Straight Edge Stories

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > Straight Edge Stories

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Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

shut up idiot

# ? Jan 3, 2015 22:52

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 09:19

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

pretty sure this is just a modified KKK picture

# ? Jan 3, 2015 22:52

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

Applewhite posted:

I thought the line in Freaks was "One of us, one of us!"

You're right, I mixed up Freaks with Slayer!

# ? Jan 3, 2015 22:55

GrrrlSweatshirt: Jun 2, 2012

HollisBrown posted:

Not doing drugs is fine, but if you call yourself "straight edge", there's a 90% chance you're an insufferable prick.

pretty much this. i know some people who just prefer not to drink or do any drugs and thats cool by me because theyre chill folks and can drive when everyone else is too drunk

then there are those assholes who u offer a beer and they talk at u for 5 minutes about their str8 edge life philosophy

# ? Jan 3, 2015 22:55

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

# ? Jan 3, 2015 22:59

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

HollisBrown posted:

Not doing drugs is fine, but if you call yourself "straight edge", there's a 90% chance you're an insufferable prick.

It's that way with nearly everything; I'm only using it as a descriptive term to launch into stories, it's never something I ever called myself by. If you need to always burnish your credentials, there's a reason. Wether it's being a nationality, or religion, or race, or sexism, or whatever, proudly trumpeting means you don't have enough faith in your decisions.

Here's yet but another story so it lives up to the funny tag:

I've always kind of had "one-itiss" a term used to mean you get stuck on one thing and continue down that path, even if it's restricting your ability to branch. The three women that were my friends, that I mentioned earlier, I had a crush on one of them, and two of them had a crush on me. This story is going to go exactly where you expect it. One day I came over and the one I had a crush on was gone; the other two, whom I dearly loved as friends, were doing X. It was two hours of hugs. "Lay down and hug me." "Now hug me."

Imagine the most uncomfortable thing you can, and that's what this was. Because both of them I really liked, just not in that way, and even if the 3rd one was there, I would have felt the artificiality of the X. We've all had embarrassing moments, but I felt like things were happening well outside of my ability to control, and it was happening to people I cared about. I spent hours trying pretend to be calm.

The story *seemed* funny in my head! There's your buzzkill!

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:03

Hobohemian: Sep 30, 2005; by XyloJW

I thought the straight edge thing died with myspace.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:03

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:04

THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

im straight edge as gently caress. i only drink 2 eers a day and only drink 1/5 l whiskey on the weekends

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:10

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

Hobohemian posted:

I thought the straight edge thing died with myspace.

As it should, it was way to militant. It's a personal decision, not a cult.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:11

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

THE PENETRATOR posted:

im straight edge as gently caress. i only drink 2 eers a day and only drink 1/5 l whiskey on the weekends

I see you've started the drinking, or "eer" is some special booze I don't know about!

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:11

newreply.php: Dec 24, 2009; Pillbug

ggadwa posted:

It's that way with nearly everything; I'm only using it as a descriptive term to launch into stories, it's never something I ever called myself by. If you need to always burnish your credentials, there's a reason. Wether it's being a nationality, or religion, or race, or sexism, or whatever, proudly trumpeting means you don't have enough faith in your decisions.

Here's yet but another story so it lives up to the funny tag:

I've always kind of had "one-itiss" a term used to mean you get stuck on one thing and continue down that path, even if it's restricting your ability to branch. The three women that were my friends, that I mentioned earlier, I had a crush on one of them, and two of them had a crush on me. This story is going to go exactly where you expect it. One day I came over and the one I had a crush on was gone; the other two, whom I dearly loved as friends, were doing X. It was two hours of hugs. "Lay down and hug me." "Now hug me."

Imagine the most uncomfortable thing you can, and that's what this was. Because both of them I really liked, just not in that way, and even if the 3rd one was there, I would have felt the artificiality of the X. We've all had embarrassing moments, but I felt like things were happening well outside of my ability to control, and it was happening to people I cared about. I spent hours trying pretend to be calm.

The story *seemed* funny in my head! There's your buzzkill!

*nods faggotly*

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:13

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

ggadwa posted:

It's that way with nearly everything; I'm only using it as a descriptive term to launch into stories, it's never something I ever called myself by. If you need to always burnish your credentials, there's a reason. Wether it's being a nationality, or religion, or race, or sexism, or whatever, proudly trumpeting means you don't have enough faith in your decisions.

Here's yet but another story so it lives up to the funny tag:

I've always kind of had "one-itiss" a term used to mean you get stuck on one thing and continue down that path, even if it's restricting your ability to branch. The three women that were my friends, that I mentioned earlier, I had a crush on one of them, and two of them had a crush on me. This story is going to go exactly where you expect it. One day I came over and the one I had a crush on was gone; the other two, whom I dearly loved as friends, were doing X. It was two hours of hugs. "Lay down and hug me." "Now hug me."

Imagine the most uncomfortable thing you can, and that's what this was. Because both of them I really liked, just not in that way, and even if the 3rd one was there, I would have felt the artificiality of the X. We've all had embarrassing moments, but I felt like things were happening well outside of my ability to control, and it was happening to people I cared about. I spent hours trying pretend to be calm.

The story *seemed* funny in my head! There's your buzzkill!

This reminds of a funny story, one time i took this girl home and just as things started heatin' up, she started just shaking her booty. She was shaking it so fast that it basically was a blur, and then out of no where she lifts off and starts ricocheting around the apt, just smashing into poo poo, hurtling from wall to wall. well i was frantically juking my pelvis and windmilling my dick around, looking for a point of entry but she had already ejected out a window and was tearing up everyth8ng in a 5 mile radius

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:15

THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

ggadwa posted:

I see you've started the drinking, or "eer" is some special booze I don't know about!

i'm allergic to fixing typos

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:16

Kosher Pickup Line: Jan 10, 2008; Hair Elf

ggadwa posted:

I see you've started the drinking, or "eer" is some special booze I don't know about!

penetrator just got owned

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:16

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

do you jerk off your dick op

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:16

THE PENETRATOR: Jul 27, 2014; by Lowtax

im straight edge i type how i type and i dont go back to fix it because i know im always right

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:16

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

*im a straight edge, virgin, fyi

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:16

DONKEY SALAMI: Jun 28, 2008; donkey? donkey?

If you really liked the two girls and being with them would make them happy then why not make them happy? Keep yourself zipped up if worried you'd get crazy.

Most girls appreciate mouth to vagina communication

Let's not be selfish op

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:17

newreply.php: Dec 24, 2009; Pillbug

THE PENETRATOR posted:

i'm allergic to fixing typos

ironically the op made a typo in the post just before that

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:17

Hell Yeah: Dec 25, 2012

if you're not straight edge i feel bad for you son, i got 99 problems but not making a positive difference at the hot topic in the mall AINT one.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:18

JB50: Feb 13, 2008

ggadwa posted:

It's that way with nearly everything; I'm only using it as a descriptive term to launch into stories, it's never something I ever called myself by. If you need to always burnish your credentials, there's a reason. Wether it's being a nationality, or religion, or race, or sexism, or whatever, proudly trumpeting means you don't have enough faith in your decisions.

Here's yet but another story so it lives up to the funny tag:

I've always kind of had "one-itiss" a term used to mean you get stuck on one thing and continue down that path, even if it's restricting your ability to branch. The three women that were my friends, that I mentioned earlier, I had a crush on one of them, and two of them had a crush on me. This story is going to go exactly where you expect it. One day I came over and the one I had a crush on was gone; the other two, whom I dearly loved as friends, were doing X. It was two hours of hugs. "Lay down and hug me." "Now hug me."

Imagine the most uncomfortable thing you can, and that's what this was. Because both of them I really liked, just not in that way, and even if the 3rd one was there, I would have felt the artificiality of the X. We've all had embarrassing moments, but I felt like things were happening well outside of my ability to control, and it was happening to people I cared about. I spent hours trying pretend to be calm.

The story *seemed* funny in my head! There's your buzzkill!

Shoulda hosed em both. I dont get it are you afraid youll lose control if you have a beer or something?

Have a drink or drug and relax you control freak.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:23

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

ggadwa posted:

It's that way with nearly everything; I'm only using it as a descriptive term to launch into stories, it's never something I ever called myself by. If you need to always burnish your credentials, there's a reason. Wether it's being a nationality, or religion, or race, or sexism, or whatever, proudly trumpeting means you don't have enough faith in your decisions.

Here's yet but another story so it lives up to the funny tag:

I've always kind of had "one-itiss" a term used to mean you get stuck on one thing and continue down that path, even if it's restricting your ability to branch. The three women that were my friends, that I mentioned earlier, I had a crush on one of them, and two of them had a crush on me. This story is going to go exactly where you expect it. One day I came over and the one I had a crush on was gone; the other two, whom I dearly loved as friends, were doing X. It was two hours of hugs. "Lay down and hug me." "Now hug me."

Imagine the most uncomfortable thing you can, and that's what this was. Because both of them I really liked, just not in that way, and even if the 3rd one was there, I would have felt the artificiality of the X. We've all had embarrassing moments, but I felt like things were happening well outside of my ability to control, and it was happening to people I cared about. I spent hours trying pretend to be calm.

The story *seemed* funny in my head! There's your buzzkill!

dont stop im almost there

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:26

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

Enfield posted:

This reminds of a funny story, one time i took this girl home and just as things started heatin' up, she started just shaking her booty. She was shaking it so fast that it basically was a blur, and then out of no where she lifts off and starts ricocheting around the apt, just smashing into poo poo, hurtling from wall to wall. well i was frantically juking my pelvis and windmilling my dick around, looking for a point of entry but she had already ejected out a window and was tearing up everyth8ng in a 5 mile radius

nevermind im done

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:26

im pooping!: Nov 17, 2006

playing video games until 4 in the morning and gorging myself on candy and beef jerky is my anti drug

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:27

defectivemonkey: Jun 5, 2012

OP, fix your stories so they are one sentence or less, I am unable to read more than that.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:27

Rap Music and Dope: Dec 25, 2010; For some reason Euros really suck to

ggadwa posted:

It's that way with nearly everything; I'm only using it as a descriptive term to launch into stories, it's never something I ever called myself by. If you need to always burnish your credentials, there's a reason. Wether it's being a nationality, or religion, or race, or sexism, or whatever, proudly trumpeting means you don't have enough faith in your decisions.

Here's yet but another story so it lives up to the funny tag:

I've always kind of had "one-itiss" a term used to mean you get stuck on one thing and continue down that path, even if it's restricting your ability to branch. The three women that were my friends, that I mentioned earlier, I had a crush on one of them, and two of them had a crush on me. This story is going to go exactly where you expect it. One day I came over and the one I had a crush on was gone; the other two, whom I dearly loved as friends, were doing X. It was two hours of hugs. "Lay down and hug me." "Now hug me."

Imagine the most uncomfortable thing you can, and that's what this was. Because both of them I really liked, just not in that way, and even if the 3rd one was there, I would have felt the artificiality of the X. We've all had embarrassing moments, but I felt like things were happening well outside of my ability to control, and it was happening to people I cared about. I spent hours trying pretend to be calm.

The story *seemed* funny in my head! There's your buzzkill!

ok i fuckin outed your gimmick fag your the not cool one on the peep show where sophie trys E

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:28

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

JB50 posted:

Shoulda hosed em both. I dont get it are you afraid youll lose control if you have a beer or something?

Have a drink or drug and relax you control freak.

Do I make a come back for the guy with the large gun as an avatar?

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:29

Puppy Galaxy: Aug 1, 2004

OP knows comedy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_gBKRlUVII

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:31

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

detectivemonkey posted:

OP, fix your stories so they are one sentence or less, I am unable to read more than that.

Kids now-a-days. In our days, comedy was digging folks out of the manure pit on the pig farm. That took days. We laughed heartily, at least the ones not taken by dysentery.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:34

JB50: Feb 13, 2008

Insufferable prick confirmed.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:36

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

JB50 posted:

Insufferable prick confirmed.

I thought I toggled that flag off? Did I really have insufferable pick confirmed? Yeesh. Need to be more careful!

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:39

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

ggadwa posted:

Kids now-a-days. In our days, comedy was digging folks out of the manure pit on the pig farm. That took days. We laughed heartily, at least the ones not taken by dysentery.

good comedy youre on the right comedy website

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:39

Enfield: May 30, 2011; by Nyc_Tattoo

Puppy Galaxy posted:

OP knows comedy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_gBKRlUVII

this is intolerable

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:45

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

Enfield posted:

this is intolerable

Thanks Puppy Galaxy!

Enfield, thanks for the feedback. I guess I won't be licensing your brilliant "ricocheting sex" story for the next episode

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:51

Wall Balls: Jun 3, 2007; Spanish Castle Magic

these are not very good stories

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:56

defectivemonkey: Jun 5, 2012

ggadwa posted:

Kids now-a-days. In our days, comedy was digging folks out of the manure pit on the pig farm. That took days. We laughed heartily, at least the ones not taken by dysentery.

You said days a lot of times.

# ? Jan 3, 2015 23:57

ggadwa: Jan 3, 2015; Somewhat Grim, way behind on the Reaping

detectivemonkey posted:

You said days a lot of times.

Back in the old days, all we had was days. No weeks. No years. Chickens had one wing and would make one kid really sad when splitting the breasts on that day we ate chicken. Chicken-eating day. Man, that was many days ago.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 00:01

Applewhite: Aug 16, 2014; by vyelkin; Nap Ghost

One time a guy offered me some vodka and cranberry juice in a plastic cup but I told him "no thanks!" Because my body is a temple. This was at a party. I may not have left with any girls that night, but I did leave with something far more rewarding: my sobriety.

# ? Jan 4, 2015 00:02

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 09:19

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

back in the old days if you were a grown man who wouldnt drink whiskey youd be tarred and feathered, ran out of town on a rail and raped in the woods

# ? Jan 4, 2015 00:05

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