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Godholio posted:Avocados, jesus. Same effect except you get to eat something awesome instead. I love avocados, but the selection at the store was awful. The only one's that weren't mushy as gently caress were the organic one's that are half the size and 3 times the price.
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May 30, 2015 23:08
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Softer avocados=killer guacamole.
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May 30, 2015 23:09
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 Celery/green leaf trip report all celery completed, only managed 3 cans of green beans, spinach with greek yogurt and a taco after our flight to Lubbock. I don't feel full, but I feel bogged the gently caress down. Like there's a little thing inside of me awaiting to be birthed. The farts are atrocious, making my eyes water and they are sticking to the fabric of the couches I sit on. I had to use medical grade cleaning products to get the fart out of our airplane seat after I busted rear end at 15,000 feet. I'm supposed to go for a bike ride tomorrow, like 40 miles. I'm nervous now because if by chance my fiber baby doesn't birth tomorrow morning, it's gonna be a horrible experience where the only thing to wipe rear end around the desert is cacti, rocks and snakes. I'll post updates when I go into labor.
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Jun 1, 2015 02:30
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I await your next report with a clenched sphincter
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Jun 1, 2015 02:58
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EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:I await your next report with a clenched sphincter
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Jun 1, 2015 03:01
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carry babywipes on you at all times, come on son
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Jun 1, 2015 03:09
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I fear MurderBot is in a ditch somewhere entangled in a bicycle and shat pants.
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Jun 1, 2015 21:23
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No, I'm just disappointed in the results. Morning coffee produced miserable results, like even less than normal standards. I thought to myself "surely after a bike ride and a beer I should clog my own toilet!" Nope, I sit here at my computer depressed and without a good poop. 
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Jun 1, 2015 22:44
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MurderBot posted:No, I'm just disappointed in the results. 
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Jun 2, 2015 00:17
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MurderBot posted:No, I'm just disappointed in the results. eat a bunch of taco bell and pound back a few coronas or something if you want big nasty shits dude this isnt rocket science
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Jun 2, 2015 02:31
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Today's a new day sitting down with a nice cup of dark roast coffee followed by a morning jog. Hopefully I can hold it in if the time comes. If not, this is the time when the old mexican ladies are doing their power walking, could get ugly.
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Jun 2, 2015 14:05
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Ughhhhhhhhhh it's beginning. I'm posting this from the toilet, once the cup of coffee was finished I felt like ISIS was in my rear end in a top hat trying to escape from a land of freedom, democracy and equal rights of men and women. gently caress, it's like making GBS threads glue. 2 rounds of making GBS threads. My stomach still feels like there's a mass in there. I think I'm gonna go to starbucks here in a few and grab a large coffee, maybe go for a walk or something.
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Jun 2, 2015 14:32
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Witchhazel is your friend. Go to walgreens and get generic tucks medicated pads.
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Jun 2, 2015 14:44
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MurderBot posted:Ughhhhhhhhhh it's beginning. 
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Jun 2, 2015 20:55
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Future rosebud itt.
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Jun 2, 2015 21:03
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Nostalgia4Murder posted:Future rosebud itt. Sounds more like full on pink sock
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Jun 2, 2015 21:06
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It's been an alright day guys. Got a good run in, drank a glass of water and had a really awesome, 5/5 poo. Two for the day, even though the first one was a double hitter. Pretty happy overall, I feel good post cleanse. It's unfortunate that I wasn't able to make a poo poo so big that it represented an actual child, but having 2 really good dumps in a day is definitely a win by any standard.
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Jun 3, 2015 00:00
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Mr. Nice! posted:Witchhazel is your friend. Go to walgreens and get generic tucks medicated pads. thanks for the tip gramps
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Jun 3, 2015 00:03
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worthless without pictures
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Jun 3, 2015 02:32
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MassivelyBuckNegro posted:worthless without pictures
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Jun 3, 2015 12:01
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Sweet Jesus kill me, three days of eating on the road followed by a suspect chicken shawarma have my colon quaking. Dear god I just want the violence to end. Please I'm begging you. Also send some extra soft toilet paper plz.
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Jun 25, 2015 05:58
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bengy81 posted:Sweet Jesus kill me, three days of eating on the road followed by a suspect chicken shawarma have my colon quaking. you brought this upon yourself and must suffer for your sins
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Jun 25, 2015 06:12
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Just get a really bad cold? That always makes me do absolutely horrific dumps
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Jun 25, 2015 11:42
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bengy81 posted:a suspect chicken shawarma . I like how you are trying to convince yourself that any type of arab food could potentially be non-suspect. On a similar note I got into a discussion with a friend about Chinese Buffet food. We came to the conclusion that its like a casino. You walk in with the hope of leaving loaded, but you know there is a 95% chance you will wake up 2 days later on a bathroom floor.
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Jun 25, 2015 12:17
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If eating a certain type of food gives you the shits, you have a weak rear end body. Unless you drink like a gallon of hot sauce or some poo poo.
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Jun 25, 2015 18:49
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just lol if you're lactose intolerant.
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Jun 25, 2015 18:59
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I knew a lactose intolerant guy who just couldn't give up pizza. Gave up so much of his time on the john.
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Jun 25, 2015 19:28
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Nostalgia4Murder posted:If eating a certain type of food gives you the shits, you have a weak rear end body. Or Taco Bell.
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Jun 26, 2015 05:22
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havent had a bowl of cereal or a glass of milk in 10 years now still eat cheese though #yolo
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Jun 26, 2015 06:32
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Asparagus farts are the worst.
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Jun 29, 2015 06:37
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I'd rather have Asparagus farts than Asparagus piss though
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Jun 29, 2015 06:37
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There is this drink called Green Machine or something like that and it's a bunch of green veggies blended down and bottled via dark sorcery. Farts after drinking it melt rear end in a top hat hair and will peel paint off of a wall.
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Jun 29, 2015 07:12
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crab farts are always very bad.
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Jun 30, 2015 00:06
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Broccoli farts and seafood farts are always the worst
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Jun 30, 2015 17:16
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You guys should stop sniffing farts.
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Jun 30, 2015 18:26
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Every man loves the smell of his own brew
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Jun 30, 2015 23:31
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Denny's shits are killing me. 5 A.M greasy stuff from this morning and now the house that I work out of smells like rear end-Trinoble.
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Jul 1, 2015 03:35
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Nostalgia4Murder posted:You guys should stop sniffing farts. Hard to avoid when the smell fills a room like Zyklon B.
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Jul 1, 2015 04:01
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Usually I'm making GBS threads my guts out but today I can't for some reason. Smoke a cigarette and then my guts start gurgling and hurting, but nothing comes out. 3 times today already that happened.
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Jul 1, 2015 06:47
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Mike-o posted:Usually I'm making GBS threads my guts out but today I can't for some reason. Smoke a cigarette and then my guts start gurgling and hurting, but nothing comes out. 3 times today already that happened. Start chugging rip its
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Jul 1, 2015 17:51
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