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stevey666
Feb 25, 2007


It starts as a dull wave, slowly washing over you. Its speed and intensity increases.

“Ughh my loving head.” You groan.

You hear a space-cockroach shuffle several rooms away. Unbearable. A sharp pain in your arm causes you to open your eyes, in the blur you see Scrappy injecting chemical relief. Several seconds later the pain is gone. The AI flickers on screen.

“It’s time, Captain! Rise and shine!” It shouts jovially.

You stare hazily at the AI, it feels like you've been sleeping for months.

--

Hello and welcome to ‘In space no one can hear you make increasingly poor decisions. Part 2: To Ginfinity and Beer-ond.’!

This is a continuation/interest check of a CYOA from earlier this year, which can be found at:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3608373

If there’s enough interest we shall continue with part 2. This adventure, should be faster paced than last time and we’ll try not to get bogged down in one adventure again. Just, for gods sake goons, stop making stupid choices.

For anyone new who wishes to join in, here is a quick summary. You are Hugh Mann, an amazing and quite dashing Space Captain if you do say so yourself. It’s been noted that you use the bathroom in the same manner of a normal human, and if you ate a pebble you’d poo poo it out assuming it doesn’t get stuck somewhere. You won a ship in a card game (the Red Lobster), gathered a crew and went out on your first space mission! It went pretty well too! Well, that’s if you ignore the fact you:

1) Managed to vaporise and then painfully reconstitute the entire crew and ship
2) Made decisions that caused the loss of a limb of one of your crew
3) Caused the death of multiple people (but I suppose you did save a couple) and the destruction of a massive Fed science ship
4) You now sport two different coloured hands. One white and one black. The white one appears to melt flesh and metals, the black one as you can tell appears to do nothing but tingle sometimes. You still feel like you should be very careful when going to the bathroom.

Now’s not the time for wallowing, you did manage to save a couple of people and steal a bunch of poo poo after all. Chin up!

We last left off with Hugh playing a game cards, waiting for any fall out of the Fed ship being blown up. You were told you’d receive a reward by a Fed search party.. but you've not heard anything from them.

--

Here is your current ship, the Red Lobster! Highlights include improved engines, no weapons and an entertainment room. Over the past week or so your ship has had repairs performed, and you've raked back a little money in entertainment profits.. but you don’t have a skilled/willing ‘performer’ at this point in time so you missed out there.



-Bridge
-AI room
-Engineering
-Upgraded engines
-Lavish entertainment room
-Average kitchen/Canteen/Recroom
-Private crew rooms (5 beds)
-Fake flooring
-Basic sensor suite
-Weapons locker
-Storage rooms
-Toilets
-Plenty of leftover room



Location – Pretty much on the edge of explored space.

Also on your crew is a sentient burger which now controls a hulking monster directly via its brain. So yeah, there’s that.

Some of the best news you had this week was that a still has been successfully set up. In a few weeks you’ll have the first batch set up, if you can find a few additional ingredients your chef Arthur and engineer Natalia tell you.

Anyway, as the AI stated it’s time. Time for Captainly duties. You’ve made a chunk of money, time to spend it wisely! Hmm but after full repairs, reparations, crew pay, cocktails and the like.. it’s beginning to disappear. Better spend it while we can!

1. Ship upgrades – Lets invest and prevent ourselves from getting killed maybe! (Pick 1)
A. Drink it away and get some very very expensive liquor for the bar/your mouth
B. Let’s get some weaponry! Looks like we have the option of:
MK1 Mass Driver (Large, slow, high damage)
Or MK1 Beam Weapon (Average, fast, low damage)
C. Let’s get some armour!
D. Ship upgrade! MORE SPEED! ANOTHER engine upgrade.
E. Let’s try and fit a science/medical bay in this poo poo!
F. Enhanced sensor suite

2. Goodies, alongside the general ship supplies (Pick 1)
A. Armour reinforced exo-suit
B. Crystal shot glasses
C. A sweet captain hat, to improve leadership and morale!
D. Expensive quilted toilet paper
E. General bits and pieces, useful for jury rigging stuff together or be totally useless and take up space

3. Adventure time, come on grab your friends. We’ll go to very distant planets. Time to get a job, earn more money and become more Captainly. Looking at the job boards.. (Pick 1)
A. Reports of a missing Fed ship in the local area
B. Long haul survey mission into unknown space
C. Criminal bounty in the local systems
D. Cargo transport
E. All sounds pretty boring, let’s just skip to another outpost and see what else we can do.

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stevey666
Feb 25, 2007
reserved for something perhaps

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

stevey666 posted:

Just, for gods sake goons, stop making stupid choices.
No.

Colonel Wood posted:

We need to make sure we start part 2 with a whole case of Zima, or as I like to call it: "decision juice"

Splicer posted:

Pour a bottle into the AI matter hopper.

RandomPauI posted:

Add the black flesh to the recycler. Maybe we'll get a sentient AI from it.
B. Guns, both.
C. A hat.
A. Fed ship.

Obscil
Feb 28, 2012

PLEASE LIKE ME!
1. E. We can't tamper in god's domain without a science bay, so I suggest we take it. Also, might help us determine what sort of abomination we've become.
2. C
3. A

Phearson
Aug 15, 2006

Have you seen my pants?
1. E - For :science:
2. E - Our crew will thrive on solutions built from duct tape and bullshit!
3. A - Because it worked out so well for us last time!

Glad to see this story picking up again!

Wentley
Feb 7, 2012
D D D

Maximum D.

Abyssal Squid
Jul 24, 2003

1. E - There's nothing entertaining about losing crew to accidents. It's much better for them to get maimed instead.
2. D - You can't call it a luxury cruiser if you've only got single-ply.
3. B - The only option with the chance of babes who aren't yet wise to the ways of men. e: that's the moronic, in-character justification, OOC I figure it'll give the science/med lab the most use.

Abyssal Squid fucked around with this message at 04:08 on Nov 13, 2014

Grognan
Jan 23, 2007

by Fluffdaddy
E E and D

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree
E A A

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007

stevey666 posted:

D. Expensive quilted toilet paper

Abyssal Squid posted:

2. D - You can't call it a luxury cruiser if you've only got single-ply.

Just to clarify in case it sways any votes, this toilet paper is so luxury that it has a thread count.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
E,E,F. Spin your lucky switchblade to make the decision

Abyssal Squid
Jul 24, 2003

stevey666 posted:

Just to clarify in case it sways any votes, this toilet paper is so luxury that it has a thread count.

I like that apparently wiping your rear end with bedsheets is on the table, but a bidet? That freaky French poo poo is a bridge too far. What's next, sipping your liquor?

I'm still sticking with the toilet paper unless the bidet comes in an "assorted butt luxuries" package with the toilet paper though.

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

Wentley posted:

D D D

Maximum D.

Give us the D.

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007
Currently:

1. E is winning by large amount

2. E and D are tied at 3 each

3. A is winning by 1 over D


Will leave voting open for longer if anyone else wants to pitch in.


Abyssal Squid posted:

I like that apparently wiping your rear end with bedsheets is on the table, but a bidet? That freaky French poo poo is a bridge too far. What's next, sipping your liquor?

This is a drat space ship man, the limited water we have is to help get over our massive hangovers and shower off guts and such forth.



RandomPauI posted:

E,E,F. Spin your lucky switchblade to make the decision

You idly spin a blade, wondering if it will help make a decision. It spins off the table and hits Scrappy clean in it's adorable robo-head. It makes a whirring and electrical crackling sound and spins off. You hope it's not permanently damaged.

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
3. G See if having a drink helps you make a decision

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007

RandomPauI posted:

3. G See if having a drink helps you make a decision

You consider drinking to help make a decision. Passing Burger en route to the bar, you nod and he grins.. baring a number of deadly looking teeth. You sit at the bar, black hand lightly holding a glass of liquor. You drink, somehow it tastes better than usual.. strange. You further your dependence on alcohol, but don't seem to be able to come up with a particular decision. But when the Zima is ready.. oh things may be different then. Or maybe scrappy will have to work harder in the least.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:
Obviously we haven't had enough drink to help with the decision making process.

Drink more. Lots more and let that modulate our final decision.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree
Changing my votes to 2. E and 3. A

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007

Outrail posted:

Drink more. Lots more and let that modulate our final decision.

You drink more. This doesn't require a particular vote because, well, it's in your blood.. or will be soon anyway! You double fist for a while, noticing that drinking from one hand seems more pleasurable than the other.

You drink some more.

Yoouu drnk sm'ore.

Drnk.





Dr.










Drrrrnnnkkkk - Oh this can't be good. Your eyes fall shut, and the darkness takes you.







































Darkness

You...
A. Continue swinging your axe, maybe Isolda will tire before you?
B. Charge Isobella, all out attack! You may be able to break through her defenses, but if not she'll probably kill you.
C. Continue distracting Isobella and command your Sombraen to go for her bare face.
D. Maintain the status quo, but command your Sombraen to attack Black Velvet. In the past it took at least 3 Sombraen's to deal with a Hero, so this is a longshot, but if it works it'll be three on one.
E. Try to hurl Matchstick at Isobella using Wind magic. Attempting a spell will be difficult and distract you from your attack and defense.
F. Try to cast a fog spell. Attempting a spell will be difficult and distract you from your attack and defense
G. Try to cast a foul smelling fog spell. Attempting a spell will be difficult and distract you from your attack and defense
H. Drop your weapon and claim: "You can't win, Isobella. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
I. Laugh Maniacally. Die laughing.
J. Snap out of your drunken stupor
write in.

...


J







...


You awake to scrappy injecting lovely medicine into your veins, you see a spark shoot out of him. He injects too much and you fall asleep.







..











You wake up much later. Somehow you've made a decision. E E A. That doesn't seem to make much sense to you apart from in a meta sort of way.


Will update today/tomorrow.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

stevey666 posted:


Just, for gods sake Hugh Mann, stop making stupid choices.

No!

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
Give scrappy ahug, appologize for acidentally dropping a knife on him. Slightly slurr you're words because your a lil hungover.

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
Changing my 2 vote from C) Hat to E) Bits of string. Let's Kerbal up the joint.

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007


It could be down to one of your crew losing a limb or that you were partially turned into some sort of.. thing. Or perhaps it's just your reckless attitude towards experimenting with dangerous and unknown items.. but something draws you to the possibility of having a science and medical bay. In most realities of the multiverse there are a complex set of instructions and safeguards put in place at the dawn. If this was common knowledge some would say they are there to protect, others would say they are there to control. In this reality however, it would appear that the printer ran out of toner on page 3. A series of unfortunate occurrences to stop you from ever getting a science bay do not occur, "God's domain" is wide open and ready for a little snip here and a little glue there. If you could find a scientist mad enough of course. A general purpose lab fabrication unit is delivered to your ship, a box approximately 1 meter square.



Luckily Natalia explains that over the course of the next few weeks it will fabricate its own structure and equipment. Very fancy technology, flashy even. Though the end product is much less advanced than the box it came in, the lab will offer some basic scientific and medical resources. You decide that the only place for room is the upper part of the ship. You set the box down and leave it to do its thing.

As you return back to the main deck 1c3 informs you that you've received a shipment of junk along with several quite useful bits of string. You make a mental note that there would be a debate on whether him taking a full time role as secretary would be safer and more beneficial to the ship.

--

You order the crew to assemble on the bridge. You do a mental register. Me, check. Natalia, Cassandra.. check. Arthur limps in, still getting used to the replacement leg, check. Horrifying monster with a portion of its head removed and burger sitting inside of the hole? Check. 4 red shirted crew members who you have not learned the names of yet. Check. That's all the useful crew then. It's getting pretty loving cramped in here, from the look and smell of things Burger has decided to take the last remaining private room and the red shirts are currently sleeping in the entertainment room. Much better than a prison cell at least!

"Do we have a job, Captain?" Cassandra asks, as 1c3 enters and joins the rest of crew.

"Yes we do!" You respond. It's time for the rousing speech! "Last time, things did not go as planned. But we did the impossible and that makes us pretty loving awesome. We pulled through and we are stronger for it." Besides, it's not like Arthur was ever going to run any marathons anyway you add to yourself. "We've learned. I.. have learned. As your Captain I can assure you that this time things will run smoother, with more thought and careful planning." You pause and see the crew nodding in appreciation, under the belief that you will guide them into fortune and not danger. "Which is why I have chosen to investigate a missing fed ship!" You look at job details on screen. "Last seen heading towards ... our last job. Oh."



Silence is broken by whimpering from a couple of the red shirts.

"Ah come on! It'll be fine!" you shout as the crew leave to go the entertainment lounge. "AI, plot a course and let us know when we're close."

--

While on the journey it's clear you need to boost morale!

1. You..
A. Open bar!
B. Try to talk it through with the crew, get them to not worry so much!
C. Learn the red shirts names, and then give them nicknames anyway! (3 men, 1 woman)
D. Get Arthur to cook a lavish feast


"Oh Captain!! We've arrived back at the PNR-3 system! How shall we continue!" The AI giggles.

2. What's the plan?
A. Stealth approach, stay put and try and stay hidden. See what you can passively pick up.
B. Loud and active. Scan the poo poo out of everything and yell "Hello, any feds about?" on all channels and in all known languages (yes, even Welsh).
C. Head for the gas giants, no known moons.
D. Scan and head for where the debris field should be after the last mess

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:
1ABCD and after all that E (make another attempt to seduce our security officer Natalia, who after seeing how brave we were has probably had her passions stirred).

2B. Fortune favours the bold!

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer

Outrail posted:

1ABCD and after all that E (make another attempt to seduce our security officer Natalia, who after seeing how brave we were has probably had her passions stirred).

2B. Fortune favours the bold!

This, and find out if the red shirts are/were seeing anyone in the romantic or ghostly sense.

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree

Outrail posted:

1ABCD and after all that E (make another attempt to seduce our security officer Natalia, who after seeing how brave we were has probably had her passions stirred).

2B. Fortune favours the bold!

Slifter
Feb 8, 2011

Outrail posted:

1ABCD and after all that E (make another attempt to seduce our security officer Natalia, who after seeing how brave we were has probably had her passions stirred).

2B. Fortune favours the bold!

Though lets be real, Welsh isn't a real language.

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

Outrail posted:

1ABCD and after all that E (make another attempt to seduce our security officer Natalia, who after seeing how brave we were has probably had her passions stirred).

2B. Fortune favours the bold!
Except D before A, so at least the cook is sober while he's cooking. Only we function better while drunk.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:

Splicer posted:

Except D before A, so at least the cook is sober while he's cooking. Only we function better while drunk.

I respectfully disag...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vq7G-Q9ZwC0. Sure.

dereku
Oct 23, 2010

Open up your senses
c and use goon names chosen at random to call them
A to avoid repeating what happened last time

Pinche Rudo
Feb 8, 2005

Outrail posted:

1ABCD and after all that E (make another attempt to seduce our security officer Natalia, who after seeing how brave we were has probably had her passions stirred).

2B. Fortune favours the bold!

Yep, this is what ol Hugh would do

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007
I wrote up the update.. and.. somehow closed it and lost it all. gently caress. (I learned how to use the draft feature too late.)

Will re-write tomorrow.

In the meantime, open bar to drink away my pain.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:
If you want you can assume we got drunk and blacked out. Pick a random option from the lost update and write the new one instead. :shrug:

stevey666
Feb 25, 2007
and choose the poorest decision I suppose, Outrail?



As the crew file out, it's clear to you that they're going to need a bit of. Luckily, your social skills are none to second.. or something like that.

"Open bar!" You yell, swaggering into the entertainment suite.

There are a few cheers and smiles, they're gonna take a little work it seems. Several drinks in someone yells 'shots' and after that, well, it's a bit of a blur. Nursing a headache for a few minutes before scrappy can finish his work, pieces of the night come back to you. You spend time with your crew, various unhappy or vaguely smiling faces flash in your mind. SOME success in talking to them then. You think you built up a rapport with some, found out some very interesting things about their past and even some hidden talents which will come in very useful in your near future. However, the brain cells that contained those particular pieces of information are now lost due to a special cocktail Arthur called the 'Hairy Gargle'. You gave nicknames to some of your crew, again however this information along with the identity of the liquid culprit has also been lost.



You remember cheering, dancing.. some anger.. a fist. You idiot! You hit on your security officer, which for reference Mr Forgetful her name is Cassandra, and called her Natalia. Any passion she had after your many brave actions has now been shaken, not stirred (sorry). You gingerly touch your face and wince.

"That will be a black eye to match the hand, then." You say to yourself glumly.

Overall the crew is a little worse for wear hangover wise, but overall much happier. Arthur cooked his lavish feast but you're not entirely sure how it tasted the first time, the second time however didn't taste too pleasant. You've made a pretty big dent in your food and alcohol stock, all of the top shelf liquors are gone you find to your dismay. It's apparent to you that broken human beings still suffering from post traumatic stress drink away their pains second only to high school teachers.

--

"Oh Captain!! We've arrived back at the PNR-3 system! How shall we continue!" The AI giggles.

You tell the AI to scan the poo poo out of everything ask to ask translate the following message into all known languages (apart from Welsh as we all know that's a myth) and on all frequencies: "Hello all! Any feds about?"

You are met with silence, is that a good sign in these situations you wonder.. probably expected really?

"Captain! I've finished giving away our position to any local space traffic and have completed a full scan of the system!" The AI informs you. "Sensors have not detected anything outside of standard system map. No ships or debris or anything of the sort, Captain! Sorry!"

"Great." You respond. "A wild loving good chase then." You feel your head being to hurt again.. all that wasted alcohol for crew morale and-. Wait.. did the AI say nothing at all? What about the massive ship that.. umm.. blew up on its own accord? That must have left a large cloud of-

Suddenly several monitors begin to flash red.



"Captain, someone is trying to hack into the system!" 1c3 shouts over the comms. "This is.. this is impossible.. they're getting through all of my safe guards. I'm trying .. to.. hold them back, Captain!"

"Something is really.. wrong.. with the scanners." Cassandra says, moving between monitors and fruitlessly tapping them.

Something flickers on the monitor and disappears again. To fast to ascertain any details.


Here we go again.

A. Trust in 1c3 to stop the attack and counter attack successfully
B. Trust in 1c3 to stop the attack and work on getting the scanners reading properly while taking evasive action (listing the left)
C. Head towards one of the gas giants in the system and try to hide
D. Fill in

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com
:roboluv: :love: :roboluv:
Haha oh man we are the worst.

C, hiding inside a gas giant is a wonderful idea

Phearson
Aug 15, 2006

Have you seen my pants?
B

1c3 may have let us down in the past, but I'm sure he'll come through for us this time!

HiHo ChiRho
Oct 23, 2010

B

Lanky Coconut Tree
Apr 7, 2011

An angry tree.

The angriest tree

Outrail posted:

Haha oh man we are the worst.

C, hiding inside a gas giant is a wonderful idea

Splicer
Oct 16, 2006

from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸
B Though I'm not sure if it's Hugh or the ship that's listing.

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Wentley
Feb 7, 2012
C It's not cowardice. It's smart! Yeah!

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