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A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:
I suspect the neighbor's senile pooch. First noticed the smell this afternoon but I couldn't pinpoint the source, it wasn't until much later that I noticed a large barf stain on my doormat. I threw away the mat and washed everything but the whole stairwell still smells like barf. To add an insult to an injury, an enterprising neighbor apparently doused my door and mat with axe.

How do I get rid of the smell? I washed the tiles with bleach several times but vomit seems to have soaked up into the wooden doorstep. gently caress the fuckity gently caress.

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Kosher Pickup Line
Jan 10, 2008

Hair Elf
stick your finger down your throat and vomit on the doorstep with your own vomit.

problem solved!

BASF
Jun 16, 2011

by Ralp
Tha lyfe of a drug dealer...

Sir John Feelgood
Nov 18, 2009

Makes you think about the big questions.

BASF
Jun 16, 2011

by Ralp
Also, the answer is bleach.

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
Probably need new doorstep as wood is very porous. I'd give white vinegar a go....leave it for a few hours, then hose it down.

Also, go and take a poo poo on your neighbor's doorstep.

Nut to Butt
Apr 13, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
it was me. im your neighbor dog

sorry

Viridiant
Nov 7, 2009

Big PP Energy
That was a warning.

Next I'm going to have my dog barf directly on you.

Hungry Joe
Nov 27, 2006

DDFH
Did you sample the vomit OP? That's the only way to source it

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

BASF posted:

Also, the answer is bleach.

Yes! I washed everything with diluted bleach (had to spring to the store to get some) and now the vomit smell is all but gone. Now it reeks like a swimming pool from hell.

I'm 90% sure it was the dog. When humans barf, the impact zone is usually much higher up. Our mystery barfer deposited his gold evenly on the floor, the splattering only went up a foot or so.

Hungry Joe
Nov 27, 2006

DDFH
Good detective work

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)
hav eyou considered being a private Eye or "dick" op?

1gnoirents
Jun 28, 2014

hello :)
but to solve your problem this is what you need

http://www.amazon.com/Electric-Pressure-Washer-40000-PSI/dp/B00530GDZS

(minimum spec, btw, you could spend more of coursE)

if you dont bacteria will feed on the remaining puke molecules and youll get ebola

AKA Pseudonym
May 16, 2004

A dashing and sophisticated young man
Doctor Rope
You probably came home drunk and don't remember

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

AKA Pseudonym posted:

You probably came home drunk and don't remember

This is a valid point. At one point I actually thought that it was me who threw up, so I inspected all of my shoes for traces of vomit, but they were all clean. There's no way you can throw up on the floor without getting at least some on your shoes, so this rules me out.

Zeluth
May 12, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Pine and sol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ds4FZmVG908

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

This is a valid point. At one point I actually thought that it was me who threw up, so I inspected all of my shoes for traces of vomit, but they were all clean. There's no way you can throw up on the floor without getting at least some on your shoes, so this rules me out.

How do you know it was the dog then? Dogs don't wear shoes...check mate dog.

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax
Urinate all over your doorstep while the police watch.

Videotape this for my amusement.

Please use VHS or encode the video to MPEG-3.

Thanks.

zoux
Apr 28, 2006

Hmmm was your posting history taped to the door or something ahahah

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
trisodium phosphate

mostlygray
Nov 1, 2012

BURY ME AS I LIVED, A FREE MAN ON THE CLUTCH

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

How do I get rid of the smell? I washed the tiles with bleach several times but vomit seems to have soaked up into the wooden doorstep. gently caress the fuckity gently caress.

You're imagining the smell. A hose and a couple of rainstorms and all will be well.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL
PHOTOS PLEASE.

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:
Actually I did throw up two days ago but I was a good boy and did it in the toilet bowl. I find it rather unlikely that I opened the apartment door, staggered out and closed the doors behind me, got on all fours and barfed on my doorstep, then got up again and went to bed like nothing happened. Oh, and then leaving it there stewing for two days? (I only noticed the smell this afternoon)

I suppose I shouldn't be buying booze from a gas station at three AM.

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Actually I did throw up two days ago but I was a good boy and did it in the toilet bowl. I find it rather unlikely that I opened the apartment door, staggered out and closed the doors behind me, got on all fours and barfed on my doorstep, then got up again and went to bed like nothing happened. Oh, and then leaving it there stewing for two days? (I only noticed the smell this afternoon)

I suppose I shouldn't be buying booze from a gas station at three AM.

if you ask me this is a very likely scenario. don't blame the old dog, blame yourself.

psyopmonkey
Nov 15, 2008

by Lowtax
I worked at this one place and the bathroom was outside the secured area. So I had to go through quite a few sets of doors to get to the toilet.

I was walking down the corridor, grabbed the door guards trash can from his area, puked in the trash can, and kept walking to the bathroom.

It was a very fluid motion and im sure looked very surreal. The door guard didnt say a word. He already looked scared as it is.

That poor Airman... :ohdear:

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

Rambling Robot posted:

PHOTOS PLEASE.

Ehh too late, I spent 45 minutes scrubbing that poo poo with bleach. It was mostly stomach acid with no visible chunks of food, the liquid was slightly brownish with tiny brown specks of something mixed in, sorta reminded me of coffee grounds.

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

Rambling Robot posted:

don't blame the old dog

Oh if I had a penny every time the dog peed in the elevator....

fuck off Batman
Oct 14, 2013

Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah!


Have you tried making GBS threads over it, to kill the smell?

mandatory lesbian
Dec 18, 2012
my bad ddude

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
MURDER YOURE NEIGHBO

old bean factory
Nov 18, 2006

Will ya close the fucking doors?!
I once saw a long turd lying elegantly on a toilet rim. Quite impressive really, modern toilet art.

les fleurs du mall
Jun 30, 2014

by LadyAmbien
your doorstep has always smelt like vomit which is why the vomiter decided it wouldn't do any harm to vomit there

Lolie
Jun 4, 2010

AUSGBS Thread Mum

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Ehh too late, I spent 45 minutes scrubbing that poo poo with bleach. It was mostly stomach acid with no visible chunks of food, the liquid was slightly brownish with tiny brown specks of something mixed in, sorta reminded me of coffee grounds.

Do you like or hate your neighbour? "Coffee grounds" vomit can be a sign of internal bleeding. Unless you really hate him, I'd let your neighbour know that his dogge should probably get checked out by a vet.

A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:

Lolie posted:

Do you like or hate your neighbour? "Coffee grounds" vomit can be a sign of internal bleeding. Unless you really hate him, I'd let your neighbour know that his dogge should probably get checked out by a vet.

Well my neighbors are a bit on the nutty side, you're bound to encounter these kind of people when you're living in the projects. The dog in question is a fifteen year old german shepherd which is so old and decrepit, he's literally one sneeze away from being put out of its misery.

I'm trying to imagine myself telling my neighbors about this: "Uh, hello, uh, yesterday someone uh, threw up on my doors and I uh, thought it might have been Rex, but I saw these uh, little bits of brown stuff in the barf so if it really was Rex you might want to take him to the vet to have him checked out or something."

Nut to Butt
Apr 13, 2009

by FactsAreUseless
oh poo poo!

Rambling Robot
Sep 13, 2011
Duggar Fan Club Superstar #1 LOL

A SWEATY FATBEARD posted:

Oh if I had a penny every time the dog peed in the elevator....

that's not the dog but the neighbor.

old fat bird
Oct 27, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
it was me OP, lots to drink last night, too drunk to even smash and grab because I only grabbed a can of dog food, still ate it, thanks for letting me sleep in your bushes for a couple hours

Genesplicer
Oct 19, 2002

I give your invention the worst grade imaginable: An A-minus-minus!

Total Clam
Slightly related incident to report. A few days ago, I'm lying on the couch, reading, and I hear a car come to a sudden stop outside. The dogs start barking, so I sit up to see what's going on. The car outside has stopped right outside and the passenger is heaving her guts up all over the curb. Lots of heaving and lots of puke. Eventually, she stop blowing chunk, quits laughing at the ground, and sits up. A few moments later, she wipes her chin on the back of her hand, closes the door and they drive away. The next day I am doing some yard work and come to the conclusion it was probably pizza.

It's good to have a hose.

Chard
Aug 24, 2010




The feral cats like to mark the metal grate that protects my actual door from jehovas witnesses, and let me tell you: stale cat piss is a great thing to smell when you're hungover and going to work

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A SWEATY FATBEARD
Oct 6, 2012

:buddy: GAY 4 ORGANS :buddy:
A new development: I noticed that the dog hurled a wooden chair down the stairwell and stole my moldy vest (it smelled like beer). I think the dog may be spreading rumors about me because now my neighbors are afraid of me. That drat dog! <:mad:>

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