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Applewhite posted:Regex: A talking skull called "the Regex" shows up in present day Woonsocket, RI and starts spouiting nonsense, but people find the crypic babble to be strangely hypnotic. When The Doctor and Clara visit the town because Clara needs to stop by the CVS for tampons (The Doctor: "why stop at any old CVS when you could stop at CVS headquarters!") they discover the townsfolk are all shuffling about in a daze, worshipping the skull with cult-like fervor. After a narrow escape, the Doctor reports the Regex to the Shadow Proclamation and the Judoon swing by to pick it up. The Regex is banned from Earth forever. I cannot wait until these are filmed!
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# ? Nov 20, 2014 22:13 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 12:50 |
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Morn posted:I cannot wait until these are filmed! Let the series run long enough and eventually these will become real episodes.
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# ? Nov 20, 2014 22:18 |
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Doctor Phoo Doctor Who breaks the 4th wall and realizes nobody but sweaty, disgusting nerds watch his show and finally gives everyone what they want: 50 minutes of David Tennant on the receiving end of brutal, hardcore anal action.
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# ? Nov 20, 2014 22:21 |
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DOctor Who fucks all his old regenerations
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# ? Nov 20, 2014 22:32 |
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Applewhite posted:The Final Death of the Daleks: The Daleks realize that even The Doctor can't be everywhere/when at once, so they concoct a scheme whereby they invade Earth at all points in time; past, present, and future, simultaneously. There is a quick montage of scenes where all The Doctor's friends across history, the lizard lady, Van Gogh, various queens, Churchill, and Donna's family look up at the sky as Dalek warships arrive overhead to blot out the sun. Things look bad for a while, but The Doctor is eventually able to find the paradox engine that is keeping the invasion stable and reverse it, thereby turning the very existence of Daleks into a paradox, causing them to be destroyed throughout all time and space, explicitly including ones hidden in pocket dimensions, space paintings, refractory crystals, "null zones," prehistoric retroviruses and "anywhere else they might be hiding that hasn't been named." The Doctor says "It's over, the Daleks have finally been destroyed and they're never coming back forever." The closing credits stinger is a scanned .PDF of a notarized document signed by the president of the BBC stating that the Daleks have really been permanently destroyed. lol
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# ? Nov 20, 2014 22:33 |
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3 part episode: Better Than At First Blush 1, 2, & 3 The doctor and some broad sit down to watch "Last Action Hero" and decide that it was kind of funny, not great, but certainly not as terrible as the reviews were.
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# ? Nov 20, 2014 22:42 |
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Final Revenge of the Daleks Doctor Who cracks open a Dalek and sucks its shrivelled little penis till it cums all over his face
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# ? Nov 20, 2014 22:44 |
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monkey posted:doctor who parks the tardis inside the tardis but 30 minutes into the future and confronts his past self from 30 minutes ago. they both agree that one of them should blow the other but argue about who should be the bitch for half an hour until the third one turns up and they spitroast him. i saw that fanfic Inevitable posted:DOctor Who fucks all his old regenerations that one too
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 00:57 |
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Applewhite's posting is v. good itt. The synopses basically read like actual Doctor Who episodes (and in fact have more potential than some of the real ones), but are ridiculous enough that they highlight the show's creative bankruptcy. This is my analysis of another poster's posting in a parody thread. 5
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:00 |
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Applewhite posted:"Itsy Bitsy" In present day (2013) London, a man is taking a poo in a public stall. He's reading a newspaper with the headline "London Mayor inaugurates new sewer system." The man is startled by a rubber spider with a goofy face. A couple of snickering hoodlums is dangling it over the top of the door. He shoos them away by shouting "Oi, you kids!" lol
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:03 |
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Pillow Clerk posted:Applewhite's posting is v. good itt. The synopses basically read like actual Doctor Who episodes (and in fact have more potential than some of the real ones), but are ridiculous enough that they highlight the show's creative bankruptcy. Agreed. Applewhite has got it down, but does it only in way true fan could. Only someone who loves this show could mock it so accurately.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:07 |
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RAPE OF THE CYBERMAN: Doctor Who rapes a Cyberman.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:08 |
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Cyber of the Cyberman: Doctor Who cybers a Cyberman
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:23 |
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Ok, fess up. You used to write Dr Who episodes, didn't you, Applewhite?
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:27 |
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Buck Turgidson posted:Ok, fess up. You used to write Dr Who episodes, didn't you, Applewhite? They turned down my audition because my ideas weren't "out there" enough for Who.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:34 |
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To the Moon!: Dr Who and his assistant discover an ancient, abandoned cybermen base on the moon - but after entering they discover it is loaded with booby traps and they can't get out until they make it to the control room and shut everything down. Luckily they brought along a dozen dark skinned assistants to carry their luggage around. One by one the darkies are sent into certain death to trip a booby trap and make the way safe for the heroes. Eventually they make it to the control room after using up their last 'assistant'. As the Dr and his companion leave she complains in a whiny voice 'now who will carry my luggage?' - to which the doctor tilts his head and says in an exasperated manner 'women!'
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 03:52 |
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The Ennui Stratagem The Doctor regenerates into a moody frenchman, parks his TARDIS outside Parisian Cafe, and smokes cigarettes all day in an existential funk. Even though Clara, UNIT, and alien allies all entreat him for help in the crisis of the week, the Doctor refuses to do anything but spout occasional misanthropic, melancholic ramblings between drags of cigarettes in minutes long scenes that are otherwise bereft of any kind of action or plot. Occasionally intercut in black and white are arty soliloquies of a Dalek carrying on about the ephemeral futility of empty bourgeois existence. This episode will be 184 minutes long. Doctor Who Anime I would've suggested something inspired by Japanese Anime, but that's been done. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZKKs2mVM08
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 04:09 |
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Vox Populi One of the Doctor's companions finally calls him on brown-nosing about 'the decency of common people' but only ever hanging out with famous dudes, and he has to take the most obnoxious person he can find along on his next adventure. Just get the guy who played Lister on Red Dwarf and leach off of an actually good show.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 04:57 |
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some dumb poo poo happens in the past But it turns out the dumb poo poo is actually aliens pretending to do dumb poo poo.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 05:01 |
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K-Nein The Doctor likes to brag about not using guns and weapons but his wits to defeat his foes, but he's never reluctant to order K-9 to use his laser tongue gun on hostiles. When K-9 reminds the Doctor of this fact one too many times, it's time to give K-9 another memory wipe ("data spaying"). This solves the problem until the next season/series.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 06:08 |
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REVENGE OF THE CYBERMAN- Cyberman rapes Doctor Who. Then Doctor Who goes back in time and rapes the cyberman while the cyberman is raping him. Soon all of time and space is filled with a daisychain of Doctor-Cyberman rape.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 06:24 |
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Have some more for Applewhite: "Awaken" "Cave of death" "Tyrannis" "Exsanguiation" "Clouds of Time"
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 07:25 |
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The Beachcombers A whole series of Dr. Who is made up of old re-dubbed episodes of the Beachcombers. All mentions of Relic are changed to "the Doctor" and logs are referred to as Daleks. Nothing else is changed. It is the highest rated season of Dr Who in the show's history. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXfuLuEln-k - for those who don't know about the Beachcombers. You sad shits.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 07:27 |
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Jesters of Fate
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 07:31 |
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bendyman
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 07:51 |
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These are too much fun to write. Who Will Rid Me of this Bishop: The Doctor gets a note from Torchwood. Because the Doctor has saved humanity in several flashy, high-profile ways a group has become openly dedicated to gathering video evidence of the Doctor's existence and his involvement in Earth's affairs. It is a religious movement led by a charismatic leader who insists that the Doctor is a guardian angel of the planet and an intercessor between Man and God. Clara notes that the group is small and hasn't harmed anyone, but their very existence rankles the Doctor. He makes an impassioned speech to Clara that Time Lords were arrogant in how they conducted themselves and he would not allow himself to do the same. He meets with Torchwood, whose plan is to infiltrate the group to engage in disinformation, foment a power struggle in the group, and destroy and evidence they have of the Doctor's existence. The Doctor then makes another impassioned speech recounting the history of state sponsored coverups and the sabotage of political and religious groups. Unable to reconcile his moral dilemma, he decides to make the entire group his companions. The avuncular leader of the movement becomes the Doctor's odd-couple style buddy, while Clara shacks up with one of the better looking parishoners (Season finale: She's pregnant). Most of the group take up quarters in some unused part of the TARDIS and form a house band. Action sequences in subsequent episodes are overlaid with extended jam sessions instead of overly dramatic orchestral music. Bumps between scenes feature the Doctor goofing with the band à la Laugh In.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 08:43 |
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Voted 5 ancient aliens have been forced to look in some pretty strange places for their favorite food - Hammy sci-fi drama script ideas! a grisly scene awaits the doctor when after he rushes towards BBC offices only to find them filled with shriveled human-shaped husks. fortunately, he's got a good lead on where they're headed next and turns up just in time to save forums poster applewhite as the gross aliens are extending their wet proboscises towards his sleeping ears! Good thing too since there's only one fuel that can power the quantum projection matrix and close the widening tear in space time which let the aliens in to begin with...
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 08:45 |
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Cannot Be Unseen: Doc Who travels back in time. But in attempting to show his new companion what would happen if she voted for the Parlimentary Reform candidate, the Tardis malfunctions. Instead, Who ends up seeing when he was conceived with his parents just going to town on each other. He falls into a catatonic state, curled into a horrified ball. He only snaps out when his companion accidentally travels even further back to when his grandparents were ..Well, you know. Strikes Back: By using his skill in time travel, Who, PhD. is able to change history. He helps the United Kingdom keep the empire and every country thus affected is better off for having culture introduced to quell their savagery. Never Forget: Dr. Who lands the TARDIS on the roof of the Tower One in this Very Special commemorative episode of the series. Oh gently caress: Mr. Whom travels through time and space to fight his constant enemy, the Daleks/Cybermen/Statues. Unfortunately, he is attacked in space for once, and thus his only means of defense being a sonic flathead, he is left utterly helpless.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 11:13 |
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Dr Who is a cruel joke we have played on Americans in a deferred attempt at payback over that whole war of independence thing. Having said that, this: ThirdEmperor posted:Vox Populi Is the correct answer
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 11:45 |
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Morn posted:
Awaken: The Doctor starts acting uncharacteristically romantic towards Clara. She is put off at first, but is more open to his flirtations than she lets on. When a second Doctor shows up acting much more normal, she doesn't know what to think. The second (still the 11th) Doctor tries to lecture Clara about what it would mean to stay with "him" but will only talk in euphamisms and riddles, rather than just being straightforward and explaining that he's the real doctor projecting himself into her dream in an attempt to get her to return willingly to reality. Sorry if that was supposed to be a twist ending but regular viewers will have figured it out in the first two minutes based on the title and the Doctor's behavior. Anyway monsters who are actually projections of Clara's subconscious stalk the trio for most of the second act and the whole time The Doctor tells her "only you can stop them" and Clara responds "I can't! I would if I could but I can't!" to which The Doctor responds "You can, you just aren't willing to admit what stopping them would mean" right before being devoured. Just as she is about to be eaten, Clara resigns herself to The Doctor's Friendzone and the monsters vanish, allowing her to wake up. It turns out it was all a dream brought on by passing too close to "a slumbering star."
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 12:39 |
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The Good Germ The Doctor arrives with Clara in a small town in 1911 Austria where everyone is nice, almost too nice. Meanwhile, miners are returning all sorts of minerals into a mine. Gradually, people are literally being killed by kindness. The Doctor discovers a spaceship carrying the damaged remains of a sentient bacteria collective crashed thousands of years earlier was accidentally unearthed by the miners. The bacteria has infected most of the town in order to force them to cooperate with one another in bringing them the resources they need to rebuild and repair their ship to get back home. However, they're running into a problem as the more and more people they've infected to rebuild their collective intelligence as also resorted in increasing their population, requiring them to infect more and more people to bring them more and more resources to build their ship. The Doctor forecasts that the flaw in the damaged collective bacteria's plan will ultimately require the total infection of the human race and all the resources of the planet to accomplish its goal. Realizing that the bacteria lost so much of its original intelligence when it lost most of its original collective, no matter how complicated its plans are, it is creatively limited in its planning or design which is causing it to be destructively inefficient. Getting that its thinking is primitively limited to basic arithmetic like adding and subtracting, the Doctor realizes that the bacteria are operating like a primitive difference engine and figures out a solution: If he can re-educate the bacteria to make a creative leap towards learning basic algebra, then trig and calculus, it will exponentially cause the entire collective to more efficiently operate and solve its problem in a few hours with a handful of temporary humans hosts and a cart full of scrap metal.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 13:09 |
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JediTalentAgent posted:The Good Germ A great premise that would also make a good SG1 episode. Morn posted:"Cave of death" The Doctor and Clara are in present day New Mexico, in line to take a tour of Carlsbad Caverns because, even though they have been to many fantastic places across the universe, The Doctor wants to impress upon Clara that there are "Wonders right in your own backyard if you only look." The atmosphere is especially charged because previously undiscovered caverns are open to the public for the first time today. Things take a dark turn when it turns out that opening the new caverns has awakened an ancient race of bat-people (portrayed by CGI when flying and actors in costume when walking). Members of the tour group are picked off one by one as the bat-people strike at them from the darkness. The Doctor initially tries to use his sonic screwdriver to "blind" their sonar, but learns the hard way that the monsters can easily defeat this tactic by "modulating a counter frequency" with their own hypersonic abilities. The survivors are cut off from the exit and the only safe rout back to the surface is through tunnels that are too tight for the bat people to follow. The scenes of the group squeezing through tight crevices and wrigging through tunnels barely wider than their shoulders are actually more disturbing than the scenes with the bat people. To make things worse, one of the survivors is claustrophobic, and The Doctor's motivational abilities are put to the test when he has to convince her that she must confront her worst fear in order to survive. The group escapes and everyone learns a lesson about how phobias are only as strong as the power we give them. At no point does anyone question why a claustrophobe would go on a cave tour in the first place.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 14:23 |
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Morn posted:"Tyrannis" The Doctor and Clara travel to the planet Tyrannis because the people there "perfected tapas before humans were even walking upright" and it is much better than the Earth equivalent. They arrive at the Doctor's favorite tapas restaurant only to find the whole city is abandoned and there are two suns in the sky. The Doctor realizes that once every five hundred years, Tyrannis's orbital path takes it directly between the binary stars of its solar system. The opposing tidal forces wreak terrible cataclysms on the planet's surface. so all the people have congregated in the city temple to pray to Tyrannis (the myhtical being for whom the planet was named) to save them. The Doctor is as skeptical of this as he is of all religions, telling the people "don't look to imaginary sky wizards for help!" but when Tyrannis starts to speak, The Doctor is publicly emberassed. Tyrannis tells the people that he will save them from the cataclysms and divert the course of the planet if the people pay a price in blood, demanding roughly 10% of the planetary population in tribute. He alleges many more will die if they allow the planet to pass between the stars. The Doctor, still somewhat chagrined by his earlier humiliation, claims that "miracles aren't real" and asserts that it would be impossible for Tyrannis to move the planet (despite having done it himself on at least two occasions and having seen the feat performed by others many more times.) It's a race against time for the Doctor to figure out a way to save the planet from cataclysm before the people begin the ritual sacrifice (Clara does her best to stall them by invoking obscure ceremonial procedure). At the last minute, The Doctor figures out that the planet was never going to pass between the stars, and that, just as every time before, its course will be diverted by a nearly-invisible black hole with no intervention by Tyrannis. The Doctor manages to prove this to everyone and the evil being masquerading as Tyrannis starves to death when his blood ritual is not fulfilled. The episode closes on the Doctor musing "Tyrannis was a lie, just like all religions."
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 14:43 |
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They Call Me Sonic: The doctor's sonic screwdriver is malfunctioning and without it he can't do anything so he must travel to the planet of the original designer of the screwdriver, Drew "The Snorer" Civics, a strange man who keeps saying he knows the doctor intimately while the doctor claims he never met him before. Then he realises and smacks his head, and rushes to a nearby park where there happens to be a game of human-sized scrabble going on and re-arranges the letters until DREW SNORER CIVICS spells out SONIC SCREWDRIVER. He then talks about how stupid he his for a good fifteen minutes, that way it doesn't matter that he's an omniscient stupid person because he's hanging a lantern on it, people won't realise that he's really saying the writers are the stupid ones. Then he gets the personification of the screwdriver to fix the screwdriver by revealing he knows the secret, which doesn't make any sense because it's in his interests to fix himself. This is mentioned repeatedly so the audience knows in this case the writers weren't being stupid, merely incredibly lazy. But there's a crisis, he can't fix the sonic screwdriver without using the sonic screwdriver! But that's ok because he gains the courage to just uses the sonic screwdriver right as a ghost army is about to destroy a child's toy by executing a future martian drug dealer for regicide against King Henry, Ghost Lord of All Ghost England. This last part is only referenced and explained through dialogue with quick camera angle changes. Clara helps by standing around and nodding.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 14:51 |
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Morn posted:"Exsanguiation" Exsanguiation: A nurse is performing a routine blood test, but when she plugs the needle in, only a fine powder comes out of the patient's veins! He is as surprized as she is and they both freak out. People all over present day UK are manifesting a condition where all the blood in their body is replaced by white powder. When the Doctor and Clara investigate, they are menaced by androids that look like life-sized versions of "the visible man." When the powder is analyzed, it turns out to ba substance called "Oxidite" which can oxygenate cells in a manner similar to blood, but only temporarily. Within three days, everyone whose blood has been replaced will die. The Doctor announces that the culprits are "Vendricals" who come from a planet "rich in oxidite but poor in hemoglobin" and are harvesting the hemoglobin of Earth to power their technology. The Doctor drives the Vendricals away by making a threatening speech and helps oversee transferring the stolen blood back to its rightful owners. Clouds of Time: The Doctor and Clara are enjoying a holiday on a planet that is "all sky and no land." Essentially a big ball of atmosphere floating in space. The inhabitants live in charming houses suspended from balloons and the resort hotel is hanging from a dirigible. When the Daleks show up, the Doctor has to stop them before they convert the entire planet into a giant thunderstorm to power their evil machine ("a normal thunderstorm releases more energy than a dozen hydrogen bombs, imagine the power in a thunderstorm the size of a planet!" says the Doctor). The Doctor defeats the Daleks by plugging their weather machine into himself and shooting lighting out of his fingers at them. There's some breif suspense near the end where it seems like the strain of channeling so much power killed him but he recovers after Clara defibriliates him.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 15:06 |
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Morn posted:Jesters of Fate The Doctor and Clara arrive in present day London but are disturbed to find everyone is acting strangely. Everyone is going about their daily business but with a circusy twist. A stuffy woman in a suit conducts a business call on her cell phone while riding a unicycle, and man absentmindedly juggles clubs while waiting for the bus. When questioned, nobody acknowledges the odd behavior and treat The Doctor and Clara as annoyances. If prevented from acting out their quirks, the citizens quickly become violent. The situation moves from perplexing to alarming when several people burn to death in a fire because the firefighters behave in a Keystone Cops manner and try to put the fire out with seltzer bottles. Clara notices they are being watched by creepy silent figures dressed as jesters. When the Doctor confronts them, the jesters pantomime attacking him but the attacks feel real! He gives chase but is stopped by an invisible wall. Also, Clara is becoming more clownlike as the evil jesters' powers begin to affect her. At first she sheds the comedy accoutrements easily, but they keep coming back stronger and her sanity starts to slip. The Doctor urges her to "fight it, stay with me!" but eventually she succumbs. Her last lucid words are "Sorry, Doc. If you can't beat them, join them," before squirting him in the face with a comedy flower that has sprouted directly from the skin of her chest. The Dcotor realizes that Clara has hit upon the solution, and challenges the jesters with his own pantomime, defeating them.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 15:24 |
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bobthedinosaur posted:bendyman A disobedient child is scolded by his mother, but he pays her no mind. When she asks him why he's acting so horrid lately, the child tells her "the bending man said I don't have to listen to you anymore." When the mother incredulously asks "the bending man?" an object in the background unfolds in an accordion-like manner, taking the form of a tall man in a brown suit. Creepiest of all: the man has no face! The creepy figure intones to the child "it is time." The child nods blankly and points his index finger at his mother. "Time, time for what?" asks the frightened woman. "Time to murder your family," answers the bending man, cocking his head. The child's eyes glow and the woman screams. Her fate is interrupted by the opening titles. Lots of other children are in the thrall of the mysterious bending man, and there's a scene with The Doctor and Clara exploring a creepy house and being menaced by the bending man's stretchy accordion arms appearing from around corners or popping out of vents. The Doctor realizes that the only way to defeat "Bendyman" is to convince the children to reject him. The Doctor gives them an impassioned speech about the importance of loving their parents and respecting their elders. The children realize they miss their parents and point their fingers at the Bendyman, their eyes glow and the Bendyman gives out an ear-splitting howl before collapsing into a crumpled heap of limbs. The parents, previously believed to be dead, emerge disoriented from various closets and tearfully reunite with their children. The Doctor folds Bendyman up like a shirt and locks him in a drawer, dropping the key down the loo.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 15:49 |
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applewhite you are too good at this
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 15:57 |
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Applewhite posted:The Doctor and Clara arrive in present day London but are disturbed to find everyone is acting strangely. Everyone is going about their daily business but with a circusy twist. A stuffy woman in a suit conducts a business call on her cell phone while riding a unicycle, and man absentmindedly juggles clubs while waiting for the bus. When questioned, nobody acknowledges the odd behavior and treat The Doctor and Clara as annoyances. If prevented from acting out their quirks, the citizens quickly become violent. The situation moves from perplexing to alarming when several people burn to death in a fire because the firefighters behave in a Keystone Cops manner and try to put the fire out with seltzer bottles. Clara notices they are being watched by creepy silent figures dressed as jesters. When the Doctor confronts them, the jesters pantomime attacking him but the attacks feel real! He gives chase but is stopped by an invisible wall. Also, Clara is becoming more clownlike as the evil jesters' powers begin to affect her. At first she sheds the comedy accoutrements easily, but they keep coming back stronger and her sanity starts to slip. The Doctor urges her to "fight it, stay with me!" but eventually she succumbs. Her last lucid words are "Sorry, Doc. If you can't beat them, join them," before squirting him in the face with a comedy flower that has sprouted directly from the skin of her chest. featuring wild gesticulations of returning cast member matt smith
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 16:20 |
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# ? Apr 25, 2024 12:50 |
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Have a terrific time: Clara and The Doctor take some time off and travel to a recreational space-station. The station has amazing food, shopping and entertainment in the form of 'Avatar Battles', a holographic coliseum whose fighters are robots with the 'skins' of guests on the station. If your Avatar wins a battle you recieve gifts and discounts for your shopping, with a grand prize at 10 wins. Clara's Avatar is unstoppable whilst The Doctor doesn't seem to have an Avatar at all, not that he minds. After some snooping, he discovers that the Battles are a real-time simulation being run by an A.I. tasked with building an army and that a 10-win streak earns you a cryo-freeze and transport to a far off part of the galaxy. The Doctor overrides the A.I's safety parameters to allow it to create an Avatar of him. The resulting cronenbergesque amalgamation of The Doctor overloads the A.I. causing everyone to evacuate.
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# ? Nov 21, 2014 16:27 |