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open container
Sep 16, 2008

quote:

:downswords: :downswords: :downswords:

VVVVVVVVV Like I'm gonna read that wall of text :rolleyes:

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Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post
Every morning I need to be at work at 7am. I get a ride to work from a co-worker who does not live in my town but does me a solid favor and I pay her each week. At 6:40am she arrived at my house like usual and just decided to sit in the driveway instead of texting me to come out. I decided to go out anyway and she was getting off the phone as I was getting into the car. She tells me she was just on the phone with 911, and claims that she saw a man laying on the side of the road on the way down my street. She asked if we could be a bit late to work and go back down my street (in the opposite direction we needed to go) and check it out to make sure she isn't just crazy. So we head down my street and sure enough 3 police cars come blowing by us at like 60mph. She's like poo poo they went too far! So we go a little further down the road and we see a lady jogging with one of those reflector vests on the same side of the road as where she claims to have seen a body laying. I turn to her and say "Ok, I don't think you saw a body laying on the ground. I am pretty sure you are crazy. How could 3 police cars looking for it and a lady casually jogging down the road miss it?". She insists we continue to go to where she saw it and that she isn't crazy.

So eventually we get to where she claims to have seen it and sure enough there was a car on the side of the road with a loving body laying halfway underneath it. To give you an idea of how loving confusing this is not only is the body under the car, but he is face down and has his legs and lower body under the rear end of the car. A pretty loving confusing position to be in. Right as we rolled up another guy who was coming down the opposite side of the road also stopped and pulled over and we all got out of our cars at the same time. We go over to this guy who just showed up and he asks if we know what happened. Of course none of us do so we go over to the body under the car to investigate. Other guy who is trying to help suggests we pull him out from under the car and I tell him he is an idiot and you never touch or try to move a body you come across because you may in fact hurt them even worse by doing so. Now this guy looks loving dead as poo poo. I mean really dead. But no real obvious signs of injury to him. We decide the first thing to do would be to try and find a pulse, so my coworker tries to find a pulse on his wrist. She turns to us and says "I can't feel a pulse. But I don't know if that's because he is dead or because I don't know how to properly take a pulse". She tries to find one on his neck and as she is squatting bent foward trying to get in there to take a neck pulse he whispers "Help me. Help me." She is promptly freaked the gently caress out and we all start freaking out.

At this point I start kinda yelling to him "If you can hear us , try and move something that wouldn't hurt. Try and wiggle your fingers." I see his head twitch the ever so loving slightest and then his back right leg twitch the tiniest amount. I'm thinking, thank god this loving guy isn't dead I don't know what I would have done. Everything was happening very quickly and right at that moment I catch the lights of an ambulance. We see this ambulance coming and it is hauling rear end just like the cops were. I'm guessing it's because my coworker isn't familiar with my town and told them she was on the corner of Pleasant and Main street. She was in fact on Route 122 that goes through my town but it's really where all the businesses are so she probably assumed it was Main Street. However my street also connects with Main street but down on the other end like 2 something miles. It occurs to me that this ambulance is going to blow right by us and is not slowing down so I run into the middle of the street and start waving my hands. They slam on the brakes and stop not 10 feet in front of me and get out and rush to the back for their supplies and poo poo. By now the cops have arrived after turning around when they didn't find anything at the wrong end of the street. We decide to promptly get the gently caress out of there seeing how we wanted nothing to do with whatever hosed up thing happened to this guy and the police. As we power walk back to the car a cop stops us and asks us what happened. We reply we have no idea and just showed us a second before they got there. For some reason they don't ask us to stay and answer any questions and we head off to work.

Later on in the day I am recanting the story to my father. He decides to call our family friend in the police force and ask a couple questions, and this is what we found out. The car the man was under was his own loving car. And it turns out he wasn't actually dying and was in fact faking the entire time (by the way, oscar winning performance by that guy). Apparently there was a car chase reported in a town right next to mine. This guy and his car were involved. This guy was in fact a drug dealer and had been chased by other drug dealers, was run down, punched in the face and briefly knocked out, and then robbed of 3 pounds of weed. His assailants then ran off into the woods and for some reason dumped the weed and the police found it. I'm assuming there were multiple people in the robbery because someone had to run off and someone had to drive the car away.

Now this all had to have happened in like a 6 minute time span. My father left for work at 6:30, and my coworker was in my driveway talking to the police at 6:40. Accounting for a few minutes in between when my father went by the same place and saw nothing, and when my coworker was driving past it and then in my driveway for a few minutes. Why was the guy still at the scene? Why was he pretending to be dead? Why was he even under the car? Why was a drug deal going down at 6am in my suburban rear end town? Why didn't he drive away? Well for those questions, :iiam: still.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost
gently caress you if you read that

a hole-y ghost
May 10, 2010

currently reading the next post down and jizzing likie crazey

Demonachizer
Aug 7, 2004


Pretty good job OP

Drad_Bert
Jun 26, 2013

by Smythe

BeefThief
Aug 8, 2007

that was a pretty good post, gnarleyhotep

Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post
Predicting the next poster to be ilikedirt

Horseshoe theory
Mar 7, 2005

You're Hitler.

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

ThirdPartyView posted:

You're Hitler.

you motherfucker!

Halah
Sep 1, 2003

Maybe just another light that shines
Much like your posting

BeefThief
Aug 8, 2007

whats on that girl in your av's face?

Mumpy Puffinz
Aug 11, 2008
Nap Ghost

BeefThief posted:

whats on that girl in your av's face?

I don't have a girl as my av's face

Swastikatzen
Apr 10, 2006

I'm gay

TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

same

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ilikedirt
Oct 15, 2004

king of posting
no

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