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Dec 29, 2014 22:27
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 11:19 |
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 It's clear after a few seconds that the exosuit is heading right for you. That's pretty loving lucky considering the very well thought out and not horribly dangerous plan you are currently concocting in your head, a bit TOO loving lucky perhaps. As it gets closer, you see movement.. the figure draws a nasty looking knife.  Charred as the suit is, whoever the hell is in it is very much alive and very much pissed off at your good self. Not good. You reach for your weapon.. it's not there. But it was attached with an elecromagnet on your back wasn't it? ELECTRO-magnet? Oh for fucks sake. It gets closer... And closer.  The exosuit looks significantly heavier than yours. It barrels right into you, carrying you with it, slowing slightly with the exchange of momentum. The slightly off angle it hits you with however, causes you both to go into a spin. If you had to time to calculate, you'd say that you are still on course for the Lobster... but you don't have time as the knife is quite quickly heading towards your visor. You.. A. Grab the arm with your white hand B. Attempt to kick off and get out of range of the arm C. Use the welder D. Other crazy plan
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Jan 2, 2015 13:20
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A!
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Jan 2, 2015 15:13
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A Trump card motherfucker! Not that it will change anything, but can we tell if the figure in the exosuit is human? Irrespective of the last question, is the figure in the exosuit female? This changes everything. Outrail fucked around with this message at 16:53 on Jan 2, 2015 |
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Jan 2, 2015 16:49
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Can't tell if it is human.. and if Hugh knew it was female then there would have been an option to seduce also I would have thought.
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Jan 3, 2015 01:39
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A is for acid, that's good enough for me.
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Jan 3, 2015 01:54
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D. Grab the
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Jan 3, 2015 05:15
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Grab that Asshole's arm!
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Jan 4, 2015 05:59
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With the blade quickly heading towards your visor, you instinctively grab for the arm. In quite a number of parallel universes Hugh Mann died here, the tip of the blade piercing the visor and entering the skull.. just the tip. However, in this particular universe you have a very melty inducing hand which just so happened to be out and ready for use at the time. You grab the arm close to the elbow and it fuses and melds together. Grabbing the arm has also caused you to adjust position slightly and the knife slices along the visor leaving a nasty mark.. but what little oxygen there is left in there is not currently leaking out into space. So that's pretty good. Anyway, back to the issue at hand, which is the figures arm. You grip harder and the metal alloy melts, exposing flesh. The flesh, stuck in the middle of a struggle between the cold vacuum of space and a very melty hand, packs its bags and leaves. Following by a not insignificant amount of blood. The bone holds on the longest, but it too melts away. All within the space of subjectively a very painful second or so. The figure writhes in pain and struggles to grab you, it's fingertips grabbing at your welder. You casually flip the arm around, grab it and plunge arm/knife into the figures neck. It stops writhing. You shout a very witty line, but with your comms down nobody hears it. The thrust, unfortunately, has put you into a vertical spin in addition to the slow horizontal. The figure, leaking blood into space and likely now very dead, is no longer on the same trajectory as you and is now out of reach. You manage to fire off the welder enough to correct the horizontal spin, moving onto the vertical, the welder starts to die out. The hose looks like it was damaged in the struggle. You have very limited oxygen. A dying welder that wont be able to correct your spin fully. A small and nearly empty welding tank. A built in oxygen tank with unknown quantity (if only the control unit fried, it may be pretty full), which is pretty well hidden in your suit.. but maybe it could be reached?  What the hell do you do? A. Write in. Note: Very high chance of death. dig deep and drink a Zima. stevey666 fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Jan 5, 2015 |
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Jan 5, 2015 16:11
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As part of the plan we could use the welder to stabilize the spin. It wont get us where we want to go but maybe we can do something else like throw it as a way to get where we want to go?
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Jan 5, 2015 16:15
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We vent our suit's built in booze supply into the welder line for one last burst of thrust (and use a finger to plug the hole in the welder line). There's a lot of booze in this suit! Who said alcohol never got ol Hugh anywhere?
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Jan 5, 2015 16:29
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RandomPauI posted:As part of the plan we could use the welder to stabilize the spin. It wont get us where we want to go but maybe we can do something else like throw it as a way to get where we want to go? There's not enough to stabilise you, maybe if you you try to plug the hole in the welder line with a finger as with Colonel Woods idea (which hand though? Don't forgot ones very melty) Colonel Wood posted:We vent our suit's built in booze supply into the welder line for one last burst of thrust (and use a finger to plug the hole in the welder line). There's a lot of booze in this suit! Who said alcohol never got ol Hugh anywhere? Jerry rigged urine collection unit? Who'd mess with that and put booze in it? Apart from every future space solider ever.
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Jan 5, 2015 16:43
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Colonel Wood posted:We vent our suit's built in booze supply into the welder line for one last burst of thrust (and use a finger to plug the hole in the welder line). There's a lot of booze in this suit! Who said alcohol never got ol Hugh anywhere? This man speaks true
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Jan 5, 2015 17:04
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Colonel Wood posted:We vent our suit's built in booze supply into the welder line for one last burst of thrust (and use a finger to plug the hole in the welder line). There's a lot of booze in this suit! Who said alcohol never got ol Hugh anywhere? This works.
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Jan 5, 2015 17:07
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We're not plugging it with our melty hand!
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Jan 5, 2015 18:09
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I assume our welder is an old technology piece of crap. So when you say welder, you mean a nozzle, two pipes and a tank of acetylene and a tank of oxygen? Plug the oxygen tank into our oxygen line,and use the last burst of a acetylene to stabilise/push us back to the ship. Drink the suit's alcohol. Air is only 14% oxygen (I think), so even a small amount of pure o2 will dilute in the rest of the suit's air and should last a long time. Maybe enough to sober up, or even freeze/dehydrate to death! Outrail fucked around with this message at 23:21 on Jan 5, 2015 |
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Jan 5, 2015 23:16
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The welding tank is nearly empty anyway, I'd think the losses from plugging it in would be worse than the oxygen you'd save. Also, there's the chance of mixing up the wrong tanks. What the hell, Hugh spent some time entertaining on the pole, he must be good with acrobatics. Spin acetylene tank as a gyroscope to counteract Hugh's own spin. SCIENCE! Just juggle that puppy.
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Jan 5, 2015 23:51
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stevey666 posted:Jerry rigged urine collection unit? Who'd mess with that and put booze in it? Apart from every future space solider ever. Release genitals, use decades of snow-writing experience to expertly steer yourself back to the ship using alcohol-distended bladder. If possible try to achieve decent saturation of gas giant thereby claiming it as our own.
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Jan 6, 2015 01:02
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^^ It's possible that this is the most sensible suggestion.
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Jan 6, 2015 03:11
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You want to expose your genitals to space. That's possible the pinnacle of bad ideas. 3 for trying to fuel with booze in our urine system. Question, which hand will you hold the welder with, and which will you plug the hole with? 1 for tank spinning etc to change direction and maybe momentum 2 for rockin' out with your cock out
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Jan 7, 2015 10:41
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I will not rest until we have literally pissed our life away.
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Jan 7, 2015 11:53
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I don't even know what to vote for here, but this arc is going magnificently.
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Jan 8, 2015 04:47
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You spin. Every revolution you see the Lobster just a little bit closer but it's clear to you that you're not on a direct course. Your welder is out of juice, a hole in the pipe. Your oxygen is about to run out, you're starting to feel a little giddy which you're too giddy to notice but that's a very bad thing. With your mind clearly not operating at its peak capacity you decide to try and rig up the urine pouch (which is conveniently filled with high strength booze). You manage to successfully switch over the fuel source and fling the tank away to slow your spin.. it works an your spin speed decreases. A voice in the back of your mind reminds you not to use the melty hand on the hose, so you switch to covering the hole with your gloved hand, you don't manage to form a great seal but this works in your favour as the pressure of the lack of pressure causing the booze to flow. You squeeze the trigger and after a few second of nothing the welder blazes. So you thought it was a good idea to hold the welder with melty hand was that? While the welder itself is made of a mix of plastics, you assume anyway given that its not fallen apart in your grip, the spring of the trigger that your hand just lightly grazed against is now fused which unfortunately you don't notice due to you beginning to laugh manically. You perform the hilarious (to you) task of pointing the welder in specific directions that you're sure make sense. The Lobster beings to look really loving big now, your spin corrected you adjust course for the ship. You may just make it. "There. Perfect." You gasp. You release the trigger.. but .. the torch continues to fire. This causes a few poorly timed moments of hesitation and confusion,. You desperately try to stop the welder ruining your speed and course, in the fog of your thoughts you release the hose and the rest of the booze flows out and adjusts your spin once more. loving SPACE. loving MOMENTUM. You strike the side of the Lobster and skirt off into the abyss. Your hands automatically begin to grasp at the crotch of your suit, one last chance? Everything starts turning dark. Which of course is funny to you, but you're not entirely sure why. You're not entirely sure of anything. One thing does ring out though, perhaps your brain digging into its reserves to deliver one last message. 'Your melty hand woulnd't have melted the hose would it?' ... Where there was once something, there is now nothing.  RIP Hugh Mann, who by his own estimation was the most Captainly Captain that ever lived. Thank you all who joined in on this misadventure and big thank you to Colonel Wood whose baddest idea finally killed Hugh off (and the stacked dice rolls because of it!). Hugh could have died many times, this time chance was not on his side
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Jan 15, 2015 15:13
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*slow clap*
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Jan 15, 2015 15:31
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Oh no RIP Hugh 
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Jan 15, 2015 17:11
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Rip Hugh, survived by hordes of illegitimate space rats on every station and bar in the sector. I hope they look after burger. Stevey that was great. Thanks for coming back for round two. Can you give us an epilogue? I assume with wailing women alongside a closed casket.
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Jan 15, 2015 18:35
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The AI should retrieve it body and turn it into a sentient burger
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Jan 15, 2015 22:15
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So there's going to be a third thread, right? Poor Decisions, Part 3: The search for Hugh
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Jan 16, 2015 04:53
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Epilogue The flashes of weapon fire hit their mark, in the form of a red shirt named Lairtuo. He dies pretty quickly. The next shot would have taken out 1c3, but it's at this point you electrified the ship hulls and the enemy crew member fried but didnt quite die.. along with one of your red shirts who didn't let go in time.. this one did fry though. The being retreats around the hull and see's Hugh Mann floating.. it pushes off. The rest of your crew were in disarray after the electrification of the ship. Systems all over the Lobster are frazzled, a panicked sounding AI trying to direct one sentient burger monster and a large peg legged chef to repair the damage to the ship. Communications array first. Some of them sustained damaged suits as well as you. For Natalia's suit both communications and environmental module were damaged and the suit, convinced that its occupant was about to boil alive, flooded itself with cold air. She managed to eventually reach the Red Lobster, but with the iffy power status from the hull electrification. She died, cold and alone, all her attempt hails and banging on the dead airlock going unanswered. 1c3 managed to grab back onto the hull, his suit relatively undamaged. He hid for a while and perhaps cried a little bit. His hails went unanswered for a while, eventually getting in touch with the Lobster. System damaged but they're slowly being held up. He slowly made his way back to the Lobster and found Cassandra fighting clumsily hand to hand, glove to glove, with a dangerous looking and suited being. This was his time to be a hero.. but he just stood there and watched as another being appeared from the side and plunged a rather large knife into her leg. Cassandra suddenly goes still. The being then twisted the knife, seemingly to revel in the expected pain, then gestured towards 1c3 (who fortunately did not fill up his urine system with booze). As they make their way towards him there is a flicker of movement from behind and the knife slides quickly through the second being's neck, and twists. Filled with the bravery of a cornered mouse, 1c3 runs for the other being as the knife is pulled up and raised. The being sees danger on two fronts and kicks off the ship, expecting to be covered by the third being who is currently creeping up on.. wait.. where is he?! Cassandra and 1c3 watch in confused as the being drifts off, unable to return to the hull. Cassandra waves and laughs as the last bit of air leaves her suit. 1c3 scrambles onwards towards the Lobster, entering the top airlock and back to safety. Seems like only he got back. With his help, the AI manages to bring more systems online. Sadly the renaming of the systems caused quite a bit of hassle as instead of sensors being activated one of the toilets flushed repeatedly. Eventually the sensors come back up. The AI giggles "There is movement but no life signs.. apart from one.." "That will be one of this things, they kicked off the ship and floated away" 1c3 says, sadly. "Ah! Well there we go then! Captain!" The AI responds. "Captain?" 1c3 mulls to himself. "I like the sound of that" "Very good!" the AI states. "Now, Captain, the ship is being dragged into the gas giant on a very bad re-entry so please give the order on how you will get us out of this situation!" It giggles. "Oh." 1c3 says. "OH, INDEED" A voice reverberates in his head. I think you can guess on how well 1c3 in command went. And as for good ol' Hugh Mann? Well.. sometimes strange things happen in this quirky universe of bad decisions... Unfortunately this isn't one of those times. Your/Hugh's corpse orbits the gas giant for a time, eventually getting pulled in.  Sorry Volmaris! As a note, Hugh would likely have prevented one of the deaths of the main crew, less likely but possibly preventing the death of all of them. Bad decisions and bad rolls of the die sadly saw that off. Bad decisions and good rolls of the die are what life is all about though, so worth the risk perhaps. Fun fact, you had a very effective weapon on board the whole time. The doomsday style device operated (theoretically) by destroying everything in a radius of X and then rebuilding it a very short time later. Painful and horrible to experience, but the effect would mean anything caught both in and out of the bubble could be cut in two. Lovely! Shame you chose not to use that again in part 1 to find this out.
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Jan 16, 2015 11:43
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A slow work day today, I wanted to continue this along but Hugh dead is Hugh dead. I've decided to try another CYOA but a little less drunk buffoonery. And when that ends, a CYOA that is all drunk buffoonery. (Which will end after the first vote I bet) Anyway, I'd appreciate if any of you guys that followed this through play again. http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3695043 Thanks
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Jan 16, 2015 23:30
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| # ? Apr 29, 2024 11:19 |
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Woo! We'd follow you into the gin halls of hell itself.
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Jan 17, 2015 19:13
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