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Not my wife I mean my pregnant (single!) neighbor. I took her to the hospital and we are in the triage thing. How do I make this less awkward and/or make a good impression???
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Dec 20, 2014 10:36
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| # ¿ Apr 27, 2024 16:31 |
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Matoi Ryuko posted:Get drunk. No lie I am a bit buzzed from a 40 I drank a few hours ago before I passed out
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Dec 20, 2014 10:42
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Bip Roberts posted:You are now the father. The child support checks start next week. If I get visitation I'm ok with that. I like babies. I used to have a cat but accidentally put him into the dryer. As long as babies don't have that problem it should be easy.
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Dec 20, 2014 10:43
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Matoi Ryuko posted:What else is there to do as a midwife? No idea. Can any midwives/dulahs/wise old women chime in?
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Dec 20, 2014 10:44
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bensnotacat posted:drink more I drank all of my 40 and stuff is closed here  Sintax posted:push belly -> baby come out Just tried that and she pushed me away and yelled. Upside: I learned she isn't wearing underwear beneath that gown. ScratchAndSniff fucked around with this message at 10:48 on Dec 20, 2014 |
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Dec 20, 2014 10:45
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She keeps saying "ouch" and calling me James and saying I did this to her. My name isn't James, but I didn't correct her the first time. Is it possible I'm the father and don't know it?
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Dec 20, 2014 10:55
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Mom is white. Baby...? poo poo just got real. They moved us to delivery room. Should she get drugs or hulk through it?
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Dec 20, 2014 11:12
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Nurses think I'm husband. I just signed some form or something
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Dec 20, 2014 11:13
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Universe Master posted:Enjoy your child support, oh poo poo
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Dec 20, 2014 11:14
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Imperialist Dog posted:On the off chance you are serious then sober up and help the drat woman. Keep calm. Ask the doc or nurses if it's still possible for an epidural for her because childbirth loving hurts. When the baby is born she will literally poo poo and you will grin and bear it because you are a man. Birth will be the most beautiful and terrifying thing you have ever seen. They may slice her vagina open a bit and blood will loving pour out. You will exhort her to endure this. Finally, after the child is delivered, a bunch of Blue birthing fluid and a terrible jelly bag called the placenta will burst forth from her ravaged womb because obviously she's not traumatised enough. During this you must ensure that the newborn is safely held by the mother. Wow, this sounds just like one of my animes. I will not fail, Imperial Dog-San!
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Dec 20, 2014 11:22
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Viridiant posted:Tell her that she looks really pretty when she's in labor. I tried doing this but I stuttered and she told me this was my idea and it's all my fault.
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Dec 20, 2014 11:27
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Epidural is on the way! I signed some thing with a bunch of words. These things are safe, right? And can I get in trouble if they learn I'm not her husband?
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Dec 20, 2014 11:28
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Pththya-lyi posted:See if you can get her some water or food or w/e. Nothing caffeinated or alcoholic of course Luckily, I have half a chipotle burrito in my backpack I have been carrying around. I just gave her that
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Dec 20, 2014 11:59
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Ron Paul Hype Man posted:Ask for an epidural for yourself too. I just asked the anestesiologist for one and she laughed uncomfortably and kepts scribbling away on her clipboard.
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Dec 20, 2014 12:01
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bensnotacat posted:I think you're lying She asked why I was trying to take her picture, and when I explained that the Internet demanded proof she told me that the Internet doesn't need to know everything that goes on in her life. I took a shot of some random doodad in the room instead. It looks important. Is this what they use to get baby out? 
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Dec 20, 2014 13:15
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Pththya-lyi posted:Tell us if they have to bring out forceps (salad-tong looking thingies) or a vacuum to get the baby out Pththya-lyi posted:Is there anything you can do to keep her distracted? Maybe you can read her a book or something Good thinking! I have some manga I always carry around just in case.
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Dec 20, 2014 13:25
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Ron Paul Hype Man posted:I'm thinking a puppet show would be just the thing to take her mind off the little parasite being expelled from her body. I will see if I can incorporate that with the manga.
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Dec 20, 2014 13:26
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