, n/m gently caress them". IMO, joe schmo is exactly who you want to treat right consistently, if anyone really cares about the image of the establishment. Even old ladies stumbling in asking for hot water with lemon. It was always sad to me to see that people had saved up their ducats to come all the way to eat at Big City Fancy Restaurant that theyve heard so much about, only to have them have at best an adequate experience. Have fun, OP! Keep breakin it down with cool people, and try to take care of joe schmo.
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Nov 4, 2014 00:56
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She got a name change to ANIME MONSTROSITY & also banned, sounds like your full of poo poo op
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Nov 4, 2014 00:57
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Nov 4, 2014 00:59
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i liek when she shoot mash pototas out her titties
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Nov 4, 2014 00:59
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a starwar betamax posted:do people ever describe her bosoms as "matronly" because i think that fits pretty sure you don't like tits dude
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Nov 4, 2014 00:59
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Muttonchips posted:He is literally a manchild with a bowl cut who uses a shotgun to off a few people. He pulled the lead out of and cauterized a wound in his own leg I bet you would just roll around and cry like a bitch with buckshot buried in your thigh, no you're not cartel assassin material at all
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Nov 4, 2014 01:00
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celebrities? jkust like us? or different?
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Nov 4, 2014 01:22
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how much makeup do you need to put on to look like you're photoshopped just walking around god drat i mean gently caress i know she's hot as hell but look at that pic
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Nov 4, 2014 01:24
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they're just like us except for Matt Damon, the Hemingway and the Gore Vidal of our times
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Nov 4, 2014 01:24
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didn't read anything in this thread, just stopped to look at katy's boobs
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Nov 4, 2014 01:30
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she's nice op, real nice      
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Nov 4, 2014 01:37
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The future is scary
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Nov 4, 2014 01:50
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who "wouldn't"?
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Nov 4, 2014 01:51
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The best part of this story was when you were all out of potatoes.
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Nov 4, 2014 01:52
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She pretty lady I would mash my genitals unto her pretty lady vessel with its voluptuous curves and many penetrable orifices I would treat her like a valued female human and consumate our love with flesh.
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Nov 4, 2014 01:53
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mookface posted:She pretty lady I would mash my genitals unto her pretty lady vessel with its voluptuous curves and many penetrable orifices I would treat her like a valued female human and consumate our love with flesh. almost there...
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Nov 4, 2014 01:57
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Gaunab posted:almost there... bangers n Mash
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Nov 4, 2014 02:06
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Gaunab posted:almost there... And then I would press my member against her bosom and revel in its suppleness and exert pressure between the cleft in her bosom with my member. I would maybe express some form of lubrication into the cleft and continue to drive my turgid manhood into the cleft until such point that I feel the need to climax and then I would manually copulate my own member and express my own ejaculate fluids on to her bosom and gaping maw. She would embrace my fluids, grinning with pleasure and expressing her desire for stimulation in turn...
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Nov 4, 2014 02:17
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How difficult is it to keep a box of these around? Tell your manager(s) of this. You will be promoted.
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Nov 4, 2014 02:19
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is anyone here masturbateing?
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Nov 4, 2014 02:19
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post more pics of her glorious boobs
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Nov 4, 2014 02:51
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