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TEAYCHES
Jun 23, 2002

P-Mack posted:

Guys, listen to the expert.

Gorilla vs. Man

'Any animal can be knocked out by a hard punch'

******************************

by Gene Tunney

1926-28 Heavyweight Boxing Champion

Editor and Owner
Connecticut Nutmeg

New Canaan, Conn.
Vol. 1, No. 3

June 9, 1938

It was one of the first fights I had ever had. It was in France during the war. I was to box a big sergeant who outweighed me considerably and who had much more experience. Just before the gong sounded a second in my corner said, 'Stay away from this fellow. Be careful, he's as strong as a gorilla.'

In the second round I hit him in the solar plexus with a left hook and he very obligingly went down and out. It was not a particularly hard punch. I went back to my corner and said, 'If gorillas aren't any stronger than that get a match for me with one.'

I was a great admirer of the late Arthur Brisbane. I admired him tremendously as a man, as an editor, and of course greatly as a reporter. It was he who on the eve of an important championship heavyweight fight once wrote a bit contemptuously, 'A gorilla could lick them both.' The line was widely quoted and Brisbane often used it. More than once he wrote editorials for the Sunday American on the theme and the editorials were accompanied by Windsor McKay drawings showing an enormous gorilla crushing a man with a casual sweep of his right arm.

Eventually fighting became my trade. I was interested in every phase of boxing and of human anatomy. I learned early that a boxer to be successful must know a great deal more than how to land a punch. He must know where to land it so that it will have the most effect. He must know his own body and he must strengthen parts of his body which were never meant to absorb punches -- the solar plexus region for instance. Out of sheer curiosity I often talked over Brisbane's statement with medical men who knew anatomy and with explorers and wild animal men who knew gorillas.

I happened to be seated alongside of him at the 1932 Democratic convention in Chicago. One day Frank Buck walked up to us and I said to Frank, 'You know something about gorillas. Do you think that a well-trained, well-conditioned prize-fighter could knock out a gorilla?' This was meant as a sort of kid, for I knew that Mr. Brisbane, in spite of his great intellectual capacity, had no understanding of humor.

Buck said, 'I certainly do. I don't think he'd have any trouble.'

'How about it, Mr. Brisbane?' I asked, but Mr. Brisbane only shook his head. He said, rather emphatically, after Frank Buck departed, 'Tunney, don't let that fellow fool you, a gorilla could lick three men.' He wasn't going to give up a conviction which he had held for many years. Mr. Brisbane went to his death convinced that a gorilla could lick any man who ever lived.

I asked the late Martin Johnson about it and he thoroughly agreed with Buck and myself.

'A gorilla is a sluggish thinker,' Martin Johnson said. 'He only knows one attack. He goes after something and grabs it with his hands and then hugs it to his breast, crushing the life out of it when possible.'

* * *

It is my firm conviction that any fairly good heavyweight boxer could put the great Gargantua to sleep or to rout within two minutes. You must remember that a boxer stepping into the ring to defend or seek a championship is, muscularly speaking, quite a different person than is the spectator who watches him. Years of specialized calisthenics have put a tough layer of hard muscle over the boxer's stomach and solar plexus. Punches that would knock the ordinary man out instantly or injure him internally, bounce off the hardened body of a well conditioned boxer without making him gasp. That protective layer of muscle absorbs punches just as shock absorbers on your car assimilate the bumps.

And speaking of unprotected solar plexuses, I can remember seeing in the American Vaudeville Theatre at 42nd Street and Eighth Avenue some years ago a washed-up middleweight fighter named Mike Farrell from the Westside Athletic Club put the gloves on with a trained polar bear at the invitation of the trainer from the stage. The bear had been used to sticking out one of its gloved fore-paws and scaring the silly men who would accept the invitation to box with the bear as a lark. Mike Farrell had an Irish sense of humor. When the bear stuck out his paw, Mike simply slipped inside and with both hands played the most resounding rat-a-tat on the unsuspecting bear's midsection. The bear dropped on all fours and ran off the stage, letting out the most terrifying shrieks. The trainer tried to brain Mike with a chair, the only weapon he could reach, for trying to kill his breadwinner.

Gargantua is a big boy but a Dempsey left hook landing on his stomach might figuratively tear the poor animal in two and leave him paralyzed on the canvas or jungle. He didn't spend years of doing bending and mat exercises. A man has twenty-four ribs. Your encyclopedia will tell you that a gorilla has but thirteen. Between the ribs, below the breastbone, there are nerve centers. If they are shocked the shock travels to the spine temporarily causing paralysis. The ribs and well developed muscles between the ribs protect these nerve centers. Twenty-four ribs are much more protection than thirteen.

There is the question of Gargantua's enormous teeth which look so frightening. He could do a lot of damage with his teeth and he doesn't know it. To begin with he lives on a vegetable diet. He isn't a meat eater. He is herbivorous and therefore would hardly relish a bite of tough human muscle. Anyone who lives only on what the dietitians call soft food must have weak teeth. They haven't been hardened to tearing meat. A good right-hand punch would probably send eight of Gargantua's teeth flying out to the seventh row.

A gorilla has a skull which closely resembles the skull of a man. However, encased in that skull is a small brain, smaller than that of a dog. A gorilla has no reasoning process worthy of the name. Suppose he was fighting Joe Louis. What would he make of that amazing fast left jab? It would bewilder him considerably. It has bewildered every human opponent (except Max Schmeling) Louis has ever fought. A gorilla doesn't know pain, they say. Suppose Louis or Schmeling or any of the first ten ranking heavyweights were to land a punch let's say on Gargantua's Adam's Apple. Then Gargantua would know pain. Were you ever hit on the Adam's Apple? It isn't fun. Jack Dempsey hit me there when we boxed in Philadelphia and I felt as though I were swallowing whole pineapples for a week after. Martin Johnson told me a well-placed punch on the jaw would down the average large gorilla.

As soon as Gargantua felt pain his reaction would be to rush in furiously. A good fighter would side step, swing a right to the jaw and Gargantua would be hearing the birdies sing. Any animal who has a brain, a nervous system and a spinal cord, can be knocked out.

Now the Ringling Brothers Circus has come to our part of the country. It has pitched its tents at Bridgeport. Gargantua, the great star of the show, is there. Humphrey Doulens, one of our contributors, and a most ardent devotee of the circus, will also be there. He offers to arrange an opportunity for me to test out my theory: That a well-conditioned fighter could lick any gorilla. But unfortunately I am no longer in fighting shape. However, I would like to take up the offer for any one of a dozen third-rate heavyweights I know, but I would have to insist on immunity from any legal action by Ringling Brothers-Barnum and Bailey for damages through injury to Gargantua the Great. Moreover, I would insist on a referee other than Humphrey Doulens or any other Bridgeport buddy of Gargantua's to prevent the possibility of a long count.

- The End -

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DrManiac
Feb 29, 2012

So could an average dude beat an elderly gorilla? Like, could I beat the poo poo out of grampa gorilla who's just a few years away from death?

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
Adorable.

Here's a gorilla ripping a banana tree in half.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4amRA0jl0qI&t=40s

putin is a cunt
Apr 5, 2007

BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION
didnt read thread but just wondering how much/far can a chimp cum

putin is a cunt
Apr 5, 2007

BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION
how far does their sperm shoot

e: and how much, if anyone knows??

putin is a cunt fucked around with this message at 04:11 on Dec 18, 2014

FogHelmut
Dec 18, 2003

Say Nothing posted:

Adorable.

Here's a gorilla ripping a banana tree in half.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4amRA0jl0qI&t=40s

cool story

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU-LitJzkO8


oblig
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvsGjB4ORi0





im fairly certain after reading that gene tunney article that bas rutten could score a successful liver knockout on a gorilla

JiveHonky
May 12, 2001

by zen death robot
Grimey Drawer
bedtime for bonzo

Only registered members can see post attachments!

MegaGatts
Dec 12, 2004

The Enteroctopus dofleini, also known as the giant Pacific octopus (GPO) or North Pacific giant octopus, is a large marine cephalopod belonging to the phylum Mollusca and is tripping balls.
A very well trained human being might be able to beat a chimp if he's really lucky and gets a good combination and knocks out the chimp. there is no way a human can fight a gorilla. no god drat way. Even if you catch the gorilla right on the button, their head and neck is so muscular you wouldn't create the torque necessary to cause any damage. Even if you could get close enough to eye gouge it, congrats, you will be torn apart by a one eyed gorilla. Gene Tunney is a dumb fucker

etalian
Mar 20, 2006

MegaGatts posted:

A very well trained human being might be able to beat a chimp if he's really lucky and gets a good combination and knocks out the chimp. there is no way a human can fight a gorilla. no god drat way. Even if you catch the gorilla right on the button, their head and neck is so muscular you wouldn't create the torque necessary to cause any damage. Even if you could get close enough to eye gouge it, congrats, you will be torn apart by a one eyed gorilla. Gene Tunney is a dumb fucker

Not to mention the chimp would be trying to yank your dick and balls off.

Evil_Greven
Feb 20, 2007

Whadda I got to,
whadda I got to do
to wake ya up?

To shake ya up,
to break the structure up!?
I wonder how Dennis Rogers compares...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbVmRT13dXY

He's... not huge physically, but that's not what's impressive.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw6a28kp8YU

naem
May 29, 2011

Monkey Fracas
Sep 11, 2010

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!
Grimey Drawer

Stoic Commie posted:

mad about apes

Coral Reefer
Feb 19, 2005

I touched a clown and now I am going to jail. I hope they let me keep my beard.
Grimey Drawer

Butt Wizard posted:

Don't chimps rip your balls off to disable you and then go hog-wild on your face?

they try to but then they end up getting shot in Ferguson.

SniperWoreConverse
Mar 20, 2010



Gun Saliva
boo booooooooooo
a bad fuckin post, boooooooooooooooo

you guys are dumb as gently caress, think this poo poo thru. You want the gorilla on your side, sometime you need a bro who can straight up carry your truck to the shop when you gently caress up the transmission. Give him stock tips or w/e, scratch eath other back. Play some video games, but back off fighters don't piss 'em off that poo poo gets frustrating when your finger is bigger than all the buttons combined

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula

Lipstick Apathy

Ramsus posted:

Gorillas are buds, gently caress chimps

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GorgFtCqPEs

Robin Williams was so hairy the monky probably thought he was a fellow simian.

OXBALLS DOT COM
Sep 11, 2005

by FactsAreUseless
Young Orc

Robbie Fowler posted:

i remember reading something a while ago which said we'd get smaller in physical stature in the name of efficiency etc.

like how smaller dogs live longer than big dogs, less strain on the physiological side of things. we might get more swole but being 7ft + isn't a long term advantage in terms of life expectancy.

evolution doesnt really care what happens to you after you manage to produce offspring and get them to reproductive age

A Spider Covets
May 4, 2009


all these words utilized to conclude that chimps drool, bonobos rule (pussy, lol)

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula

Lipstick Apathy

Only humans invented hanzo steel so only humans can win that fight.

The Wizard of Poz posted:

didnt read thread but just wondering how much/far can a chimp cum

The Wizard of Poz posted:

how far does their sperm shoot

e: and how much, if anyone knows??

Ask Kermit the frog

Ivor Biggun fucked around with this message at 06:00 on Dec 18, 2014

Virginia Slams
Nov 17, 2012
this should clear this up for you retards who think a human can beat a chimp, gorilla or whatever loving monkey

Case Study #1: Chimpanzee v. Unarmed Man (1880)

A zoological garden in Chicago kept a seventy-five pound “cross between the gorilla and ordinary monkey,” named Jim, tethered on a chain for public display. One day in 1880, Jim broke his collar and attacked the zoo manager. When a man named Harry Martin attempted to break up the assault, Jim stopped attacking the manager and leapt on Martin. Using teeth and claws, the monkey ripped up Martin’s legs, apparently severing the man’s femoral artery. Martin tried to stop the assault by hitting the monkey, but he collapsed due to loss of blood before he could inflict any serious damage. Jim continued his attack on the floored Martin, fleeing only when a large crowd gathered around the two combatants.


Results: Easy victory for what was probably a chimpanzee.

Case Study #2: Baboon v. Man with Sharp Stick (1891)

A superintendent and monkey trainer at the Woodward Gardens fought a primate in 1891. One day while working in his office, the trainer heard a child scream. Rushing to the source of the noise, the man found that a baboon had broken his chain, grabbed a little girl, and had begun shaking the child like “a terrier does a rat.” Reacting quickly, the man snagged the baboon’s neck and squeezed. The animal let the girl go, and turned to bite the man choking him. The trainer held the primate at arm’s length and dragged it in the direction of a picket fence, where he hoped to beat the baboon’s “brains out against the pickets.” Before reaching the fence, however, the trainer’s strength gave out and the baboon escaped his grasp. Displaying the wherewithal of a ninja, the man kicked his opponent under the chin, stunning the animal and sending him flying into the air.

The break in the action allowed the man to grab a pointed wood bar lying nearby. After the baboon landed and recovered his senses, he rushed. As the animal closed in, the man swung his wooden stick with all of his might. He missed, allowing the baboon to bite his leg just below the knee. The primate ground his teeth into the leg, splintering bone, and refusing to release his grip, even when the trainer started stabbing him with the pointed end of his weapon. Only after upper and lower teeth met one another in the midst of the man’s leg, did the animal pull back, bringing a two-inch chunk of leg with him. During the brief reprieve, the human grabbed the baboon by its heels, lifted it off the ground, then swung it with full force into the fence. The blow knocked the animal out. The man later claimed that he would rather fight a bear than another primate.


Results: Human victory, but he used a wooden stick to achieve it.

Case Study #3: Baboon v. Man with Pen Knife (1892)

In 1892, a 62-year-old farmer in South Africa wrote his local paper concerning an encounter he’d had with a baboon. One day when the man was out walking with his dogs, he heard a group of baboons raising a ruckus on a nearby hill. The dogs set off in the direction of the noise. The man did also, unholstering the rifle he carried on his back during walks. When the farmer reached the top of the hill, he found a horrible sight: in the time it had taken him to reach the top of the hill, the baboons had killed all but one of his dogs. The farmer fired his entire cartridge at the primates, hitting one baboon in the shoulder and sending the rest fleeing. The surviving dog and the man chased after the wounded baboon, the farmer pausing just long enough to grab a rock to kill the animal. Just as the dog overcame his prey and sank his teeth into the primate, a second, much larger baboon separated from the fleeing pack and ran towards the man.


The farmer managed to hurl the stone he was carrying at the approaching animal, but it did nothing to slow him. The baboon closed in, grabbed the man, slammed him to the ground, and bit his leg so hard that multiple bones snapped under the pressure. The man kicked the animal with his undamaged leg, but this only enraged the primate.

An attempt to choke the baboon also failed. And when the man managed to take his small penknife from his pocket and stab the animal, again, the baboon remained unfazed. After an hour of struggling in this manner, the farmer prepared to give in and accept his fate. Just then, his dog finally killed the primate that he had been struggling with and seized the primate that was attacking his master. Faced with a second opponent, the baboon fled the scene. The farmer barely managed to return to his home alive.

Results: Baboon victory over old man. Man saved by his dog.

Case Study #4: Small Chimpanzee v. Unarmed Man (1897)

In 1897, a forty-five pound primate named Pat, described in a newspaper only as a “monkey,” broke out of his cage in order to seek revenge on a zookeeper who had teased him earlier in the day. The keeper was in an adjacent room with his back to the door when Pat found him. Without alerting the human to his presence, the monkey sprang high enough to sink his teeth into the man’s cheek and chin. The keeper managed to fling the monkey to the ground, but the animal kept up his assault, jumping and slashing at the man with his paws. With no weapons nearby, the human defended himself with his hands, which were shredded by the monkey’s claws and teeth. In spite of his injuries, the keeper was able to “subdue the brute” in “a desperate battle.” The manner in which the human bested the monkey is unclear, but he did enough damage that once the animal recovered, he immediately fled to the safety of his cage. The keeper’s injuries required stitches but were not life threatening.

Results: Unarmed human defeats a small primate.

Case Study #5: Gorilla v. Man with Tamer’s Fork (1902)

In 1902, in Marseilles, France a large gorilla named Francois grew jealous when his keeper, Journoux, started to bring his new wife to the zoo with him. Whenever the wife came around, Francois would act surly, sit in his cage, and refuse to acknowledge visitors. After one particularly affectionate visit from the tamer’s wife, Francois grew depressed for two days. When Journoux entered the cage to comfort the ape, Francois leapt on the tamer and began to pummel him with his massive fists. Thankfully for Journoux, he had a small “tamer’s fork” and was able to fend off Francois long enough to escape the cage. Unfortunately for Journoux, Francois came through the cage door before it could be shut.

The ape and Journoux continued dueling outside of the cage, with the tamer using his fork to tear chunks out of his opponent’s flesh. Francois responded to the attacks by ripping one of Journoux’s eyes from his skull. The gorilla also used his teeth to bite off the tamer’s chin, lower lip, and part of one of his hands. In spite of the damage, Journoux kept stabbing with his weapon. The fight lasted for twenty minutes, witnessed by three children who were too scared to go for help. Finally, with both opponents rapidly losing blood, Francois, the ape, collapsed. When help finally arrived, they found Journoux crawling away from Francois on all fours. The tamer died of his wounds five hours later.

Results: Draw. Human uses metal tool to kill ape, but dies of wounds suffered in the fight.

Case Study #6: Baboon v. Unarmed Man (1905)

The Ithaca Zoo witnessed a fight between a man and a baboon on February 4, 1905. That day a zookeeper named Edward Stillwell entered the baboon cage to feed the animals as he had done many times before. For reasons unknown, a large male baboon attacked Stillwell while his back was turned. Using teeth and paws, the primate “tore the skin from Stillwell’s head and face and held him fast with his arms pinned to the side.” The zookeeper was unable to escape the cage, but, in spite of losing tremendous amounts of blood, he managed to wrap his hands around the baboon’s neck and get to his feet. Holding tight to the primate’s neck, Stillwell dragged the animal across the cage and submerged its head in a water bucket. The keeper held the animal underwater until it drowned.

Results: Human defeats baboon.

Case Study #7: Baboon v. Unarmed Man (1909)

A similar incident occurred in the off hours of an animal show in Portland Oregon in 1909. When trainer Fred Wilson entered the baboon cage at feeding time, a particularly vicious primate named Kokomo attacked him. In this instance, it wasn’t the human, but the baboon that did the choking. With the other baboons screaming wildly, Kokomo grabbed and clawed at Wilson’s neck. The trainer, however, was able to stay on his feet, preventing the animal from obtaining a good hold. Over time the weight of the baboon hanging on him, as well as a loss of blood from his neck, caused Wilson to collapse to the ground. Kokomo took this as an opportunity to gnaw on Wilson’s legs. After thirty minutes, fellow employees finally came to Wilson’s aid. They found the man in a pool of blood and transported him to the hospital where he was placed in intensive care.

Results: Baboon defeats human.

Case Study #8: Gorilla v. Unarmed Man (1911)

In 1911, the merchant ship Pathan sailed from Yokohama carrying an unnamed 200-pound gorilla in a cage on its deck. The ape was docile until a Malay sailor named Pedday started teasing him. What exactly the sailor did is unknown, but it threw the gorilla into a fury. The ape ripped off his cage door and went after Pedday. He grabbed the sailor, tossed him to the deck, and began beating him with his fists. Somehow, Pedday—whom the article describes as “brawny” with “almost superhuman strength”—fended off the animal, but in the process, the fight carried over to the edge of the ship’s deck. Just as it appeared that the gorilla was about to drive Pedday overboard, sailors arrived and beat the ape about the head with deck equipment, eventually crushing the animal’s skull.

Results: Draw, but the gorilla probably would have defeated the human had help not arrived.


Case Study #9 Unknown Primate v. Unarmed Human (1911)

A man and a primate fought in 1911 in Baltimore, where customs inspectors had confiscated four “monkeys” from smugglers and stored them in a local warehouse to await sale. On April 30, one of the female monkeys—it’s unclear what kind of monkey, exactly—escaped its cage. After all efforts to return the primate to its cage failed, customs workers called in animal trainer Arthur Marriott. When Marriott tried to grab the monkey, the animal bit him. The trainer was bitten a second time, but in this instance he “choked the monkey into submission” and was able to return the monkey to her cage. Marriott’s hands required stitches but he was otherwise fine.

Results: Human defeats unidentified monkey using only his hands.

Mr. Meagles
Apr 30, 2004

Out here, everything hurts


if a mountain lion ever attacks you - easy, just snap it's neck. game over.

buff as hell chimpanzee? just snap it's neck. yeah, that's a game over.

eagle divebombing you at 75mph with talons as big as your fingers? grab it in midair and snap it's neck. it's not hard to kill wild animals folks. these are techniques any human can learn.

putin is a cunt
Apr 5, 2007

BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION
any news on the chimp cum conundrum

Virginia Slams
Nov 17, 2012

The Wizard of Poz posted:

any news on the chimp cum conundrum

I suggest you look through the furry convention thread. There was a post where there was a furry version of "ask alice" and it involved getting hosed by gorillas. The guy who responded "papa bear" mentioned gorillas can cum up to a gallon hth

putin is a cunt
Apr 5, 2007

BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION
thats only a part answer, but itll do for the initial phases

Monkey Fracas
Sep 11, 2010

...but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you!
Grimey Drawer
i think gorillas are the greatest apes of all

I suggest human alliance with gorillas to wipe out the chimp menace

naem
May 29, 2011

These animals will likely go extinct in our lifetime

Ivor Biggun
Apr 30, 2003

A big "Fuck You!" from the Keyhole nebula

Lipstick Apathy

naem posted:

These animals will likely go extinct in our lifetime

Anything that competes with humans is doomed. Possibly including other humans.

Moridin920
Nov 15, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Ivor Biggun posted:

Anything that competes with humans is doomed.

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless

BlazingSun posted:

they try to but then they end up getting shot in Ferguson.

goodnight mooned
Aug 2, 2007

Monkey Fracas posted:

keep your chimp hand strong

ziasquinn
Jan 1, 2006

Fallen Rib
Post the vid of the chimp tearing apart a live baby gazelle for loving fun

Virginia Slams
Nov 17, 2012

Your Dead Gay Son posted:

Post the vid of the chimp tearing apart a live baby gazelle for loving fun

shits rugged

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcnH_TOqi3I

Otto Von Jizzmark
Dec 27, 2004
I think batman could defeat a chimp or gorilla and probably both at once.

Punk da Bundo
Dec 29, 2006

by FactsAreUseless
*trained gorilla fighter enters ring with gorilla*

*hits gorilla in eye, punches as hard as can in stomach*

*gorilla unfazed, pulls mans arm out of his socket while blood sprays everywhere and he screams, gorilla beats man with own arm like some kind of mortal kombat game*

Say Nothing
Mar 5, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
Yeah, gorillas have that thick brow ridge protecting their eyes.
No way could someone punch this hard enough to do any damage.

naem
May 29, 2011

Chimpin ain't easy

Groke
Jul 27, 2007
New Adventures In Mom Strength

BLARGHLE posted:

Humans can run for a lot longer, and can chase prey to an exhaustive death. Hooray for two legs! Also, guns.

Guns as such are too recent to matter in evolutionary terms, but tools in general have to be counted as natural weapons for humans. Along with language and the ability to make and coordinate plans. Chimps have retard strength, teeth and clawlike nails; humans have sharpened sticks and half a dozen buddies lying in ambush. This is why a chimp can gently caress you up one on one if you're not prepared but humans have pretty much hosed over chimps as a species.

Ein cooler Typ
Nov 26, 2013

by FactsAreUseless
Do you think chimpanzees developed AIDS on purpose to try to defeat humanity

VectorSigma
Jan 20, 2004

Transform
and
Freak Out



Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is
Grimey Drawer

Ein cooler Typ posted:

Do you think chimpanzees developed AIDS on purpose to try to defeat humanity

They developed aids to get back on those humans raping them all the time.

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ZombieParts
Jul 18, 2009

ASK ME ABOUT VISITING PROSTITUTES IN CHINA AND FEELING NO SHAME. MY FRIEND IS SERIOUSLY THE (PATHETIC) YODA OF PAYING WOMEN TO TOUCH HIS (AND MY) DICK. THEY WOULDN'T DO IT OTHERWISE.

Say Nothing posted:

Yeah, gorillas have that thick brow ridge protecting their eyes.
No way could someone punch this hard enough to do any damage.



Moe would make short work of that beady eyed bitch gorilla. Two fingers right in the eyes

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