Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Locked thread
Sentient Data
Aug 31, 2011

My molecule scrambler ray will disintegrate your armor with one blow!

Decebal posted:

I see the Ring like an F-35.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

MSPain
Jul 14, 2006
Where the hell are you guys gooning up these details about what the ring does and stuff? When I read the books it was just essay after essay about different kinds of trees and a thesaurus worth of words for hills. Never a description of, say, what an orc looked like or what the ring does in practical terms.

Spazzle
Jul 5, 2003

MSPain posted:

Where the hell are you guys gooning up these details about what the ring does and stuff? When I read the books it was just essay after essay about different kinds of trees and a thesaurus worth of words for hills. Never a description of, say, what an orc looked like or what the ring does in practical terms.

Probably from the lord of the rings technical manual.

ANIME IS BLOOD
Sep 4, 2008

by zen death robot

MSPain posted:

Where the hell are you guys gooning up these details about what the ring does and stuff? When I read the books it was just essay after essay about different kinds of trees and a thesaurus worth of words for hills. Never a description of, say, what an orc looked like or what the ring does in practical terms.

read "the Silmarillion" :twisted:

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW

MSPain posted:

Where the hell are you guys gooning up these details about what the ring does and stuff? When I read the books it was just essay after essay about different kinds of trees and a thesaurus worth of words for hills. Never a description of, say, what an orc looked like or what the ring does in practical terms.

Tolkien really had his audience down to a T, didn't he?

Ex-Priest Tobin
May 25, 2014

by Reene
I don't like the Lord of the Rings, and I think how Tolkien must be rolling in his grave over the mass commercialisation of his work and it makes me laugh.

Hobohemian
Sep 30, 2005

by XyloJW

Ex-Priest Tobin posted:

I don't like the Lord of the Rings, and I think how Tolkien must be rolling in his grave over the mass commercialisation of his work and it makes me laugh.

Yeah, it would suck to know you could have been rich but weren't when you were alive.

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
tolkein's been dead for 30 years of the ppl involved he cares the least. I'd like to say gently caress you to the peter jackson hobbits for killing thorin in the third movie... smh

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
I think the first Lord of the rings movie is amazing, the 2nd one is okay and the third one is kind of so-so with its fuckin stupid rear end ghosts and the ending that never ends and I haven't watched any of the Hobbit movies because they seemed a lot like the 3rd movie somehow judging by the trailers. A bunch of bloated CGI infested garbage

Still i'll probably watch them some day

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
actually the third hobbit is the best middle earth movie of all time, in terms of orc death

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

WHAT A GOOD DOG posted:

and also, like, okay, are elves not loving humans? like, humans idolize the poo poo out of them, so why doesn't some fine-rear end elf sneak on in and woo some fine-rear end human with its 1000-year-old, perfected art of seduction. If they live forever, surely they got good at banging and seducing right, so why are the elves sitting around eating loving vegan black beans out of lettuce cups listening to harps instead of getting into some really depraved sexual poo poo

imagine you had to live forever, and you were looking to entertain yourself. would you listen to another stupid loving sonnet about some dude falling in love or some dude killing/being killed or would you pop down to the slut shack and pick up some PYT.

and also if you're an elf and you're married like you have got to be bored of that girl. what if an elf marries an ugly elf, like, that loving sucks because its not even going to change forever. that ugly elf is gonna be an ugly elf forever.

Why would you go to human lands to pick up some hairy medieval human chick who's snatch probably smells like Gollum's cave pond when you have your own immortal elf goddesses who stay tight and wet forever and ever?

old fat bird
Oct 27, 2007

by FactsAreUseless
he's a big old batty boy so he'd prob just lose it in his bum bum while rapidly giving himself the bidness

Harald
Jul 10, 2009

LINKIN PARK


there are no ugly elves

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
if you live for 1000+ years i bet you'll end up depraved as gently caress because eventually regular sex would just get boring as HECK

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
U stupid elf bitch... this is just typical... omg... omg get back in the stoackade... omg

flick my Mr. Bean
Nov 18, 2014

Universe Master posted:

Why would you go to human lands to pick up some hairy medieval human chick who's snatch probably smells like Gollum's cave pond when you have your own immortal elf goddesses who stay tight and wet forever and ever?

feeds their ego.

Tuxedo Gin
May 21, 2003

Classy.

Concerned Citizen posted:

why didn't the eagles just take the hobbits to mordor

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qullWVe6gQg

sexy young infidel
Nov 13, 2014

Faggot of the Year
2012, 2014
HAha, uh, totally , rings, you kmow, sauran, etc... anyway this gif is sort of ancillary

Disgusting Coward
Feb 17, 2014

Rad Gravity posted:

Well that and it lets you impose your will on others, particularly orcs and such I think, so you get to have massive armies and set yourself up as the new dark lord. Or if you're a hobbit you get to make massive gardens and be the lord of pipeweed.

Sauron imposed his will on the orcadorks easily cause he's a big flaming-eye motherfucker that's a magician and the King of Mordor and poo poo. Plus, like, zillions of un-ringed dudes have armies, poo poo ain't special in Lordathurangs. Tarragon spends half the series waving his broken sword at dudes and they just fall in line. Gandalf just kinda shows up at places and goes "poo poo is going down" and there's armies and eagles helping him. Hell, Merry and Pippin smoke some weed with a tree and end up with an army of ents.

loving ring does NOTHING, tell ya whut. And Gandalf's a confidence trickster in a hat.

naem
May 29, 2011



Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon

Nap Ghost
Evangeline Lilly and Legolas and Bilbo and Thorin and Wizard with Elrond rear end kick fest owned.

Necrothatcher
Mar 26, 2005




quote:

The Seventh Age presumably runs from the end of World War II in 1945 to the present day and beyond.

Men are the only humanoid race known to still be in existence. Most of the old forests have been cut down, restricting Ents (if they have not gone extinct) to very localized areas. Wolves still exist, though they are now wary of men. Eagles are much smaller than they were in the Third Age. Wargs are presumed to be extinct by this point. Dwarves and Elves may have mingled with humans (possibly to keep blood alive).

So the ultimate end of Lord of the Rings can be some fatbeards jerkin' it in mom's basement after all.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
morgoth was a oval office

Rad Gravity
Mar 14, 2012

Disgusting Coward posted:

Sauron imposed his will on the orcadorks easily cause he's a big flaming-eye motherfucker that's a magician and the King of Mordor and poo poo. Plus, like, zillions of un-ringed dudes have armies, poo poo ain't special in Lordathurangs. Tarragon spends half the series waving his broken sword at dudes and they just fall in line. Gandalf just kinda shows up at places and goes "poo poo is going down" and there's armies and eagles helping him. Hell, Merry and Pippin smoke some weed with a tree and end up with an army of ents.

loving ring does NOTHING, tell ya whut. And Gandalf's a confidence trickster in a hat.

The point is more that if the lord aragon elfstone strider heir of sissyldur of the house of ephebophil of atlantis used the ring he'd get to command the orc armies as well, besides his lovely little human armies which would barely pass for a scouting party in a proper country. They've got barely 3000 guys defending the greatest city of the greatest kingdom in middle earth, boy I'm impressed.

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
Why was Sauron such a powerful entity anyway, wasn't he the same kind of thing as Gandalf? Also after they smashed him in that intro sequence in the first lotr movie, why did the world let him recover in the big evil Mordor ontop of a big evil tower as a big evil eye in it, while amassing countless orc armies under his banner

Zzulu fucked around with this message at 20:07 on Dec 27, 2014

Rad Gravity
Mar 14, 2012
I think they had a bunch of civil wars and regular wars and plagues after which they stopped giving a poo poo about keeping the watch on mordor.

e: also he totally wasn't supposed to be a literal flaming eye on top of a tower, ffs peter jackson

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
Sauron was right, the lesser races need a powerful leader like himself to lead them towards a better tomorrow

sat on my keys!
Oct 2, 2014

Zzulu posted:

Why was Sauron such a powerful entity anyway, wasn't he the same kind of thing as Gandalf? Also after they smashed him in that intro sequence in the first lotr movie, why did the world let him recover in the big evil Mordor ontop of a big evil tower as a big evil eye in it, while amassing countless orc armies under his banner

He's the same kind of thing as Gandalf, just a lot stronger. People didn't notice he was up to poo poo in Mordor until he had enough orcs that they wouldn't be able to deal with the problem.

Rad Gravity
Mar 14, 2012
The Valar are to blame for the whole fiasco anyway, they completely humiliated Angband after the Great War and literally broke the continent, of course the destitute orcs were going to flock to a charismatic tyrant like Sauron. And of course they went almost completely isolationist when it blew up in their angelic faces.

naem
May 29, 2011

Rad Gravity posted:

I think they had a bunch of civil wars and regular wars and plagues after which they stopped giving a poo poo about keeping the watch on mordor.

e: also he totally wasn't supposed to be a literal flaming eye on top of a tower, ffs peter jackson

The simarillion gives a lot more flavor to the history where literal gods and demons are fighting each other before gradually removing themselves from the physical world.

The era where LoTR is happening is almost a post apocalyptic mess where people have forgotten the past and are just rebuilding a healthy society again.

Also the elves are almost all gone to a magic alternate dimension thing after nearly destroying themselves over shiny moon rocks, and they are kind of depressed about it because it's like a magical retirement home

Zzulu
May 15, 2009

(▰˘v˘▰)
The orcs just want a place to call home. The whole world wants them dead so of course they fight back :shobon:

Orcs are actually the good guys

naem
May 29, 2011

Zzulu posted:

The orcs just want a place to call home. The whole world wants them dead so of course they fight back :shobon:

Orcs are actually the good guys

In the book Sam overhears some orks making plans to sneak off and live "without all these big bosses around like we did before" v cute

Frostwerks
Sep 24, 2007

by Lowtax

Rad Gravity posted:

The point is more that if the lord aragon elfstone strider heir of sissyldur of the house of ephebophil of atlantis used the ring he'd get to command the orc armies as well, besides his lovely little human armies which would barely pass for a scouting party in a proper country. They've got barely 3000 guys defending the greatest city of the greatest kingdom in middle earth, boy I'm impressed.

i love their defensive tactics too. boy, let's get a trebuchet and launch this 5k ton rock into their formation instead of a breaking it down into 100-200 pound chunks. oh, it only killed one guy? whoops. oh, it actually turns out he sidestepped it and it killed nothing. whoops. and had they dug a nice ditch outside the gate/walls then their great big rear end towers and battering ram would have been rendered completely useless. these dudes sure loving know war i tell you what

Lord of Pie
Mar 2, 2007


Elves that bang humans are basically pedos in elf culture. It's their version of that 1000 year old loli thing but reversed.

QuarkJets
Sep 8, 2008

In the third movie the Eye of Sauron emits some sort of spotlight, to indicate where he's looking. That's retarded. And in the scene where this is introduced (near the end of the last loving movie), he's apparently just randomly looking around in Mordor. What the gently caress is he looking for, did he lose his contact lens or something? "Hmm better look around inside of this specific section of Mordor just in case I left my ring on the floor somewhere, OH poo poo there's an army at the black gate better go watch that now"

QuarkJets
Sep 8, 2008

Lord of Pie posted:

It's their version of that 1000 year old loli thing but reversed.

What the gently caress are you talking about

Otacon
Aug 13, 2002


QuarkJets posted:

What the gently caress are you talking about

if you were an elf and you were 1000 years old, if you slept with some 18 year old human chick, that's not good - there's some math the prove it, something like your age divided by 2 plus 7

Universe Master
Jun 20, 2005

Darn Fine Pie

Lord of Pie posted:

Elves that bang humans are basically pedos in elf culture. It's their version of that 1000 year old loli thing but reversed.

Legolas constantly calls Aragon and Gimli "children" in the books.

Gatts
Jan 2, 2001

Goodnight Moon

Nap Ghost

Zzulu posted:

Why was Sauron such a powerful entity anyway, wasn't he the same kind of thing as Gandalf? Also after they smashed him in that intro sequence in the first lotr movie, why did the world let him recover in the big evil Mordor ontop of a big evil tower as a big evil eye in it, while amassing countless orc armies under his banner

There was this dude called Morgoth who got some spider to help him steal two trees to cover the universe in darkness. Like badass powerful with armies of demons and dragons as big as 5 mountains and Balrog of fire. Sauron was this dude's bitch and learned from him. Gandalf the Grey and Radagahast the Brown were weaker wizards sent by the God's or Angels to help guide humanity and the world to better themselves. Saruman the White was the most powerful of them but decided to gently caress up and get corrupted by Sauron. There were two other wizards but gently caress them. Anyway Elves are also mary sue strong like Gladriel and Elrond who were there at the tail end of badass poo poo to learn from the Angels and Gods. So all these dudes were learning from the best. And while there are a lot of good dudes apparently all the bad ones gathered under Morgoth and Sauron and there are a lot if bad dudes in the worls. Plus Sauron was smarter and corrupted a lot of peeps like Kings of Men while good gus like Gandalf smoked weed and Radaghast hosed animals or something.

The point is that in the end apparently the Eagles can gently caress anyone's poo poo up and probably could have ended it all before it began if they cared. Same thing with some dude named Tom but all he cared about was getting high and singing and hiding in his tree or something.

The bad guys are the only ones with their poo poo together besides the Elves. You'll notice the Dwarves are incompetent and Humans are corruptable. The Hobbits are pure and manage to make do because no one expects them to matter. The Orcs are basically meat sheilds to be killed by Legolas or undead green scrubbing bubbles.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Faux-Ass Nonsense
Feb 9, 2013

by Lowtax

QuarkJets posted:

In the third movie the Eye of Sauron emits some sort of spotlight, to indicate where he's looking. That's retarded. And in the scene where this is introduced (near the end of the last loving movie), he's apparently just randomly looking around in Mordor. What the gently caress is he looking for, did he lose his contact lens or something? "Hmm better look around inside of this specific section of Mordor just in case I left my ring on the floor somewhere, OH poo poo there's an army at the black gate better go watch that now"

was that contact lens thing from family guy or something else?definitely one of those comedy cartoons anyway

  • Locked thread