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Araenna
Dec 27, 2012




Lipstick Apathy

Breath Ray posted:

Just to clarify - I'm not trying to fix anything. (Im not even sure where you got that from - did you have the wrong tab open?) Asking people to share their experienxes of having a loved one with an eating disorder is not white knighting. Right now I'm happy to be my usual swoon-worthy self, and perhaps learn a good recipe for vegetarian lasagne.

Where did I get what from? The fact you're trying to fix her, which is the entire point of the thread? Or the fact you said, in the quote in my post, that maybe exercise would help her because of control, leading me to link to that wikipedia article?

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defectivemonkey
Jun 5, 2012
Please check rap sheets before getting too up in arms about any posting, thank you!

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
People, people... I said I don't want to rush in but equally feel it's never too early to prepare. If she needs to gain weight I will support her. And the age gap is there too, which makes me think you are reading something else entirely.

e. I'm on my photo so can't check rap sheets, sorry :blush:

Araenna
Dec 27, 2012




Lipstick Apathy

Breath Ray posted:

People, people... I said I don't want to rush in but equally feel it's never too early to prepare. If she needs to gain weight I will support her. And the age gap is there too, which makes me think you are reading something else entirely.

e. I'm on my photo so can't check rap sheets, sorry :blush:

"Half my age plus seven" without telling us your age doesn't help much. Also doesn't tell us if you're in your twenties, fifties, teens, or what. It affects whether you're creepy and stupid or inexperienced and stupid.

Edit: Oh, rap sheets. I always forget about those. Yeah...

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
The op confirms the age gap, which you can use with my patented formula to find out our ages, if you really want to.

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012
in the room where you sleep
If she's really 13 that makes you a 3 year old according to that formula.

Which is about the age range we're dealing with.

Faustian Bargain
Apr 12, 2014


detectivemonkey posted:

Please check rap sheets before getting too up in arms about any posting, thank you!
I fell for it :negative:

Dangit Ronpaul
May 12, 2009

Breath Ray posted:

The op confirms the age gap, which you can use with my patented formula to find out our ages, if you really want to.

so you're 30 and she's 22? creeper status confirmed

also I want the five minutes of my life back that i spent solving that algebra problem

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
Is that creepy? I think of myself as quite young at heart, although I am in a branch of Homebase picking out paint on a Friday night...!

rio
Mar 20, 2008

OP, you are so far apart in age that you just need to find yourself a nice 17 year old (depending on the state's age limitations) to teach about life and have sex with. Bonus points if she's a "fixer" like your current girlfriend.

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo
I knew your name was familiar. Your the dude with enormous ears, and can't find headphones to fit, right? Has she commented on them?

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010

rio posted:

OP, you are so far apart in age that you just need to find yourself a nice 17 year old (depending on the state's age limitations) to teach about life and have sex with. Bonus points if she's a "fixer" like your current girlfriend.

In this country, it's 16. But I disagree about the age thing. The formula never lies.

Shithouse Dave
Aug 5, 2007

each post manufactured to the highest specifications


You seem to be regarding her like a used car you got a great deal on but needs some work. You haven't even broached the subject with her, you have no idea what she thinks about it all and yet you're planning on fixing her up. Maybe she doesn't feel there's anything wrong with her. She's certainly not at "loved one" status yet, you pretty much just met.
Dollars to doughnuts she bails as soon as she realizes you see her as a project girl.

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
Oh I've got a feeling I'll be cracking ice cold brewskis off her collarbone for many months to come. Although thinking about it, last year my relationships were with girls of 25, 24 and finally 23. :ohdear:

Ninpo
Aug 6, 2004

by FactsAreUseless

Dangit Ronpaul posted:

so you're 30 and she's 22? creeper status confirmed

Eh? :raise:

When did an 8 year age gap become creepy between two adults?

cmndstab
May 20, 2006

Huge Internet Celebrity!

Breath Ray posted:

Is that creepy? I think of myself as quite young at heart, although I am in a branch of Homebase picking out paint on a Friday night...!

There is nothing inherently creepy about dating a younger girl (as long as it's not too much younger).

However if you're actively altering the way you interact with her because she's younger than you (which you have admitted to) then yes, it is creepy. In that case your relationship is based, in part, on that age difference, rather than just occurring despite it. And that's creepy, and unhealthy for the both of you.

Bape Culture
Sep 13, 2006

I can advise you further once you send over the photos, Craig.

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010

cmndstab posted:

There is nothing inherently creepy about dating a younger girl (as long as it's not too much younger).

However if you're actively altering the way you interact with her because she's younger than you (which you have admitted to) then yes, it is creepy. In that case your relationship is based, in part, on that age difference, rather than just occurring despite it. And that's creepy, and unhealthy for the both of you.

It's ok and natural to treat people of different ages in different ways. For instance, if I were going out with a 70 year old woman with an artificial hip, we'd be that much less likely to go ice skating together. It's just one more aspect of my fascinating, magnetic personality - the ability to treat people as individuals and recognise and celebrate the things that make them special.

African AIDS cum
Feb 29, 2012


Welcome back, welcome back, welcome baaaack
Get her drinking chocolate milk OP. Make it yourself from whole milk. Condition her to see it as a reward. Once you chilk you can't stop

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Switchblade Switcharoo

Breath Ray posted:

It's ok and natural to treat people of different ages in different ways. For instance, if I were going out with a 70 year old woman with an artificial hip, we'd be that much less likely to go ice skating together. It's just one more aspect of my fascinating, magnetic personality - the ability to treat people as individuals and recognise and celebrate the things that make them special.

Do we need to quote the rapey "jokes" here? gently caress

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
Honestly? They might seem a bit out of place in an e/n thread. OTOH who am I to tell you what to post? Let's hear them.

Arnold of Soissons
Mar 4, 2011

by XyloJW

Dangit Ronpaul posted:

so you're 30 and she's 22? creeper status confirmed

also I want the five minutes of my life back that i spent solving that algebra problem

Don't blame breath ray for the fact you needed 5 mins to count seven up from 15, its not his fault your mom drank so much

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010

Bape Culture posted:

I can advise you further once you send over the photos, Craig.

Haha! You might be able to see her on secret p*m

African AIDS cum posted:

Get her drinking chocolate milk OP. Make it yourself from whole milk. Condition her to see it as a reward. Once you chilk you can't stop

That's a no go - she only drinks real milk with fat free acai and sawdust granola :doh:

Breath Ray fucked around with this message at 13:04 on Jan 3, 2015

Minkee
Dec 20, 2004

Fat Chicks Love Me

Dangit Ronpaul posted:

so you're 30 and she's 22? creeper status confirmed

also I want the five minutes of my life back that i spent solving that algebra problem

He should just wait it out till she gets fat at 25 when her real metabolism kicks in.

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
I actually think the concept of a real metabolism is flawed, discredited and likely to be misused in self-defence by those with bodies society deems repugnant.

Sol Invictus
Nov 29, 2005

suspended in the infinite darkness
a waning lantern--
guide me to my fate:
our Chariot does touch the ground

Breath Ray posted:

in toto ... small sensitive pink nipples

Awww yeah.

She needs to break up with you.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.
dude you're, like, super creepy.

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
Oh everything's creepy with you. Going out with a 22yo is creepy. Helping her gain weight is creepy. Describing her body is creepy. Well excuse me, if I'm creepy.

Trash Trick
Apr 17, 2014

Could you post a pic? With the face blacked out of course.

Arnold of Soissons
Mar 4, 2011

by XyloJW

Breath Ray posted:

Oh everything's creepy with you. Going out with a 22yo is creepy. Helping her gain weight is creepy. Describing her body is creepy. Well excuse me, if I'm creepy.

None of them are banging and if they are its with a fat chick, and if shes not fat shes old

So they mad

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010

a cop posted:

Could you post a pic? With the face blacked out of course.

Careful, folk'll start calling you racist for that :heysexy: also, while i trust you implicitly, I wouldn't want someone to reverse GIS and warn her that I was, ummm, TRYING TO SAVE HER FREAKING LIFE!! After all, one horrifying aspect of anorexia is the way it 'fights' to defend itself against treatment.

Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.

Breath Ray posted:

Oh everything's creepy with you. Going out with a 22yo is creepy. Helping her gain weight is creepy. Describing her body is creepy. Well excuse me, if I'm creepy.

It's not the facts, it's the way you approach things and the way present yourself to us. You come across as having a massive saviour complex and a need to be a knight in shining armour to a much younger chick you seem to barely know. You don't want to help her because you care for her, you want to gain her trust so you can help someone you don't really know. It's a fine line but the latter is sorta creepy.

It's GOOD to help people you don't know, but not by insinuating yourself into their lives with the express purpose of making them trust you so they'll listen to your advice. That's just ewww

You don't mention her friends or her family, if you're concerned about her well being then they probably are too; if you don't know her well enough to know anyone else in her life who cares about her, it's sorta weird that you've taken it upon yourself to save her from herself single handedly.

Also the way you post is really weird, like you read a book on basic human interaction but still don't really have the knack

detectivemonkey posted:

Please check rap sheets before getting too up in arms about any posting, thank you!

Wow, just how big ARE this guys ears?

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Dec 3, 2004

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu: sometimes passing just isn't an option.

Breath Ray posted:

This thread is really for anyone who can pass on their own tips and special techniques for helping a loved one reach a positive turning point in their eating disorder.

I started seeing a girl recently and when we slept together for the first time I noticed she was very thin, with prominent hipbones and a xylophone-style spine. She is a vegetarian (no meat or fish) and the morning after, painstakingly made me a breakfast smoothie that must have had at most 75 calories in.

I understand that anorexia is the world's deadliest mental illnesses, with roughly 20% of patients sadly succumbing to it. Call me an old softie but I'd like to do what I can to help stop or at least delay that. I accept that the will to change must come from the sufferer but as I'm eight years older and going out with this girl, perhaps my chances of influencing her are better. Another factor is she is an aspiring actor. I don't know if being really thin holds you back there though. She is also about to start working in a new industry so things may be in flux at the moment. I don't want to rush in but equally feel it's never too early to prepare.

I'd like to support her to gain weight. I've not mentioned her problem (in fact I've been showering her with compliments) but I would like to intervene once I've gained her trust. I've gone out with sub-100lb (40-45 kg) girls who lived on coffee and yoghurt, but this seems more serious.

I found http://eating-disorders.org.uk/information/treatment-of-anorexia-for-carers/ quite useful, and was particularly struck by this phrase: We no longer think it is important for someone to admit that they have Anorexia because recovery depends on doing other things such as building self confidence and helping someone to fight their deep fears of food.

Please share your positive experiences below.

Breath Ray posted:

Ha, thought this might come up. Shes 13 and im an unspecified, but adult, age.

But seriously, she's half my age plus 7, widely accepted as the best possible gap. Do I consider her a peer? Yes, plus we have more in common than I normally have with girlfriends. We've both studied and worked abroad, live in 3-person houses, and enjoy the ballet.

lol this is fake.

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
Well that line was just me being facetious, as the next sentence spelled out. It was good to read that op again though, nothing there to get upset about I'd have thought.

close to toast
Dec 12, 2006

Breath Ray posted:

Careful, folk'll start calling you racist for that :heysexy: also, while i trust you implicitly, I wouldn't want someone to reverse GIS and warn her that I was, ummm, TRYING TO SAVE HER FREAKING LIFE!! After all, one horrifying aspect of anorexia is the way it 'fights' to defend itself against treatment.

That last sentence is the most repugnant you've said so far, and quite possibly closest to the truth. A key element of your relationship dynamic will be whenever you encounter behavior or choice of hers you don't particularly like, or wouldn't have chosen yourself, you pathologize it as a symptom of her disease. Further evidence that she must be rescued from her own faulty judgment, which only you can save her from.

You are paternalistic bordering on oppressive.

Palpek
Dec 27, 2008


Do you feel it, Zach?
My coffee warned me about it.


Thread would have been way more interesting if the title was "starving a girl", in the current form it's super lame.

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010

close to toast posted:

That last sentence is the most repugnant you've said so far, and quite possibly closest to the truth. A key element of your relationship dynamic will be whenever you encounter behavior or choice of hers you don't particularly like, or wouldn't have chosen yourself, you pathologize it as a symptom of her disease. Further evidence that she must be rescued from her own faulty judgment, which only you can save her from.

You are paternalistic bordering on oppressive.

If that sentence is the worst so far, there's cause for optimism - it comes from a page on the UK's National Centre for Eating Disorders: "The first phase of treatment will involve getting to know your loved one so that they can hopefully build up trust in the therapist. This will take time because the Anorexia “fights” back when it is attacked and tells the sufferer not to trust anyone."

close to toast
Dec 12, 2006

Doesn't matter. It's the thought that counts. How will you determine when something is "her disease" (diagnosed only by you, her brand new bf who only just became her fb friend) or when it's just her being her? The problem is that even if she is sick or in need of help, it's not up to you to solve it. Or any potential partner for that matter. A partner's role is to provide love, support, and stability. Not to be assessing which of her thoughts and feelings are valid and which are her anthropomorphized disease fighting back.

That's a really unhealthy relationship dynamic you're describing, and if she is in as precarious a position as you say she is, may even be harmful for her. You speak about her as if she's some special, delicate treasure that you've found. Whether or not you realize it, that is incredibly objectifying.

Breath Ray
Nov 19, 2010
I think you've got the wrong end of the stick here. I'm not stitching my superhero costume emblazoned with a capital B just yet. If it turns out she's just heartrendingly thin or hyperglycaemic then no, I probably won't waterboard her with my world-famous bolognese sauce and hope she swallows some. But if she does have an ED, I'll do what I can to get my skinny valentine to accept professional help. Perhaps Svidrigailov put it best: 'I'm waiting and hoping - that's all!'

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Fatkraken
Jun 23, 2005

Fun-time is over.
gently caress dude, you post like a weird robot that doesn't quite pass the turing test. Just talk like a loving person gently caress!

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