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P-Mack posted:Guys, listen to the expert.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 03:11 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 12:45 |
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So could an average dude beat an elderly gorilla? Like, could I beat the poo poo out of grampa gorilla who's just a few years away from death?
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 03:49 |
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Adorable. Here's a gorilla ripping a banana tree in half. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4amRA0jl0qI&t=40s
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:03 |
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didnt read thread but just wondering how much/far can a chimp cum
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:06 |
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how far does their sperm shoot e: and how much, if anyone knows?? putin is a cunt fucked around with this message at 04:11 on Dec 18, 2014 |
# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:06 |
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Say Nothing posted:Adorable. cool story https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU-LitJzkO8 oblig https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bvsGjB4ORi0 im fairly certain after reading that gene tunney article that bas rutten could score a successful liver knockout on a gorilla
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:14 |
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bedtime for bonzo
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:22 |
A very well trained human being might be able to beat a chimp if he's really lucky and gets a good combination and knocks out the chimp. there is no way a human can fight a gorilla. no god drat way. Even if you catch the gorilla right on the button, their head and neck is so muscular you wouldn't create the torque necessary to cause any damage. Even if you could get close enough to eye gouge it, congrats, you will be torn apart by a one eyed gorilla. Gene Tunney is a dumb fucker
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:28 |
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MegaGatts posted:A very well trained human being might be able to beat a chimp if he's really lucky and gets a good combination and knocks out the chimp. there is no way a human can fight a gorilla. no god drat way. Even if you catch the gorilla right on the button, their head and neck is so muscular you wouldn't create the torque necessary to cause any damage. Even if you could get close enough to eye gouge it, congrats, you will be torn apart by a one eyed gorilla. Gene Tunney is a dumb fucker Not to mention the chimp would be trying to yank your dick and balls off.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:32 |
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I wonder how Dennis Rogers compares... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nbVmRT13dXY He's... not huge physically, but that's not what's impressive. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vw6a28kp8YU
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:35 |
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:35 |
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Stoic Commie posted:mad about apes
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 04:36 |
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Butt Wizard posted:Don't chimps rip your balls off to disable you and then go hog-wild on your face? they try to but then they end up getting shot in Ferguson.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 05:11 |
boo booooooooooo a bad fuckin post, boooooooooooooooo you guys are dumb as gently caress, think this poo poo thru. You want the gorilla on your side, sometime you need a bro who can straight up carry your truck to the shop when you gently caress up the transmission. Give him stock tips or w/e, scratch eath other back. Play some video games, but back off fighters don't piss 'em off that poo poo gets frustrating when your finger is bigger than all the buttons combined https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TdaM5Mv-TTo
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 05:37 |
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Ramsus posted:Gorillas are buds, gently caress chimps Robin Williams was so hairy the monky probably thought he was a fellow simian.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 05:38 |
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Robbie Fowler posted:i remember reading something a while ago which said we'd get smaller in physical stature in the name of efficiency etc. evolution doesnt really care what happens to you after you manage to produce offspring and get them to reproductive age
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 05:44 |
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all these words utilized to conclude that chimps drool, bonobos rule (pussy, lol)
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 05:47 |
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Only humans invented hanzo steel so only humans can win that fight. The Wizard of Poz posted:didnt read thread but just wondering how much/far can a chimp cum The Wizard of Poz posted:how far does their sperm shoot Ask Kermit the frog Ivor Biggun fucked around with this message at 06:00 on Dec 18, 2014 |
# ? Dec 18, 2014 05:53 |
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this should clear this up for you retards who think a human can beat a chimp, gorilla or whatever loving monkey Case Study #1: Chimpanzee v. Unarmed Man (1880) A zoological garden in Chicago kept a seventy-five pound “cross between the gorilla and ordinary monkey,” named Jim, tethered on a chain for public display. One day in 1880, Jim broke his collar and attacked the zoo manager. When a man named Harry Martin attempted to break up the assault, Jim stopped attacking the manager and leapt on Martin. Using teeth and claws, the monkey ripped up Martin’s legs, apparently severing the man’s femoral artery. Martin tried to stop the assault by hitting the monkey, but he collapsed due to loss of blood before he could inflict any serious damage. Jim continued his attack on the floored Martin, fleeing only when a large crowd gathered around the two combatants. Results: Easy victory for what was probably a chimpanzee. Case Study #2: Baboon v. Man with Sharp Stick (1891) A superintendent and monkey trainer at the Woodward Gardens fought a primate in 1891. One day while working in his office, the trainer heard a child scream. Rushing to the source of the noise, the man found that a baboon had broken his chain, grabbed a little girl, and had begun shaking the child like “a terrier does a rat.” Reacting quickly, the man snagged the baboon’s neck and squeezed. The animal let the girl go, and turned to bite the man choking him. The trainer held the primate at arm’s length and dragged it in the direction of a picket fence, where he hoped to beat the baboon’s “brains out against the pickets.” Before reaching the fence, however, the trainer’s strength gave out and the baboon escaped his grasp. Displaying the wherewithal of a ninja, the man kicked his opponent under the chin, stunning the animal and sending him flying into the air. The break in the action allowed the man to grab a pointed wood bar lying nearby. After the baboon landed and recovered his senses, he rushed. As the animal closed in, the man swung his wooden stick with all of his might. He missed, allowing the baboon to bite his leg just below the knee. The primate ground his teeth into the leg, splintering bone, and refusing to release his grip, even when the trainer started stabbing him with the pointed end of his weapon. Only after upper and lower teeth met one another in the midst of the man’s leg, did the animal pull back, bringing a two-inch chunk of leg with him. During the brief reprieve, the human grabbed the baboon by its heels, lifted it off the ground, then swung it with full force into the fence. The blow knocked the animal out. The man later claimed that he would rather fight a bear than another primate. Results: Human victory, but he used a wooden stick to achieve it. Case Study #3: Baboon v. Man with Pen Knife (1892) In 1892, a 62-year-old farmer in South Africa wrote his local paper concerning an encounter he’d had with a baboon. One day when the man was out walking with his dogs, he heard a group of baboons raising a ruckus on a nearby hill. The dogs set off in the direction of the noise. The man did also, unholstering the rifle he carried on his back during walks. When the farmer reached the top of the hill, he found a horrible sight: in the time it had taken him to reach the top of the hill, the baboons had killed all but one of his dogs. The farmer fired his entire cartridge at the primates, hitting one baboon in the shoulder and sending the rest fleeing. The surviving dog and the man chased after the wounded baboon, the farmer pausing just long enough to grab a rock to kill the animal. Just as the dog overcame his prey and sank his teeth into the primate, a second, much larger baboon separated from the fleeing pack and ran towards the man. The farmer managed to hurl the stone he was carrying at the approaching animal, but it did nothing to slow him. The baboon closed in, grabbed the man, slammed him to the ground, and bit his leg so hard that multiple bones snapped under the pressure. The man kicked the animal with his undamaged leg, but this only enraged the primate. An attempt to choke the baboon also failed. And when the man managed to take his small penknife from his pocket and stab the animal, again, the baboon remained unfazed. After an hour of struggling in this manner, the farmer prepared to give in and accept his fate. Just then, his dog finally killed the primate that he had been struggling with and seized the primate that was attacking his master. Faced with a second opponent, the baboon fled the scene. The farmer barely managed to return to his home alive. Results: Baboon victory over old man. Man saved by his dog. Case Study #4: Small Chimpanzee v. Unarmed Man (1897) In 1897, a forty-five pound primate named Pat, described in a newspaper only as a “monkey,” broke out of his cage in order to seek revenge on a zookeeper who had teased him earlier in the day. The keeper was in an adjacent room with his back to the door when Pat found him. Without alerting the human to his presence, the monkey sprang high enough to sink his teeth into the man’s cheek and chin. The keeper managed to fling the monkey to the ground, but the animal kept up his assault, jumping and slashing at the man with his paws. With no weapons nearby, the human defended himself with his hands, which were shredded by the monkey’s claws and teeth. In spite of his injuries, the keeper was able to “subdue the brute” in “a desperate battle.” The manner in which the human bested the monkey is unclear, but he did enough damage that once the animal recovered, he immediately fled to the safety of his cage. The keeper’s injuries required stitches but were not life threatening. Results: Unarmed human defeats a small primate. Case Study #5: Gorilla v. Man with Tamer’s Fork (1902) In 1902, in Marseilles, France a large gorilla named Francois grew jealous when his keeper, Journoux, started to bring his new wife to the zoo with him. Whenever the wife came around, Francois would act surly, sit in his cage, and refuse to acknowledge visitors. After one particularly affectionate visit from the tamer’s wife, Francois grew depressed for two days. When Journoux entered the cage to comfort the ape, Francois leapt on the tamer and began to pummel him with his massive fists. Thankfully for Journoux, he had a small “tamer’s fork” and was able to fend off Francois long enough to escape the cage. Unfortunately for Journoux, Francois came through the cage door before it could be shut. The ape and Journoux continued dueling outside of the cage, with the tamer using his fork to tear chunks out of his opponent’s flesh. Francois responded to the attacks by ripping one of Journoux’s eyes from his skull. The gorilla also used his teeth to bite off the tamer’s chin, lower lip, and part of one of his hands. In spite of the damage, Journoux kept stabbing with his weapon. The fight lasted for twenty minutes, witnessed by three children who were too scared to go for help. Finally, with both opponents rapidly losing blood, Francois, the ape, collapsed. When help finally arrived, they found Journoux crawling away from Francois on all fours. The tamer died of his wounds five hours later. Results: Draw. Human uses metal tool to kill ape, but dies of wounds suffered in the fight. Case Study #6: Baboon v. Unarmed Man (1905) The Ithaca Zoo witnessed a fight between a man and a baboon on February 4, 1905. That day a zookeeper named Edward Stillwell entered the baboon cage to feed the animals as he had done many times before. For reasons unknown, a large male baboon attacked Stillwell while his back was turned. Using teeth and paws, the primate “tore the skin from Stillwell’s head and face and held him fast with his arms pinned to the side.” The zookeeper was unable to escape the cage, but, in spite of losing tremendous amounts of blood, he managed to wrap his hands around the baboon’s neck and get to his feet. Holding tight to the primate’s neck, Stillwell dragged the animal across the cage and submerged its head in a water bucket. The keeper held the animal underwater until it drowned. Results: Human defeats baboon. Case Study #7: Baboon v. Unarmed Man (1909) A similar incident occurred in the off hours of an animal show in Portland Oregon in 1909. When trainer Fred Wilson entered the baboon cage at feeding time, a particularly vicious primate named Kokomo attacked him. In this instance, it wasn’t the human, but the baboon that did the choking. With the other baboons screaming wildly, Kokomo grabbed and clawed at Wilson’s neck. The trainer, however, was able to stay on his feet, preventing the animal from obtaining a good hold. Over time the weight of the baboon hanging on him, as well as a loss of blood from his neck, caused Wilson to collapse to the ground. Kokomo took this as an opportunity to gnaw on Wilson’s legs. After thirty minutes, fellow employees finally came to Wilson’s aid. They found the man in a pool of blood and transported him to the hospital where he was placed in intensive care. Results: Baboon defeats human. Case Study #8: Gorilla v. Unarmed Man (1911) In 1911, the merchant ship Pathan sailed from Yokohama carrying an unnamed 200-pound gorilla in a cage on its deck. The ape was docile until a Malay sailor named Pedday started teasing him. What exactly the sailor did is unknown, but it threw the gorilla into a fury. The ape ripped off his cage door and went after Pedday. He grabbed the sailor, tossed him to the deck, and began beating him with his fists. Somehow, Pedday—whom the article describes as “brawny” with “almost superhuman strength”—fended off the animal, but in the process, the fight carried over to the edge of the ship’s deck. Just as it appeared that the gorilla was about to drive Pedday overboard, sailors arrived and beat the ape about the head with deck equipment, eventually crushing the animal’s skull. Results: Draw, but the gorilla probably would have defeated the human had help not arrived. Case Study #9 Unknown Primate v. Unarmed Human (1911) A man and a primate fought in 1911 in Baltimore, where customs inspectors had confiscated four “monkeys” from smugglers and stored them in a local warehouse to await sale. On April 30, one of the female monkeys—it’s unclear what kind of monkey, exactly—escaped its cage. After all efforts to return the primate to its cage failed, customs workers called in animal trainer Arthur Marriott. When Marriott tried to grab the monkey, the animal bit him. The trainer was bitten a second time, but in this instance he “choked the monkey into submission” and was able to return the monkey to her cage. Marriott’s hands required stitches but he was otherwise fine. Results: Human defeats unidentified monkey using only his hands.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 06:09 |
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if a mountain lion ever attacks you - easy, just snap it's neck. game over. buff as hell chimpanzee? just snap it's neck. yeah, that's a game over. eagle divebombing you at 75mph with talons as big as your fingers? grab it in midair and snap it's neck. it's not hard to kill wild animals folks. these are techniques any human can learn.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 06:11 |
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any news on the chimp cum conundrum
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 06:20 |
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The Wizard of Poz posted:any news on the chimp cum conundrum I suggest you look through the furry convention thread. There was a post where there was a furry version of "ask alice" and it involved getting hosed by gorillas. The guy who responded "papa bear" mentioned gorillas can cum up to a gallon hth
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 06:35 |
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thats only a part answer, but itll do for the initial phases
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 06:39 |
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i think gorillas are the greatest apes of all I suggest human alliance with gorillas to wipe out the chimp menace
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 06:41 |
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These animals will likely go extinct in our lifetime
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 06:57 |
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naem posted:These animals will likely go extinct in our lifetime Anything that competes with humans is doomed. Possibly including other humans.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 07:06 |
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Ivor Biggun posted:Anything that competes with humans is doomed.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 07:06 |
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BlazingSun posted:they try to but then they end up getting shot in Ferguson.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 07:20 |
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Monkey Fracas posted:keep your chimp hand strong
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 07:26 |
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Post the vid of the chimp tearing apart a live baby gazelle for loving fun
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 08:08 |
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Your Dead Gay Son posted:Post the vid of the chimp tearing apart a live baby gazelle for loving fun shits rugged https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcnH_TOqi3I
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 08:19 |
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I think batman could defeat a chimp or gorilla and probably both at once.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 09:16 |
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*trained gorilla fighter enters ring with gorilla* *hits gorilla in eye, punches as hard as can in stomach* *gorilla unfazed, pulls mans arm out of his socket while blood sprays everywhere and he screams, gorilla beats man with own arm like some kind of mortal kombat game*
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 09:28 |
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Yeah, gorillas have that thick brow ridge protecting their eyes. No way could someone punch this hard enough to do any damage.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 09:57 |
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Chimpin ain't easy
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 10:00 |
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BLARGHLE posted:Humans can run for a lot longer, and can chase prey to an exhaustive death. Hooray for two legs! Also, guns. Guns as such are too recent to matter in evolutionary terms, but tools in general have to be counted as natural weapons for humans. Along with language and the ability to make and coordinate plans. Chimps have retard strength, teeth and clawlike nails; humans have sharpened sticks and half a dozen buddies lying in ambush. This is why a chimp can gently caress you up one on one if you're not prepared but humans have pretty much hosed over chimps as a species.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 10:16 |
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Do you think chimpanzees developed AIDS on purpose to try to defeat humanity
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 10:41 |
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 10:51 |
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Ein cooler Typ posted:Do you think chimpanzees developed AIDS on purpose to try to defeat humanity They developed aids to get back on those humans raping them all the time.
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 11:01 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 12:45 |
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Say Nothing posted:Yeah, gorillas have that thick brow ridge protecting their eyes. Moe would make short work of that beady eyed bitch gorilla. Two fingers right in the eyes
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# ? Dec 18, 2014 11:47 |