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Robert Red Rocket
Apr 28, 2013

CHEATED ON HIS WIFE, SLEPT WITH PROSTITUTES ON FBI TAPES, JACQUELINE KENNEDY SAID MLK WAS TAPE-RECORDED BY FBI PLANNING A SEX PARTY
The Lord said to Moses, “When you return to Egypt, see that you perform before Pharaoh all the wonders I have given you the power to do. But I will harden his heart so that he will not let the people go. Then say to Pharaoh, ‘This is what the Lord says: Israel is my firstborn son, and I told you, “Let my son go, so he may worship me.” But you refused to let him go; so I will kill your firstborn son.

At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. “Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,” she said. So the Lord let him alone. (At that time she said “bridegroom of blood,” referring to circumcision.)

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Apthous
Nov 2, 2014

by XyloJW
I like the part of the bible where the jews kill all the people that aren't jews around jewruselum.

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

and the lord said "gently caress me in my gay balls"

and it was good

Gunky Junket
Oct 30, 2014

by Ralp

lonesomedwarf posted:

and the lord said "gently caress me in my gay balls"

and it was good

He must have had one of those drawstring sacks for easy access.

newbinator
Nov 14, 2014

Get your shit together, and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere. You know? Take it to the shit store and sell it. Or put it in a shit museum, I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together.
Get your shit together.
"thou shalt handeth over thy cold hard cash to thee"

Kayle7
Mar 19, 2012

Little solace comes
to those who grieve
when thoughts keep drifting
as walls keep shifting
and this great blue world of ours
seems a house of leaves
moments before the wind.
And the LORD did lol at the scrubbe Jehosephat, exhorting unto him, "Brother, dost thou even lift?"

Kayle7
Mar 19, 2012

Little solace comes
to those who grieve
when thoughts keep drifting
as walls keep shifting
and this great blue world of ours
seems a house of leaves
moments before the wind.
Whosoever serves breakfast to a duck or tortoise, or eats artichokes on a Tuesday shall surely be put to death

newbinator
Nov 14, 2014

Get your shit together, and put it in a backpack, all your shit, so it's together. And if you gotta take it somewhere, take it somewhere. You know? Take it to the shit store and sell it. Or put it in a shit museum, I don't care what you do, you just gotta get it together.
Get your shit together.

Pththya-lyi
Nov 8, 2009

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2020

yeah plenary substitution is bullshit. that's why i'm all about Christus Victor

Kayle7
Mar 19, 2012

Little solace comes
to those who grieve
when thoughts keep drifting
as walls keep shifting
and this great blue world of ours
seems a house of leaves
moments before the wind.
Drink not strong drink in the house of the LORD, lest ye shucketh thine pants and do something really embarassing

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

Apthous posted:

I like the part of the bible where the jews kill all the people that aren't jews around jewruselum.

ahaha so you are actually dumb in all of your opinions, not just about the beatles.

what a waste of skin.

Apthous
Nov 2, 2014

by XyloJW

H.H posted:

ahaha so you are actually dumb in all of your opinions, not just about the beatles.

what a waste of skin.

Hey look its the guy with the username "H.H" most likely short for "heil hitler" lecturing me about morality and racism.

H.H. posted:

that's historically inaccurate: the SS flag should be black.

other than that, what in the hell

H.H. posted:

According to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bombin...r_II#Casualties about 25,000 people died in Dresden. If the other things I read on wiki are correct, they had over 500,000 people at that time. After all bombings, the city was completely destroyed.

H.H. posted:

We once got our Korean roommate drunk and he admitted to trying it.

Apparently, it isn't that great.


e: I would too, given the chance. Top of the food chain, motherfuckers!

Apthous fucked around with this message at 13:50 on Nov 19, 2014

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

Apthous posted:

Hey look its the guy with the username "H.H" most likely short for "heil hitler" lecturing me about morality and racism.

Yes, knowing a bit of history = Nazism.

This is stupid, go be edgy elsewhere.

Apthous
Nov 2, 2014

by XyloJW

H.H posted:

Yes, knowing a bit of history = Nazism.

This is stupid, go be edgy elsewhere.

What does H.H stand for then just two random letters?

H.H
Oct 24, 2006

August is the Cruelest Month

Apthous posted:

What does H.H stand for then just two random letters?

When I started using this username I didn't know it stood for "Heil Hitler", since it isn't used over here (I'm not American).

It stands for Humbert Humbert. Before you start with the Aatrek jokes, Nabokov is a literary genius and one of the greatest writers of mid 20th century.

Apthous
Nov 2, 2014

by XyloJW

H.H posted:

When I started using this username I didn't know it stood for "Heil Hitler", since it isn't used over here (I'm not American).

It stands for Humbert Humbert. Before you start with the Aatrek jokes, Nabokov is a literary genius and one of the greatest writers of mid 20th century.

Well a good 88 to you brother.

quote:

Traumatized by the death of his father and the loss of his home country, Nabokov expressed himself in writing. His novel 'The Luzhin Defence' (1930) is alluding to his own story of emigration and the sense of loss. In 1937 his father's killer was released by Adolf Hitler, and Nabokov had to move to Paris.

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup
Pillbug

quote:

When men fight with one another, and the wife of the one draws near to rescue her husband from the hand of him who is beating him, and puts out her hand and seizes him by the private parts, then you shall cut off her hand.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!
Who did Adam and Eve's children bang to produce the next generation of humans? Each other? That's pretty gross.

you irl
Jan 22, 2014

Tricky D posted:

Who did Adam and Eve's children bang to produce the next generation of humans? Each other? That's pretty gross.

why do you think christians are so retarded? its the inbreeding

lonesomedwarf
Mar 22, 2010

Apthous posted:

Well a good 88 to you brother.

i like the number 8, it looks like a shapely curvvy sexy lady, i talso is the infinity symbol on its side. there are 8 main chakras to the sexual wellbeing of the enlightened ape called the human, and there is 8 sides to the most perfect shape in existence. imagine my surprised, when it was liked to racists! i was shocked and appauled. i didnt know what to do, my entire world view (weltanshauung_ was turned upsides down! i was determined to fight this at all costs and at all sides. i would attend rallies and tell people the trueth of the number 8. it was a good and holy number, it was about many nice and good things, sexy things, thinks you can jo to and feel good about. it took a long time but i can finally feel good about the number eight tattood on my forehead. some people will look at you funny for such a thing, but if they didnt judge you from that they would judge you for something else, in a way, it is like you are juydging the H.H. poster on the some thing awful forums right now. what are you raging against, what are you ruinning from? why do you need to lash out, and strike, and dash your dfists against this percived enenmy? i think we can learn a lot from each other, enemies should sit down and talk. it is natural to want to hide, run, fight, and eat your enemies, but it is harder to sit and talk. it is easy to hate, and it is the hardest thing of all time to love. try and love your enemie, invite them into your rhome, sit and treat with them. talk to them, perhaps even learn from them, and they shall learn from you in turn. this is the way to enlightenment, and the way to improve youre own life at the same time.

Automatic Slim
Jul 1, 2007

Why read when the Christian Bale Bible movie comes out in a couple of weeks and the Russell Crowe Waterworld movie is out? Best thing about that movie were those giant rock aliens not even mentioned in the Bible. Movies > book.

BottledBodhisvata
Jul 26, 2013

by Lowtax

Automatic Slim posted:

Why read when the Christian Bale Bible movie comes out in a couple of weeks and the Russell Crowe Waterworld movie is out? Best thing about that movie were those giant rock aliens not even mentioned in the Bible. Movies > book.

The Christian Bale (who owns) movie has all white people (who own) in it so it is Problematic and you shouldn't watch the white patriarchy oppress Egyptian history

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵
People call him Jesus H. Christ all the time but they don't say what the H is for like your mother would when she was really mad at you and called you by all three names so you'd know she meant business.

Phoon
Apr 23, 2010

jesus hitler christ

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!

you irl posted:

why do you think christians are so retarded? its the inbreeding

and the jews and the muslims

Pope Corky the IX
Dec 18, 2006


🎵 I'm blue
Yeah I'm a blue Shrek, guy
Step a foot in my swamp
And you're gonna die 🎵

Phoon posted:

jesus hitler christ

Really?!

Fiendish Dr. Wu
Nov 11, 2010

You done fucked up now!

H.H posted:

When I started using this username I didn't know it stood for "Heil Hitler", since it isn't used over here (I'm not American).

Haha we only say Heil Hitler in America

Robert Red Rocket
Apr 28, 2013

CHEATED ON HIS WIFE, SLEPT WITH PROSTITUTES ON FBI TAPES, JACQUELINE KENNEDY SAID MLK WAS TAPE-RECORDED BY FBI PLANNING A SEX PARTY
i hunger for the dick of satan

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
cool OP

TOILETLORD
Nov 13, 2012

by XyloJW
just go catholic, get baptized then be an rear end in a top hat your whole life get final rites go to heaven.

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien

TOILETLORD posted:

just go catholic, get baptized then be an rear end in a top hat your whole life get final rites go to heaven.

That only works if u find all the golden scarabs in the water temple tho

LordArgh
Mar 17, 2009

Nap Ghost
no donation, no salvation

Tujague
May 8, 2007

by LadyAmbien

H.H posted:

ahaha so you are actually dumb in all of your opinions, not just about the beatles.

what a waste of skin.

I'm trying to imagine what opinion somebody could have about the Beatles that would make somebody else mad enough to follow them around lambasting them about it

I mean it p much had to be either "The Beatles were good" or "The Beatles were not good" right

Unless it was "The Beatles hosed your dad" that is a little provocative

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
the bible has a lot of good rules

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup
Pillbug

sexy young infidel posted:

the bible has a lot of good rules

I quite fancy my brother's wife, thinking of having him killed so she has to marry me. Deuteronomy 25:5

Stoatbringer
Sep 15, 2004

naw, you love it you little ho-bot :roboluv:

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.[

Tricky D
Apr 1, 2005

I love um!

Stoatbringer posted:

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.[

Keep going, I'm almost there.

Stoatbringer
Sep 15, 2004

naw, you love it you little ho-bot :roboluv:

Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?

Scrotum Modem
Sep 12, 2014

quote:

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there.

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”

4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”

8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

10 The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.”

11 Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. 12 For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”

tl;dr if you get divorced from your first wife, cut your balls off

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Howard Beale
Feb 22, 2001

It's like this, Peanut

Stoatbringer posted:

19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.[

there's some pretty racy stuff in song of solomon too about perfumed gazelles or something

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