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I once had a few women at a customer of mine con me into taking a poor, "sad 21-year old girl to a party". Listen to my tale and NEVER make the mistake of having people who barely know you, set you up (even if she is hot, like this one was). I encountered a cute-ish woman while at a customer one day. You know the type. 6'2", beautiful willowy body, long brown hair and the craziest eyes you have ever seen (i later found this to be thanks to a bona fide chemical imbalance). A sales-girl. I helped set her up at her workstation, sorted out her account, mailbox and printer access. She was very thankful and flirtatious, but she was a customer (and in sales), so I kept my distance and dreamed sweet dreams that evening. When I returned to site the following day, some of her co-workers cornered me for coffee and started working my case about my recent breakup and they wanted me to go to a party with them. I stupidly commented that I did not have a date, so I could not attend. Rookie move! Needless to say, they had one for me and I was going. I should have kept quiet and played dumb! I got the details and arrived at my date's place on the evening to collect her - poo poo! She lives with her dad and he is the size of a mountain ( i am only 5'9"). On a more positive note, my date was the Amazonian sales girl and she seemed happy to see me. We traveled to the party and met her mother when we arrived (weird, what is she doing here?). At that point I realized that my date did not bring a present and was in fact the person who was turning 21. I took this in my stride and tried to be a good partner that evening, even trying to dance with my rather tall date who's hips came up to my nipples. Why do the tall ones like high heels?!?! We got some weird looks, but i didn't care as both of us were kept well plied with alcohol. The party went well and I stayed afterward to help clean up before taking her home, despite her parents offering to take her (she was a little tipsy by now). We drove back and stumbled up the stairs at her parent's place to get her back to her room. She blocked my exit as I tried to leave her room (I was being gentlemanly and her father scared me shitless) and started to take her clothes off before forcing me to do the same (yes, I am a wuss, she pinned me) To cut a long story short, I put up a good fight and somehow managed to put an even bigger smile on her face. I was finally able to sneak out of her room about three hours later, face glistening like a freshly made toffee apple with the syrup still running down the side. Her parents must have heard me open the door or something, as the house went silent when I left her room. I tried to sneak past the kitchen where her family were sitting, drinking wine and playing card games and thought I had made it when I heard them call my name. I had an "Oh poo poo!" moment as they really did scare me, these large mountain people. I slunk back into the kitchen, sheepishly aware of the youthful glow on my face and the "fountain of youth" deposit on my skin. Her mother pulled me into a bear hug and told her how 'nice' they thought I was and they really appreciated what a help I was this evening with their daughter and after the party. I played it cool for a few minutes and then tried to extract myself. Her mother said I could go if I gave her a kiss. Not on her cheek, 'no no no no', but it had to be on her lips... It has to be on her lips. poo poo. My face is still wet and she has to be able to smell her daughter. I cast a nervous eye toward her father who was watching me intently, waiting to see how this played out. I cannot kiss her mother on the lips as I know that nobody will hear me scream when she finds out what that liquid on my face is. I declined and insisted that I could not kiss her, but the more I declined, the more insistent she became and the closer her husband was starting to eyeball my face and body language (turns out, he was a cop). I was toast. I resigned myself to the fact that somebody would find my crumpled body pulverized and squashed into a 30L bucket with just the feet and hands hanging out and leaned in for the kiss that would seal my fate. Her mother clamped her arms around me and gave me one of the longest and most uncomfortable mom kisses that I have EVER had and exclaimed that she loved me and that I was always welcome under their roof. I smiled, thanked her and ran. By now, some of you may have been wondering what i feel bad about? I am just glad that the mother was too drunk to know why my face was so wet when she hugged me and kissed me. I never went back, just in case she twigged the following morning.
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Dec 26, 2014 14:11
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:16 |
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I made her get a giant tattoo of Scrooge McDuck on her back to prove her love for me and then i dumped her.
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Dec 26, 2014 14:15
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In case anyone is thinking about not reading the manlet op basically snowballs a 21 year olds juices with her mother, story is p.hot
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Dec 26, 2014 14:25
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i mdae her change my diaper
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Dec 26, 2014 14:26
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never had any interaction with irl women op so nothing
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Dec 26, 2014 14:27
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Wrecked her vagina on the way out
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Dec 26, 2014 14:30
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Jimbone Tallshanks posted:Wrecked her vagina on the way out
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Dec 26, 2014 14:44
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Dirty sanchez
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Dec 26, 2014 15:04
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Farted right in her mouth with her tongue flapping in my butt. Sorry.
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Dec 26, 2014 19:24
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krustysean posted:I once had a few women at a customer of mine con me into taking a poor, "sad 21-year old girl to a party". Listen to my tale and NEVER make the mistake of having people who barely know you, set you up (even if she is hot, like this one was).
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Dec 26, 2014 19:26
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I told her I loved her and that we'll be together until we die.
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Dec 26, 2014 19:28
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spilled soy sauce on my anime girlfriend pillow
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Dec 26, 2014 19:30
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Mother nature = God.
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Dec 26, 2014 19:31
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krustysean posted:We drove back and stumbled up the stairs at her parent's place to get her back to her room. She blocked my exit as I tried to leave her room (I was being gentlemanly and her father scared me shitless) and started to take her clothes off before forcing me to do the same (yes, I am a wuss, she pinned me) To cut a long story short, I put up a good fight and somehow managed to put an even bigger smile on her face. I was finally able to sneak out of her room about three hours later imma save u a few years of heartache and confusion OP and just let oyu know now, you are 100% gay. im being totally serious but if you dont believe me then consult the evidence: 1) cares the pussy is taller than him in public. straight men DO NOT care about this if there is even a 0.0001% chance they might get laid that night. you had p much a 50/50 shot at gettin some and you were busy worrying about chumps staring at you with this hot tall bitch 2) blantantly scared of the pussy as evidenced by the quote above. good luck. try taking a guy as a date next time
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Dec 26, 2014 19:32
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OP's story is a massive fail. I was waiting in suspense for the hilarious ending where he falls down the stairs naked or something, but it all ends just fine and dandy 
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Dec 26, 2014 19:33
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Tl;Dr
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Dec 26, 2014 19:34
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it ends with him kissing the mom of some ho with her pussy juice still on his face like this isnt an almost weekly occurrence for real sex havers boring imo
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Dec 26, 2014 19:34
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the OP in a decade https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NccyqI4L2EE
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Dec 26, 2014 19:35
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how do u even get that all over your face like are u just rubbing your nose and forehead into the pussy like a idiot whats wrong with you u psycho
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Dec 26, 2014 19:40
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are cops supposed to be able to recognize pussy juice incredibly well or something op, i dont get itjoxxuh posted:how do u even get that all over your face like are u just rubbing your nose and forehead into the pussy like a idiot whats wrong with you u psycho dont do this its like some kind of weird fucker cat
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Dec 26, 2014 19:41
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Did you hide you boner like a meow meow cat
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Dec 26, 2014 19:43
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So op motorboats her puzzly and then figures just walk past parents and out into the world covered in she-hulk discharge? What is this? Porn version of rib boy? Clean yourself son
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Dec 26, 2014 19:56
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GrrrlSweatshirt posted:dont do this its like some kind of weird fucker cat i thought that was why you have it smell like fish though?
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Dec 26, 2014 20:01
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donkey salami posted:So op motorboats her puzzly and then figures just walk past parents and out into the world covered in she-hulk discharge?
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Dec 26, 2014 20:02
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krustysean posted:You know the type. 6'2", That's a dude.
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Dec 26, 2014 20:14
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Anyone who has ever had sex with two women in a short period of time knows that women can't smell other women . It's like a scientific fact. Chicks never smell pussy whether it's on Ur dick balls or face
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Dec 26, 2014 20:25
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a creepy colon posted:Anyone who has ever had sex with two women in a short period of time knows that women can't smell other women . It's like a scientific fact. Chicks never smell pussy whether it's on Ur dick balls or face http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lgWgEoaAYDY incorrect
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Dec 26, 2014 20:27
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SeventhSeven posted:That's a dude. a creepy colon posted:imma save u a few years of heartache and confusion OP and just let oyu know now, you are 100% gay. im being totally serious but if you dont believe me then consult the evidence: OP failed at the gay. He is a gay failure or "gailure".
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Dec 26, 2014 20:33
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its fo o clock and i wanna smell that dick
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Dec 26, 2014 20:45
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a creepy colon posted:Anyone who has ever had sex with two women in a short period of time knows that women can't smell other women . It's like a scientific fact. Chicks never smell pussy whether it's on Ur dick balls or face This is why you wash your dick and/or face as appropriate (always dick for me because I don't go down on women )Make sure to change the sheets if you're banging someone else in your girlfriend's bed, too.
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Dec 26, 2014 20:50
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I showed her my gross stomach
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Dec 26, 2014 20:52
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And then I put on my robe and wizard hat and pried open her battleship of an rear end.
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Dec 26, 2014 21:02
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feedmegin posted:This is why you wash your dick and/or face as appropriate (always dick for me because I don't go down on women look at this closeted queer
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Dec 26, 2014 21:13
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Top City Homo posted:look at this closeted queer yeah thats basically numero 3 on the list of closeted gay man who tries to be overtly hetero "ya dude cant wait to get some PUSSY tonight with my BROS" *throws high five ---- "WHOOOOOA DUDE, EATIN PUSSY? THATS loving GROSS" *goes home and watches two dudes blow each other on chat roulette "ironically"
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Dec 26, 2014 21:20
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Top City Homo posted:look at this closeted queer Tastes like fish, dude. I don't like fish. 
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Dec 26, 2014 21:23
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feedmegin posted:Tastes like fish, dude. I don't like fish. lmao
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Dec 26, 2014 21:24
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So the conclusion we can draw here is either : 1) you did eat pussy one time but the girl was a loving dirt ball who didnt wash her snatch and also had an infection (yeast) 2) you are a virgin choose wisely
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Dec 26, 2014 21:25
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a creepy colon posted:So the conclusion we can draw here is either : Definitely not a virgin. Still not eating pussy. What's in it for me?
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Dec 26, 2014 21:27
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if you think pussy tastes like fish you are 100% non-sex haver or are eating the wrong pussy
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Dec 26, 2014 21:31
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 12:16 |
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Making a girl moan with pleasure (with your mouth) is great ! feedmegin get a clue you weird dude
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Dec 26, 2014 21:32
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