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Let's talk about stealth pissing for a few minutes. You know how it goes; you're on vacation, maybe you live in an apartment building, perhaps your roommates are nosy. Either way, you've found yourself in a situation where someone may be listening to you pee. Regardless of how you got in this situation, you're in it and there's no way out. Somebody wants to hear you bleed the main vein, and they're going to do their goddamned best to make sure that happens. I'd like to take a moment to share some methods I've discovered myself that can help ensure that the sound of your piss remains a secret to the world. Method 1: Rimshot  The method most people are familiar with. It gets the job done most of the time, but there are a couple drawbacks to this method. It's a bitch and a half to aim unless you have a very steady hand, so you're pretty much guaranteed to piss on the floor eventually if you rely on this method. Additionally, piss droplets. They get everywhere, maybe even on your toothbrush! That's gross. Method 2: The Thirsty Bird  Don't do this. Ever. Method 3: The Crouch  This slightly advanced method will require some explanation. First of all, crouch down on one knee. Next, place your penis into the toilet. DO NOT TOUCH THE SIDE OF THE BOWL! That's super gross.   Now that you're in position, piss against the rim of the bowl at a very shallow angle. Done correctly, your pee will spiral silently into the water, and the people listening outside the bathroom door will be none the wiser!  I hope this information helps someone avoid the terminal embarrassment of having someone hear them tinkle. I have several advanced methods for peeing, silent or otherwise, but those are beyond the scope of this discussion and won't be shared unless there's enough interest. If you have your own stealth piss methods, please share them below!
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Dec 8, 2014 06:22
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 23:16 |
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another way is to piss in your own mouth
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Dec 8, 2014 06:23
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the longer you hold it in, the more nutrients you absorb, so hold it in forever
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Dec 8, 2014 06:26
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catheterize yourself to pee inside your own butt... stealthily
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Dec 8, 2014 06:28
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I really want to see this thread go places but late Sunday is like the worst time to start a thread man.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:29
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Pee in the shower. That way no one can hear you flush, thus giving away you were even using the restroom. If someone asks on the frequent showers: just tell them you had a horrible incident as a child and need to cleanse yourself often.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:30
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I would dip it in the toilet water, walk out of the bathroom, and slap them with my dick.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:31
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What the gently caress, dude. You lay a square of toilet paper on top of the water and aim for it. I don't even own a penis and I know this.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:31
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Dec 8, 2014 06:32
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why does your cockhead look like a 2btn mouse
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Dec 8, 2014 06:34
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Dec 8, 2014 06:35
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whoflungpoop posted:why does your cockhead look like a 2btn mouse Must be European
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Dec 8, 2014 06:36
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Flushing the sink is pretty quiet
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Dec 8, 2014 06:37
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detectivemonkey posted:What the gently caress, dude. You lay a square of toilet paper on top of the water and aim for it. I don't even own a penis and I know this. Piss is toilet paper's kryptonite. A proper stream of manpiss will slice right through a wad of toilet paper like a CO2 laser through metal. Guys who live with women that occasionally forget to flush after peeing are acutely aware of this, since cutting the paper in half is something of a personal sport to us. A single sheet doesn't stand a loving chance.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:39
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what kind of crazy man stores yellow string in a sprite bottle
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Dec 8, 2014 06:39
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stand on top of the back of the toilet and make the splash loud as gently caress. stealth elimination is for hippies and losers.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:41
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I imagine pissing the bed is rather silent
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Dec 8, 2014 06:43
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Toilet paper in the bowl only works for stealth making GBS threads. Here's a tip, find the bowl that has a poo poo already in it and stealth pee on the log. 
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Dec 8, 2014 06:45
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VendaGoat posted:I imagine pissing the bed is rather silent like any ninja you must leave no sign
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Dec 8, 2014 06:46
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piss on a microphone wrapped in protective plastic suspended just over the bowl. turn the speakers to 11 and make sure the whole city can hear you dispose of weakness.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:46
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Dec 8, 2014 06:46
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if you cup your hand just right, you can pee on it and have it quietly trickle down into the toilet, it takes years of practice and urine expulsion control, though
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Dec 8, 2014 06:48
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i prefer pissing in the tank so everytime you flush you get pee water
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Dec 8, 2014 06:49
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 The Slater is an effective and  way to steathily relieve yourself when people are trying to hear you empty your bladder.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:49
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OP are you actually a horse?
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Dec 8, 2014 06:50
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Same but its not piss.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:50
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Frank Horrigan posted:
Make sure you lock the door otherwise theres a nonzero chance that you'll be known as the guy who tried to have sex with a toilet.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:51
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Frank Horrigan posted:Method 2: The Thirsty Bird lmao
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Dec 8, 2014 06:53
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Dec 8, 2014 06:53
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Dec 8, 2014 06:54
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Downward Dong
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Dec 8, 2014 06:55
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I used to like peeing on the toilet paper in public restrooms. Just imagining some dude in there taking a poo poo reaching for the tp and realizing someone pissed on it cracked me up. Also making GBS threads on the floor right next to the toilet ruled as well.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:55
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:I used to like peeing on the toilet paper in public restrooms. Just imagining some dude in there taking a poo poo reaching for the tp and realizing someone pissed on it cracked me up. I uhh. Well, I'm not really sure what to say about that.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:58
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:I used to like peeing on the toilet paper in public restrooms. Just imagining some dude in there taking a poo poo reaching for the tp and realizing someone pissed on it cracked me up.  This thread is for stealth pissing, not whatever the gently caress this is.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:58
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:I used to like peeing on the toilet paper in public restrooms. Just imagining some dude in there taking a poo poo reaching for the tp and realizing someone pissed on it cracked me up. You are history's greatest monster, hope your mom is proud.
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Dec 8, 2014 06:59
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:I used to like peeing on the toilet paper in public restrooms. Just imagining some dude in there taking a poo poo reaching for the tp and realizing someone pissed on it cracked me up. mods???
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Dec 8, 2014 07:01
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if your piss muscles are fine tuned and powerful, as mine are, you can control the gauge of your stream enough to easily raise or lower the volume of your piss stream striking the bowl or water
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Dec 8, 2014 07:04
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Dec 8, 2014 07:05
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jfc just piss in the sink like a normal human being
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Dec 8, 2014 07:07
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 23:16 |
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Dec 8, 2014 07:07
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