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Hey girl I got some scopolamine
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Jan 17, 2015 00:34
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 13:32 |
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Have your Delcatty use Attract against your preferred partner's pokemon, but push him or her into the path of the attack at the last second. Caution: Make sure your Delcatty is disguised as you before it uses the move. Take the disguise off immediately after.
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Jan 22, 2015 15:50
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I just pull down my pants. The sight of a generously endowed cock is usually enough to get things started. Just don't do this in public.
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Jan 22, 2015 15:54
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Everyday Lurker posted:I just pull down my pants. I tried this and the girl ended up marrying me so be careful.
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Jan 22, 2015 16:13
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Speak entirely in quotes from popular culture. Pop is the new voodoo. But if you ever stop making constant references to music, television, and memes the spell will be broken and you'll never see your beloved again.
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Jan 23, 2015 01:02
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Draw someone. Even a filthy Irish peasant (whose only notable feature was a striking resemblance to a film star who would be popular almost a century later) can get a lay of noble birth through the art of ..art. Remember the way this works is through magic's sympathetic properties, so the closer your drawing is in detail to your desires the more likely you will achieve them. Apparently there's this hot, new dating service hosted by the internet website "Craigslist"? You may have seen their ads on television. As near I can tell, the trick is to be w4m or m4m but not fat. This will not be you, so you might have to resort to some duplicity when wording your personal ad, as well as being willing to settle for the kind of man who's picking people up from the world wide web. Have you tried meeting women in academia? Lots of women are more interested in their chosen field than they are in being choosy about mates. Pretend to find their future dead-end career choice fascinating. Be more like "Lowtax". Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka gets goons he doesn't even want. Imagine what you might do with that sort of "talent" pool to draw from!
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Jan 23, 2015 12:57
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Model for an art class. If the instructor finds your body an acceptable subject for students, all you have to do from there is find a way to parley that into them finding you acceptable enough for a one-niter. And if you're persistent enough, they just might give in and try pawning you off on someone in your league. Actually, wait - most reputable art school have a model index. Hire a model from this veritable phone book of people willing to get naked in front of you. Although.. then their willingness to move the game up to sexual stuff might depend on your lovely art of them. Nevermind. Just hire a prostitute. Do not hire a cop pretending to be a prostitute. Not only do they not put out, but this is potentially a segue into the kind of sex you will not want. Keep traveling forward in time to the time when you're already about to have sex with someone. If you don't reach this time immediately, keep on trying and maybe impress people with how you're able to travel through time? If you get to the end of your life and didn't reach any sex times, then at least you'll know you tried. Many goons are familiar with anime body pillows. These are comforting surrogates for actual human contact. Be considerate of your potential mate and have a pillow you think they would find attractive waiting for them as well. You slightly increase your chances with the reassurance that they will not be pressured into touching your gross body afterwards if they resign themselves to sex with you.
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Jan 23, 2015 13:07
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Try the pick up artist's gambit known as "negging". This does not have much to do with bug-chasing as you might have assumed. Rather, "negging" is emphasizing a drunk's neg-ative qualities until they feel bad enough to sleep with you. Try this one "You look ugly enough to sleep with me and not have better options." Alternately, try the much older PUA ploy of "begging". There are persistent rumors of dentists behaving inappropriately with patients. I shouldn't need to spell this out for you: Spend more time at the dentist's office. Either get yourself gassed as much as you can afford each year, or go for the big score and attend dental school until you graduate and are able to establish your own practice. Have you gone through this thread and tried a plethora of its sage suggestions (and somewhat more risky enterprises as well) but you're still batting zero? Maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with you? No, not just your skin, absent personality, and lack of human emotions - something cosmic. Maybe you are composed of antimatter or a similar, rare substance with poorly understood, largely theoretical attributes? Try not seguing into sex! Maybe this whole time your innate magnetism was repelling simply by your attempting to attract tolerable sex partners. So the logical step now is to attempt to repel these people. Reverse the polarity, Geordi. Give up prayer. If you've been praying to God to send you someone whom loves and understands you, then you're an idiot and have been doing it wrong. What you ought to be doing is praying to Greek gods/goddesses - their track record for trying to hook mortals up is much better. Be prepared for some wild answers to your prayers, though - Zeus especially is a bit too into the "hands on" approach to fulfilling sexual desires and He might even be into watersports and yiffing. Do not pray to Aphrodite, since She mostly seems to be interested in starting wars and boinking other deities. (The hot ones always write their own ticket, am I right?) Suicide Sam E. fucked around with this message at 22:31 on Jan 23, 2015 |
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Jan 23, 2015 13:23
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try fegging
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Jan 23, 2015 14:03
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Women equate skill on the dance floor with skill in bed. You could put in the time and effort to learn to dance properly, but if you're in a hurry just drop some E before going out to the club. Either way, you will probably get laid (even if it's just by someone trying to get their hands on your stash). Sex has roles just like the food chain. Most of the women you're likely to encounter are the equivalent of "herbivores." IE: they pick and choose where they want to graze and are easily spooked by predators (men). They also travel in herds for defense. You need to think like an apex predator if you want to get laid. What I'm saying is find the chick at the bar with the broken leg and pounce on her. Another effective technique is to adopt a pack hunting strategy and work together with your friends to take down much bigger "prey" (BBWs and SBBWs). Infect her with a virus that destroys inhibitions. Just make sure you keep the antidote handy because you might end up getting blown out into space if it spreads to too many people. Sometimes, the right person has been in front of you this whole time. You just have to open your eyes and see that the cool guy who has been doing all these favors for you has built up a lot of V-cred and you sort of owe him at this point.
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Jan 23, 2015 14:36
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Applewhite posted:I tried this and the girl ended up marrying me so be careful. Seconding.
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Jan 23, 2015 15:01
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Have you ever thought of going after more "exotic" women? You know, jelly girls, centaur girls, girls made of stone, robot girls etc... You'd think that, being popular objects of male fantasy, they'd be unattainable, but actually the fact that they get put up on a pedestal like they do often makes it tough for them to get dates in real life. If you are able to overcome the natural intimidation of asking out a 20 foot tall giantess, you might be pleasantly surprised. If you are European royalty, getting laid is only as far off as the next family reunion. Have you ever tried winning sex in some kind of contest? There's got to be a sex contest somewhere. While watching an action flick together, point to the hero and say "I bet I'm better at sex than that guy." She will be intrigued and might call you out on your claim.
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Jan 23, 2015 19:57
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"Hey, are you awake?........"
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Jan 23, 2015 19:59
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wanna go halfsies on my d
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Jan 23, 2015 20:03
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Hey baby, you can't get pregnant if you're related! Check out my trigger warning, it's literally shaking mysterious frankie posted:*puts on Portishead record* "Hey baby, why don't you and me work through some childhood trauma?" My first date with my girlfriend was us drinking four loko and listening to Portishead in the park 
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Jan 23, 2015 20:13
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Don't ask the girl out. Showing any interest makes her hate you.* *Disclaimer: this logic only applies to men trying to have sex with me personally. Alternatively, try demonstrating your parkour prowess to impress her. Climb onto a municipal railing, attempt to run along it, fall and head your head on pavement. The cozy ambulance ride together is the perfect time to "get a little frisky!"
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Jan 23, 2015 21:44
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You're here... I'm here... so maybe we could... Posting from experience 
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Jan 23, 2015 22:21
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I'm not saying goons are bad at relationships, but hey, y'know ..maybe go the traditional route? Arranged marriages are the logical end of your parents complaining you'll never give them grandkids. If you're pretty obnoxious, ugly, crazy, or otherwise repulsive to human your parents will have to raise a dowry. If you live in the first world, you probably don't know that dowries are a cash, jewelry, or livestock-based bribe leading to marriage. If your spouse murders you after your marriage they usually cover it up well enough to satisfy your parents, so you can be assured you'll either have an "accident" or disappear into a vat of accident if you die violently. The trick is to try to get to sex before the dowry is completely transferred since then there will be no reason for you to be alive. Vampires always get laid. Look and act like a vampire. Someone might have already mentioned this, but a gypsy curse is a powerful thing. Brag about how chaste, celibate, childless, and pure you are, being loud enough for any nearby gypsies to hear. Then keep hitting people with your car until it turns out one of them is a magical gypsy. The gypsy will probably curse you to a life of sex, but the joke's on them - you secretly wanted that all along! People in uniform are hot. This is just a fact. Uniforms are always associated with jobs, so use this to plan your approach. To hook up with a police officer, become a criminal. Firefighters your bag? Set a bunch of fires and wait around. If you think nurses and doctors are sexy then you should make sure to get sick or injured regularly. If you get a really rare illness you can get a drug-addled British doctor pretending to be American. If you get severely injured with a long recovery you can hook it up with a physical therapist, and they'll be psyched just if you manage to move a little more each day. If you like security officers try some blatant shoplifting. And if military people are who you want pawing your nether regions you should start a war. (Army - land war or pretty much anything with resources. Navy - be Japan. Marine Corps - conquer an island or coast. Air Force - engage in cyber or space terrorism. Coast Guard - sit on a sinking raft of illegal immigrants.)
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Jan 23, 2015 23:13
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open the door get on the floor everybody do the dinosaur (cue pelvic thrusting)
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Jan 24, 2015 00:54
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Dolphin posted:open the door get on the floor everybody do the dinosaur Everybody WALK the dinosaur, you shitbox.
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Jan 24, 2015 02:12
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I'll give you goons the advice my ugly Irish friend gave me. Go into a bar, find the hottest woman. Hit on her. If she rejects you, move down the ladder until a lady takes interest in you. Whoever takes an interest first wins. If you're a lady goon, offer yourself to any man you deem worthy. They will take you.
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Jan 24, 2015 02:19
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Cheer their kid at a soccer game, make sure to be obnoxious as gently caress as you do it so they are sure to notice.
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Jan 24, 2015 03:10
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let your vagina eat me
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Jan 24, 2015 04:18
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HEeey baby let me kiss you right on the pussy, lightly.
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Jan 24, 2015 05:28
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Do you have stairs in your house?
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Jan 24, 2015 07:53
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tell her im headed to afghanistan and might not make it back. then head to korea and sleep with a new juicy girl every week
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Jan 24, 2015 08:42
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Oh word? What's his name, OP?
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Jan 24, 2015 10:21
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AssassinPrincess posted:Everybody WALK the dinosaur, you shitbox. Don't kinkshame. Actually, speaking of kinks, mine is to watch you writh with ecstacy in my bed. Wanna make my dream come true?
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Jan 24, 2015 13:54
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Do you wanna see my "dip stick?" *point to shlong*
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Jan 24, 2015 16:57
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"You know I've got like...*rustles through wallet* 18 bucks in here." Someone probably made this joke but gently caress it I"m not reading 6 pages
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Jan 24, 2015 18:08
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Would you hold it against me if I... no? Please? Well can I stand outside the coffee shop and watch you drink that through the glass? *outside the coffee shop* I'm on a date! 
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Jan 24, 2015 20:04
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Applewhite posted:
lmao
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Jan 25, 2015 00:00
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Become a mechanic and replace car parts with various sexy things. Dildo for the gear shift, steering wheel replaced with sex disc, etc
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Jan 25, 2015 00:29
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Buy a large pizza, cut a hole in the bottom and put your dick through it. Show up at her door and ask if she ordered a mushroom pizza, because you know she isn't going to mistake your tiny dick for a sausage.
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Jan 25, 2015 01:41
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Improbable Lobster posted:Become a mechanic and replace car parts with various sexy things. Dildo for the gear shift, steering wheel replaced with sex disc, etc Please expand on this sex disk
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Jan 25, 2015 02:31
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Brave warrior... you have tested me to my limit, and proven yourself a worthy adversary. But I have not begun to fight! I have been holding back! Behold-- *rip off clothes deftly, revealing the glimmering nude body beneath* NOW YOU SEE MY TRUE FORM! Before you is a flawless form, forged in the turbulent aether of the cosmos themselves, and steeled beyond the limits of all living things. Do you see? Do you see what is before you? It is the apex of creation! HA HA HA HA HA! Now...prepare to experience TRUE power! *lunge onto mate*
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Jan 25, 2015 02:43
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"The butter is still warm and I've got a whole hour for lunch"
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Jan 25, 2015 03:04
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Be my toilet.
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Jan 25, 2015 05:31
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Applewhite posted:Do you have a ray gun that makes people want to have sex with you when you zap them? Then use that, idiot. i have one of these its called my dilz
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Jan 25, 2015 07:26
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 13:32 |
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Applewhite posted:
Gotta try. This is some secret weapon next level poo poo.
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Jan 25, 2015 09:02
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