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*A football player stands in front of a featureless, powder blue background. The recording is a low-def VHS transfer and there are numerous sound warbles in the audio* "Uhh, time to play football?" *Jump cut to a large poster with the word "Football" written on it in a bold, black typeface. Football team bursts through the poster and heads out to the field*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:17
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*a giant steel plate slams into a block of granite, several rivets secure the plate to the rock, a first letter is stamped, a second laser engraved, and a third drilled into the plate, the letters spell "NFL", sparks fly*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:17
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*in the ivy-carpeted center of an ancient ruined edifice stands a large boulder, camera zooming to a wooden handle protruding from its apex* *a small hand reaches out, rays of divine light issue forth, an angelic choir reaching a crescendo as the child begins to pull a baseball bat from the stone* *shot cuts to sudden blackness, heavy percussion with horn fanfares*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:17
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*the word FOOTBALL is instantly transmitted into the ear drums of every living being on earth at the same moment*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:18
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FordPRefectLL posted:*the word FOOTBALL is instantly transmitted into the ear drums of every living being on earth at the same moment* *deafening sotto voce rips through glass and metal alike reverberating into eon lasting feedback sound -- "football... FOOTBALL"*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:23
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*A shadow falls over a major metropolis. Terrified citizens look up in awe as the sun is blotted out* *Camera pulls back and it is revealed the shadow is cast by a giant hockey puck the size of one of the ships from Independence Day hovering low over the city* *Hatch opens up in center of puck and green energy begins to charge* *Beam fires and the city is obliterated, leaving behind a vast hockey rink emblazoned with the NHL logo*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:25
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This, but unironically https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8THGqrjUDGI
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Jan 6, 2015 19:34
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Bip Roberts posted:This, but unironically this is more ridiculous than anything posted in the thread so far and i'm guessing that's why the guy who made that was paid for it
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Jan 6, 2015 19:35
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*Wizard stands against giant monster. He strikes the earth with his staff and there is a flash of blinding light and a cloud of smoke* *The smoke clears but, to the wizard's shock and dismay, the monster is still standing! Its lips peel back in a grotesque sneer* *A hand gently tugs on the wizard's sleeve from offscreen* *The wizard looks over and sees a caddy standing next to him. The Caddy draws a Gripflex Drivemaster 3-wood from his golf bag and offers it to the wizard, who accepts it gladly* *Monster watches with dismay as wizard tees up* *Wizard swings and the golf ball becomes a blazing ball of light that blows a hole through the monster's chest*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:37
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*a distant cosmic event creates a superluminal subspace shock front that is diffracted and gravitationally lensed into a perfect large scale simulation of Michael Jordan approximately 250 megaparsecs in height* *he dunks a supermassive active galactic nucleus into the Milky Way* *tidal forces reshape the galaxy into a Nike Swoosh*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:38
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Bip Roberts posted:This, but unironically gently caress not gonna beat that
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Jan 6, 2015 19:38
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Bip Roberts posted:This, but unironically Thread over.
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Jan 6, 2015 19:40
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i'm the laser hockey stick summoned voltron style that is subsequently used to kill a lot of people
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Jan 6, 2015 19:41
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Bip Roberts posted:This, but unironically https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbZMnF1VNlE
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Jan 6, 2015 19:42
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FordPRefectLL posted:i'm the laser hockey stick summoned voltron style that is subsequently used to kill a lot of people I'm the F-16 that can seat a Godzilla-sized bear and also fly into space.
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Jan 6, 2015 19:44
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Applewhite posted:I'm the F-16 that can seat a Godzilla-sized bear and also fly into space. it can also blow up the earth so i guess we dont need those f35s
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Jan 6, 2015 19:46
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*The city is in danger. A scruffy-looking man reaches into his pocket and retrieves a miniature hockey stick which grows to full size in his hands. He twirls the hockey stick over his head and is enveloped by glowing sparkles* *There is a flash of light and the hockey player is nude, spinning against a background of bubbles and roses. Ribbons fly in from offscreen and wrap themselves around his naked form, taking the shape of a hockey uniform as they bind together* *There is another flash of light and the hockey player stands ready to defend the honor of his city from the opposing team* *NHL logo flashes on screen only the lettering is Japanese and the English letters "NHL" are crudely laid over it*
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Jan 6, 2015 19:59
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can you write a doctor who episode that is also a sports graphic
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Jan 6, 2015 20:02
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*The X-Files intro except the flying saucer in a blurry football flying through the air*
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Jan 6, 2015 20:11
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* Low angle camera shot of Bulk McLargehuge in football gear walks over screen, drops pants and tea bags camera. Remaining sweat smear spells out 'NFL' *
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Jan 6, 2015 20:14
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FordPRefectLL posted:can you write a doctor who episode that is also a sports graphic The Doctor and Rose Tyler are attending the Rose Bowl in Present Day America and they are just settling down to watch the game (The Doctor wearing his trademarked 3D glasses). Meanwhile, there's sinister goings on in the locker room: a gang of football robots has killed one of the teams and taken their place! They emerge onto the field and issue a challenge: the fate of the Earth on the outcome of the game! The opposing (human) team does its best but are getting sorely beaten by the football robots until The Doctor decides to lend a hand, by boosting the players' performance with his sonic screwdriver and other clever tricks. Still, the Doctor knows the human team is doomed to lose. He is only helping them in order to buy time to find out what the robots are really up to. It turns out that the entire stadium is actually resting on top of a buried alien ship and that the goalposts are antennae protruding up through the ground. The alien robots have introduced a rare element to the ball so that the action of having it pass between the posts creates an electromagnetic affect that helps charge the ship's power systems. The game is just a ruse to trick the humans into helping them charge their ship! The Doctor turns the tables by calling a time out (dressed as a referee) and swapping the alien ball for one he modified himself. When the alien robot team spikes the ball on the winning touchdown, it grounds out the accumulated energy built up over the game and the ship explodes. The crater is shaped like the NFL logo.
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Jan 6, 2015 20:17
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*A giant, CGI Butt farts and a football flies out into a toilet, which flushes loudly. The camera angle switches to a top down view of the bowl and it is a greenscreened image of the game in progress*
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Jan 6, 2015 20:32
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FordPRefectLL posted:*the word FOOTBALL* is instantly transmitted into the ear drums of every living being on earth at the same moment* *outside the U.S. the word AMERICAN is added, to avoid upsetting anyone
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Jan 6, 2015 20:49
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Applewhite posted:*Wizard stands against giant monster. He strikes the earth with his staff and there is a flash of blinding light and a cloud of smoke* *Wizard and monster assets both reused from USMC recruiting commercial* *New USMC recruiting commercial features a caddy and golf junk* *All feature heavily in sports channel graphics following 2017 terrorist attack that destroyed the new WTC*
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Jan 6, 2015 20:49
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In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters. And God said, “Let there be footbawww,” and there was footbawww. Then God said, "Let there be hi-res animated CGI overlays and city-specific commercial-bumper music." And God saw that it was good. Then God said "gently caress the rest of this poo poo. I'm tired." And God put His feet up in the heavenly La-Z-Boy recliner and partook of beer and pretzels and sighed contentedly as the Bengals lost again.
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Jan 6, 2015 21:03
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*Translucent overlay of a speedometer pops up on screen after every pitch. The numbers flash through many absurdly high speeds before settling on what speed the ball was actually traveling*
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Jan 6, 2015 21:05
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*detailed chart of the melting point of various compositions of steel used in the stadium girders*
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Jan 6, 2015 21:11
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I'm too ignorant of (televised) sports to participate in this thread, op
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Jan 6, 2015 21:26
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*Heavy safe smashes a pile of cinderblocks. Unlocks with the combination F O O T B A L L. Inside is the Superbowl XLIX trophy*
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Jan 6, 2015 21:26
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unlimited shrimp posted:I'm too ignorant of (televised) sports to participate in this thread, op *today's telecast sponsored by . . . Red Lobster, featuring unlimited shrimp for $14.99. Red Lobster -- see food differently*
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Jan 6, 2015 21:34
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unlimited shrimp posted:I'm too ignorant of (televised) sports to participate in this thread, op https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jc8TNyT9MFc here is a pretty good example. I'm the asymmetric rectangular prisms that border the screen, pistoning back and forth without purpose. I'm also the embedded circuits framing the basketball footage.
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Jan 6, 2015 21:39
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irz9dk4Jhj8 I'm the bleachers that fold over into TV screens and have also been installed in a corridor for some reason. I'm also the transforming "Home Court of College Hoops" logo.
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Jan 6, 2015 21:43
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQGB2iy6pDc Here is another good example! I am the polygons that explode overtime a player flexes.
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Jan 6, 2015 21:44
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boethius posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQGB2iy6pDc I'm the diaphragm shutter that irises open to reveal the CBS logo. I'm also the ball of glowing light flying around inside a turbine.
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Jan 6, 2015 21:48
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boethius posted:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQGB2iy6pDc Giant Ray Lewis wouldn't say poo poo when Godzilla knifed Tokyo.
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Jan 6, 2015 22:25
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*Giger-esque spectacle where writhing robotic neon pincers break free from the sides of the tv, pinning the viewer to the couch as an iridescent metallic tentacle snaps forth and punctures the viewer's pineal gland, injecting an endless montage of slo-mo classic end zone footage in a DMT-like torrent permanently imprinted deep into the viewer's psyche*
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Jan 6, 2015 22:35
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dildo in my butt
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Jan 6, 2015 22:37
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*Stuart Scott's face is digitally superimposed on the midfield logo* "Now watch this guy!" *Analyst circles empty section of the field* "Lets take a look at the offensive line." *Five pictures of expressionless men who appear to be fidgeting uncomfortably* "Now here's Erin down on the sideline." *Attractive female with microphone relays information of no consequence*
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Jan 6, 2015 22:56
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A football player sacks the camera. He looks down at the stunned lens and screams "SPORTS!" for thirty seconds straight. Elsewhere, a man crosses the street after spotting a black person. He does not understand why.
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Jan 6, 2015 23:05
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boethius posted:robot sports porn I mean I knew this stuff was phallic but all of the macho combined with things sliding into and out of other things is just 
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Jan 6, 2015 23:18
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