Conquer the World With, and/or Marry, Your [ Choice of] Robot

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > Let's Play! > Conquer the World With, and/or Marry, Your [ Choice of] Robot

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RottenK: Feb 17, 2011; Sexy bad choices

FAILED NOJOE

We want a cold, inhumane machine. C++

# ? Dec 26, 2014 12:05

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 16:45

Pump it up! Do it!: Oct 3, 2012

C++

# ? Dec 26, 2014 13:11

VictualSquid: Feb 29, 2012; Gently enveloping the target with indiscriminate love.

What is wrong with Fortran? It is the language of science. Python is ok.

So, has anybody watched the Mode LP and wants to turn this robot into a perfect partying machine?

# ? Dec 26, 2014 13:15

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

quote:

What language do you program your robots in?

1. C++. Speed of thought is all.

2. Python. It has the best tools for understanding words.

3. Go, the most beautiful language.

4. Java. Everybody uses Java.

quote:

Like the game industry, which also still uses C++, you understand that speed is most important; all other concerns are secondary. Your code is full of asterisks, ampersands, tildes, parentheses, and arrows, like the blackboard of a hyperactive professor who has had too much to drink. Somewhere in this code is a memory leak or mismanaged pointer that will cause your robot to crash, or possibly decide to take over the world. In the meantime, the code is quite fast.

(+Autonomy)

With the code done, you then briefly add just enough motors to allow Killall to explore your room. It's a quick job � you'll do a more thorough one tomorrow. Your smartphone won't have much power for the motors right now anyway.

Finally, you upload the code to your smartphone and plug it into Killall's back. You touch the icon labeled "Killall," and a big, red button fills the screen.

Your finger hovers over the button. You probably want the first word Killall learns to be significant, somehow.

What is the first thing Killall will see when you power rhim on?

1. I will start Killall in front of a mirror.

2. I will start Killall looking at me.

3. I will start Killall looking out the window, and I will just start naming things.

Stats posted:

Year: 2019

24-year-old Barry Tezuka
Humanity: 58%
Gender: Male
Fame: 0 (Who?)
Wealth: 0 (Broke)
Romance: none

Killall
Autonomy: 2 (Buggy)
Military: 11 (Stable)
Empathy: 1 (Buggy)
Grace: 4 (Buggy)

Material: Wood
Head: Ring of cameras
Mobility: Eight legs
Hands: ALL OF THEM

Relationships
Professor Ziegler: 74% (Great)
Elly: 52% (Good)
Josh: 54% (Good)
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%

Achievements Unlocked posted:

Gadgeteer: Made Professor Ziegler reminisce about the Chief. (5 points)

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 18:23 on Dec 26, 2014

# ? Dec 26, 2014 13:40

RottenK: Feb 17, 2011; Sexy bad choices

FAILED NOJOE

Let Killall see his terrifying wooden form.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 13:52

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

Let Killall see me as the tiger cub sees its mother.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 14:16

corn in the bible: Jun 5, 2004; Oh no oh god it's all true!

How is.... rhe.... supposed to know what to kill if it doesn't know the names of all the things?

# ? Dec 26, 2014 14:17

Sighence: Aug 26, 2009

imprint ourselves on our killbot. We are after all the one thing we don't want dead.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 17:17

Bobbin Threadbare: Jan 2, 2009; I'm looking for a flock of urbanmechs.

Let it know its master's form.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 17:36

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

Let rhim see the world in all its terrifying splendor. It will be rhis to remake in rhis image.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 17:45

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

quote:

What is the first thing Killall will see when you power rhim on?

~~1. I will start Killall in front of a mirror.~~

2. I will start Killall looking at me.

~~3. I will start Killall looking out the window, and I will just start naming things.~~

quote:

You activate Killall facing you. Rhe looks into your eyes. You've heard that many animals imprint on the first living thing they see, usually their mother, and that they love this being instinctually. You're trying to create this experience for Killall as well.

(++Empathy)

As Killall looks into your eyes, you call yourself�

1. "Master."

2. "Sensei."

3. "Barry."

4. "Sir."

5. "Father."

Stats posted:

Year: 2019

24-year-old Barry Tezuka
Humanity: 58%
Gender: Male
Fame: 0 (Who?)
Wealth: 0 (Broke)
Romance: none

Killall
Autonomy: 2 (Buggy)
Military: 11 (Stable)
Empathy: 3 (Buggy)
Grace: 4 (Buggy)

Material: Wood
Head: Ring of cameras
Mobility: Eight legs
Hands: ALL OF THEM

Relationships
Professor Ziegler: 74% (Great)
Elly: 52% (Good)
Josh: 54% (Good)
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%

Achievements Unlocked posted:

Gadgeteer: Made Professor Ziegler reminisce about the Chief. (5 points)

# ? Dec 26, 2014 18:22

VictualSquid: Feb 29, 2012; Gently enveloping the target with indiscriminate love.

Barry is the least stupid option.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 18:27

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

It had better call us Master, or we'll be unhappy with it...

# ? Dec 26, 2014 19:50

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

Sensei, we need Japanese Spiderbots.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 20:07

Oblivion4568238: Oct 10, 2012; The Inquisition.
What a show.
The Inquisition.
Here. We. Go.; College Slice

~~Just Barry will do.~~ No, no it won't, we're conquering Alaska dammit, we will be the Master of everything.

Also, I like that our choice of robot name actually had a stat effect too! This is already a hundred times better than Heroes Rise ever was or will be.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 20:23

Mikl: Nov 8, 2009; Vote shit sandwich or the shit sandwich gets it!

Konnichiwa, Killall-chan. I am your sensei, Tezuka-sama.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 20:54

Kanthulhu: Apr 8, 2009; NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!

(Dany shits in a field)

Call me your Master. Bwahahahahahah!

# ? Dec 26, 2014 21:07

Bobatron: May 12, 2007; let me tell you of a
place called Cylesborgia,
where robosexuals and
lesbians live together
in harmony

Call me sensei I will hone this eight legged monstrosity in to a fine weapon.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 21:35

Sighence: Aug 26, 2009

Our robot is not hanzo steel. Master will do just fine.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 22:02

Hiveminded: Aug 26, 2014

this is kind of hilarious.

# ? Dec 26, 2014 23:24

Kaboom Dragoon: May 7, 2010; The greatest of feasts

Bow to your sensei!

# ? Dec 27, 2014 00:05

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

quote:

As Killall looks into your eyes, you call yourself�

~~1. "Master."~~

2. "Sensei."

3. "Barry."

4. "Sir."

5. "Father."

quote:

You hope that by comparing yourself to a wise teacher, Killall will approach life as a skill to be mastered.

(++Grace)

"Sensei," you say.

"Sensei," Killall repeats.

You then pick Killall up and put rhim down in the center of the room to allow rhim to explore at will. But at first, rhe simply seems overwhelmed by the possibilities.

You decide to call this state:

1. "Confusion." I then give Killall a reassuringly straightforward order.

2. "Curiosity." I allow Killall to choose where to go.

3. "Loneliness." I stand farther away to make the point.

Stats posted:

Year: 2019

24-year-old Barry Tezuka
Humanity: 58%
Gender: Male
Fame: 0 (Who?)
Wealth: 0 (Broke)
Romance: none

Killall
Autonomy: 2 (Buggy)
Military: 11 (Stable)
Empathy: 3 (Buggy)
Grace: 6 (In Beta)

Material: Wood
Head: Ring of cameras
Mobility: Eight legs
Hands: ALL OF THEM

Relationships
Professor Ziegler: 74% (Great)
Elly: 52% (Good)
Josh: 54% (Good)
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%

Achievements Unlocked posted:

Gadgeteer: Made Professor Ziegler reminisce about the Chief. (5 points)

JosephWongKS fucked around with this message at 00:46 on Dec 27, 2014

# ? Dec 27, 2014 00:40

GenderSelectScreen: Mar 7, 2010; I DON'T KNOW EITHER DON'T ASK ME; College Slice

Confusion, we need a robot who can take orders.

# ? Dec 27, 2014 00:48

Ghostwoods: May 9, 2013; Say "Cheese!"

3. Loneliness.

If it ain't going to call us Master, it can piss off. :colbert:

# ? Dec 27, 2014 00:51

D3m3: Feb 28, 2013; Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

Curiosity
We decided to be our little death-machine's teacher, so we ought to honor that. Besides, our robot army will need robot officers.

# ? Dec 27, 2014 01:47

Kanthulhu: Apr 8, 2009; NO ONE SPOIL GAME OF THRONES FOR ME!

IF SOMEONE TELLS ME THAT OBERYN MARTELL AND THE MOUNTAIN DIE THIS SEASON, I'M GOING TO BE PISSED.

BUT NOT HALF AS PISSED AS I'D BE IF SOMEONE WERE TO SPOIL VARYS KILLING A LANISTER!!!

(Dany shits in a field)

Confusion.

# ? Dec 27, 2014 01:48

Bobatron: May 12, 2007; let me tell you of a
place called Cylesborgia,
where robosexuals and
lesbians live together
in harmony

Curiosity
A proper sensei allows his pupil to learn. Wax on Wax off.

# ? Dec 27, 2014 02:06

Ignatius M. Meen: May 26, 2011; Hello yes I heard there was a lovely trainwreck here and...

The path of curiosity will give our robot incentive to learn beyond the feeble limits of human understanding.

# ? Dec 27, 2014 02:09

Ineffable: Jul 4, 2012

Curiosity.

# ? Dec 27, 2014 02:12

JosephWongKS: Apr 4, 2009; by Nyc_Tattoo

quote:

You decide to call this state:

~~1. "Confusion." I then give Killall a reassuringly straightforward order.~~

2. "Curiosity." I allow Killall to choose where to go.

~~3. "Loneliness." I stand farther away to make the point.~~

quote:

"Curiosity," Killall repeats.

(++Autonomy)

Rhe crawls up to your closet and peeks inside. But it's something of a mess in there, and rhe quickly gets rer eight-legged moving parts caught in your clothing.

You pick Killall up in your hands. Rhe wriggles nervously.

"I got you, I got you," you say.

"You got me." Rhe continues to wriggle.

"Stop."

Your robot becomes still in your hands. You decide to teach rhim that the word for this state is�

1. "Peace."

2. "Trust."

3. "Helplessness."

4. "Weakness."

Stats posted:

Year: 2019

24-year-old Barry Tezuka
Humanity: 58%
Gender: Male
Fame: 0 (Who?)
Wealth: 0 (Broke)
Romance: none

Killall
Autonomy: 4 (Buggy)
Military: 11 (Stable)
Empathy: 3 (Buggy)
Grace: 6 (In Beta)

Material: Wood
Head: Ring of cameras
Mobility: Eight legs
Hands: ALL OF THEM

Relationships
Professor Ziegler: 74% (Great)
Elly: 52% (Good)
Josh: 54% (Good)
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%
?: 50%