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This thread is really for anyone who can pass on their own tips and special techniques for helping a loved one reach a positive turning point in their eating disorder. I started seeing a girl recently and when we slept together for the first time I noticed she was very thin, with prominent hipbones and a xylophone-style spine. She is a vegetarian (no meat or fish) and the morning after, painstakingly made me a breakfast smoothie that must have had at most 75 calories in. I understand that anorexia is the world's deadliest mental illnesses, with roughly 20% of patients sadly succumbing to it. Call me an old softie but I'd like to do what I can to help stop or at least delay that. I accept that the will to change must come from the sufferer but as I'm eight years older and going out with this girl, perhaps my chances of influencing her are better. Another factor is she is an aspiring actor. I don't know if being really thin holds you back there though. She is also about to start working in a new industry so things may be in flux at the moment. I don't want to rush in but equally feel it's never too early to prepare. I'd like to support her to gain weight. I've not mentioned her problem (in fact I've been showering her with compliments) but I would like to intervene once I've gained her trust. I've gone out with sub-100lb (40-45 kg) girls who lived on coffee and yoghurt, but this seems more serious. I found http://eating-disorders.org.uk/information/treatment-of-anorexia-for-carers/ quite useful, and was particularly struck by this phrase: We no longer think it is important for someone to admit that they have Anorexia because recovery depends on doing other things such as building self confidence and helping someone to fight their deep fears of food. Please share your positive experiences below.
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Jan 2, 2015 11:11
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| # ¿ Apr 28, 2024 18:08 |
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She's about 5'5" but I haven't yet thought of a sensitive way to broach the subject of her weight. My impression though is that, under the right conditions, her ribcage could act as an aeolian harp.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:06
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Sorry if it came across that way. I thought there would be a few people on here who had loved ones in the same boat and could advise. I'm sure there are similarities in the treatment of under- and overeating so if you have ex peer once of that instead go ahead and let me hear your ideas.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:38
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Skutter posted:What other instruments do parts of her body look like OP? I suppose in toto shes a little like a violin, with a slim neck, painfully defined waist but with small sensitive pink nipples instead of the looping characters printed (embossed?) on the top half of some violins.
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Jan 2, 2015 15:42
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Toriori posted:Has the topic actually ever come up between you two? She could very well just be really, really thin. However, if you want to approach the topic carefully, maybe you could make her a meal sometime and if you still feel worried about her eating pattern, ask if she's okay. Avoid any kind of accusatory statements like "you never eat!" "You must be anorexic!" Etc. She might be very self conscious about her body and get defensive, so approach the topic from a very understanding point of you and don't press it. Thanks for a very helpful post. We havent spent much time together yet so i cant say for sure there is a problem. She did put soya protein powder in the smoothie so she is aware of what she is missing out on. But attention to diet is not a red flag in itself. Ah cool she added me on fb so I can look thru her stuff. I see a lot of upheaval in 2014... She seems to have been really thin throughout her life...She used to ballet dance...She was one of the only day girls at her school. I suppose the best thing for me to do is model good eating behaviours, and be aware of what I'm saying, not be flip etc.
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Jan 2, 2015 16:36
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Araenna posted:Maybe this is just me, but this seems kinda creepy to me. I have to agree with Keyvin on this one, maybe immediately trying to fix someone that you don't even know has a problem is not the best idea? Also, a scoop of protein powder is generally like, at least 70 calories on its own, if not more, and milk or soy milk or whatever has a ton of calories. You sure that smoothie was really that low in calories? Was it like, a shot glass size or something? Am i being creepy? That's a fair question. I think the reason why I'm more concerned at this early stage is that shes younger than me, so I feel more protective than I would otherwise. And also, never since we studied the liberation of Belsen have I seen such hipbones. Obviously I'm not going to roll her up in a bathmat and take her to a&e, or rub cornflour into her gums as she sleeps. I'm not looking for a diagnosis, or a molecular analysis of the green seed smoothie - just tips on how to be a loving and responsible partner to one of the skinniest people ever discovered.
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Jan 2, 2015 17:17
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Araenna posted:That's also creepy. Sets up a weird power dynamic for the relationship. Don't date people you don't feel are your peers. How old are you guys? Ha, thought this might come up. Shes 13 and im an unspecified, but adult, age. But seriously, she's half my age plus 7, widely accepted as the best possible gap. Do I consider her a peer? Yes, plus we have more in common than I normally have with girlfriends. We've both studied and worked abroad, live in 3-person houses, and enjoy the ballet.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:26
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carry on then posted:Sounds like she needs to get stole. Introduce her to the rigorous lifting regimen you no doubt already do every day, sexhaver. Every day? I wish! More like once a week FTL. But you're right, it is fun and a good way to relieve stress...plus the control element might be just the thing to replace the calorie counting, if that turns out to be necessary.
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Jan 2, 2015 18:41
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Faustian Bargain posted:This is not the "best" gap, it's the maximum gap, you creep. Thigh gap best gap haha. But anyway, sounds like I just sneak in to the uncreepy rankings - at least as far as age goes! As it seems to have provoked a firestorm of condemnation, I can edit out the bit about seeing her naked in the op. Although it doesn't make so much sense without that imo
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Jan 2, 2015 18:57
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Araenna posted:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergymnasia Just to clarify - I'm not trying to fix anything. (Im not even sure where you got that from - did you have the wrong tab open?) Asking people to share their experienxes of having a loved one with an eating disorder is not white knighting. Right now I'm happy to be my usual swoon-worthy self, and perhaps learn a good recipe for vegetarian lasagne.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:22
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girlwithgloves posted:Ballet? Explains everything. That world is full of pressure for staying thin. Basic programming to be in ballet. I know what you mean, but it is wonderful to watch.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:23
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People, people... I said I don't want to rush in but equally feel it's never too early to prepare. If she needs to gain weight I will support her. And the age gap is there too, which makes me think you are reading something else entirely. e. I'm on my photo so can't check rap sheets, sorry 
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Jan 2, 2015 19:40
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The op confirms the age gap, which you can use with my patented formula to find out our ages, if you really want to.
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Jan 2, 2015 19:56
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Is that creepy? I think of myself as quite young at heart, although I am in a branch of Homebase picking out paint on a Friday night...!
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Jan 2, 2015 20:53
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rio posted:OP, you are so far apart in age that you just need to find yourself a nice 17 year old (depending on the state's age limitations) to teach about life and have sex with. Bonus points if she's a "fixer" like your current girlfriend. In this country, it's 16. But I disagree about the age thing. The formula never lies.
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Jan 2, 2015 21:16
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Oh I've got a feeling I'll be cracking ice cold brewskis off her collarbone for many months to come. Although thinking about it, last year my relationships were with girls of 25, 24 and finally 23. 
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Jan 2, 2015 22:07
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cmndstab posted:There is nothing inherently creepy about dating a younger girl (as long as it's not too much younger). It's ok and natural to treat people of different ages in different ways. For instance, if I were going out with a 70 year old woman with an artificial hip, we'd be that much less likely to go ice skating together. It's just one more aspect of my fascinating, magnetic personality - the ability to treat people as individuals and recognise and celebrate the things that make them special.
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Jan 3, 2015 01:22
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Honestly? They might seem a bit out of place in an e/n thread. OTOH who am I to tell you what to post? Let's hear them.
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Jan 3, 2015 11:35
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Bape Culture posted:I can advise you further once you send over the photos, Craig. Haha! You might be able to see her on secret p*m African AIDS cum posted:Get her drinking chocolate milk OP. Make it yourself from whole milk. Condition her to see it as a reward. Once you chilk you can't stop That's a no go - she only drinks real milk with fat free acai and sawdust granola 
Breath Ray fucked around with this message at 13:04 on Jan 3, 2015 |
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Jan 3, 2015 13:01
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I actually think the concept of a real metabolism is flawed, discredited and likely to be misused in self-defence by those with bodies society deems repugnant.
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Jan 3, 2015 15:58
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Oh everything's creepy with you. Going out with a 22yo is creepy. Helping her gain weight is creepy. Describing her body is creepy. Well excuse me, if I'm creepy.
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Jan 3, 2015 18:21
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a cop posted:Could you post a pic? With the face blacked out of course. Careful, folk'll start calling you racist for that  also, while i trust you implicitly, I wouldn't want someone to reverse GIS and warn her that I was, ummm, TRYING TO SAVE HER FREAKING LIFE!! After all, one horrifying aspect of anorexia is the way it 'fights' to defend itself against treatment.
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Jan 3, 2015 18:54
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Well that line was just me being facetious, as the next sentence spelled out. It was good to read that op again though, nothing there to get upset about I'd have thought.
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Jan 3, 2015 19:40
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close to toast posted:That last sentence is the most repugnant you've said so far, and quite possibly closest to the truth. A key element of your relationship dynamic will be whenever you encounter behavior or choice of hers you don't particularly like, or wouldn't have chosen yourself, you pathologize it as a symptom of her disease. Further evidence that she must be rescued from her own faulty judgment, which only you can save her from. If that sentence is the worst so far, there's cause for optimism - it comes from a page on the UK's National Centre for Eating Disorders: "The first phase of treatment will involve getting to know your loved one so that they can hopefully build up trust in the therapist. This will take time because the Anorexia “fights” back when it is attacked and tells the sufferer not to trust anyone."
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Jan 3, 2015 21:13
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I think you've got the wrong end of the stick here. I'm not stitching my superhero costume emblazoned with a capital B just yet. If it turns out she's just heartrendingly thin or hyperglycaemic then no, I probably won't waterboard her with my world-famous bolognese sauce and hope she swallows some. But if she does have an ED, I'll do what I can to get my skinny valentine to accept professional help. Perhaps Svidrigailov put it best: 'I'm waiting and hoping - that's all!'
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Jan 3, 2015 22:48
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Fatkraken posted:gently caress dude, you post like a weird robot that doesn't quite pass the turing test. Just talk like a loving person gently caress! It's called the Queen's English, sunshine.. try it some day.
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Jan 4, 2015 00:05
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If you're happy to talk about it, can you tell me how you became not-115lbs?
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Jan 4, 2015 01:04
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That actually sounds like the literal translation of anorexia - no appetite. And who knows, if the optimists here are right, ole Penny Crayon may have the same deal.
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Jan 4, 2015 01:48
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Thanks, and thanks for sharing your experience - hopefully it will pave the way for others to tell their stories. We are seeing birdman this week so I'll see how she responds to popcorn.
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Jan 4, 2015 02:34
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You can always count on a murderer for a fancy prose style.
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Jan 4, 2015 02:38
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Sailor Viy posted:Well I for one think you are a great poster Breath Ray. Cheers. Well its all pretty recent. Late November right, she comes inna boozer right, all three stone of her and with this netherworldly pallor, looking for her mate, and I turn round to MY mate and he turns round to me and we both say, fackin nice bruv. That was it for me. Her mate got us together again before Christmas and I was invited to nye and my new featherweight friend drags me back to her lair the dirty little so and so. No dates as such but what a connection.
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Jan 4, 2015 20:09
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A.s.P. posted:The way you talk about her is sickening tbh and I hope you leave her the hell alone. Beginning to think I'm not the only one trying to save this girl 
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Jan 4, 2015 23:36
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I'd love to stop at just one - they just keep dyin on me! Only joking. I'm actually pretty broad-minded (pun definitely intended). Its basically a percentage game. Every now and again you're bound to come across someone really short or Russian or suffering from a rare blood disorder. (Or all three - and what a summer THAT was!) I also take issue with the false dichotomy you posited. Have you heard of a little thing called cathexis? Cathexis is investing erotic and emotional energy into a person, situation, object or act. Cathexis, unlike fetishism, doesn’t fill in for a lack, but adds to and enables parts of yourself and the world you haven’t fully understood. Cathexis draws out and enhances libido; the object of cathexis is like a magnet pulling out of you desires that you haven’t accessed otherwise. Most importantly, cathexis is strongest when you attend to the specific, unique characteristics of your object. Fetishism means mystifying; cathexis means paying attention. The fetish loses its power when you learn about who or what it really is; cathexis gets stronger the more you know about your desire and its object.
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Jan 5, 2015 08:12
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The 4th series of Girls is out now so hopefully Lena Dunham's powerful depictions of positive body image against all the odds will encourage my scarecrow concubine to rethink her eating patterns.
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Jan 5, 2015 13:29
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Great idea, and very simple. Plus, the absorption of some top top protein couldn't do any harm either.
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Jan 5, 2015 19:23
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OK guys I've basically let this thread slide cause there was nothing new to speculate about but its date night tomorrow and what better time to pop the question than in the peace and comfort of a sticky urban cineplex. My ideas so far: #1, look her in the eye while ordering biggest possible portion of nachos with extra chilli cheese #2. say 'i hear boarding school is some scary poo poo. tell me how you coped' https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uRr77vju8U&t=1302s #3. that's it 
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Jan 6, 2015 00:43
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No but that reminds me - someone asked earlier what business it was of mine to swing into this girls life on a creeper (the jungle rarher than the GBS kind) and hadn't I better leave it to her friends and family who know her better. Well to that person I say, they had their chance, and they blew it. Worthless enabling pieces of poo poo, frankly.
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Jan 6, 2015 11:02
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Let's try to keep things above the belt. All im looking for at this point are some Pointers on how to Broach the sensitive subject of her potentially deadly lifestyle, and who better than those world-renowned masters of tact And dating, my fellow goons?
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Jan 6, 2015 15:11
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uG posted:have you tried writing her an anonymous passive aggressive note? your post history suggests this might be up your alley, especially if you fill it with ironic irony ironic triple irony and other internet fyad babby type stuff you're already familiar with You mean like you just did?
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Jan 6, 2015 15:59
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I welcome this renewed wave of misguided hostility. Annoyingly the film starts at half nine so I won't be able to take her out for supper and scrutinise her every move. If she makes me a breakfast smoothie I'm going to be cross as two sticks.
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Jan 6, 2015 16:12
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