Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
metasynthetic
Dec 2, 2005

in one moment, Earth

in the next, Heaven

Megamarm
both

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Unbelievably Fat Man
Jun 1, 2000

Innocent people. I could never hurt innocent people.


OP you should have put children saying nursery rhymes in every synopsis.

Automatic Slim
Jul 1, 2007

Hector Beerlioz posted:

Mel was the companion he deserved.

Nigmaetcetera
Nov 17, 2004

borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins
Have they done anything about sinister garden gnomes in their stupidly long history? That seems like something they would do.

Joust
Dec 7, 2007

No Ledges.
WOW: The Doctor refuses to believe it, he is incredibly popular! People are tweeting about him and writing about him on facebook. People are texting each other and ringing each other up to talk about The Doctor. "What's the deal with The Doctor?" asks everyone. Morning show hosts are talking to people who have even merely glimpsed The Doctor. He's incredible interesting and the Mayor is holding the key to the city just hoping he'll run into The Doctor.

Horniest Manticore
Nov 23, 2013

Hello, you!
Lipstick Apathy
op puts the tard in tardis

CelticPredator
Oct 11, 2013
🍀👽🆚🪖🏋

TARDUS: Doctor Who and Lady both succumb to a horrible disease which eats their brain cells until they become drooling pooping babies.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Unbelievably Fat Man posted:

OP you should have put children saying nursery rhymes in every synopsis.

"Itsy Bitsy" In present day (2013) London, a man is taking a poo in a public stall. He's reading a newspaper with the headline "London Mayor inaugurates new sewer system." The man is startled by a rubber spider with a goofy face. A couple of snickering hoodlums is dangling it over the top of the door. He shoos them away by shouting "Oi, you kids!"
A few minutes later, the man is disturbed by a creepy scraping sound. He think it's the kids again and goes "Oi!" But it turns out to be a giant spider that rips the stall door off its hinges and devours the man. The rest of the episode is The Doctor and Clara bumbling around while the death toll mounts. The nursery rhyme "the Itsy Bitsy Spider" is chanted creepily by children at periodic points in the episode. In the last five minutes of the episode, The Doctor realizes that a creature that big could only get around without being seen by using London's newly expanded sewer system. He flushes the spider out of the sewers by opening a big valve, quipping "down came the rain and washed the spider out." Once in sunlight, the spider burns to cinders for no apparent reason except that it's peripherally related to the nursery line "out came the sun." Six people are dead.


FordPRefectLL posted:

Cats, Cats, Cats

Victorian London is being overrun by cats. The Doctor, Clara, the lesbian lizard couple and the Sontarran have to find out the source of this trouble before more people disappear (they are taken away by cats). It turns out the mischief is being caused by a "Queen Cat" which is a giant cat that controls lesser cats "just like a queen bee." The cats are building a cat hive out of hairballs and sticking people to it in hairball cocoons. The doctor breaks the Queen Cat's control by having the Sontarran hijack a truckload of cream and drive it out past the city limits. Lots of laughs as the stuffy warrior is licked by cute kittens. The queen cat is spayed, destroying her powers forever.

Caffeine Freaks: In a present day London office building, contaminated coffee transforms the workers into a special kind of vampire that craves coffee and particularly targets people with caffeine rich blood. The building is also controlled by a new computerized security system that really only exists to be an obstacle for the characters. In the end it turns out the coffee was contaminated by a virus released when tropical rainforest was chopped down to make room for coffee fields. The doctor cures the virus but cautions that only organic coffee is safe to drink.

Das Boo
Jun 9, 2011

There was a GHOST here.
It's gone now.
Doctor Who goes to work for the World Health Organization and everybody spends the entire episode really confused.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme
Dr. Who is to the UK as the Simpsons are to the USA


makes you think

Dongattack
Dec 20, 2006

by Cyrano4747

Kikka posted:

YO i will kill anyone who badmouths colin baker. just a warning

he looks like a potato in the face

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

The doctor come out of the tardis.
He see a dalek!
He shoot a time-stop at the dalek and then he re wire it so it goes for the doctor.
Soon other dalek come and the doctor run and fight and the good dalek fights the bad daleks and dies!!

The doctor go sad and hug a lady then laugh because he's the doctor and off into space!!

Padical
Nov 29, 2004
The Tennant Commandments

The Doctor and Clara go to some place in space. Once there, they find a group of amoral rag-tag explorers who are trying to mine the doctor for a future commodity of some sort. A mysterious force of space, old and forgotten, makes its way onto the space station or whatever and kills the rag-tag group off one by one. Somehow, an old "friend" comes back to the show and yells a bunch about how humans always want to destroy beautiful things in order to make a quick buck. Clara cries near the end of the episode, and so does David Tennant.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Kikka posted:

Peter Moffat and the Deadly Women

Rich and handsome screenwriter Peter Moffat (played by Pierce Brosnan) is enjoying the company of several beautiful women. Then one of the women opens her mouth too wide and blue light comes out of the back of her throat. Peter Moffat's scream is cut off by the opening titles.
The Doctor and Clara show up to visit present day London because Clara has been mooning over Mr. Moffat's glamor shots and The Doctor thinks she will get over her obsession if she meets the real man. When they show up at his posh flat, they are greeted by Moffat who seems just a bit... off. He uses odd phrases and moves in jerky, robot like motions. He also makes audible "servo" noises when he moves. When he opens his mouth too wide and blue light starts shooting out the Doctor knows something is up and shuts the android down with his sonic screwdriver.
It turns out Moffat was kidnapped Misery style by a race of aliens who want him to write the ultimate Sherlock script. Doctor Who is able to give the aliens a change of heart by giving them a stirring lecture about respecting Moffat's genius and artistic vision.
Clara realizes only after they leave that she forgot to get Moffat's autograph.

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

Jumpin' Joe has left and gone away

The Dr. and Amy are heroin addicts desperately combing through unending racks of records at a vinyl shop at the end of the universe.
No mention of their characters or history is mentioned during the episode, which is filmed in a california records store with over saturated sunlight streaming in through the giant, dirty front windows of the shop. Both are out of character, wearing outfits reminiscent of Jules and Vincent's 'After..' outfits in Pulp fiction.
In the end, frantic glances at each other ensue as they realize they'll never find the 10,000 maniacs album they've been searching for.

Dicere
Oct 31, 2005
Non plaudite modo pecuniam jacite.

OP has an uncanny knack for writing totally plausible episodes of this disappointingly over-the-hill sci-fi show. I'll give it a try.

He's Everywhere You Want to Be: Hostile aliens who feed on anxiety electronically counterfeit money and pump it into advertising. Clara is instantly hypnotized and wants to buy shoes. Also she thinks she's fat. The Doctor locks her in the TARDIS with a fake shell of the Amazon.co.uk website. Meanwhile Torchwood and the Doctor team up to find the aliens, but the Torchwood people just act stupid an militaristic and don't do much except call the somewhat attractive older women in charge "Mum" a lot. The Doctor finally finds the aliens. The Doctor gets the idea to reverse engineer the subliminal messages in the commercials, and Clara intuits a simple way to enhance the effectiveness 300% (more boobs). Using the hacking skills of a plucky TV control room technician, the Doctor hacks all of the satellites and markets his own self-help and personal affirmation series absolutely free. All of the positive energy destroys the hostile aliens. The counterfeit money pumped into the economy vanishes and Britain enters another recession.

Joust
Dec 7, 2007

No Ledges.
Freedom: In a very special animated episode, The Doctor discovers that the Head of Finance at the BBC has been replaced by a complainobot, a tyrannical machine-man who stockpiles all the money he can and drinks urine to survive. Can the Doctor overcome this Heartless piss-breath villain before he sucks the fun out of everything?

Nathilus
Apr 4, 2002

I alone can see through the media bias.

I'm also stupid on a scale that can only be measured in Reddits.
That recent one where the doctor and sidekick wake up an ancient hungry star then he talks it back down to sleep again was pretty good. they could just do that again, with a better sidekick?

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Dicere posted:

Hostile aliens who feed on anxiety

Whenever the show does this, it makes me wonder what possible chain of evolution could leat to a creature that metabolizes emotions instead of normal food. What did these creatures feed on in their natural habitat?

Dicere posted:

The counterfeit money pumped into the economy vanishes and Britain enters another recession.

Nice touch working in a side effect with widespread negative consequences.

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler
the show is permanently cancelled and is replaced with hours of Dr Who fans crying

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

gnarlyhotep posted:

the show is permanently cancelled and is replaced with hours of Dr Who fans crying

id watch the gently caress out that

Cosmik Slop
Oct 9, 2007

What's a hole doing in my TARDIS?


The Play's the Thing: David Tennant decides to do some Serious and Intense acting, and so makes that weird hysterical grimace where it looks like he's got his penis stuck in a wood-chipper

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler
if they insist on still making this terrible show they need to AT LEAST put some Snoop and Dre into the soundtrack

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

gnarlyhotep posted:

if they insist on still making this terrible show they need to AT LEAST put some Snoop and Dre into the soundtrack

there's miley cyrus look alike porn now

its pretty good

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler

Top City Homo posted:

there's miley cyrus look alike porn now

its pretty good

finally somebody noticed my sig! :D

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Toil and Trouble: While visiting a planet of misty moors, The Doctor and Clara encounter a trio of witches who deliver a dire prophecy: The Doctor is to become king of England but only after causing the death of the old king. The doctor leaves immediately to warn the king. Returning to earth, the Doctor accidentally lands the TARDIS right on top of King William III, crushing him. The Doctor is proclaimed the new king by a grateful people. Clara thinks something is amiss but her investigations are hampered by an empty suit of armor that moves on its own. It turns out the real King William III was being held captive by an evil clone puppet controlled by the witches, who were trying to frame The Doctor for their upcoming coup in an extremely convoluted scheme. The Doctor finds the real King and restores him to the throne.

As Fast As You Can: In present day Scotland, a woman baking gingerbread men is horrified when the gingerbread men come to life and attack her! Baked goods start attacking people all over town and the Doctor traces the trouble to a new brand of dough. They travel to the dough factory only to find it seemingly abandoned. They force entry but their snooping is interrupted by a giant gingerbread man with a creepy smiling face who chops at them with loud "whoosh" sound effects and also breaks a metal pipe to show he's really strong. The Doctor and Clara discover the "dough" is actually the excretion of a bulbous fat alien that resembles the xenomorph queen from Aliens crossed with the Pillsbury Dough Boy. The doctor defeats it by feeding it vinegar so it explodes like a science fair volcano. Meanwhile at least eight people are dead including the sweet old grandma from the beginning.

chaosbreather
Dec 9, 2001

Wry and wise,
but also very sexual.

Dalek Newton: Daleks kidnap Isaac Newton to turn him into a spokesman for the Dalek invasion. Clara has to convince the famous non-existant apple to fall because it doesn't want to obey gravity, to inspire Dalek Newton to not be a Dalek any more. The Doctor spends the entire episode looking at the camera saying 'THIS EPISODE OF THIS TELEVISION PROGRAMME MAKES NO SENSE AND THIS DALEK LOOKS REALLY DUMB' and smiling, which makes it okay that the plot doesn't make any kind of sense because he's hanging a lantern on it. Clara glances at Newtons laws and realises that since every action has an equal and opposite reaction she could instead move the earth to meet the apple, which the doctor can easily do with his sonic screwdriver. But the Earth doesn't want to move because its alive too because all humanity is precious and fairies are real so they convince it with the heart of the tardis and the sonic screwdriver. But the force of the earth moving is causing people to turn into zombies but that's ok because the doctor made people not zombies with his sonic screwdriver and psychic paper. The daleks give up the invasion of earth because a child's love and terror and fairies are real, but not before they deliver the doctor a cryptic warning, which he instantly deciphers with his sonic screwdriver.

Disco Pope
Dec 6, 2004

Top Class!
People get that the British women in authority get called "ma'am" and not "Mum", right? I get that they say it weird, but "Mum"? For fucks sake.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

gnarlyhotep posted:

finally somebody noticed my sig! :D

yeah man you gotta turn those sigs on

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

Applewhite posted:

Toil and Trouble: While visiting a planet of misty moors, The Doctor and Clara encounter a trio of witches who deliver a dire prophecy: The Doctor is to become king of England but only after causing the death of the old king. The doctor leaves immediately to warn the king. Returning to earth, the Doctor accidentally lands the TARDIS right on top of King William III, crushing him. The Doctor is proclaimed the new king by a grateful people. Clara thinks something is amiss but her investigations are hampered by an empty suit of armor that moves on its own. It turns out the real King William III was being held captive by an evil clone puppet controlled by the witches, who were trying to frame The Doctor for their upcoming coup in an extremely convoluted scheme. The Doctor finds the real King and restores him to the throne.


thats a real episode but it has to do with queen Elizabeth you hack

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Top City Homo posted:

thats a real episode but it has to do with queen Elizabeth you hack

That one had werewolves or something.

Top City Homo
Oct 15, 2014


Ramrod XTreme

Applewhite posted:

That one had werewolves or something.

no it had to do with those time portals and gay metal men and a shapeshifting rear end in a top hat who kidnaps queen elizabeth and then two queen elizabeths fight it out and there is an old dr. who and an young dr. who and a button to destroy his idiotic home world


christ i cant believe i am remembering all this crap

Automatic Slim
Jul 1, 2007

Dr. Who Peter Capaldi regenerates into Dr. Who Idris Elba. Production moves from soggy Great Britain to the gritty streets of Baltimore.
First person to let the words "timey-wimey" slip out of their mouths gets a beat down.

Big Bowie Bonanza
Dec 30, 2007

please tell me where i can date this cute boy
idris elba regenerates into dwayne johnson

Dicere
Oct 31, 2005
Non plaudite modo pecuniam jacite.

Disco Pope posted:

People get that the British women in authority get called "ma'am" and not "Mum", right?

I sure didn't. How can they be the ones who get the word aluminium right but turn around and gently caress a softball like ma'am up so royally?

Morn
Aug 29, 2012
¿


The TARDIS materializes on d'ghiuc, a desolate planet rendered lifeless by the daleks three thousand years ago. Clara insists the Doctor explore the ruins of the former cities after seeing someone watching them. Soon the two are separated as an earthquake topples one of the ruinous walls, killing Clara. The Doctor realizes he must head to the former seat of d'ghiuc's monarchy to retrieve a mysterious box. The Doctor questions his own sanity as former companions appear insisting that he not open the box under any circumstances. The Doctor argues with them and insists that he must. On touching the box the Doctor finds himself back in the TARDIS in 1973 Britain. This time only one companion remains and behaves as if talking to the third doctor, whom the Doctor is now dressed as. Months pass and the Doctor is convinced he was delirious and accepted he really is the third Doctor after all. Until the Master shows up and begins laughing at the Doctor, then pitying him, tells the Doctor that the only solution is in Pandora's box. The Master then lunges to the control panel and jams a device into which causes the TARDIS to self destruct.

The Doctor finds himself back on d'ghiuc, but he is now in a ruined restaurant and Clara [whom the Doctor is staring at in amazement] is taunting the Doctor that she can't die. She begins to make insulting comments, cutting into the Doctor's deepest fears and regrets. She grabs a knife off the kitchen floor and attempts to stab the Doctor, managing to wound him. The Doctor sinks to the floor, and puzzled, asks Clara why she tried to kill him. Clara begins to laugh and says he is so stupid!

The Doctor awakes outside Rose's room and ponders his sudden change of location once again. Rose barges out of her room and confronts him. The Doctor looks stunned and then sinks to his knees. Rose rushes to his side and moves the Doctor's coat back revealing blood. Visibly shaken, Rose runs to get something to bandage him and tries to call for an ambulance. She rushes back to the Doctor when an Auton bursts through the wall and fatally injures Rose, who crashes to the ground only feet from the Doctor. In great pain, she smiles and says she is sorry she had to die for his stupidity.

The Doctor is suddenly in 1916 during the Somme battle. He watches a British soldier dying of wounds, and realizes that his are worse than before. The soldier notices him and weakly points to a wallet which lay near the mortally wounded soldier; presumably his. The Doctor realizes that the man, although dying, wants to see a photo of his family. The Doctor takes pity and takes the wallet in hand. A German soldier shoots the Doctor. The Doctor uses the last of his strength to open the wallet for the now dead British soldier. The Doctor looks at the photo and realizes that it is a photo of HIS family; all that he ever loved, his companions. The German soldier starts laughing, taunting the Doctor. The Doctor, angered, grabs the British soldier's rifle and opens the bolt to load a round.

He is back on d'ghiuc, the box in his hand open. Clara runs up to the Doctor and asks him what is wrong. He says nothing but Pandora's box and they leave. The Doctor realized that everything that happened was the result of a weapon the d'ghiucians deployed to render their enemies senseless, and that everything that had happened was either in his mind, or badly distorted reality. The companions he saw were reflections of himself, resigned to the fact that he could not fight his way back to full consciousness and open the box which deactivated the weapon. The Doctor resolves to carry a mirror and many signed photos of himself to remind him of how self centered he is.

Okay, that was more than a synopsis, but what the hell.


£ + $
The Cybermen have set themselves up as the Galaxy's biggest bankers, but when the Doctor goes broke following a bout of liuwx fever and a night in the pleasure center of snorrp, he finds himself without a TARDIS after it is foreclosed upon. Will he ever get out of debt? Or get the TARDIS back? His love Ewrork awaits his return in part 2's 'Consumation of a Time Lord'.

Morn fucked around with this message at 06:59 on Nov 20, 2014

Senior Management
Jul 3, 2011



The Doctor acquires the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia cast as companions. They then get into all sorts of wacky trouble in space cities. Danny DeVito is very lecherous.

Harime Nui
Apr 15, 2008

The New Insincerity
The Timey Wimey Wotchercallsits - don't really have a story thought up but isn't this a hilariously cheeky and cute title??

Hector Beerlioz
Jun 16, 2010

aw, hec

Vynar posted:

The Doctor acquires the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia cast as companions. They then get into all sorts of wacky trouble in space cities. Danny DeVito is very lecherous.

At last, a good idea!

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

metasynthetic
Dec 2, 2005

in one moment, Earth

in the next, Heaven

Megamarm

Vynar posted:

The Doctor acquires the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia cast as companions. They then get into all sorts of wacky trouble in space cities. Danny DeVito is very lecherous.

i would pay so much money to see this

zero irony, like probably at least 20 dollars for a couple episodes

  • Locked thread