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*None of my other accomplishments in life mean anything without the validation of winning Chopped.
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Jan 22, 2015 07:59
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 11:24 |
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.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:00
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So I'm looking at all these ingredients, and I'm thinking... puree
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Jan 22, 2015 08:02
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*gets yelled at by irate 5'0 british man*
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Jan 22, 2015 08:03
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Today on Cooking with Semen!
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Jan 22, 2015 08:03
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I look at the ingredients: Cheese, flour, tomato sauce, pepperoni... I'm thinking 'cake' out of all this, somehow. So I go and mix up a cake batter real quick and use the tomato sauce as the milk. I mix the cheese with some sugar to make a nice frosting and I get done... Then I realise: What am I going to do with all this pepperoni. Then it hits me. Put them on the cake as trim. I'm finishing up and I look over at Steve's plate and he's got Moroccan-spiced Mini Pizzas with an artichoke and Cheese garnish and I'm thinking that's just lazy. That's such a BORING entree for Chopped.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:08
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq2wZ6-Wp6A
Al Nipper fucked around with this message at 08:14 on Jan 22, 2015 |
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Jan 22, 2015 08:09
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*My restaurant is literally serving Banquet TV dinners cooked in a microwave then scooped onto plates with a little bit of extra cheese sprinkled on top, not sure why store isn't attracting customers.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:14
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i'm gonna eat this twenty-pound pizza so quickly that i have a minor cardiac event and shart myself on live television
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Jan 22, 2015 08:15
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Going to put sriracha on everything.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:15
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So I'm looking at my plate, pretty confident... then I realize... I forgot the F***ING BACON! I'll just tell the judge it's in with the sauce
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Jan 22, 2015 08:17
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You going to love the taste of my CREME FRAICHE
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Jan 22, 2015 08:17
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my hart beats irregularly but whn i drink i fell ok when i try to sleep it hurts
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Jan 22, 2015 08:19
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"Hi I'm BOBBY FLAY!!!" *makes a mediocre entree you'd find at Applebee's, tops it with jalepenos"
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Jan 22, 2015 08:21
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I like bobby fillet
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Jan 22, 2015 08:22
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I'm starting to question if instead of trying to rescue these restaurants if I shouldn't just have called the County Health Dept. right now and just get this place shut down for good.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:27
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JediTalentAgent posted:I'm starting to question if instead of trying to rescue these restaurants if I shouldn't just have called the County Health Dept. right now and just get this place shut down for good. Is my black t-shirt tight enough? Gotta have a tight T to show these Yanks how much I pump!
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Jan 22, 2015 08:30
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In private, My wife and I's relationship has been so horribly ruined by this restaurant that keeping this place going and refusing to be the one who quits on it is our version of hate loving.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:31
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*wins food network equivalent of American idol* *gets a 15 minute daytime show while fieri gets 7 new shows*
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Jan 22, 2015 08:40
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*Wishes one of these contestants would just take the opportunity to vent about their family and say they want to win as a 'gently caress you' to them.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:51
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*Does a travel show like Anthony Bourdain but gets arrested in Russia because troon.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:51
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Our show actually has very little with teaching you how to cook *eats fried worms*
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Jan 22, 2015 08:57
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*Instantly recognizing this was a mistake when I see Guy shoving his unwashed fingers into my sauce and taking a big lip-smackin' sample. *Oh, God... He's dipping that same finger into the bowl of raw chicken and going back to the sauce!
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Jan 22, 2015 08:57
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Unless we're a Good Eats re-run, in which case we're a show that was cancelled to make way for more reality tv.
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Jan 22, 2015 08:57
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*Looks in the mirror at my greasy neon blue hair, full sleeve of bad tattoos, and fifteen piercings then wonder why no one wants to eat the food I cook. Hepatitis outbreaks traced back to restaurant workers are not that common.*
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Jan 22, 2015 09:03
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Chefs, your secret ingredients for this challenge are Quinoa, Bacon, Sriracha and Pretzel Bread. Good luck on creating the ultimate hipster fad dessert.
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Jan 22, 2015 09:07
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JediTalentAgent posted:Chefs, your secret ingredients for this challenge are Quinoa, Bacon, Sriracha and Pretzel Bread. Good luck on creating the ultimate hipster fad dessert. Desert or super fun slider sandwiches?
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Jan 22, 2015 09:10
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psyopmonkey posted:Desert or super fun slider sandwiches? Judge: This... This doesn't scream 'dessert' to me. This is more an ENTREE or an APPITIZER or even BREAKFAST meal. If I was in your restaurant and THIS came out me as a dessert, I'd be displeased. I mean, it's a TECHNICALLY fine dish, it's not in keeping with the challenge with making a DESSERT out of all these items. And I think the bacon is still a little chewy... Do you think this is a $10K winning dessert?
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Jan 22, 2015 09:15
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JediTalentAgent posted:Judge: This... This doesn't scream 'dessert' to me. This is more an ENTREE or an APPITIZER or even BREAKFAST meal. If I was in your restaurant and THIS came out me as a dessert, I'd be displeased. I mean, it's a TECHNICALLY fine dish, it's not in keeping with the challenge with making a DESSERT out of all these items. And I think the bacon is still a little chewy... Do you think this is a $10K winning dessert? *Flips table and shits on the floor I wish that would happen... 
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Jan 22, 2015 09:31
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"I appreciate the presentation of this dish, but I'm a vegan and there's not a single thing on this plate I can eat. Did you think of that before before you decided to make a chili con carne out of the ingredients? I mean, it seems like a major misstep on your part. What I've got here is a big bowl of meat and cheese and animal fats and I... I can't even stand the smell of it."
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Jan 22, 2015 09:38
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My culinary point of view? I would say "farm to table" with a focus on big bold flavor.
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Jan 22, 2015 09:39
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TRIPLE D
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Jan 22, 2015 09:55
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Sorry I only write Cook's Country erotic fiction (Chris x Bridget, plus the gay guy who does the gadget reviews NC17)
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Jan 22, 2015 10:43
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*extreme orchestral music come to a head*
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Jan 22, 2015 10:58
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Chefs you must create a delicious appetizer utilizing the four ingredients in front of you: Slurpees, cool ranch Doritos, Dr. Pepper barbecue sauce, and a gingerbread house. You only have 20 minutes to work... Clock starts now.
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Jan 22, 2015 11:00
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Simian_Prime posted:"Hi I'm BOBBY FLAY!!!" my favorite bobby flay thing is taht show he used to have where he'd barge into, like, some old woman's patisserie and be all "call that a loving scone, gramma? i could do better than that in my sleep". and then he destroys the old woman in a television cook-off because he's a professional celeb chef and she's someone's grandma from Yonkers.
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Jan 22, 2015 11:02
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bensnotacat posted:*extreme orchestral music come to a head* *Ridiculous amount of forced drama ensues with everyone on the team bitching about the others. *
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Jan 22, 2015 11:18
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paranoid randroid posted:my favorite bobby flay thing is taht show he used to have where he'd barge into, like, some old woman's patisserie and be all "call that a loving scone, gramma? i could do better than that in my sleep". and then he destroys the old woman in a television cook-off because he's a professional celeb chef and she's someone's grandma from Yonkers. I recall him losing quite a few times
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Jan 22, 2015 11:23
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Now this stale birthday cake is a bread product, but it's extremely sweet, so I cut off the icing and put it into the food processor. I'm going to make a crust for my fish.
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Jan 22, 2015 11:30
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 11:24 |
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So judges, does this basket have you 'smacking your gums' in anticipation? Well, the curveball in this basket is definitely the bazooka joe bubble gum. It is cloyingly sweet so the chefs are really going to have to balance that out, to tame the sweetness.
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Jan 22, 2015 11:33
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