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Yesterday I was at an establishment called "Micheal's Arts and Crafts" with my wife and two kids because my wife wanted to look at Christmas garbage and dumb stuff for the kids. I took the kids over to where some ornaments were so they could pick one out. As they were orbiting around the display I backed up to this shelf stand thing that had picture frames or something on it. I did a quick 'look left, look right' and cracked off a horrible multi-blast fart. It was like a 5 round burst fire that culminated from burritos made from leftover taco meat I had for lunch and the Starbucks coffee that powered through me. About 2 seconds after that, some lady darted out from behind me and broke off down the aisle to the right. It dawned on me that she was likely crouched down on the other side of the picture frame display that my hot fart just reverberated off of. As my unapologetic embarrassment was starting to set in, a small group of 3 people walked right past me, through the cloud of eye-watering sewage smell. I am such a child. I want to hear some embarrassing fart stories. Don't act like you don't have any. Also, I took this picture while I was there and died a little. 
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Dec 3, 2014 15:21
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:14 |
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Yes. Close thread, ban OP.
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Dec 3, 2014 15:23
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farts are just like a non invasive dipstick to get a sense of my future bathroom needs the actual dipstick is a lot more fun though
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Dec 3, 2014 15:24
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Do you live by Chicago?
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Dec 3, 2014 15:24
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Rapman the Cook posted:Close thread, ban OP.
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Dec 3, 2014 15:24
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No, farts are erotic.
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Dec 3, 2014 15:24
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im doing one now and no one is laughing
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Dec 3, 2014 15:43
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Once I went to blow a raspberry on my girlfriends stomach. I had a bunch of facial hair then, so I didn't get a good seal with my mouth, and blowing a raspberry didn't work. However, I did accidentally fart at that exact moment, and it was LOUD. edit: she was grossed out but I couldn't stop laughing.
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Dec 3, 2014 15:50
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I laughed OP but no, I don't really have any funny fart stories. i go to the toilet to fart
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Dec 3, 2014 15:53
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is this a pantshitting thread in clever disguise?
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Dec 3, 2014 15:55
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don't hold your gases in, it's dangerous
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Dec 3, 2014 15:55
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smoobles posted:is this a pantshitting thread in clever disguise? my stepdad ripped one and poo poo himself a while ago, that was pretty funny
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Dec 3, 2014 15:56
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Prennnnnhhhhhhthhhhhhthhhthhhhhhppppplpllll
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Dec 3, 2014 16:01
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He CRAPS his pants—BRROOOOINT—takes it... TO THE LAUNDRY... AND JUST LEAVES IT... FOR HIS MOM TO CLEAN! Yeah! DisGUSting!
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Dec 3, 2014 16:02
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Are we too PC of a society to farts in public? So sad.
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Dec 3, 2014 16:07
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the other night I was having really loud violent farts and by the time I woke up I had dutch oven'd my whole room. let me know if you enjoyed this story, and make sure to rate, comment and and share your own stories!
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Dec 3, 2014 16:18
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Fard
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Dec 3, 2014 16:19
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Linux Pirate posted:the other night I was having really loud violent farts and by the time I woke up I had dutch oven'd my whole room. woah twisted farts story, let me get you SA gold brotha
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Dec 3, 2014 16:20
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Real talk, as a comedy device, I feel that farts are too easily played out because they ARE easy. Like anyone can make a 3 minute youtube moontage of farts, and it's plain and dull. One well-timed fart meanwhile can be hilarious and fantastic.
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Dec 3, 2014 16:28
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Noyemi K posted:woah twisted farts story, let me get you SA gold brotha thanks friend, more fart stories on the way! 
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Dec 3, 2014 16:33
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I took a huge poo poo in my toilet and the whole bathroom smelled like farts for like an hour, its like my shits turned into some sort of "poo poo gas" and pasted itself to the walls. the "rear end fog" was so powerful that my cat was overpowered and ran away from home for 3 days. when the poo poo was coming out of my rear end in a top hat it was solid, but somehow it morphed into this brown mist that killed all the plants that were upstairs. some how that "rear end poo poo" contained some type of "turd spore" that killed my family and burned my house down. I jacked off and barfed on my cock.
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Dec 3, 2014 16:39
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dad gay. so what posted:I took a huge poo poo in my toilet and the whole bathroom smelled like farts for like an hour, its like my shits turned into some sort of "poo poo gas" and pasted itself to the walls. the "rear end fog" was so powerful that my cat was overpowered and ran away from home for 3 days. when the poo poo was coming out of my rear end in a top hat it was solid, but somehow it morphed into this brown mist that killed all the plants that were upstairs. some how that "rear end poo poo" contained some type of "turd spore" that killed my family and burned my house down. I jacked off and barfed on my cock. Now this is what I'm talking about, not some bullshit sarcasm from a linux dork.
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Dec 3, 2014 16:42
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Farts were never funny. Unless integrated into a hilarious username
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Dec 3, 2014 16:43
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PureEvil6_13 posted:Are we too PC of a society to farts in public? So sad. It was forbidden to fart in public in Ancient Rome and we have not heeded the lessons of the fall of that great empire.
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Dec 3, 2014 16:45
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dad gay. so what posted:I took a huge poo poo in my toilet and the whole bathroom smelled like farts for like an hour, its like my shits turned into some sort of "poo poo gas" and pasted itself to the walls. the "rear end fog" was so powerful that my cat was overpowered and ran away from home for 3 days. when the poo poo was coming out of my rear end in a top hat it was solid, but somehow it morphed into this brown mist that killed all the plants that were upstairs. some how that "rear end poo poo" contained some type of "turd spore" that killed my family and burned my house down. I jacked off and barfed on my cock. Thanks for the story, DGSW. The public needs to be more aware of the phenomenon of "poo poo Sublimation".
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Dec 3, 2014 16:45
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PureEvil6_13 posted:Now this is what I'm talking about, not some bullshit sarcasm from a linux dork. that was a real story though 
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Dec 3, 2014 16:46
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well it seems I've "cleared the room" with my posting so I'll take this opportunity to share another fart story. last thanksgiving I loaded up on stuffing, mashed potatoes and turkey then I took a nap. on the drive home from the family's I began to get the farts. they started out gentle but got more and more intense and even got a little painful. it was a short drive but by the time I got to my place my 1996 toyota corolla was caked in butt air. for months afterwards my car smelled like my farts (thanksgiving food+poop). even today my car has a hint of that robust fart smell that I cant get out.
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Dec 3, 2014 17:14
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for the first year of our relationship my gf claimed she didn't fart now she won't stop ripping them please advise
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Dec 3, 2014 17:25
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Linux Pirate posted:well it seems I've "cleared the room" with my posting so I'll take this opportunity to share another fart story. You've redeemed yourself
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Dec 3, 2014 17:26
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ineHGnSAhKA
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Dec 3, 2014 17:27
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I do good farts and people respect me for it
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Dec 3, 2014 17:40
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Boner Zone posted:for the first year of our relationship my gf claimed she didn't fart now she won't stop ripping them please advise
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Dec 3, 2014 18:19
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:I do good farts and people respect me for it way to go, rear end-dick
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Dec 3, 2014 18:19
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sometimes i randomly think about that old cake farts video and it still makes me laugh.
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Dec 3, 2014 18:47
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dad gay. so what posted:way to go, rear end-dick I can't get my rear end dicked casue of the farts. It's like trying to walk against a hurricane
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Dec 3, 2014 18:51
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i use 'fart' and 'poop' instead of 'foo' and 'bar' when showing examples or asking questions in regards to writing software. no one else thinks its funny but they are also a bunch of nerds
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Dec 3, 2014 18:52
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Noyemi K posted:I laughed OP Wait what. Even when you are sat on your own, in your own room or whatever? That is pretty loving weird. Just fart. Everyone farts. Usually my gf says "oops!" when she does and I say "HAHAHHAH!" when I do, but everyone farts. Do you get beaten if you fart outside the toilet?
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Dec 3, 2014 19:10
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spud posted:Wait what. Even when you are sat on your own, in your own room or whatever? I don't want to stink up my room with the scent of poo gas
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Dec 3, 2014 19:29
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Growing up my mom farted all the drat time. No one even batted an eye, she'd be just walking around doing mom stuff, randomly cutting thunderous air biscuits. Knowing this you'd think I would think nothing of it but farts are still comedy gold to me. But I've never once heard my dad fart!
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Dec 3, 2014 19:32
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 21:14 |
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Noyemi K posted:I don't want to stink up my room with the scent of poo gas what if you are aware your current farts do not smell? or do you mean you dont want poo particles flying around your room
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Dec 3, 2014 19:32
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