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OK this is How to Take Silent Shits by Sir John Feelgood. This is completely serious, so let's keep jokes to a minimum. You're honestly lucky I'm even letting you know about this. As far as I know, I invented it. To get the obvious question out of the way, you might want your poo poo to be silent if you're in a public restroom and you don't want everybody hearing your poops splash into the toilet. Now. In short, what you do is you take a whole bunch of toilet paper and put it in the toilet, creating a soft landing pad. Boom, silent poo poo. You're welcome.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:18
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 22:29 |
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you silly chatterbox
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Nov 13, 2014 20:18
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this doesn't eliminate mid poo poo farts though
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Nov 13, 2014 20:18
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how about a fart silencer/suppressor
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Nov 13, 2014 20:18
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What happens when you flush is what I Want to Know
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Nov 13, 2014 20:19
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Sweet Tea posted:this doesn't eliminate mid poo poo farts though
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Nov 13, 2014 20:19
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Reoxygenation posted:What happens when you flush is what I Want to Know
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Nov 13, 2014 20:19
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go read the "the suffering channel" by dafoster wallace is pro guide to shameless poops
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Nov 13, 2014 20:19
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btw putting toilet paper in the toilet to eliminate splashing is an old pooping technique and is called a landing pad
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Nov 13, 2014 20:19
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How do I make it not smell like 10 breakfast burritos and cheetos
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Nov 13, 2014 20:19
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stringball posted:how about a fart silencer/suppressor That's the info I was hoping for when I clicked on the thread
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Nov 13, 2014 20:19
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Sweet Tea posted:btw putting toilet paper in the toilet to eliminate splashing is an old pooping technique and is called a landing pad
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Nov 13, 2014 20:20
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I honestly don't fart when I poo poo, so I wasn't even aware this was a problem.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:20
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I thought that only happened in movies.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:20
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Does that mean youre going to work on a noise suppresor too
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Nov 13, 2014 20:21
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poopfarts are real...
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Nov 13, 2014 20:22
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Reoxygenation posted:Does that mean youre going to work on a noise suppresor too
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Nov 13, 2014 20:22
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Sir John Feelgood posted:Now that I know this is a problem among the People Who Aren't Me contingent, yeah, I'll look into it. Thank you I appreciate your work and I hope you can help me keep my toilet as clean and silent as possible
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Nov 13, 2014 20:23
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Reoxygenation posted:Thank you I appreciate your work and I hope you can help me keep my toilet as clean and silent as possible
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Nov 13, 2014 20:24
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The people who grunt and sigh constantly while taking a poo poo really freak me out. Like its kind of embarrassing to fart a lot when you're making GBS threads but I wouldn't begrudge someone for that because there's not much they can do. The people who actively sound like they're in an intense inverse game of tug of war with their rear end though make me wonder if they should get that checked out.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:29
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Grunters are just impatient. gently caress them.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:30
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american diet.txt seriously why grunting is weird. probably the only country that does it
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Nov 13, 2014 20:31
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If you somehow passed twelve lifetime shits without learning that making GBS threads is all about patience, you have brain damage.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:34
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Yeah there's some people you meet in public restrooms who clearly could use a nutritionist.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:35
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real men take loud shits and don't give a drat who knows
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Nov 13, 2014 20:38
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ArbitraryC posted:The people who grunt and sigh constantly while taking a poo poo really freak me out. Like its kind of embarrassing to fart a lot when you're making GBS threads but I wouldn't begrudge someone for that because there's not much they can do. The people who actively sound like they're in an intense inverse game of tug of war with their rear end though make me wonder if they should get that checked out. my dad does this and holidays are really awkward.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:38
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fanged wang posted:real men take loud shits and don't give a drat who knows
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Nov 13, 2014 20:39
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real women too make big poo poo blasts, it's a part of growing up and becoming comfortable with your body. i poop real fuckin loud.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:41
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fanged wang posted:real women too make big poo poo blasts, it's a part of growing up and becoming comfortable with your body. i poop real fuckin loud.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:41
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this is a wakeup call op: no one gives a care if your shits are noisy and if they do, wow. gently caress em. blast rear end.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:44
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the most effective way to accomplish this is to create a thin sheet of toilet paper on the surface of the water. get about 7-8 squares, lay one end of the 'ribbon' on the edge of the water (but with part laying on the bowl just outside the water) then lower the rest of the ribbon so that the tp goes across the water and lays on the bowl on the opposite side, then "fold" the ribbon in a 45 degree angle and cross the water again. you should have a > shape going across the bowl, with some of the paper laying outside the water so it "grabs" the bowl and stays tight. then take another 'ribbon' of 7-8 squares and do the same thing, but covering other parts of the water. repeat until the entire water surface is covered with a taut layer of TP. then take a big poo poo on it. it's like having one of those rescue trampolines that people jump out of burning buildings onto, except for poo poo
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Nov 13, 2014 20:45
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fanged wang posted:this is a wakeup call op: no one gives a care if your shits are noisy and if they do, wow. gently caress em. blast rear end.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:46
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b asically, what i do is just push real slow, that way the turd glides gracefully into the water, like a alligator, rather than doing a cannonball, like a fat goon.
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Nov 13, 2014 20:47
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also when i piss i piss as hard as i loving can so everyone can hear my thunderous stream i am a human man who makes waste
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Nov 13, 2014 20:52
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Uranium 235 posted:the most effective way to accomplish this is to create a thin sheet of toilet paper on the surface of the water. get about 7-8 squares, lay one end of the 'ribbon' on the edge of the water (but with part laying on the bowl just outside the water) then lower the rest of the ribbon so that the tp goes across the water and lays on the bowl on the opposite side, then "fold" the ribbon in a 45 degree angle and cross the water again. you should have a > shape going across the bowl, with some of the paper laying outside the water so it "grabs" the bowl and stays tight.
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Nov 13, 2014 21:02
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Kleen_TheRowdyDog posted:b asically, what i do is just push real slow, that way the turd glides gracefully into the water, like a alligator, rather than doing a cannonball, like a fat goon.
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Nov 13, 2014 21:04
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if you poo poo in the urinal there's not enough space between the bottom and your butthole for the poop to reach terminal velocity, so you basically leave a pile of silent soft serve poo poo in the urinal.
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Nov 13, 2014 21:05
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lol if u dont lift the toilet seat up and scoot way down to submerge your butthole before making GBS threads
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Nov 13, 2014 21:05
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Sound posted:lol if u dont lift the toilet seat up and scoot way down to submerge your butthole before making GBS threads this is called the torpedo maneuver.
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Nov 13, 2014 21:05
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 22:29 |
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Sound posted:lol if u dont lift the toilet seat up and scoot way down to submerge your butthole before making GBS threads
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Nov 13, 2014 21:06
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