do you poop in public bathrooms?

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > do you poop in public bathrooms?

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Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Often, thoroughly and stinkily.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:03

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 18:35

Steampunk iPhone: Sep 2, 2009; by XyloJW

whatis posted:

true story: i poo poo my pants on my last day of undergrad university. ama

pls post a detailed description sp i can jack of

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:04

open container: Sep 16, 2008

Philthy posted:

I will poop anywhere and everywhere so long as there isn't poop already on the seat or on the floor or it's not clogged by someone elses massive poop.

I take that back, I did have to poop on someone elses poop once. I really had to go, so I just hovered and pooped on the poop. If i didn't hover, my junk would have dangled into the poop.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:05

Lord Lilf: Aug 12, 2007; by exmarx

I only poo poo where bears poo poo.

I mean literally where bears have taken a dump I will drop my load on top of it. I feel it makes me one with the beast.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:12

my kinda ape: Sep 15, 2008; Everything's gonna be A-OK; Oven Wrangler

I 100% prefer to poop at home but I will often poop at work because it is a fairly clean employees only restroom. I would only poop in a public restroom if it was a critical emergency.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:41

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

yes because i get paid to

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:42

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

if u dont poop at work while on the clock lmao

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:43

Ariza: Feb 8, 2006

No because I'm a grownup with a functioning digestive system. it's always ultra fats and uggos stinking up the bathrooms. the old guys get a pass because their shits is breaking down

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:44

Robbie Fowler: May 31, 2011

hell yes, i also try to make as many grunting noises and noxious emissions as possible so as to establish my alpha status while all the betas layer the water with toilet paper to avoid making loud sounds and receiving splashback.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:49

open container: Sep 16, 2008

Robbie Fowler posted:

hell yes, i also try to make as many grunting noises and noxious emissions as possible so as to establish my alpha status while all the betas layer the water with toilet paper to avoid making loud sounds and receiving splashback.

so many betas itt

Ariza posted:

No because I'm a grownup with a functioning digestive system.

Me too, which is why my body produces poop that must be pooped out.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 00:51

Ariza: Feb 8, 2006

open container posted:

so many betas itt

Me too, which is why my body produces poop that must be pooped out.

once a day everyday at the same time, just like the christian god loving intended. you loving weirdos need to get right with god or at least get your colons rooted out by somebody.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:03

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

gigawhite posted:

yes and often

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:04

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Chinatown posted:

if u dont poop at work while on the clock lmao

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:05

open container: Sep 16, 2008

Ariza posted:

once a day everyday at the same time, just like the christian god loving intended. you loving weirdos need to get right with god or at least get your colons rooted out by somebody.

I am God and I'm going to poop on your chest :twisted:

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:13

School Nickname: Apr 23, 2010; *fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*

shat on the bank of a stream once, cider poops are extremely conspicuous

other than that I risk hiv every day sitting on a university toilet seat that has been covered in piss

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:24

Business Octopus: Jun 27, 2005; Me IRL

One time I took a dump on a greyhound bus. It was great because I was sitting at the.front so I could just leave all of the people at the back of the bus to wallow in my stink.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:38

Node: May 20, 2001; KICKED IN THE COOTER; Taco Defender

yes, I'm not ashamed of my poop. i do flush the toilet if I'm about to unleash a torrent of pre-poop farts, though

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:39

FuturePastNow: May 19, 2014

desecrated many a Walmart bathroom

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:40

Doppelganger: Oct 11, 2002; Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Node posted:

yes, I'm not ashamed of my poop. i do flush the toilet if I'm about to unleash a torrent of pre-poop farts, though

PRE poop? My dumps usually clear the runway for a few butt blasts after the fact.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:48

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

I'm imagining some goon being transported back to ancient roman times when men and women both pissed and poo poo in a big room that had the walls lined with toilets aka a hole over a box. no doors or stalls or curtains or nothing

also you'd wipe with a sponge on a stick that was cleaned in salt water

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:50

DONKEY SALAMI: Jun 28, 2008; donkey? donkey?

Sometimes the poop is the decision maker

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:58

ZombieParts: Jul 18, 2009; ASK ME ABOUT VISITING PROSTITUTES IN CHINA AND FEELING NO SHAME. MY FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY THE (PATHETIC) YODA OF PAYING WOMEN TO TOUCH HIS (AND MY) DICK. THEY WOULDN'T DO IT OTHERWISE.

of course I poop in public resties. I gotta get my phone game-time in.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 01:59

opus111: Jul 6, 2014

Zeta posted:

Yeah, I'll poop at work, if I really have to. But it's not as simple as all that, there is a process that I need to follow when it happens.

If I feel the pressure beginning to build and it's still the middle of the day, I know I won't be able to wait until I get home. Thus, the journey begins.

I lock my computer and walk away from my cubicle. The office building is large, there are 40 bathrooms (20 men's, 20 women's) spread across the 2 buildings with 3 floors each. There are no single-occupancy bathrooms with lock on premises, they are all multiple-user bathrooms. There is one about 50 feet from my cube, but I can't use that one - I might see someone I know in there and that would be weird. So I walk to one on a different floor. However, I can't poop when there are other people around. I just can't. So I need to find one that is completely empty, which can be quite difficult. Each bathroom has 3 stalls, 2 regular and 1 handicapped, plus 2 urinals. A quick glance around as I enter tells me if someone is in each particular bathroom (sometimes it's hard to see if someone's in the handicapped one though, so I need to crouch down a little and look for their feet). If there's already someone in a bathroom, I need travel to another one. But I can't just come in and then turn around and leave; that would seem strange. If there is already someone in there, then I'll wash my hands before leaving, so it seems like I actually had a reason to come in. I repeat this process for each bathroom I encounter that is occupied. It can take anywhere from 3 to 15 minutes to find an empty one, I travel to each one across the building in turn until I find what I'm looking for. Eventually one will be empty, and I can begin.

First, I get some paper towels and wet them, bringing them with me into the handicapped stall (it's much roomier). I use them to wipe off the seat, careful to ensure my hand doesn't actually come into direct contact with the seat itself. Wiping the seat off in this manner probably doesn't really do much good, but it helps to put my mind at least a little bit at ease. I'm not doing an intense cleaning or anything, just a quick wipe off. I dry the seat with that useless single-ply toilet paper, and finally everything is prepared. I drop my pants and sit down. I try to poop as fast as I can, and get it over with as quickly as possible. As I mentioned, I can't poop when other people are in the bathroom, so if someone comes in during the process, I have to stop. And I don't mean that I voluntarily stop pooping if someone comes, it just happens. The moment someone walks in, my sphincter slams shut like a vice grip, and refuses to open until the coast is clear again. Really, I've tried to poop with other people around, but I'm engaging in a battle with my own butt that I can't possibly win. So if someone comes in, I just sit there and wait until they leave. It's not much of a problem if they're just doing a number 1, they'll be gone in a minute for so. The real problem is when someone else comes in to poop, which means I just have to sit there and wait until they finish and leave until I can resume pooping myself. I especially hate it when someone comes in and takes the stall right next to mine. Like, there are 3 stalls, I'm in the handicapped one on the end, and some rear end in a top hat comes in and goes in the one in the middle, right next to mine. The stall on the other end is empty, why you have to take the one right next to mine? You should try to be as far away from others as possible when you are pooping, just as a matter of principle. But anyway, I wait until it's empty again, and resume my task. Eventually I finish, clean up, and flush everything down. But I'm still left with the wet paper towel wad I used to clean the toilet seat initially - I can't flush that because it would block up the lovely low-flow toilets, as I've learned from experience. What I actually decide to do with it depends on the situation; if the room in still empty, I'll take the wad of towels (careful not to touch the part that actually made contact with the seat) and throw them in the paper towel garbage, as is appropriate. If, however, someone has come into the bathroom in between the time I stopped pooping and began cleaning up (and they haven't gone into one of the stalls), I just leave the paper towel wad on the side of the toilet, near the back where it won't actually touch anyone who sits on the toilet (that's where I put it while I'm pooping). You see, I can't just take it out and throw it away if someone else is in there and might see me do it, they'd think I'm insane. They'd be like, "Why is this crazy person walking out of a stall with a wad of wet paper towels? How did they get wet? Why did he bring them in there in the first place?" It just raises too many questions, so I just leave them there. Then I wash my hands, and all is well.

Returning to my desk, I hope that no one has noticed that I've been gone for over half an hour. But even if they did, they'll probably just assume I was in a meeting. I unlock my computer and return to work, confident that I was able to conceal my insanity from the rest of the world for one more day.

unironically same.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:01

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

I'm actually from India

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:04

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

Tony Homo posted:

I work with almost all women and they love to blow up the bathroom. Maybe I'm wrong but figure it's easy for a woman to take a dump anywhere. Think about it. They sit to piss and then as they're pissing the thought must cross their mind "Hmmm while I'm sitting here I may as well unload a log. "

it's because most women have really hosed up bowels. Activia is aimed at women for a reason.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:09

School Nickname: Apr 23, 2010; *fffffff-fffaaaaaaarrrtt*

Darth123123 posted:

I'm actually from India

never poop on the river

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:10

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

the trick in india is to find some water to poop in that doesn't already have poop in it

it gets harder and harder every day, youve pretty much got to spray diarrhea in a big arc from the top of the himilayas now

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:14

Business Gorillas: Mar 11, 2009

You gotta poop in public sometimes if you're driving long distances.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:14

Frog Act: Feb 10, 2012

BigBoss posted:

it's because most women have really hosed up bowels. Activia is aimed at women for a reason.

what are you basing this on

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:30

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

Fandyien posted:

what are you basing this on

every woman on her period ever holy gently caress it's either completely stopped up or squirting everywhere

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:35

Moridin920: Nov 15, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

I used to have a huge issue with it when I was a kid (didnt poop for 5 days at 5th grade camp) but eventually I was at a 2 week camp thing as a teen and I just had to poop eventually and ever since then I don't care at all unless the place is just totally filthy

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:52

Cosmic Charlie: Apr 6, 2009; How do you do? Truckin' in style along the avenue

I had taken a date to this campground/trail system and on the way back to the car my stomach starts doing cartwheels. I tell the date I'm gonna make a pit stop before we head home and stop in the restroom/shower building they have for the campers. I get in there and its empty save for a dude taking a shower, the restroom is hot and steamy and I cant wait.

Its the worst poo poo I've ever had to take, its loud and smells worse than anything I've ever produced so naturally I start laughing. The entire bathroom is reeking and the steam is only making things worse. Im still laughing as I wash up and leave.

# ? Dec 5, 2014 02:59