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Minimalist Program
Aug 14, 2010
Help, my space vessel is hosed beyond belief. You would not believe how hosed up this machine is. Use it to go to space? Forget about it. It's so hosed up. I don't even know what I want you guys to help me with. I guess this is just a thread to vent. I can't believe that I won't be going to space, this holiday. Smh. Christmas is ruined. Ha ha. Other people are going to space, but not me. THanks for nothing, christmas jesus. And gently caress you Branson, you smug gently caress who goes to space all the time.

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Commoners
Apr 25, 2007

Sometimes you reach a stalemate. Sometimes you get magic horses.
Stop loving your space vessel.

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012
saw branson at the grocery store and tried to say hi but he blew me off!!!!

Gunky Junket
Oct 30, 2014

by Ralp
Should've bought a Tardis.

Panamaniac
Jun 18, 2007

HEROES NEVER DIE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxr10LlOp48&t=435s

Elukka
Feb 18, 2011

For All Mankind
Did you buy one of those Soyuz rebuilds from some dinky LEO chop shop? They're literally 200 years old and none of them are actually certified. Your thermal control piping is probably all sorts of hosed but I really wouldn't bother trying to fix it. People keep buying these things and they have no idea the trouble they're getting themselves into. Get a real spaceship next time.

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

loving loser. My ride made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.

Happy Bear Suit
Jul 21, 2004

save a Chewbacca

he'll owe you a life-debt, and he will fix your ship for free

(he'll be your slave indentured beast-servant forever)

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

Turn it off and on?

Saalkin
Jun 29, 2008


Made in China.

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
dang man - sorry to hear about your spacing troubles. I passed the hat around and we raise a few garblucks .. a few of the guys have some scamming concerns so we're gonna need a picture of your totally messed up spacecraft before sending

edit: Steve just reminded me to ask you to put your username on the hull so we know its not a stock photo!!

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005
ask wesley crusher to run a diagnostic on the main deflector dish while you and your chief engineer have a nearby conversation about how you dont know how youll ever get the ship up and running again
be sure to tell him politely but firmly not to interrupt whenever he tries to interject something then leave resigned to failure

and wait

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012

sexy young infidel posted:

dang man - sorry to hear about your spacing troubles. I passed the hat around and we raise a few garblucks .. a few of the guys have some scamming concerns so we're gonna need a picture of your totally messed up spacecraft before sending

edit: Steve just reminded me to ask you to put your username on the hull so we know its not a stock photo!!

lmao if ur the kind of goof that spends garblucks... zebeebos will be the only currency once the rift confederacy takes over known space

fuck. marry. t-rex
Jan 23, 2014

Lipstick Apathy
It's been a rough christmas for me as well op. I'm stuck with a piece of trash RA-11235 I'm not sure I even want to risk lift off. Still iffy about all the problems ships have been having with recalls

scuba school sucks
Aug 30, 2012

The brilliance of my posting illuminates the forums like a jar of shining gold when all around is dark
Try replacing the thermal coupling with a pair of your dirty socks. Yep, the ol' themal coupling socks trick.

Mrs. Dash
Apr 11, 2009
try retrograding your space carburetors or else your rocket power is gonna be firing all over the place every time you pass the rings of juniper

itll be completely hosed

fuck. marry. t-rex
Jan 23, 2014

Lipstick Apathy
Don't even get me started on the Dodge Challenger Stratos

Minimalist Program
Aug 14, 2010

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

saw branson at the grocery store and tried to say hi but he blew me off!!!!

I have had this exact same experience, but with another person. Christmas is dying, and grocery store etiquette is the first thing that goes...

Al Cowens
Aug 11, 2004

by WE B Bourgeois
http://wiki.kerbalspaceprogram.com/wiki/Tutorials

Minimalist Program
Aug 14, 2010
Of course, that fucker Greg thinks he's hot poo poo now, and won't shut up, because his idiot space ship is working for Christmas, and his wife doesn't think its dumb. Well guess what, Greg is a retard and I'm going suggest that we to vote him out of the club at some point, when I get the power point presentation done. gently caress you greg, and your dumb space hip.*




Yes, greg also has a space hip, he says. But it's just a dumb aluminum hip he got because he fell in the shower, because he's super old. Fuckking bitch Greg, I hope you die in spaec..

Minimalist Program
Aug 14, 2010

sexy young infidel posted:

dang man - sorry to hear about your spacing troubles. I passed the hat around and we raise a few garblucks .. a few of the guys have some scamming concerns so we're gonna need a picture of your totally messed up spacecraft before sending

edit: Steve just reminded me to ask you to put your username on the hull so we know its not a stock photo!!

TEll steve to go to hell, if he doesnt believe me!!!

spud
Aug 27, 2003

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
Paging Chief O'Brien to this thread. Here is the moment you have been waiting for.

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012
saw greg raw dogging the fuel valve on his space ship not too long ago. he was saying "oh yeah space.... space is a hell of a woman heh heh" sorry if this is a shock to u op

Angela Lansburial
Feb 9, 2005
Nothing to see here.
Space is pretty amazing but there is still plenty of stuff you can do on the ground too. Chin up, OP.

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012

BigwigML posted:

Space is pretty amazing but there is still plenty of stuff you can do on the ground too. Chin up, OP.

after cyberwar III there is nothing for us on the ground except genetically modified hogs and nanobot goo

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

saw branson at the grocery store and tried to say hi but he blew me off!!!!

pretty hot stuff

did you come on his face or just on the ground

dee eight
Dec 18, 2002

The Spirit
of Maynard

:catdrugs:
You know you can get a ten year lease on a GD 301 hull WITH any loving drive you want for less than most people pay for a good used ship, right? Seriously, you can get a decent planet hopper with a rebuilt 4 gigaphoton Honda thruster or even a drat fission reactor (as long as you don't mind boosting to orbit on solids) for about 9k creds/year.

Compare that to 140k for a used Dodge Mk XIV that I wouldn't trust to get me to Europa and back.

GrrrlSweatshirt
Jun 2, 2012
look out for space miscreants. miscreant planet has been acting up lately

Cursed Lumberjack
Nov 14, 2006
A rather unfortunate logger indeed.

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

look out for space miscreants. miscreant planet has been acting up lately

this is racist and bigoted talk dont listen to this guy op, miscreants just have a different culture than us it isnt okay to otherize them like this

Angela Lansburial
Feb 9, 2005
Nothing to see here.

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

after cyberwar III there is nothing for us on the ground except genetically modified hogs and nanobot goo

Sometimes I forget that not everyone has had their consciousness subsumed into the technomind.

So yeah, if you still have a fleshy meatbody you're hosed. Sorry OP.

Minimalist Program
Aug 14, 2010

GrrrlSweatshirt posted:

saw greg raw dogging the fuel valve on his space ship not too long ago. he was saying "oh yeah space.... space is a hell of a woman heh heh" sorry if this is a shock to u op

:siren: Greg is a real fucker idiot. :siren:



Nothus Infelix
Jan 1, 2006
Scelesti vulgus superstitiosus ignavusque sunt.
You really can't run a minimalist space program. I know lifting stuff into orbit is expensive, but needing that stuff and not having it with you is even more expensive. You should splurge on your next spaceship. Get all the features you can, because you never know when they'll come in handy. Power windows? Real useful if you catch on fire and need to vent the cabin in a hurry. Warp drive? You'll probably need to leave the solar system once in a while, and it's usually cheaper to take your own ship than to book passage on a transport after you consider checked baggage fees, TSA fees, spaceport food, etc. Teleporters? Even if you believe dematerialization causes physical death, you can still use it for nonliving things or your relatives, right? Tractor beam? You never know when you need to tow a U-Haul, or maybe you'll decide to get a pop-up camper in a few years. Hyperlight radio? I got one a few years ago, and now I don't know how I put up with the lag from Earth.

Don't get an extended warranty, though. Those are always a ripoff.

Stoic Commie
Aug 29, 2005

by XyloJW
i'm a space pirate. you're all going to get raped to death in zero gravity

nomadologique
Mar 9, 2011

DUNK A DILL PICKLE REALDO
try cryosleep and pray you either never wake up or you are revived by a mining crew ~100k years in the future

Veldspar
May 15, 2013
i think you can go to the reapirshop

old fat bird
Oct 27, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
hosed when he should of cucked, this nigga

Gravitas Shortfall
Jul 17, 2007

Utility is seven-eighths Proximity.


lol if you don't have a super-intelligent Mind running your ship, of course it's hosed.

Masturbasturd
Sep 1, 2014
Put in a new beer holder. Works every time.

Blazing Ownager
Jun 2, 2007

by FactsAreUseless

Minimalist Program posted:

Help, my space vessel is hosed beyond belief. You would not believe how hosed up this machine is. Use it to go to space? Forget about it. It's so hosed up.

Star Citizen patch isn't working for you, either?

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dZPnJOm8QwUAseApNj
Apr 15, 2002

arf bark woof
remember when i started that thread called "My ship can't make the jump to warp." Ah you know what that was a good thread and I'm proud to say it went gold

edit yeah here it was http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2375241

dZPnJOm8QwUAseApNj fucked around with this message at 22:43 on Dec 21, 2014

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