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This thread is really for anyone who can pass on their own tips and special techniques for helping a loved one reach a positive turning point in their eating disorder. I started seeing a girl recently and when we slept together for the first time I noticed she was very thin, with prominent hipbones and a xylophone-style spine. She is a vegetarian (no meat or fish) and the morning after, painstakingly made me a breakfast smoothie that must have had at most 75 calories in. I understand that anorexia is the world's deadliest mental illnesses, with roughly 20% of patients sadly succumbing to it. Call me an old softie but I'd like to do what I can to help stop or at least delay that. I accept that the will to change must come from the sufferer but as I'm eight years older and going out with this girl, perhaps my chances of influencing her are better. Another factor is she is an aspiring actor. I don't know if being really thin holds you back there though. She is also about to start working in a new industry so things may be in flux at the moment. I don't want to rush in but equally feel it's never too early to prepare. I'd like to support her to gain weight. I've not mentioned her problem (in fact I've been showering her with compliments) but I would like to intervene once I've gained her trust. I've gone out with sub-100lb (40-45 kg) girls who lived on coffee and yoghurt, but this seems more serious. I found http://eating-disorders.org.uk/information/treatment-of-anorexia-for-carers/ quite useful, and was particularly struck by this phrase: We no longer think it is important for someone to admit that they have Anorexia because recovery depends on doing other things such as building self confidence and helping someone to fight their deep fears of food. Please share your positive experiences below.
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Jan 2, 2015 11:11
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 22:13 |
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Im afraid I cant take you seriously, OP
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Jan 2, 2015 11:33
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I too have a slim girlfriend OP :highfive:.
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Jan 2, 2015 11:58
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How tall/thin are we talking, OP?
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Jan 2, 2015 14:31
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She's about 5'5" but I haven't yet thought of a sensitive way to broach the subject of her weight. My impression though is that, under the right conditions, her ribcage could act as an aeolian harp.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:06
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Living every man's dream of dating a white girl with a thigh gap, please help goons.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:27
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What other instruments do parts of her body look like OP?
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Jan 2, 2015 15:38
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Sorry if it came across that way. I thought there would be a few people on here who had loved ones in the same boat and could advise. I'm sure there are similarities in the treatment of under- and overeating so if you have ex peer once of that instead go ahead and let me hear your ideas.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:38
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Skutter posted:What other instruments do parts of her body look like OP? I suppose in toto shes a little like a violin, with a slim neck, painfully defined waist but with small sensitive pink nipples instead of the looping characters printed (embossed?) on the top half of some violins.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:42
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Start putting peanut butter on your crank
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Jan 2, 2015 15:53
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Has the topic actually ever come up between you two? She could very well just be really, really thin. However, if you want to approach the topic carefully, maybe you could make her a meal sometime and if you still feel worried about her eating pattern, ask if she's okay. Avoid any kind of accusatory statements like "you never eat!" "You must be anorexic!" Etc. She might be very self conscious about her body and get defensive, so approach the topic from a very understanding point of you and don't press it. Unfortunately, eating disorders are about more than just food. You wanting to support her weight gain is likely not going to be ballpark enough. If she is anorexic, chances are she has some issues that tied to, could be control issues, tied to trauma, self esteem/worth....There is so much it could compromise. I suggest above all you act as a sympathetic ear and be patient and understanding, you can't help someone who isn't ready for it or doesn't want it.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:53
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You say you're dating, but it sounds really new. Do you know anything about her medical history? She could have problems that make weight gain hard. Some people are really thin, and that's just that.
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Jan 2, 2015 16:11
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The bigger problem is you are already thinking about fixing someone you just met. Wait until you know each other a little better before you try to do or say anything.
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Jan 2, 2015 16:16
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Maybe she's just old fashioned, and waiting for you to invite her to dinner.
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Jan 2, 2015 16:16
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Toriori posted:Has the topic actually ever come up between you two? She could very well just be really, really thin. However, if you want to approach the topic carefully, maybe you could make her a meal sometime and if you still feel worried about her eating pattern, ask if she's okay. Avoid any kind of accusatory statements like "you never eat!" "You must be anorexic!" Etc. She might be very self conscious about her body and get defensive, so approach the topic from a very understanding point of you and don't press it. Thanks for a very helpful post. We havent spent much time together yet so i cant say for sure there is a problem. She did put soya protein powder in the smoothie so she is aware of what she is missing out on. But attention to diet is not a red flag in itself. Ah cool she added me on fb so I can look thru her stuff. I see a lot of upheaval in 2014... She seems to have been really thin throughout her life...She used to ballet dance...She was one of the only day girls at her school. I suppose the best thing for me to do is model good eating behaviours, and be aware of what I'm saying, not be flip etc.
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Jan 2, 2015 16:36
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Breath Ray posted:Thanks for a very helpful post. We havent spent much time together yet so i cant say for sure there is a problem. She did put soya protein powder in the smoothie so she is aware of what she is missing out on. But attention to diet is not a red flag in itself. Maybe this is just me, but this seems kinda creepy to me. I have to agree with Keyvin on this one, maybe immediately trying to fix someone that you don't even know has a problem is not the best idea? Also, a scoop of protein powder is generally like, at least 70 calories on its own, if not more, and milk or soy milk or whatever has a ton of calories. You sure that smoothie was really that low in calories? Was it like, a shot glass size or something?
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Jan 2, 2015 16:54
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Araenna posted:Maybe this is just me, but this seems kinda creepy to me. I have to agree with Keyvin on this one, maybe immediately trying to fix someone that you don't even know has a problem is not the best idea? Also, a scoop of protein powder is generally like, at least 70 calories on its own, if not more, and milk or soy milk or whatever has a ton of calories. You sure that smoothie was really that low in calories? Was it like, a shot glass size or something? Am i being creepy? That's a fair question. I think the reason why I'm more concerned at this early stage is that shes younger than me, so I feel more protective than I would otherwise. And also, never since we studied the liberation of Belsen have I seen such hipbones. Obviously I'm not going to roll her up in a bathmat and take her to a&e, or rub cornflour into her gums as she sleeps. I'm not looking for a diagnosis, or a molecular analysis of the green seed smoothie - just tips on how to be a loving and responsible partner to one of the skinniest people ever discovered.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:17
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Breath Ray posted:Am i being creepy? That's a fair question. I think the reason why I'm more concerned at this early stage is that shes younger than me, so I feel more protective than I would otherwise. And also, never since we studied the liberation of Belsen have I seen such hipbones. Obviously I'm not going to roll her up in a bathmat and take her to a&e, or rub cornflour into her gums as she sleeps. I'm not looking for a diagnosis, or a molecular analysis of the green seed smoothie - just tips on how to be a loving and responsible partner to one of the skinniest people ever discovered. Yep, it's creepy.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:20
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Breath Ray posted:I think the reason why I'm more concerned at this early stage is that shes younger than me, so I feel more protective than I would otherwise.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:21
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Breath Ray posted:I suppose in toto shes a little like a violin, with a slim neck, painfully defined waist but with small sensitive pink nipples instead of the looping characters printed (embossed?) on the top half of some violins. Instead of describing your gf's nips in painstaking detail to internet randoms, how about you sit down and (tactfully) discuss her health, with her.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:21
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gently caress her rear end with your erect penis say you wanna blend her smoothie with ur frozen banana
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Jan 2, 2015 17:23
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You should feed her whatever they eat in Brazil because god drat
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Jan 2, 2015 17:37
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keyvin posted:The bigger problem is you are already thinking about fixing someone you just met. Wait until you know each other a little better before you try to do or say anything. This, and eating disorders are among the most difficult, stubborn, soul-sucking things to deal with, if that's what her issue is. Don't forget that she is a grown adult, and she is capable of making her own decisions, and since you two aren't married (or even if you were), you are under no obligation to play nanny to her well-being if she isn't exhibiting any symptoms of being unwell. It sounds like her build is a point of focus for you. This may be an early sign that you two aren't compatible. Don't ever date a person wishing to change them. If you can't look past her build, you may not be a good fit.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:46
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Is this like a feeder fetish thing?
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Jan 2, 2015 17:52
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Troutful posted:Instead of describing your gf's nips in painstaking detail to internet randoms, how about you sit down and (tactfully) discuss her health, with her. Oh yeah, that was also pretty creepy.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:54
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Sounds like she needs to get stole. Introduce her to the rigorous lifting regimen you no doubt already do every day, sexhaver.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:59
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Araenna posted:That's also creepy. Sets up a weird power dynamic for the relationship. Don't date people you don't feel are your peers. How old are you guys? Ha, thought this might come up. Shes 13 and im an unspecified, but adult, age. But seriously, she's half my age plus 7, widely accepted as the best possible gap. Do I consider her a peer? Yes, plus we have more in common than I normally have with girlfriends. We've both studied and worked abroad, live in 3-person houses, and enjoy the ballet.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:26
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You're being creepy.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:34
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carry on then posted:Sounds like she needs to get stole. Introduce her to the rigorous lifting regimen you no doubt already do every day, sexhaver. Every day? I wish! More like once a week FTL. But you're right, it is fun and a good way to relieve stress...plus the control element might be just the thing to replace the calorie counting, if that turns out to be necessary.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:41
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Breath Ray posted:widely accepted as the best possible gap
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Jan 2, 2015 18:42
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I wonder if bones knows she's about to be saved by a goon.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:46
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Toriori posted:You're being creepy. It is Breath Ray, come on.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:47
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Faustian Bargain posted:This is not the "best" gap, it's the maximum gap, you creep. Actually, 1/2 + 7 is definitely the best gap.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:53
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Breath Ray posted:Every day? I wish! More like once a week FTL. But you're right, it is fun and a good way to relieve stress...plus the control element might be just the thing to replace the calorie counting, if that turns out to be necessary. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergymnasia Maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't be trying to fix someone when you don't know what you're doing? And no, really, how old are you guys? What's the actual age difference? Because no, I don't think you think of her as a peer at all. There's nothing wrong with dating someone you have more life experience than and wanting to help them out because you have knowledge or something, but you don't have knowledge here. This isn't something you've been through/had a loved one go through. You don't even know there's a problem! You're white knighting in the most patronizing way.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:54
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Faustian Bargain posted:This is not the "best" gap, it's the maximum gap, you creep. Thigh gap best gap haha. But anyway, sounds like I just sneak in to the uncreepy rankings - at least as far as age goes! As it seems to have provoked a firestorm of condemnation, I can edit out the bit about seeing her naked in the op. Although it doesn't make so much sense without that imo
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Jan 2, 2015 18:57
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Ballet? Explains everything. That world is full of pressure for staying thin. Basic programming to be in ballet.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:04
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Replace all of the milk with heavy cream, all of the diet soda with sugar soda (pour in extra corn syrup for good measure), etc.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:20
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Araenna posted:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergymnasia Just to clarify - I'm not trying to fix anything. (Im not even sure where you got that from - did you have the wrong tab open?) Asking people to share their experienxes of having a loved one with an eating disorder is not white knighting. Right now I'm happy to be my usual swoon-worthy self, and perhaps learn a good recipe for vegetarian lasagne.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:22
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girlwithgloves posted:Ballet? Explains everything. That world is full of pressure for staying thin. Basic programming to be in ballet. I know what you mean, but it is wonderful to watch.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:23
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| # ? Apr 27, 2024 22:13 |
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Breath Ray posted:Just to clarify - I'm not trying to fix anything. (Im not even sure where you got that from - did you have the wrong tab open?) Asking people to share their experienxes of having a loved one with an eating disorder is not white knighting. Right now I'm happy to be my usual swoon-worthy self, and perhaps learn a good recipe for vegetarian lasagne. Your entire OP was about 'helping her' 
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Jan 2, 2015 19:25
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