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Is it sitting in a jar in some cathedral as a holy relic? Did Mary toss it to the ravens so Jesus would have prophetic visions, the way the Kwakiutl do? The Malaysian Orang Asli regard the placenta as the baby's older sibling. Was James, brother of Jesus, actually Jesus's placenta? Did Mary eat it? Were the gifts of the Magi not actually gifts, but payment for 1/3rd of a placenta each as the Three Wise Men were just blazed out of their gourds while strolling through town and happened upon a barn where some teenage chick was giving birth and Melchior was like "fuckin, let's buy this bitch's placenta" and Balthazar was like "ha ha no way" and Caspar was all "check it, these Jews will sell anything" and he was totally right?
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Dec 15, 2014 05:41
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dried, snorted, got high on god, amen
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Dec 15, 2014 05:42
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Holiday tips for making your Nativity scene more anatomically correct
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Dec 15, 2014 05:43
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his cord blood stem cells could heal the sick, raise the dead, get you high. as. gently caress. You ever shot the blood of christ man
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Dec 15, 2014 05:47
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Joseph ate the placenta
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Dec 15, 2014 05:47
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They wouldn't waste such a valuable resource back in the bible days. And it makes sense because like 80 churches claimed to have Jesus' foreskin as a holy relic. The only reason the Holy Placenta isn't spread across a hundred churches is because they ate that fucker.
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Dec 15, 2014 06:14
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more importantly, did she stay a virgin after Jesus was born? If so Joseph is the biggest saint ever since he never got laid if not, was there a hymen to break after she gave birth without having banged before? How did he know she was a virgin if not?
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Dec 15, 2014 06:15
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LOL OP there never was a placenta. You really think your man jesus would ever get tied to a woman? also, jesus is wireless
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Dec 15, 2014 06:21
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she probably turned it into an artisanal jam or chutney or gave it to sandra lee who shoved it into the middle of a pre-banked angel food cake and said hey here's a cake for all the holiday jews celebrate instead of the good one
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Dec 15, 2014 06:32
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 Apparently it's really good for your hair.
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Dec 15, 2014 07:04
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She made a bloody mary
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Dec 15, 2014 07:06
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Joseph, like the good cuck he was, ate the placenta made by his wife and the superior man (god)
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Dec 15, 2014 07:39
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Eonwe posted:Joseph, like the good cuck he was, ate the placenta made by his wife and the superior man (god) probably made to eat his own spoof too.
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Dec 15, 2014 07:49
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Jesustheastronaut! posted:LOL OP there never was a placenta. You really think your man jesus would ever get tied to a woman? also, jesus is wireless I wondered when jesus would get around to posting
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Dec 15, 2014 07:51
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What would happen of you went back in time and killed baby Jesus. Would we all burn in hell. Would people currently in heaven get ripped out since Jesus never got to die for their sins. Heavy stuff
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Dec 15, 2014 07:55
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she made a nice dish out of it. found a receipe in a tumblr blog. a holy dish it sure was.
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Dec 15, 2014 07:58
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:What would happen of you went back in time and killed baby Jesus. Would we all burn in hell. Would people currently in heaven get ripped out since Jesus never got to die for their sins. Heavy stuff poo poo, man thats hosed up
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Dec 15, 2014 08:00
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I'm willing to be that somewhere, there is a church that has what it claims to be placenta of "Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ" (TM) After all, I have the blood of Saint Januarius in a bottle on a shelf in my house. The reliquary, holding the most holy relic  The relic itself!  Obvious dried blood!  Becoming liquid!  A miracle has occurred! Once again, the blood flows!  So, yeah, somewhere a church has some beef jerky on display that they say is Jesus' placenta.
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Dec 15, 2014 08:15
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so hungry for some jerky right now
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Dec 15, 2014 08:16
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Secks Cauldron posted:
They say that about all kinds of gross things. Probably all starts out as some kind of drunken bet turned marketing idea
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Dec 15, 2014 08:21
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IozYbWIiycQ
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Dec 15, 2014 09:45
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gnarlyhotep posted:I wondered when jesus would get around to posting I'm glad Jesus is here, and posting with a fresh avatar that lets me know he is with the times and understands my generation.
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Dec 15, 2014 09:46
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I don't think she ate it, but they might have fed it to the animals, who then became blessed among animals.
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Dec 15, 2014 10:21
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Gonna write a novel where Mary becomes a sex crazed drug addict after the Virgin Birth.
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Dec 15, 2014 10:42
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The placenta is trash
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Dec 15, 2014 10:46
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Otto Von Jizzmark posted:What would happen of you went back in time and killed baby Jesus. Would we all burn in hell. Would people currently in heaven get ripped out since Jesus never got to die for their sins. Heavy stuff
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Dec 15, 2014 14:29
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Gotta feed that protein pack to baby Jesus if you want him to get jacked an make sweet gain, brah!
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Dec 15, 2014 15:03
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Unbelievably Fat Man posted:can't happen. jesus was a fictional character hth By what definition? More people know about him than about all of us out together. After you've died, and the impact your life has made upon the world has faded into the background noise such that there is no real difference between this universe and another where you never existed, people will still be talking about Jesus. So who's real now? Besides, to answer the other guy, if you go back in time to kill Jesus you'll probably fail through a bunch of hilarious screwups and then finally get the chance when some guys have nailed him to some wood and you stab him with a spear. Or you can manage it by impersonating the Roman governor guy and ordering his death, or impersonating Judas and betraying Jesus. And it turns out it was meant to happen all along. And seeing as how he's meant to die for sins or whatever the weird metaphysical crap is, if you somehow manage it earlier it won't change much, he still dies for sins. What you'd have to do to break the prophesy is go back in time and save Jesus, say by using modern medical technology. Bring along a bunch of plasma, drugs and antibiotics. IV lines and saline. Can you fit a heart rate monitor in your time machine? Anyway, dope him up with painkillers and anti-coagulants before he gets nailed up. Surreptitiously give him a sedative that makes him appear dead so they take him down (also be the guy who stabs him with a spear, which is a fake spear with a blood pack in the tip). Hide in the cave where they put him, with all your medical equipment hidden under a rug. Revive him and keep him sedated over the weekend to recover. By saving Jesus, you'll definitely be condemning everyone to hell, as there's no way the stories will be able to account for him miraculously being alive a few days later! Edit: and yes, when you go back in time to save/murder/observe Jesus, it turns out that literally every person in Jerusalem around that time is a time traveler from different points in the future who've impersonated the original populace. IronClaymore fucked around with this message at 15:25 on Dec 15, 2014 |
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Dec 15, 2014 15:21
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A lot of churches claimed to have Baby Jesus' foreskin so I'm sure one of them has the placenta
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Dec 15, 2014 15:30
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I find pubes on the toilet that are not mine, are they Jesus' pubes? Because really there's no other solution.
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Dec 15, 2014 15:46
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IronClaymore posted:By what definition? More people know about him than about all of us out together. After you've died, and the impact your life has made upon the world has faded into the background noise such that there is no real difference between this universe and another where you never existed, people will still be talking about Jesus. So who's real now? The trouble with that argument is that you could say the same thing about Harry Potter.
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Dec 15, 2014 16:09
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Sherlock Holmes is totes a real guy, I mean everyone's heard of him Come to think of it, there's no rule in the bible that states what to do with the placenta Trochanter fucked around with this message at 16:29 on Dec 15, 2014 |
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Dec 15, 2014 16:22
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Zeus is real
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Dec 15, 2014 16:30
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jackyl posted:more importantly, did she stay a virgin after Jesus was born? If so Joseph is the biggest saint ever since he never got laid nobody agrees on this although most people who think mary remained a vigin also think she was josephs second wife, so he prob did get laid at some point
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Dec 15, 2014 19:16
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IronClaymore posted:By what definition? More people know about him than about all of us out together. After you've died, and the impact your life has made upon the world has faded into the background noise such that there is no real difference between this universe and another where you never existed, people will still be talking about Jesus. So who's real now?
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Dec 15, 2014 19:22
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perhaps you are wondering why the communion wafer represents jesus' flesh
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Dec 15, 2014 19:24
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I don't know OP, but "The Immaculate Afterbirth" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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Dec 15, 2014 19:27
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i thought the placenta became the rings of jupiter. i know something related to jesus being born became the rings of jupiter
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Dec 15, 2014 19:27
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I remember during catequesis I had to fill some crossword and one word was "Mary was also ________ mother" and I put "natural" because it fit and I remembered Jesus having half-brothers in the Bible somewhere, and thought "man, at least one of the questions in this thing is meant to make you learn something about the bible" but no, it was "our" (nuestra, it makes sense in spanish). I was already an atheist at that point and doing the catequesis to please my mother because "you're supposed to do it", but I thought it was a bum out. I enjoyed singing the church songs though, still do whenever I accompany my elderly mother to some procession. Funny thing is I'm usually the only person singing in a large area of the church.
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Dec 15, 2014 19:59
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Since there's a lot of official speculation about the Holy Womb and not much about the person that owns it, I submit that Mary was a jerk and a lousy mother who really liked baba ganoush, please join my religion E: she also had a big rear end Trochanter fucked around with this message at 23:13 on Dec 15, 2014 |
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Dec 15, 2014 23:10
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