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So for this cake competition about happy places around the world, I have eight hours and eighty pounds of fondant to do my rendition of Disney's Auschwitz. The judges are going to love this!
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Jan 23, 2015 19:14
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"THIS IS TURNING INTO A loving DISASTER! WE HAVE TICKETS EVERYWHERE AND NO FOOD IS GOING OUT, YOU NEED TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR KITCHEN!" "Yes, chef! Okay, guys, we need t-" "TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR KITCHEN!" "Yes, chef! I need that lobster done right now! That table h-" "GUYS LISTEN UP!" "Lobster for table twelve! Two minutes f-" "TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR KITCHEN!" "Y-yes, chef. OKAY GUYS, I NEED-" "DON'T loving YELL AT THEM! THOSE ARE YOUR LOYAL EMPLOYEES! YOU NEED TO WORK AS A TEAM!"
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Jan 23, 2015 19:40
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*throws a big backyard fête every episode as a cover for a swingers party* Tell me that isn't the real premise of barefoot contessa
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Jan 23, 2015 19:44
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Seriously, the "Brigade" bullshit is hilarious. "YES CHEF!" Shut up, its asaragus and chicken breasts, not an ied. R-tards
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Jan 23, 2015 19:48
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Hi my name is Rachel Ray and I constantly move between raw chicken and raw served items like salad, without washing my hands. Like, in every single episode. EVOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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Jan 23, 2015 19:50
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i just wish for once someone on Chopped would say that they're gonna snort and drink away that 10k like any real chef would
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Jan 23, 2015 20:01
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let me just take this whole roast out of this non functional oven.
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Jan 23, 2015 20:09
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All cooks smoke cigarettes, so does that make their palette terrible and that's why they are really good at seasoning?
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Jan 23, 2015 20:11
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I'm the sandwich guy! All I make is sandwiches! This is a good premise for a cooking show!
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Jan 23, 2015 20:23
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BossRighteous posted:All cooks smoke cigarettes, so does that make their palette terrible and that's why they are really good at seasoning? Bingo. Thats why everything is salty.
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Jan 23, 2015 20:27
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*camera zooms in hard on Capital cooking range logo*
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Jan 23, 2015 20:27
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psyopmonkey posted:Bingo. not exactly
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Jan 23, 2015 20:50
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satanic splash-back posted:not exactly yeah, the real reason is salt pearls dumbass
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Jan 23, 2015 21:17
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*guttural grunts* "uuuuuh, I am a HUUUUGE ______ fan"
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Jan 23, 2015 21:31
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*is restaurant impossible* *remakes entire establishment on 10k* *still looks like poo poo*
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Jan 23, 2015 21:34
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*"re-enacts" undercover restaurant stings as entire premise of show, still brings in restaurant owners who can't do a good script read for poo poo* Bad Waiter #2: uhh buhhh gimme one more chance boss please Boss: Okay you got it but Bad Waiter #1 I'm going to let you go without pressing charges for your well-documented theft
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Jan 23, 2015 23:26
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I'm Gordon Ramsey and I DO NOT plant dead mice or other vermin in restaurants for my reality television show!
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Jan 23, 2015 23:33
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:Owns restaurant, has catchy dish: :Guy Fieri shows up, shits donkey balls everywhere: :shuts restaurant down, puts entire savings in kids' name, kills self:
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Jan 24, 2015 00:34
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I don't know what the secret ingredient is today, but whatever the gently caress it is will go into the ice cream maker.
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Jan 24, 2015 00:52
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Simian_Prime posted:"Hi I'm BOBBY FLAY!!!"
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Jan 24, 2015 01:14
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I really can't believe just how much weight Rachael Ray has gained!
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Jan 24, 2015 01:59
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*pours money and airtime into making Alton Brown completely unenjoyable to watch*
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Jan 24, 2015 02:30
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QUEEN CAUCUS posted:I'm Gordon Ramsey and I DO NOT plant dead mice or other vermin in restaurants for my reality television show! lol if you think even food network needs to fake vermin for any restaurant rescue show filmed in murica
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Jan 24, 2015 02:48
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The White Dragon posted:lol if you think even food network needs to fake vermin for any restaurant rescue show filmed in murica poo poo they probably have to hide them for the initial camera sweep so they can have a "I can't believe this was here" commercial stinger.
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Jan 24, 2015 03:04
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*browbeats old lady who is extremely upset that her dumb restaurant is failing due to poo poo food and filthy surroundings* *awkwardly hugs her afterward*
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Jan 24, 2015 03:31
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aw yeah, this is what I'm talking about right here. *scooches half eaten steak hoagie from underneath the vending machine at the grey hound station with a broom handle*
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Jan 24, 2015 04:08
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*Mulches up some bbq sauce, balut eggs, and cigarette butts in his rear end in a top hat* *Passes out in septic shock flavor country*
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Jan 24, 2015 04:14
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Here's my plan for renovating the kitchen section of your 1977 Brave Class C Motorhome- awesome huh? Now to get the crane out to hoist it into my shop which is actually a treehouse.
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Jan 24, 2015 09:22
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C. Everett Koop posted:I really can't believe just how much weight Rachael Ray has gained! I'd still stuff that rump-roast. EVOO= best lube
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Jan 24, 2015 10:14
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*eats dish the contestant jizzed in* "You know I like the flavours, and it's cooked well, but I don't really taste you in this dish."
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Jan 26, 2015 18:43
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Simian_Prime posted:"Hi I'm BOBBY FLAY!!!"
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Jan 26, 2015 18:48
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I stayed true to my roots
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Jan 26, 2015 19:07
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Tonight on Kitchen Nightmare: I'm confronted by the ghost of my dead father while a sinister clown cackles and slices up human parts to make a stew. Meanwhile Mikey discovers he has come to work in his underwear.
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Jan 26, 2015 19:19
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C. Everett Koop posted:I really can't believe just how much weight Rachael Ray has gained! I still prefer black Rachel ray
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Jan 26, 2015 19:37
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DONKEYSAUCE *vomits on plate*
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Jan 26, 2015 19:38
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*So out of touch with fast-food advances in the last 20 years, literally is impressed by a contestant creating a knock-off Double Decker Taco.
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Jan 26, 2015 19:49
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Simian_Prime posted:"Hi I'm BOBBY FLAY!!!" Christ, this is so true to life. ~*Cooked to perfection*~
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Jan 26, 2015 19:52
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HUG ME FOREVER posted:*pours money and airtime into making Alton Brown completely unenjoyable to watch* lol its almost impressive how much of a sulking self-hating soulless depressing husk of a human being that alton has become. like i remember him being really lively and fun to watch on Good Eats which was a really awesome show. now when he's on all these stupid contest shows, it just seems like hes loaded up on wellbutrin and wants to kill himself
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Jan 26, 2015 19:54
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Hi, I'm Paula Dean, and today we're going to make nacho mommas banana pudding! http://youtu.be/F_CYsI7KII0 Hot Dog Day #91 fucked around with this message at 20:00 on Jan 26, 2015 |
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Jan 26, 2015 19:57
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Xaris posted:lol its almost impressive how much of a sulking self-hating soulless depressing husk of a human being that alton has become. like i remember him being really lively and fun to watch on Good Eats which was a really awesome show. now when he's on all these stupid contest shows, it just seems like hes loaded up on wellbutrin and wants to kill himself That cutthroat kitchen show is on Netflix now. I watched on an episode where a guy named DJ Chef won over a classically trained chef. Hearing Alton say that out loud actually made me groan IRL. I hope his kids are in Ivy league schools at least.
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Jan 26, 2015 20:21
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