December Veteran Thread For Satan

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Booblord Zagats: Oct 30, 2011; Pork Pro

Christoff posted:

Amazon only uses UPS and FedEx right?

Wonder how long until they get their own courier system

Depends. They use FedEx rarely, only for overnight poo poo for things on a special rush delivery. UPS for 2nd day, and USPS if you're close enough for Priority Mail to be 2nd day

# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:03

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 00:40

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

It would be easier buying out a courier than starting one from scratch.

# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:20

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

I get a lot of stuff from third party sellers so that usually comes USPS and is actually pretty fast.

# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:20

Vasudus: May 30, 2003

My stuff was delivered via unmarked courier. I figured they were either Amazon branded or some third party affiliate.

# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:39

MancXVI: Feb 14, 2002

Just got an Amazon package from a truck labeled LASERSHIP

# ? Dec 8, 2014 23:41

Nostalgia4ColdWar: May 7, 2007; Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.

Jesus Christ, one of my kids is going to see the recruiter today.

I might have to smother her in her sleep first.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:32

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

GiP is about to come full-circle.

Isn't the cycle of life beautiful? :allears:

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:34

Icon Of Sin: Dec 26, 2008

50 Foot Ant posted:

Jesus Christ, one of my kids is going to see the recruiter today.

I might have to smother her in her sleep first.

I know you have to have told some of the same stories you tell here to the kid. Where did they go so wrong? :smith:

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:35

Nostalgia4Dogges: Jun 18, 2004; Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.

her?

lol

Hope it's the USMC

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:36

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

From what I can recall Amazon, UPS, and FedEx got caught with their pants down last Christmas. Weren't prepared for the volume of stuff they ended up shipping, and took a lot of flack for it. That's probably why they're working with USPS and couriers this year.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:37

Nostalgia4ColdWar: May 7, 2007; Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.

Icon Of Sin posted:

I know you have to have told some of the same stories you tell here to the kid. Where did they go so wrong?

That's the first thing I asked: "Holy poo poo, your mother and I got busted the gently caress up and spit out, every family member you know is crazy or crippled, what are you thinking?"

"I got a plan!" :hurr:

She plans on signing the 8 year, doing 4 years active, 4 years NG, or 8 years NG, whichever gives her the better deal.

And she wants to be a loving X-Ray tech.

:suicide:

Jesus Christ on a Stupidity Powered Go-Kart.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:37

Nostalgia4Dogges: Jun 18, 2004; Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.

Plans are great and all but I love when people have these 10 year plans

"going to join do 4 years enlisted yup get my degree and commission and do 6!"

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:39

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

Did her mother drink while she was pregnant?

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:39

Nostalgia4ColdWar: May 7, 2007; Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.

EVA BRAUN BLOWJOBS posted:

Did her mother drink while she was pregnant?

Worse. She was in First Cav.

GODDAMN YOU FORT HOOD!

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:47

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

50 Foot Ant posted:

she wants to be a loving X-Ray tech.

hahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:49

quantumfoam: Dec 25, 2003

50 Foot Ant posted:

That's the first thing I asked: "Holy poo poo, your mother and I got busted the gently caress up and spit out, every family member you know is crazy or crippled, what are you thinking?"

"I got a plan!"

She plans on signing the 8 year, doing 4 years active, 4 years NG, or 8 years NG, whichever gives her the better deal.

And she wants to be a loving X-Ray tech.

Jesus Christ on a Stupidity Powered Go-Kart.

add a page to her baby book
1st army STD

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:51

Diarrhea Elemental: Apr 2, 2012; Am I correct in my assumption, you fish-faced enemy of the people?

FAT SLAMPIG posted:

hahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

poo poo, that's better than being a Whiskey. Might at least be able to work as something more than a $8/hr glorified bus driver when she runs screaming away from the military.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:54

EBB: Feb 15, 2005

FAT SLAMPIG posted:

hahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:55

Nostalgia4ColdWar: May 7, 2007; Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.

Better than being what I was, or a medic like her momma.

Got out, and those translated directly to jack and poo poo.

What's X-Ray tech like nowadays?

If she's got her Daddy's luck (real lovely) is she going to find herself attached to a loving EOD unit X-Raying poo poo? Or is she just gonna be a hospital drunk making sure nobody gets good medical care?

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:56

MancXVI: Feb 14, 2002

50 Foot Ant posted:

That's the first thing I asked: "Holy poo poo, your mother and I got busted the gently caress up and spit out, every family member you know is crazy or crippled, what are you thinking?"

"I got a plan!"

She plans on signing the 8 year, doing 4 years active, 4 years NG, or 8 years NG, whichever gives her the better deal.

And she wants to be a loving X-Ray tech.

Jesus Christ on a Stupidity Powered Go-Kart.

buy her an account

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:58

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

50 Foot Ant posted:

Better than being what I was, or a medic like her momma.

Got out, and those translated directly to jack and poo poo.

What's X-Ray tech like nowadays?

If she's got her Daddy's luck (real lovely) is she going to find herself attached to a loving EOD unit X-Raying poo poo? Or is she just gonna be a hospital drunk making sure nobody gets good medical care?

shes gonna be in a csh doing stupid bullshit like nonstop inventory while irradiating herself with military-grade x-ray machines that haven't been properly serviced in years

she'll be glow-in-the-dark by the time she gets to phase 2 of her life plan

# ? Dec 9, 2014 00:58

Zeris: Apr 15, 2003; Quality posting direct from my brain to your face holes.

FAT SLAMPIG posted:

she'll be pregnant & divorced by the time she gets to phase 2 of her life plan

Just saying

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:00

Nostalgia4ColdWar: May 7, 2007; Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.

Pregnant and divorced, whatever. She's already got one kid.

Since right now she's a 22 year old woman working at Wal-Mart with a 2 year old kid, the Army "Can't be any worse than what's going on now."

So, basically it'll be the same thing her Momma did when she wasn't deployed, complete with Drawdown Bullshit and egomanicial supervisors who sexually assault her?

So, like working at Wal-Mart?

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:19

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

The chances of her dating someone like Cole shoot up dramatically. Please stop her from enlisting.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:26

not caring here: Feb 22, 2012; blazemastah 2 dry 4 u

Jesus

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:27

Naked Bear: Apr 15, 2007; Boners was recorded before a studio audience that was alive!

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:43

Nostalgia4ColdWar: May 7, 2007; Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.

Oh I tried to stop her.

Offered to drill into her frontal lobe with a drill and then kick her dead in the rear end to give her the whole 4 years in one blinding moment of clarity, but she's figuring it's better than what's going on for her now.

Her mother told her that it's gonna suck the whole way. Get used to getting groped, everyone treats medical personnel like whores, get told she isn't worth a poo poo because she's a girl, all that good poo poo.

I reminded her that both her mother and I got busted the gently caress up in peace-time, never mind DS/S.

But, she's 22 and she's as stubborn as her momma.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:47

bloops: Dec 31, 2010; Thanks Ape Pussy!

I look forward to the day when your daughter becomes the new SMA.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:48

Slim Pickens: Jan 12, 2007; Grimey Drawer

50 Foot Ant posted:

So, like working at Wal-Mart?

Kinda, except she'll just get lovely healthcare instead of zero.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:50

tyler: Jun 2, 2014

FAT SLAMPIG posted:

hahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:53

Casimir Radon: Aug 2, 2008

Heading back to school in January. So while I was getting registered and everything I dropped by the vet center to register with them since I was told it was a good idea. They actually seemed like normal people which surprised me. I never visited the vet center at my last school because I feared the worst for the kind of people who'd involve themselves with it, and half the veterans I met while attending were douchebags. Didn't see anything I didn't like for the 45 minutes I was there, still probably not going to hang out in there but it's a relief regardless.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 01:56

Nostalgia4Dogges: Jun 18, 2004; Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.

That's like every persons background that enlists no?

# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:05

krispykremessuck: Jul 22, 2005; unlike most veterans and SA members $10 is not a meaningful expenditure for me

I'm gonna have me a swag Bar-B-Q

re: USPS chat: USPS actually works great typically and is also usually cheaper than other courier services by an extremely wide margin. The only time FedEx or UPS should be necessary is if you need signature tracking, which even USPS offers these days.

Their financial woes are mostly the fault of congress repeatedly attempting to torpedo USPS over and over again.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 02:07

Dead Reckoning: Sep 13, 2011

Booblord Zagats posted:

Because the Post-Office isn't nearly as tax-funded as it is funded by the sales of stamps.

Last time I looked, their operating budget was actually 100% funded by their own sales. I think maybe the Postal Inspectors and parts of the APO system are on the federal dime.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 03:08

Godholio: Aug 28, 2002; Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?

50 Foot Ant posted:

Better than being what I was, or a medic like her momma.

Got out, and those translated directly to jack and poo poo.

What's X-Ray tech like nowadays?

If she's got her Daddy's luck (real lovely) is she going to find herself attached to a loving EOD unit X-Raying poo poo? Or is she just gonna be a hospital drunk making sure nobody gets good medical care?

My career was mostly at an AFB with over 80,000 personnel. Our clinic didn't have an xray machine or any other imaging equipment after about 2009. Soo...

Edit: If she doesn't want an account here, at least force her to keep a journal of her career and post it every six months so we can see the optimism and bullheadedness drift into anguish, disgust, regret, and shame.

Godholio fucked around with this message at 03:12 on Dec 9, 2014

# ? Dec 9, 2014 03:10

Nostalgia4Dogges: Jun 18, 2004; Only emojis can express my pure, simple stupidity.

Friends dad did 4 years AF and then went to USPS and just retired at like 58. He made pretty good cash and his pention is great too

The "techs" at the RAS where I was at had some 1 month certification. Didn't mean poo poo but they could do literally all the same stuff

I mean if she can get guaranteed x-ray that's a pretty good gig. I think the Army has specific MOS's for specific medical jobs but idk

# ? Dec 9, 2014 03:26

Nostalgia4Butts: Jun 1, 2006; WHERE MY HOSE DRINKERS AT

Christoff posted:

The "techs" at the RAS where I was at had some 1 month certification. Didn't mean poo poo but they could do literally all the same stuff

I mean if she can get guaranteed x-ray that's a pretty good gig. I think the Army has specific MOS's for specific medical jobs but idk

Army medical has a fuckload of specific MOSs. Pharmacist, X-Ray, Physical Therapy, Nutritionalist, Medic, etc

# ? Dec 9, 2014 03:34

Nostalgia4ColdWar: May 7, 2007; Good people deserve good things.

Till someone lets the winter in and the dying begins, because Old Dark Places attract Old Dark Things.

The recruiter acted all weird.

No criminal record. 3.8 HS grad. Good work ethic. 22. Excellent health. Only surgery was an uneventful C-Section. She took a practice ASVAB and scored 96. No drugs. Support network. Can run a mile in 10 minutes, do 25 pushups, and 50 situps.

I figure he's expecting her to be filled with alien brain eating parasites or an illegal alien or a sting operation. LOL

The three guys in the office were tattooed and pierced up and were wondering if their criminal records were gonna matter and really interested in the piss test.

He told her to come back tomorrow and went back to dealing with the three tattooed beat messiahs.

Of course, could be her father was standing there and the first words out of her mouth were: "My whole family is military, so don't bother singing and dancing for me."

# ? Dec 9, 2014 03:44

Bellum: Jun 3, 2011; All war is deception.

Step 1: Learn to play an instrument.
Step 2: Join the Army band.

http://www.usarmyband.com/vacancies/current-openings.html

"Members of the band are given the Military Occupational Specialty (MOS) of 42S (forty-two sierra), �Special Band Musician�. Personnel are promoted to the grade of Staff Sergeant (E-6) upon completion of four-months of active-duty service..."

That sounds like bullshit but whatever, army band beats combat arms.

Or be a paralegal MOS, or a chaplain's assistant, or any of the medical MOS, or public affairs. There's a lot of options for a single mother with a kid.

# ? Dec 9, 2014 03:51

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# ? Apr 29, 2024 00:40

Kung Fu Fist Fuck: Aug 9, 2009

50 Foot Ant posted:

The recruiter acted all weird.

No criminal record. 3.8 HS grad. Good work ethic. 22. Excellent health. Only surgery was an uneventful C-Section. She took a practice ASVAB and scored 96. No drugs. Support network. Can run a mile in 10 minutes, do 25 pushups, and 50 situps.

I figure he's expecting her to be filled with alien brain eating parasites or an illegal alien or a sting operation. LOL

The three guys in the office were tattooed and pierced up and were wondering if their criminal records were gonna matter and really interested in the piss test.

He told her to come back tomorrow and went back to dealing with the three tattooed beat messiahs.

Of course, could be her father was standing there and the first words out of her mouth were: "My whole family is military, so don't bother singing and dancing for me."

is she hot?

# ? Dec 9, 2014 03:55

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