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NO FUCK YOU DAD
Oct 23, 2008
Terry Crews was the President and he was striding around the Oval Office with a big rotary telephone trying to get through to ISIS. His aides were flapping around him trying to explain the nuances of international politics but he was determined to talk to them and smooth things out.

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Red Bones
Aug 9, 2012

"I think he's a bad enough person to stay ghost through his sheer love of child-killing."

I had a dream last year where I saw a girl murdering someone in a train station, just picking this person up by the collar and stabbing them over and over in the neck with a craft knife. I got so freaked trying to find a way out of the station that I woke up. I wrote down what had happened, but when I drew a picture of the girl my half-asleep, spooked mind gave me this unsettling feeling that I'd brought something into the real world that I really shouldn't have, so I rubbed it out.

Parasol Prophet
Aug 31, 2012

We Are Best Friends Now.

NO gently caress YOU DAD posted:

Terry Crews was the President and he was striding around the Oval Office with a big rotary telephone trying to get through to ISIS. His aides were flapping around him trying to explain the nuances of international politics but he was determined to talk to them and smooth things out.

Was it going well?

NO FUCK YOU DAD
Oct 23, 2008

Parasol Prophet posted:

Was it going well?
He was stuck being passed between a bunch of middle men, hampered in equal measure by ISIS' decentralized command structure and his own incessant bellowing.

Koivunen
Oct 7, 2011

there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour
I often have dreams about teeth or something being wrong with my mouth. Last night I had a dream that the side of my lower jaw had a big hole in it. When I pulled my lip to the side there was a gigantic crater in my gum all the way to the chin with the tooth roots and nerves to my front teeth and molars exposed. In my dream I thought "Hmm, I should probably go to the dentist about this."

Sometimes I will also have dreams that there is a worm infestation in some part of my body. I can see the worms, pluck them out of my skin, and squeeze pus from the giant worm hole pores they leave behind, but whoever I'm with in the dream doesn't think it's a big deal. In my dream I am panicking that the worms are spreading throughout my body and the sensation is very vivid.

But I also have cool dreams where I'm swimming in an awesome lake or doing fun stuff and having incredible adventures. It's much nicer to wake up feeling happy rather than freaked out and uneasy.

TorpedoFish
Feb 19, 2006

Tingly.
I had the standard "I'm late and totally unprepared for this exam" dream the other night, about an IB (similar program to AP) exam. It had everything - late to the exam, wrong exam (higher level calculus instead of standard level), exam written in German for some reason, proctored by one of my drill sergeants from Basic Training, and then the last question directed me to the auditorium, where I had to go up on stage and give a speech to thousands of people about calculus.

I passed all my IB exams in 2004 and finished college in 2009, so I'd sort of assumed I was done with exam anxiety dreams but I guess not.

Penny Paper
Dec 31, 2012
Four ones that stand out that I can remember:

1) One where I'm at a boardwalk overlooking the beach laughing at Steven Spielberg as he's being attacked by a shark in the ocean (that's the last time I watch Jaws before I go to sleep).

2) A semi-recurring one where I'm trapped in some kind of glass building (very maze-like. Shows signs of being a nautilus or a really big cathedral/church) and I hear voices. I try to follow the voices, but I either smack into the wall or the building begins to crack and rain down glass.

3) One where I'm in some horribly dubbed 1970s, soft-focus sexploitation flick that takes place in what used to be my high school. I don't know all the details, but it ended with lightning striking and everything going black.

4) One where I'm eating a dinner of my own teeth at a fancy banquet hall.

Penny Paper has a new favorite as of 06:45 on Jan 18, 2015

Part of Everything
Feb 1, 2005

He clenched his teeh and walked out of the study
Do funny dreams count?

The best/funniest dream I ever had was one where it was if I was watching a movie. I was watching a scene of a fat bald guy sitting around in his house. There is a knock at his door. He opens it and hundreds of little cartoon frogs were jumping around outside the door. He grabs one and starts going to town loving it up the rear end. Don't ask me how, but he's doing it, and the cartoon frog has a super happy look on its face. It is ok with this. The guy looks up at the camera (me) and exclaims, "MAN! I love popping these things! I could pop a whoooooooole bucket of these!" I woke up laughing.

ijii
Mar 17, 2007
I'M APPARENTLY GAY AND MY POSTING SUCKS.
I've had several dreams where I could fly or jump really high (think Luigi in Mario 2). Unfortunately my flying always involved getting away and hiding in hard to reach places because I killed people for some reason and others try to kill me.

Part of Everything
Feb 1, 2005

He clenched his teeh and walked out of the study

Tewbrainer posted:

When I was young I had chronic nightmares. My mom had me go to this really chill Child Psychiatrist that said I should draw the nightmares I was having but 'take out what you don't like'.


15 years later, I still have problems with nightmares, but as a kid it helped because even during the dream I would know that I was just dreaming and would draw it later.


It was less of a 'fix the problem' solution and more of a 'cope with the problem' solution, but hey, it worked. Most of the drawings just get thrown away or given away, but I've taken a picture of a few and posted them around.


For content, last night I dreamed that that I was in my attic to repair a leak, and when I got up there I found the attic filled with the carcasses of dead dogs and cats. My neighbor came up behind me and explained that he had to start using my attic because his was full and his wife was complaining. It was ok though, because he was just holding them until his brother came into town with his tools so that he could fix them.

I don't think I'll draw that one.

These are awesome. I only drew one of my dreams once, and it was one where I had encountered a grumpy-looking man with a big mustache and a sombrero selling framed pictures of wagon wheels in a hotel lobby. I drew it in high school and it's nowhere near as cool as yours (and I'm also not sure where it is) so I won't post that.

sout
Apr 24, 2014

I don't often remember many dreams but last night me and some friends all were taken to prison for 4 years for attempting to steal a diamond. When we stepped off of the monorail, conducted by the World's Most Cheerful Man, we found a great feast of chicken wings and sausages and all sorts of fried crap waiting for us. My main concern was "God, I'm going to get really fat here."
I don't think my subconscious has a very good understanding of prison.

WITCHCRAFT
Aug 28, 2007

Berries That Burn
Just this week, I had a clear and vivid (but not lucid) dream. My mattress (just the matress, not frame & etc.) was in the middle of the driveway and I was sleeping there. Woke up because my next door neighbors had come out for a stroll and passed by me on the sidewalk. They were Amish and wore traditional Amish clothing. After rolling out of bed I realized all the cats got outside and I had to wrangle them up. The two cats I actually live with were there, as well as my parent/family's cat that died last year. We had him for 14 years, since I was in grade school. I knew he was my family's dead cat, but my dream-logic brain was just like "go on scoot 'em upstairs, they need to get inside" and I didn't think twice about it. After herding them into the apartment I went to the backyard. The whole thing was overgrown with tropical plants. A shallow pond took up most of the area. two more cats (none that I have ever seen IRL) were sitting in the water. It was just deep enough to reach their chins when they sat on the lakebed.

When I was little I dreamt that the freezer on the refrigerator was a doorway to an icy cavern where all the walls are made of 1/2 gallon icecream tubs stacked like bricks. Everything floated through the air as if gravity was really low. I met the cast of Rugrats and we swam/jumped around in the freezer cavern until I woke up. The freezer cave backdrop reminded me of the ice cave Donkey Kong levels. Link shows what' I am thinking of.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLVJ0U45xn4

I had recurring nightmares as a child that were based on Jurassic Park I would always be inside the house, and looking out a window could see packs of roaming velociraptors and other predatory dinos. It filled me with dread to see them circle the house and start coming inside. I would wake up with sweaty chills and a feeling that the dinosaurs were still inside the house IRL. Had a couple UFO dreams along the same lines. In the one that is still burned into my mind, the flying saucers were air-dropping things shaped like earth animals. After falling as empty floppy piles of skin, the fake animals "infalted" and began patrolling the backyard.

I also dreamed, post-college, that I failed my course work so bad that they rolled me back to middle school. It was the actual middle school I attended in the past, but my classes were in imaginary rooms that never existed. I was really embarrassed to be a grown-rear end adult sitting between all the age-appropriate middle school students. Eventually we all had to go to the gym for some schoolwide event. The hallway to the gym didn't correspond to the hallway in my real middle school (despite everything else being exactly the way I remember it). The halls had pale pink floor tiles and white walls. There were regularly spaced fire doors similar to this:



When I finally got to the gym, there was a WWII style navy ship planted halfway into the floorboards. Teachers were handing out spraypaint and everyone got to sign the ship; almost as if it were a yearbook or get well soon card. Before I could spray some graffiti onto the hull of the gymnasium battleship, I woke up.

Cygna
Mar 6, 2009

The ghost of a god is no man.
Linda from Bob's Burgers was looking after a stray cat she named Nacho. The cat ejaculated cheese, which Linda collected and used in her recipe for “cheesecake,” two halves of a regular cake with a ton of gooey orange cheese layered between them. Tina was a sexual predator and gave birth to a deformed child who was missing the bones from the front upper half of his torso, so that you could see the outlines of his heart, stomach, etc., pulsating under his skin.


WRT lucid dreaming, I've been attempting it and keeping a dream journal for nearly three years now. It's made my dream proxy more self-aware, but on most nights it just means they realize they can use a "save state" sort of mechanic to revisit earlier parts of the dream and change it to better suit them. So I get treated to the same story being told three or four times with slight variations and retcons, while I still have no actual input on what happens. Sometimes they try to take full control but it almost always results in dreaming that I/they've woken up and the dream becoming a mess of Inception bullshit. :rolleye:

RoeCocoa
Oct 23, 2010

Parasol Prophet posted:

Also, I have a question! Does anyone else sometimes have dreams where you're not actually in them, but... I guess it's sort of like watching a movie? I'm having more and more of those lately, it's pretty interesting actually. Sometimes I wind up taking the place of one of the characters, sometimes I just root for the 'protagonist' and then get disappointed when I wake up before finding out how it ends.

Most of my dreams that I can remember are like that, especially the part about taking the place of one of the characters. Sometimes it doesn't feel like playing a role; as long as the dream lasts, it's like I am another person with a different body and different memories.

1) There was a murderer in my house. I stood in his way and let him stab me so that my sister would have a chance to escape. I don't have a sister.

2) I was a camera man for The Crocodile Hunter, and then I was Steve Irwin. I was walking across the Outback with Terry and the production crew and we came across this old silver-bullet trailer with the door hanging open. There was a woman sitting against the wall inside, alive and alert despite the fact that a big chunk of her head was missing. I went in to see if I could help her, although I didn't know where to start. That's when the vomiting began. The injured woman horked up gallons and gallons of undigested noodles and chicken cacciatore, including the chicken bones. She just would not stop vomiting. There was more of it on the floor than she could possibly have had inside her. Some of it got into her head wound. The camera guys had run away, Terry was screaming at me to MAKE IT STOP and still the vomit kept on coming.

3) I was four people at once. We were not well-rounded characters, we stayed within sight of each other and we didn't really say or do anything, but I was seeing and thinking and feeling from four completely different perspectives at the same time. The four perspectives merged into one (which still wasn't me) before I woke up.

Then there was the time I fell asleep on the couch and dreamed that I woke up covered in live guinea pigs. I didn't question it; it was nice.

Owl Inspector
Sep 14, 2011

RoeCocoa posted:

Then there was the time I fell asleep on the couch and dreamed that I woke up covered in live guinea pigs. I didn't question it; it was nice.

I want this dream.

Rampant Dwickery
Nov 12, 2011

Comfy and cozy.
Last night's dreaming involved me being strapped to a dentist's chair. Bing Crosby, my dentist, crooned Richard Cheese style covers of Dio songs as he put black leather gloves (this seemed vitally important at the time) and fought my grandfather, chop-socky style, for the right to clean my teeth.

With fists.

I think I need to go see a dentist.

Squack McQuack
Nov 20, 2013

by Modern Video Games
I love naps because they're usually the only times I can remember my dreams.



"A bio/cyber Simpsons horror. A view of their living room. Homer's head liquefies out of the wall on a long skinny neck. He's checking on his kids. On the couch is a shape that keeps morphing between the outlines of the 3 kids, with a bubble around it. On the TV is an image or video of a rocky desert scene, similar to the Grand Canyon. In the top-right of the screen are the 3 kids, represented by a morphing distorted shape of their heads. The shape morphs into Bart's head and says, 'What a beautiful vista.' His voice is muted and hard to understand. Homer seems satisfied and disappears back into the wall."

Gatekeeper
Aug 3, 2003

He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.
I had a dream that my sister and I got to meet Drake on his tourbus but when we finally meet him, it turns out he's like full on Downs Syndrome retarded and his manager was like "please don't tell anyone, if this gets out he'll be ruined!" and my sister and I were just blown away that someone so retarded could have memorized all those lines on Degrassi.

princecoo
Sep 3, 2009
My most memorable dream:

I was in a department store, which backed onto a massive luxury hotel. Both were abandoned. It was night, and I was being hunted by 2 men with guns. I also had a gun. They wanted me dead, I don't know why.

After creeping around the abandoned department store, trying to avoid them, I tried to make a break for it but they saw me and shot me, twice in the torso. As I went down, I managed to shoot one in the chest and the other in the stomach, and we all dropped to the floor. As I lay writhing on the ground, I saw the stomach shot guy look over at me, so I shot him in the head. The other guy was dead already.

Then Burt Reynolds arrived and dragged me to the abandoned luxury hotel, in a room and patched me up.

Suddenly its several weeks later. I, and three other guys, have just arrived at a big shopping center/mall. Parked on the roof, we're going in with duffel bags full of weapons and equipment, because we're going to steal... something... from the security room at this mall. This is what we do, but I've never worked with these guys before. I've worked these types of jobs with Burt Reynolds, and he put me in touch with these guys, so they must be okay.

We go in, access the security room and lock it down, no problem. One of the guys goes into the far corner and starts messing about with an electrical box, and a wall opens up to a shallow little display area with more security monitors, a small armoury and a specially made case for the... thing... we have come to steal. It glows blue, and emits sparks. I don't know what it is.

To unlock the case, we need 2 unique keycards, swiped at the same time. Luckily, we "know a guy" who has supplied copies. The guys swipe.

The alarms go off. The other guys swear, and claim the guy we got the cards from has hosed us. I'm not so sure, security seems unusually high for a mall, and none of this makes sense. It's obviously something very secret, and very valuable.

Security guards start running down the hallway towards the office. I pull my shotgun out of my bag, loaded with beanbag rounds. I don't want to kill these guys, they're just mall cops, and this was supposed to be an in-out nobody gets hurt job anyway. The other guys pull out assault rifles and machineguns. I'm incredulous, what the gently caress are you guys doing? We can get out of here if we're smart, but we don't need to go lethal!

More guards come, armed with assault rifles themselves. We hold off the swarms in the office, but there are more and more arriving every second, and I'm running out of beanbags. I finally give up and grab an assault rifle and start firing. Now there is no escape, that hallway is the only way out and it's full of security. Everything is getting more and more intense, and I'm screaming and firing and one of the other guys I'm with goes down and someone tosses a grenade and one guy is still trying to unlock the case and everything is going to hell and...

I wake up.


To give you an idea of just how many cops/security there were at the end, it was like those Payday games. Just hundreds of cops, all firing at us in one hallway. It was ridiculous. I had this dream about 7 years ago now. I know it was 7 years ago because I had it just before I started dating my wife, and when I told her about it she very helpfully informed me that the two locations I got shot in the first part of the dream would have absolutely killed me; and if not, sure as poo poo wouldn't have been patched up by Burt Reynolds.

Cygna
Mar 6, 2009

The ghost of a god is no man.
Sometime around the weekend I had a dream that ended with me repeating "Werner Herzog" over and over again. Now the name's been stuck in my head for days and I don't know what to do with it. I watched that video of him being shot with a pellet gun a few weeks ago but aside from that, never even heard of the dude.

Cygna
Mar 6, 2009

The ghost of a god is no man.
The next season of Game of Thrones is going to start with Jaime Lannister being shrunk to a tiny size, de-aged, and captured in a bottle like a genie by a power-hungry wizard, and Robb Stark's older brother will change the uniform of Winterfell's army to a purple spandex bodysuit with a billowing red cape, causing dissent among the ranks.

SpudCat
Mar 12, 2012

I tend to have very vivid and memorable dreams, which sometimes is really great! Sometimes it's really horrible, and once or twice I've woken up feeling physically sick remembering what I saw or experienced in the dream.

Here's one of the most memorable dreams I've had, it was years ago but it still kinda weirds me out thinking about it. I call it,


Mr. Yellow

I was a lucky kid who had won some vague contest or such, and so got to be a contestant on a game show. The details of the show were unclear, I think it was some kind of kiddy Survivor where we all lived together and got eliminated and sent home one by one. There were a lot of kids at first, so many that we were split into two groups: the younger, preteens and below group, and a smaller group of teenagers- that was the one I was a part of.

I don't remember a lot of the adults running the show very well, I think there were cameramen and sort of "enforcer/referee" types to keep order. The one person I do remember vividly is the man in charge. He had very pale skin and long black hair pulled into a ponytail. He also wore all black. He smiled a lot. I don't know why we didn't find him creepy at first, but at the start of the show's "filming" everything seemed to be alright.

But soon we kids got the sense that something was wrong. I don't remember if we had to do "challenges" like in Survivor or whatever but I know kids would be eliminated and would leave, and we'd never see them again. As time passed, everything seemed more and more sinister- even the vague "complex" where we were staying seemed to get darker and creepier. Rumors started going around that the "camera crew" weren't actually filming us at all, just pretending to for some reason. Kids who asked to go home or talk to their parents just vanished. Eventually, most everyone was too scared to say or do anything out of line, even though we were sure that this was definitely not a legitimate enterprise.

A few of us teenagers decided to band together and figure out what was happening, and how to get out of here. But more and more kids vanished. Eventually, there were only three in the teenage group left- two girls including me, and one guy.

We had to meet in secret because we didn't want the people in charge to know we were conspiring. One night we met, and for some reason the other girl and I were on one side of a wall, talking to the boy through a big glass window. Suddenly the pale, black-haired man in charge of the operation was there next to the boy on the other side of the glass. We didn't know how he'd gotten there, but he was smiling and gently admonishing us for hiding. The boy was too terrified to move, and the man placed his hand on top of the boy's head... and the boy literally exploded from the top down.

That sounds stupid but it was loving terrifying in the dream. It was so incredibly vivid- I can remember the blur of gore and the sound and the impact of it hitting the glass, it was just an instant but to this day I think it is the most horrible thing I have ever dreamed.

Then the man was on our side of the glass, we were crying and scared and we knew he could kill us and there was nothing we could do. The man started talking, trying to be all calm and smiling still but he was obviously excited. He told us he'd done this whole thing before, catching a group of children and killing them one by one. He said the end of it was his favorite part, because once he didn't have to be secretive he could really go nuts- he wanted to see the walls of the complex "covered with blood".

He was focusing on the other girl, who was so terrified she couldn't do anything but sit there and cry. I started getting a little more clear-headed, thinking about how I could try and stop this guy. I remember he accidentally brushed against me and I recoiled in disgust, and when he looked at me I started blabbing my head off hoping he'd think I was just as much a wreck as the other girl. I noticed he had a bit of the boy's cartilage still stuck to his face, so I called him Mr. Yellow. He frowned but seemed to fall for the act, because he turned back to the girl.

The dream gets much more confused and vague at this point, I don't know how I got away from him but I did. I was going to try to fight him, I don't know if I succeeded because everything is a blur until I wake up.


Sorry for the :words: , that dream scared the poo poo out of me when I had it and parts of it are still really clear to this day.

bubblelubble
Feb 26, 2013

scribbled out the truth,
paying in naivety.
Last night, one of my best friends appeared in my dream and she had a penis and we tried to have sex.

I am a straight woman. I have never seen her in a sexual way. She doesn't have a penis. What the gently caress.

Elohssa Gib
Aug 30, 2006

Easily Amused
I rarely remember much of my dreams but a couple days ago I did have what could almost be considered my first nightmare in 25 years. I was getting ready to go to work but when I went outside I couldn't see correctly, I mean I could see but what I was seeing wasn't where I actually was. I didn't actually know this at the time just that something was wrong so I have my older sister drive me to work. Partway there I realize we're driving the wrong way and ask her about it but she's very evasive, kinda implying that she is taking me to work but not confirming or denying that the road I was seeing was where we were. I only realize for sure I'm seeing something different when we drive through a parking lot and a tree passes through the hood of the car. At this point I'm trying to get her to take me to the hospital to find out what's wrong with my eyes and call in sick to work at the same time. Unfortunately my sister is refusing to understand what I'm saying about what I'm seeing (dream knowledge meant I knew she was refusing on purpose and thought it was funny), I'm crying my eyes out and my phone will not call the store where I work. Then I woke up. It wasn't really scary as much as just distressing, but it is the closest to I nightmare that I've had in ages.

Pyrotoad
Oct 24, 2010


Illegal Hen
I've had a recurring dream since I was 10 that a volcano erupted in the center of town and everyone just continued on as normal but with lava everywhere. Like, you'd be stepping over lava to hand in your homework and people would be shoveling it off their driveways like snow. It happens maybe two or three times a year, less so as I got older and I haven't had it since last october. I also had a one off dream at college where I was walking down the streets early in the morning and was approached by two grey kids, like skin and all. One of them stabbed me in the neck with a syringe and the other ran away and I woke up as I blacked out in the dream. It wasn't scary, which was the weird part. I didn't feel like I'd just had a horrible nightmare at all.

Nerdietalk
Dec 23, 2014

Just last week I had a weird one.

It started off as one of those typical "oh no I'm late for class" sort of things but just as I was racing to school it shifted. Suddenly, my dad and I were sitting in these high school bleachers in a gym. In the basketball court was a strange play. According to the play bill, it was called "Fatherland". No, not that one. I think. It seemed some kind of bizarre 1950s Willy Wonka-esque utopia sort of plays. It was a candy wonderland full of children covered in blue paint. All these kids worshiped this Father character who was, of course, all sorts of holy and perfect and taught the children to be all sorts of holy and perfect. But it was 1950s standards of perfect so that meant they didn't question anything, obeyed all rules, and they were all white.

Around half-way through the act, all of a sudden this man in a black suit walked onto the set. He pulled "the Father" aside and said something or other about "debts piling up you have to pay" and "these orphans". It was the dramatic revelation that this wasn't a poorly-written utopia, it was just a crazy old man raising these kids in a delusional world so he can supposedly "make them more happy then they could be in the real world" but it seemed far more likely to me that he was just giving himself an ego boost. The Father swore off at the Banker character and forced him to leave. And then when the kids started asking too many questions, he told them to go take another shower. Which turned out to be dumping buckets of paint on them. Now they were all covered in purple paint instead. I was beginning to suspect from the frequent fourth wall breaks that this was more of a circus act of freaks who all thought this was real rather than actors.

Right about then, the kids enter the audience carrying donuts and wearing suits. The donuts seemed to act as "radars" for something by the way they were holding them. As they milled about the crowd, they asked some random passerby if they wanted to join the Fatherland. Thankfully, no one took them up on this offer. At this point, Dad turned to me and said "this is really weird and not well-written at all. You want to go?" I said "no, not yet" because I was sure this whole thing was gonna fall apart and "The Father" would be forced to face consequences for his actions. Then the kid closest to me starts shaking the donut rapidly before pressing it against my leg. With the biggest smile I've ever seen, he looked up at me and said "The donut attaches to whoever is destined to join us in the Fatherland!"

I turned to Dad and said "Well, time to get out of here." And then we ran for it as this kid stalked and chased after us. I woke up just as this kid slammed into the car window, still wearing that creepy smile as he pressed into the glass.

Nerdietalk has a new favorite as of 23:03 on Feb 11, 2015

BOOTY-ADE
Aug 30, 2006

BIG KOOL TELLIN' Y'ALL TO KEEP IT TIGHT

Penny Paper posted:

4) One where I'm eating a dinner of my own teeth at a fancy banquet hall.

This one reminded me of a dream I had when i was little - I walked into the bathroom at home to see my sister and one of her friends having a conversation, while my sister was eating bratwurst out of the bathtub. As in, there was a couple inches of water and bratwurst were just...floating there, and she'd nonchalantly pluck one out and eat it occasionally. Weird.

Another that freaked me out as a kid: Any time I'd go to the carnival with my parents I'd end up having a freaky dream about something there. One I recall vividly was being in one of those zero-gravity spinning rides that tilts upward, like this:



I remember in the dream the ride spun up super fast and the spot I was in somehow broke, so I was hanging on for dear life by the handles while my body was being pulled out of the ride. I somehow pulled myself back in when the ride slowed down, then woke up in a panic because I legit thought I was going to be flung across a carnival and die.

BOOTY-ADE has a new favorite as of 23:26 on Feb 11, 2015

Cat Hassler
Feb 7, 2006

Slippery Tilde
I had a dream last night that Brother Theodore was giving me a haircut. At the end he was scraping hairs off the bridge of my nose with a razor blade.

You might remember him from the movie "The Burbs" but if not he used to be a guest on Letterman regularly in the 80s:

http://youtu.be/W7vW5NiIxxg


Cat Hassler has a new favorite as of 07:51 on Feb 22, 2015

The Sausages
Sep 30, 2012

What do you want to do? Who do you want to be?
When I was 5 or 6 I dreamt that I got to take the Emu home from kindergarten to look after it overnight. (In reality, kindergarten had a budgie and kids would take turns looking after it for a day.) Everyone in my family hated and abused the emu except for me - someone opened the cage so the emu would run away, and it did, so I went looking for it, worried that it was scared. Dad's car was parked on the front lawn , so I looked underneath it. The emu was waiting there for me, big red eyes full of hatred for all of humanity, and it killed me with a single emu peck to the face. What the gently caress. :cry:

When my brother moved out I moved into his bedroom, because it was further away from my parent's bedroom. Then, I'd get recurring nightmares about the farmhouse my mother grew up in (we'd holiday there as children so it was no big deal), and an indescribably evil force would do wierd poo poo. I'd get chased out of the house and driven down past the dam, to the road, and die. Great. One day I mentioned these dreams to my brother and he couldn't believe it because he'd have the same dreams. Eventually one time in this dream scenario instead of running away from the evil force I went "gently caress it, let's do this", and went into the room where it was emanating from, to find a terrified aboriginal girl there. It was coming from her, but she herself wasn't evil, it's hard to explain. I told her everything will be ok, that there's nothing to be afraid of anymore. I've not had those dreams since. Later on I found out that my mother had an aboriginal friend when she was a girl that was taken away for god knows what reason, mum's not good at talking about things like that so I don't pressure for details. The dam in the dream apparently used to really be there - it no longer exists in real life. What the gently caress. :tinfoil:



For a more recent one, about a year ago I dreamt I was Buffalo Bill :(

Except as a child molester/killer instead of a fat chick skinner. :stonk:

Happy ending - I set my last two adorable victims free and shot myself in the head once I heard the police sirens coming for me. :suicide:

I coped surprisingly well upon awakening. What the gently caress. :cry:


Personally I prefer the dream I had when I was 6 or so, where myself and my teddy bear :3: captained a flying pirate ship across the universe and we had awesome adventures that would be a cool story if I could loving remember them. Not everything is loving horrible.

princecoo
Sep 3, 2009
I remember a fever dream I had when I was about 7 or so. I was falling down a void full of spiralling fractals and transformers (like from the cartoon).

That was it. Scared the poo poo out of me.

Stringbean
Aug 6, 2010
As a kid I had a nightmare about 3 times a week for about 2 months. At the time I use to watch Muppet Babies - it was a Halloween episode or something and they had shown a short clip from a very old black and white film that showed a man being chased by a boogie man." (Whom looked like a KKK member for some reason). Queue my nightmare of me being chased by that particular ghost around my house. He eventually catches up to me and pins me to the floor, the fabric of his hood under the empty eye sockets tears open to reveal a maw of sharp needle like teeth and a void that went on forever. :stonk:

acejackson42
Mar 27, 2005

You didn't say what I think you said...
In the hospital, running a heavy IV of morphine and prednisone. Haven't really slept in a week. Finally fall asleep.

And I'm promptly yanked out of my bed, through the roof, the atmosphere and the known universe into a realm surrounded by a number of clustered bubble-like structures, in numbers beyond calculation. A presence starts saying something and I snap awake. Heart pounding, sweating, I realize I hadn't slept more than a few minutes.

Fall asleep again and the same thing happens, only faster and with far more ease. The presence starts to speak and tells me 'don't think; you are the architect of your reality...' and I wake up again.

Fall asleep and I wake up in bubble-area and the presence starts talking to me again and much of it I can't remember. Only he rolls his eyes once and I wake up again.

Fall asleep and I wake up in the bubble area and the presence tells me each of these bubbles are a reality. The clusters are people who have found themselves and can create their own reality. Each reality is a bubble and the clusters of bubbles - some are massive - are people who are in control of their reality completely and can drop in and out at will. A new bubble is formed each time. The key to control is to never, ever think about reality... and I snap awake and again. Only a few minutes have passed even though it felt like hours.

Fall asleep and I wake up in the bubble area and realize there are infinite single ones among the clusters and the presence tells me this is my last chance to do it... and I wake up in the hospital to a nurse beginning to take my blood. Five hours later.

That's it. And I remember parts of it like it was real. It was a feeling that nothing can explain. I've never seen anything like it in my life and never felt anything remotely close to it. Sounds Matrix-y, I know, but it was so far beyond that as to defy comprehension.

Huge amounts of narcotics and psyche-warping anti-inflammatories revealed all existence to me and I couldn't make use of it because I thought.

Is life.

SmokaDustbowl
Feb 12, 2001

by vyelkin
Fun Shoe
I have the most terrible nightmares about rabies

Cygna
Mar 6, 2009

The ghost of a god is no man.
David Tennant was some kind of mermaid who lived under a rock and kidnapped children, I think.

acejackson42 posted:

Fall asleep and I wake up in the bubble area and the presence tells me each of these bubbles are a reality. The clusters are people who have found themselves and can create their own reality. Each reality is a bubble and the clusters of bubbles - some are massive - are people who are in control of their reality completely and can drop in and out at will. A new bubble is formed each time. The key to control is to never, ever think about reality... and I snap awake and again.

Looks like someone almost achieved CHIM!

Rollersnake
May 9, 2005

Please, please don't let me end up in a threesome with the lunch lady and a gay pirate. That would hit a little too close to home.
Unlockable Ben
A clean-shaven Frank Zappa is hosting a cooking show, obviously against his will.

"Welcome to the show. Tonight I'm gonna learn how to make stuff from the official Frank Zappa cookbook," he begins.

His co-host, Ina Garten, enters with this multi-level handheld shelving unit that is shaped like a large kettle bell. Each shelf is crammed full of vegetables and plastic containers full of pasta and what are either matzo balls or balls of fresh mozzarella.

"We're going to start off today with one of my personal favorites, minestrone soup..." He turns around, sees the shelf, and starts cracking up. "What the hell is THAT?"

A conversation follows in which Ina earnestly describes everything on the shelf while Zappa mocks her while playing up his ignorance regarding various vegetables. There are also some collard greens on the counter that had possibly been sitting there a long time, which she tells him not to use due to the risk of salmonella. Zappa criticizes her for buying "$65 worth of produce," which I note must have seemed even more absurd back in the '80s.

Cut to a Bruce Bickford stop-motion interlude in which Zappa butters corn on the cob, covers it in a layer of dough, butters it again, covers it in another layer of dough, and sets it on a cutting board. It then breaks apart and forms the text "CHUNGA'S REVENGE" in bubble letters.

nerdman42 posted:

Fatherland

I totally love this and feel like it should be a short film.

Rollersnake has a new favorite as of 04:16 on Feb 26, 2015

ColonelKlink
Apr 17, 2002

I've had a bunch of dreams where it got to see my dad again, talk to him and give him a hug. He passed away in November of pancreatic cancer. He even had angel wings in one dream (I'm not very religious). A week or so after he passed away I even clearly heard his voice say that he was watching over my mom while she slept, in that half-awake still-dreaming period just before I woke up. They range from everything being fine, to knowing he is sick and i knew I would lose him soon, to a dream where I was bawling when I saw him.

Aside from that I usually dream that I'm living in the house I spent my childhood in, or I'm in an elevator the size of a room, or I'm at work dealing with a customer.

Growing up I dreamt about unseen ghosts or people horrifically shreiking at me when I stared at them, or I went to my home and someone else lived there. Nowadays my dreams are pretty tame, but I do dream every night, and occasionally when I nap on my lunch breaks.

Edit: I can't read anything in my dreams, it's all gibberish. Which I learned is normal from that one episode of Batman: The Animated Series.

Cygna
Mar 6, 2009

The ghost of a god is no man.

ColonelKlink posted:

Edit: I can't read anything in my dreams, it's all gibberish. Which I learned is normal from that one episode of Batman: The Animated Series.

I'd always heard it was impossible to read inside of a dream, but I've had several instances where I was able to "read" in real time: the inscription of a statue in a park, a pamphlet from Cochrane from Star Trek that laid out how aliens or future people recorded dates (though that may have just been numbers and symbols, no letters), and the username of an old online friend. In the last case I was even able to figure out that it was a dream because it kept changing to different, but clearly readable things.

MisterBibs
Jul 17, 2010

dolla dolla
bill y'all
Fun Shoe
I've always been able to read in my dreams...

Eh! Frank
Mar 28, 2006

Doctor gave me these, I said what are these?
He said that they'll cure an existential type disease

MisterBibs posted:

I've always been able to read in my dreams...

In regular dreams, I'm usually able to read just fine, but if I try to read something in a lucid dream, it's just a string of random words.

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Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
After spending January breaking 1phone/week I can't stop having dreams where my phone screen is broke.

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