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mysterious frankie posted:I can't wait to be a middle aged dad, so I can use nonchalant dad goofiness to infuriate my children whenever they get too self important.... Confirming that this owns. Wait, is 42 middle-aged? Anyway, above scenario plays out daily. Is as satisfying as you imagine.
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Jan 13, 2015 18:55
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*drives teenage sons metalcore band to "gig" where the audience stands there the whole time with arms folded looking on in complete silence*
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Jan 13, 2015 18:59
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The Whole Internet posted:*sets up an office in one of the bedrooms*
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Jan 13, 2015 19:02
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"how ya been son let's drink beer and watch saving private ryan"
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Jan 13, 2015 19:05
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A.K.A. posted:Confirming that this owns. Wait, is 42 middle-aged? You can do it forever, my granddad was still doing that right up until he died aged 91. He used to pretend to be asleep when our grandmother was asking everyone to help with chores, and he'd troll people by finding out a little bit about their views, then voicing the complete opposite opinion to wind them up, then collapse in a sort of deep old man laugh like "hee hur hur hur hur hur" when they got angry with him. I'm still not sure what he actually believed about anything because he did that to absolutely everyone.
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Jan 13, 2015 19:05
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"hey son can you burn me up that white house attack movie on the commercials?"
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Jan 13, 2015 19:06
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the convertible goes to only one place and that's sam's drive in for cruiser night, second sunday of every month
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Jan 13, 2015 19:13
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*Pawn Stars has the highest recording priority on the PVR*
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Jan 13, 2015 19:14
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mysterious frankie posted:I can't wait to be a middle aged dad, so I can use nonchalant dad goofiness to infuriate my children whenever they get too self important. I feel like it's what my life has been leading up to. A lady's biological clock tells them to create life; men's biological clock tells them to annoy life. I've already put a lot of work into developing weapons-grade puns, in case the day should come that some poor gullible woman ends up carrying my children. Those kiddos need a proper embarrassing environment to become dysfunctional misfit adults just like their old man, and his old man.
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Jan 13, 2015 19:20
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SmokaDustbowl posted:"hey son can you burn me up that white house attack movie on the commercials?"
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Jan 13, 2015 19:30
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*goes to Lowes/Home Depot three times a week* *misses kids games because of work* *wears a white hat with college football teams name on it* *still has wrap around Oakleys*
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Jan 13, 2015 19:38
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Ringo Star Get posted:*goes to Lowes/Home Depot three times a week* I'm a young white suburban dad and its loving dumb how often I go to Home Depot now and how much I love Home Depot now
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Jan 13, 2015 19:50
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home despot, blowe's or wally world, take your pick e: or tarzhay
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Jan 13, 2015 20:22
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Hummus and quinoa
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Jan 13, 2015 20:45
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MACK donalds. BurGAR King.
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Jan 13, 2015 20:49
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*buys F150 pickup truck* *never hauls anything because it might scratch the paint in the bed"
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Jan 13, 2015 21:16
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*Does own plumbing. *Hires plumber to fix said plumbing.
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Jan 13, 2015 21:29
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Realizes one day that i've been tucking in my t-shirts into my pants for years.
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Jan 13, 2015 22:19
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listen son I know you think family reunions are dopes and you don't want to wear the matching t-shirts but would it kill you to sit still for just one group picture so your mother has something for her scrapbooks
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Jan 13, 2015 22:27
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A.K.A. posted:Anyway, above scenario plays out daily. Is as satisfying as you imagine. Speaking of battlestations and home depot, I just built this: 
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Jan 13, 2015 22:41
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*driving back from the dick sucking factory in my huge rear end suv im still answering emails from guys with bigger dicks than me, this will continue thru the nite until i force myself on my fat wife because i am thirsty*
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Jan 13, 2015 22:42
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* Enters room with grey plastic shopping bag * Hey son, I swung by the Circle K after work and got you this. Since, you know, you're at that age and all. And...and, well, it's what I wanted my dad to do for me. Um, use it in good health! * Drops bag on bed, exits room* *Inside bag is an honest-to-God porno mag featuring a fat blonde with a big veiny rack on the cover*
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Jan 13, 2015 22:48
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I'm a middle-aged dad and I'll be building a deck next year. Unironically.
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Jan 13, 2015 22:51
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ReagaNOMNOMicks posted:I'm a middle-aged dad and I'll be building a deck next year. Still not sure If I'll use Teck or just something lovely and cheaper.
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Jan 13, 2015 22:54
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ReagaNOMNOMicks posted:Still not sure If I'll use Teck or just something lovely and cheaper. If you're going to build it, you might as well use quality materials.
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Jan 13, 2015 22:58
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Stottie Kyek posted:You can do it forever, my granddad was still doing that right up until he died aged 91. He used to pretend to be asleep when our grandmother was asking everyone to help with chores, and he'd troll people by finding out a little bit about their views, then voicing the complete opposite opinion to wind them up, then collapse in a sort of deep old man laugh like "hee hur hur hur hur hur" when they got angry with him. I'm still not sure what he actually believed about anything because he did that to absolutely everyone. your grandpa owned. i already sort of do this, except im not old and noticeble senile to get away with it
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Jan 13, 2015 23:14
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boethius posted:If you're going to build it, you might as well use quality materials. I plan on a deck with a roof, though, to keep most of the weather off. Is it worth the extra expense?
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Jan 13, 2015 23:25
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*buys a DSLR camera for family photos but instead just keeps using iPhone to take vertical pictures*
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Jan 13, 2015 23:49
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pr0k posted:Confirmed again. Cool, your Star Wars figures will look great on that, brah!
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Jan 14, 2015 00:14
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*gets new flat screen TV, plugs cable box in over composite video* *presses the "full screen zoom button" a couple times* *sits back with beer* "Check out this incredible picture, honey!"
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Jan 14, 2015 00:26
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*Calls a black man a friend of the family* "Dear, no don't..." *Group of black men show up and have a consensual orgy with his wife, while he masturbates in the corner* "Never use the n word honky"
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Jan 14, 2015 00:34
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Suburban dads is an ideal we are all going to shoot for once we lose our optimism and realize starting a family is an honorable goal
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Jan 14, 2015 00:36
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amityville anus posted:*driving back from the dick sucking factory in my huge rear end suv im still answering emails from guys with bigger dicks than me, this will continue thru the nite until i force myself on my fat wife because i am thirsty* Wanna meet that dad
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Jan 14, 2015 00:59
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amityville anus posted:*driving back from the dick sucking factory in my huge rear end suv im still answering emails from guys with bigger dicks than me, this will continue thru the nite until i force myself on my fat wife because i am thirsty*  not sure why you chose the word thirsty to describe why he was forcing himself on his fat wife, but it's funny.*gets home from work and spends the rest of the night doing yardwork or various tasks in the garage to avoid wife and kids*
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Jan 14, 2015 01:18
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*Peeks out window before going to the mailbox. Waits for neighbors to go inside before leaving house*
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Jan 14, 2015 01:35
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notices hair is going grey. buys a box of Just for MenŽ, Silverfox Edition next time he's at Target picking up groceries
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Jan 14, 2015 01:36
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The Whole Internet posted:*sneaks up to son's room as quietly as possible and suddenly throws open the door without knocking* my friend's dad did that. except he wasn't trying to catch anyone jerk it, he was just a drunk who wanted to hang out. it'd would be like *stomp stomp stomp* *door swings open* "DUUUUUUUUUDES WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN HERE? WHO WANTS TO GO GET STEAKS? I'LL PAY IF YOU DRIVE" he was pretty fun to hang out with actually
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Jan 14, 2015 01:45
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*enjoys watching black man gently caress fat wife*
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Jan 14, 2015 01:55
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SopWATh posted:*slowly gains wealth and stability by earning steady income over years and years of hard work at a middle class job. america.txt
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Jan 14, 2015 01:55
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Savings Coupon posted:I'm a young white suburban dad and its loving dumb how often I go to Home Depot now my white suburban dad worked his way up to a director at a telecom, then they laid him off after 30 years. he became a manager at home depot (and always referred to it as "homo depot" because he is a white suburban dad). then he had a stroke at 58, and became super liberal due to the medical bills nearly bankrupting him. my dad was like this thread distilled into a human being.
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Jan 14, 2015 02:07
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