pyf wacky thing that the CIA has done

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > pyf wacky thing that the CIA has done

do you think that the CIA is good and useful
	no
	yes
	hmm...not sure op

baw: Nov 5, 2008; RESIDENT: LAISSEZ FAIR-SNEZHNEVSKY INSTITUTE FOR FORENSIC PSYCHIATRY

we all know about the involuntary butt stuffing and stress positions, etc, but the CIA has a long history of hijinks

like the time they tried to put thallium salt onto castro's boots to make his beard (and other hair) fall out. (ctrl-F and search for thallium)

or more recently, when they started a fake vaccine campaign in pakistan in an attempt to find bin laden, and ended up making pakistanis even more wary of receiving vaccinations. allegedly nine polio vaccination workers were assassinated as blowback

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:32

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 12:28

uG: Apr 23, 2003; by Ralp

i liked when they subpoenaed lowtax over LF oh wiat that was the fbi or SS

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:35

Prav: Oct 29, 2011

i liked the one where they kidnapped random americans and gave them drugs just because they wanted to see what would happen

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:37

Waroduce: Aug 5, 2008

I enjoy all of the coups and assasinationsn in south America during the late 60's and 70's.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:41

BONE DOG: Jun 7, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

I liked when they deposed democratically elected Latin American governments and replaced them with brutal dictatorships a bunch of times

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:42

lorn Wayne: Jan 7, 2006

Helping to overthrow the PM of Iran because he nationalised oil and install the shah for 26 years of authoritarian rule was p. cool

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:51

Who Is Paul Blart: Oct 22, 2010

AIDS

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:52

eonwe: Aug 11, 2008; Lipstick Apathy

the vaccines thing OP mentioned may well be the worst thing ever because of the amount of people that will die due to being suspicious of a livesaving medicine

# ? Dec 22, 2014 19:54

Police Academy III: Nov 4, 2011

I'm a fan of their more recent work, like putting people's meals in a blender and then squirting it up their butt.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:01

Shasta Orange Soda: Apr 25, 2007

the cia's guatemala coup made international news before it even happened because an agent accidentally left the plans for it behind in a guatemalan hotel room

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:14

5 DOLLAR FOOT LONG: Jul 14, 2007; dodecatuple secret probation

When they made that guy buttchug bro

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:15

Burt Sexual: Jan 26, 2006; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS; Switchblade Switcharoo

i'm a fan of their ensuring my freedoms at home, by protecting our vital interests overseas

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:15

a whole buncha crows: May 8, 2003; WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

that time they setup a global drug ring lmao

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:16

a shiny rock: Nov 13, 2009

9/11

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:17

naem: May 29, 2011

Darth123123 posted:

i'm a fan of their ensuring my freedoms at home, by protecting our vital interests overseas

Same and also the thing where lady cia agents are always smokin' hot blondes in movies

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:39

baw: Nov 5, 2008; RESIDENT: LAISSEZ FAIR-SNEZHNEVSKY INSTITUTE FOR FORENSIC PSYCHIATRY

Nation posted:

that time they setup a global drug ring lmao

ah that led to some real classics. like when the CIA told the san francisco attorney general to return money recovered from a drug bust to the defendant because it belonged to the Contras

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:42

Yvershek: Nov 15, 2000; and there are no
diamonds in the
mine

I'm a fan of how the trade routes set up during the Iran Contra affair led to the 80s crack epidemic.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:43

Waroduce: Aug 5, 2008

Nation posted:

that time they setup a global drug ring lmao

The fact that ollie north and several other people in policy making and cia positions are still either employed by the us gov or their contractors make me smh

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:43

Dang It Bhabhi!: May 27, 2004; ASK ME ABOUT
BEING
ESCULA GRIND'S
#1 SIMP

funneling cocaine into los angeles and making an illiterate black man the most powerful drug lord in the country.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:45

KennyLoggins: Dec 3, 2004; Welcome to the Danger Zone

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UT5MY3C86bk

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:45

Mr. Pumroy: May 20, 2001

anal feeding is a pretty good joke

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:46

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

i am gonna go with the time they gave an already crazy person continual doses of lsd in kentucky for 174 days

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:47

Manifest: Jul 7, 2007; HELLO THERE I COME FROM THE FUTURE

The gay bomb is pretty funny.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:51

poverty goat: Feb 15, 2004

my favorite was when we trained osama bin laden to do terrorism to fight the soviets

# ? Dec 22, 2014 20:57

Lord of Pie: Mar 2, 2007

I wonder if the CIA guys who were involved in the butt chugging were also from that Tennessee frat that was into it.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:01

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

fyodor posted:

funneling cocaine into los angeles and making an illiterate black man the most powerful drug lord in the country.

also having the journalist who uncovered all this shoot himself in the head, twice

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:11

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

teaching south american countries that the most effective way to disappear commies was to fly them over hte ocean and drop them from a plane

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:13

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

attempt to assassinate castro dozens of times in hilarious slapstick ways

quote:

1. Femme fatale. Marita Lorenz, just one of many women Castro counted as a mistress, allegedly accepted a deal from the CIA in which she would feed him capsules filled with poison. She managed to get as far as smuggling the pills into his bedroom in her jar of cold cream, but the pills dissolved in the cream and she doubted her ability to force-feed Castro face lotion, and she also just chickened out. According to Lorenz, Castro somehow figured out her plan and offered her his gun. �I can�t do it, Fidel,� she told him.

2. Poisoned wetsuit. While there�s nothing suspicious about receiving random diving gear from your enemy right in the middle of the Bay of Pigs Invasion, the CIA gave it a shot. In 1975, the Senate Intelligence Committee claimed it had "concrete evidence" of a plan to offer Castro a wetsuit lined with spores and bacteria that would give him a skin disease (and maybe worse). The plan supposedly involved American lawyer James B. Donovan, who would present Castro with the suit when he went to negotiate the release of the Bay of Pigs prisoners. A 1975 AP report said the plan was abandoned "because Donovan gave Castro a different diving suit on his own initiative."

3. Ballpoint hypodermic syringe. An ordinary-looking pen would be rigged with a hypodermic needle so fine that Castro wouldn�t notice when someone bumped into him with the pen and injected him with an extremely potent poison.

4. Exploding cigar. But this was no parlor trick � this cigar would have been packed with enough real explosives to take Fidel�s head off. In 1967, the Saturday Evening Post reported that a New York City police officer had been propositioned with the idea and hoped to carry it out during Castro's United Nations visit in September 1960.

5. Contaminated cigar. They may have given up on the TNT stogie, but the idea of spiking his smokes was still being floated around. The CIA even went as far as to recruit a double agent who would slip Castro a cigar filled with botulin, a toxin that would kill the leader in short order. The double agent was allegedly given the cigars in February of 1961, but he apparently got cold feet.

6. Exploding conch shell. Knowing that Castro liked to scuba dive, the CIA made plans to plant an explosive device in a conch shell at his favorite spot. They plotted to make the shell brightly colored and unusual looking so it would be sure to attract Castro�s attention, drawing him close enough to kill him when the bomb inside went off.

7. Nair. Well, maybe not that brand specifically, but according to that 1975 Senate Intelligence Committee report, the U.S. believed that messing with Castro�s beard was messing with the man�s power. The CIA figured that the loss of the beard would show Cubans that Castro was weak and fallible. A half-baked scheme was hatched to use thallium salt, the chemical in depilatory products such as Nair, in Castro�s shoes or in his cigar. The chemical would be absorbed or inhaled and cause the famous facial hair to fall out. (Wait, wasn�t this an episode of Get Smart?)

8. LSD. In what was mostly an effort to discredit Fidel, not kill him, a radio station where Castro was giving a live broadcast would be bombarded with an aerosol spray containing a substance similar to LSD. When Fidel had the requisite freak out live on the air, Cubans would think he had lost his mind and stop trusting him.

9. Handkerchief teeming with deadly bacteria. The CIA was seemingly obsessed with covering Fidel in harmful bacteria and toxins, because they also considered giving him a germ-covered hankie that would make him very ill.

10. Poisoned milkshake. According to Escalante, the closest the CIA ever came to killing Castro was a deadly dessert drink in 1963. The attempt went awry when the pill stuck to the freezer where the waiter-assassin at the Havana Hilton was supposed to retrieve it. When he tried to unstick it, the capsule ripped open.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:15

Hirethor: Dec 16, 2008; You think you know hip?
YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT BEING HIP!

It's pretty wacky in it's own way.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:24

lowly abject turd: Mar 23, 2009

Acoustic Kitty

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:33

Panamaniac: Jun 18, 2007; HEROES NEVER DIE

24 years and they still haven't solved it all.

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:34

naem: May 29, 2011

Hirethor posted:

It's pretty wacky in it's own way.

Didn't they somehow leak the plan and a plastic stealth jet toy got released publicly before the real secret one

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:34

shiksa: Nov 9, 2009; i went to one of these wrestling shows and it was... honestly? frickin boring. i wanna see ricky! i want to see his gold chains and respect for the ftw lifestyle

Ron Paul Hype Man posted:

24 years and they still haven't solved it all.

hm at first glance it says "get hosed, g-men"

# ? Dec 22, 2014 21:35

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

Was it the CIA that did poo poo like fly a plane over a town in Nowhere, MO and spray everyone with LSD? Because that was pretty wacky

# ? Dec 22, 2014 22:31

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

if there was some weird thing the US did that sounds like it came from The Prisoner you can bet the CIA was behind it

# ? Dec 22, 2014 22:34

Robo Reagan: Feb 12, 2012; by Fluffdaddy

Five weird tricks from single CIA moms

# ? Dec 22, 2014 22:36

EMILY BLUNTS: Jan 1, 2005

the NSA will intercept electronics and backdoor them
if you asked the CIA to do this instead they'd put one of those intermittent high pitched noisemakers in it

# ? Dec 22, 2014 22:36

Kempo Yellow Belt: Jan 5, 2012; Fun Shoe

Waroduce posted:

I enjoy all of the coups and assasinationsn in south America during the late 60's and 70's.

that entire period can be equated to repeatedly flushing a toilet clogged with poo poo hoping that somehow, magically, it will stop overflowing. WHY DO WE KEEP ENDING UP WITH THESE CRAZY DICTATORS!??!

Sheng-ji Yang posted:

teaching south american countries that the most effective way to disappear commies was to fly them over hte ocean and drop them from a plane

# ? Dec 22, 2014 22:41

BigBoss: Jan 26, 2012; by Lowtax

gay hummus

# ? Dec 22, 2014 22:43

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 12:28

Roki B: Jul 25, 2004; Medical Industrial Complex; Biscuit Hider

tortor

# ? Dec 22, 2014 23:03

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > pyf wacky thing that the CIA has done

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