Let's Masturbate

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Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

http://www.letsmasturbate.com/

Here are some of my favorites:

quote:

Dick on a Rope

Keeps hands free for...knitting?

Take yarn and tie it around your waist so it pulls your penis back against your stomach, under the yarn and holds it against your stomach. It should also pull some of the skin up on your penis. It kinda bunches it all up just below the head. Then remove the showerhead from the pipe coming out of the wall. Lie down on the bath or shower floor and position yourself so that the water stream is pounding the underside of your penis, right where all the skin is bunched up. Just lie back and try to relax, although the feeling is so intense it is hard to. It's a great way to masturbate hands free.

quote:

Cool as Ice

Be careful not to overdo it, we don't want freezer-burned balls:

Take a zip lock plastic bag and place about 4 to 6 ice cubes inside the bag. Zip the bag up and place the bag on your balls. You might want to also wrap a towel around the bag before placing it against your scrotum. As you begin to play with your dick the ice will begin to melt in the bag and also cool down the balls. If you want to cum in gallons this is the way. The cold cum that comes out is very refreshing and the cool cum is great to store for future use. The cold will hold the cum back and as it warms up coming up the shaft it is like there is no end to it.

quote:

Who's that?

Position yourself so that a mirror only reflects only from the waist down. Now you can pretend that someone else is jerking you, since you can only see from the waist down. Or you can pretend you are jerking someone else... Not seeing your face, you are never sure whose hands are jerking you.

quote:

Home improvement

Get your cock and rub it up and down walls in your house. The great thing about doing it first time is the unpredictability of the texture of each wall.

Post your favorite masturbation techniques ITT

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:05

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 16:48

Fetus Tree: Feb 2, 2003; Can't post for 2 years!

Trying. Can't get boner.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:08

Demonachizer: Aug 7, 2004

Already finished. Thanks for the suggestion OP.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:08

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

Demonachizer posted:

Already finished. Thanks for the suggestion OP.

Which technique did you use? This is important? I really need a trip report for "Cool as Ice"

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:10

snodig: Oct 5, 2014

I stopped masturbation all together in november 2013.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:12

enziarro: Sep 4, 2004; I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.

Shoot the Tube

May motivate you to change the roll when it's your turn:

While your cock is still soft, slip an empty toilet paper roll over it and pull the tip out the top. Keep stretching your cock as it gets hard to maximize the amount of it sticking out of the tube (you may need to cut the tube with scissors beforehand depending on your length). The base of the tube should be as close to your nuts as possible. As more blood becomes trapped in the tip, your dome will really get huge and purple and colored. Now oil up your finger and thumb and grip around right under the straining head (again, you need enough space between the end of the roll and where your head starts, so make sure the tube is the correct length for your cock). Rotate your finger and thumb in repeating circular motions. Your knob will look unbelievably engorged. When you get some clear precum oozing from the tip, put it on the tip of your free index finger and lightly dab your loaded nuts and think about some hot chick licking your balls. When you are about to cum, pull down on the paper tube towards your balls. The roll will prevent your cum from shooting out for the first couple of contractions, but then it will blast out with a huge velocity.

Water safety

Go get a pair of "water-wings" that little kids wear around their arms in the pool to help them float and swim. Blow one of them up as much as you can. (The more air, the tighter the feel.) Take some Vaseline and coat the inside and your cock. Place the "device" between the couch cushions and insert your cock and pump away.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:12

fivethree: Jul 28, 2014

Gas Thread

Ban OP

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:17

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

http://www.jackinworld.com/

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:19

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

drat i already finished wish i had seen this thread 10 seconds earlier

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:19

root of all eval: Dec 28, 2002

Keepin' America 'Batin for 300 years

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:20

enziarro: Sep 4, 2004; I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.

Get Glad

For this one, make double sure no one's around:

Take a trash bag (white, NOT black!), cut two holes in it; one on each corner of the bottom, giving a hole about an inch in diameter. Get into the bag, sliding your legs through the holes, all the way up as far as it'll go. It should look like tight plastic shorts if you do it right.

When you're finished, take a good teaspoonful of Vaseline (or whatever you like to use), drop it down inside the front of the bag, tie it off or something (I use duct tape), and slide your penis around in it! Feels great after the Vaseline melts. Bets way to reach an orgasm is to use your palm to slide it side to side.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:24

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Hey do any of you goons want to plan a masturbation meetup? I was thinking that we could rent a hotel conference room and grab a base of trash bags and a couple pounds of vasoline.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:49

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

im all natty brah,

dont need no vas, no fleshlight, no paper towel tubes, no cialis, none of that

all natty brah just me and my meat beaters

# ? Jan 23, 2015 05:58

SKELETON GHOST: Jan 11, 2015; by Ralp

# ? Jan 23, 2015 06:07

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

SKELETON GHOST posted:

Jokes on you. I am SUPER into skeleton ghosts.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 06:07

Tearsaslube: Jan 5, 2015; by XyloJW

Break out the cracker. Circle up. I've got a hair trigger

# ? Jan 23, 2015 06:14

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

SKELETON GHOST posted:

Look at all that orgasam sauce dripping from taht creeper!! wowzers!

# ? Jan 23, 2015 06:42

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

im masturbatingh

# ? Jan 23, 2015 07:31

lonesomedwarf: Mar 22, 2010

realy wish they wouldnt use words like "balls" and "cock" its a huge turn off. like in my fan fiction i always write "the secret blossom of the bottom" i dont think this masutbating web site has much poetry

# ? Jan 23, 2015 07:34

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

my pair of dainty prunes

# ? Jan 23, 2015 07:58

toggle: Nov 7, 2005

joy juice containers

# ? Jan 23, 2015 08:23

Kuato: Feb 25, 2005; "I CAN'T BELIEVE I ATE THE WHOLE THING"; Buglord

Used the two finger method, sort of like making an ok hand gesture. Hope I did it right..

# ? Jan 23, 2015 08:34

Orkin Mang: Nov 1, 2007; by FactsAreUseless

toggle posted:

joy juice containers

drat good username

# ? Jan 23, 2015 08:35

Lil Swamp Booger Baby: Aug 1, 1981

I remember using Yahoo! to search for "masturbation techniques" when I was like 12 and I burn with shame at the memory.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 08:36

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

JebanyPedal posted:

I remember using Yahoo! to search for "masturbation techniques" when I was like 12 and I burn with shame at the memory.

lmao

# ? Jan 23, 2015 08:38

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i think i searched for "exhibitionist" and i liked that the girls in 199x would flash in public.

hot and still hot imo

# ? Jan 23, 2015 08:41

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

JebanyPedal posted:

I remember using Yahoo! to search for "masturbation techniques" when I was like 12 and I burn with shame at the memory.

You probably got this same website considering how old it is

# ? Jan 23, 2015 14:30

KaiserSchnitzel: Feb 23, 2003; Hey baby I think we Havel lot in common

Sometimes I feel ashamed about my own depravity...I wish I would have known about this wholesome website that could have guided me down the right path in life.

BTW baby oil is better than vaseline in the garbage bag

# ? Jan 23, 2015 19:05

Leroy Dennui: Aug 9, 2014; Gina McCarthy made us gay,
but we would not have met
had Biden not dropped his cones

Let's Masturbate Meet 'n' gently caress Kingdom!! [64k needs to purchase Vaseline]

# ? Jan 23, 2015 19:28

vyst: Aug 25, 2009

im dead

# ? Jan 23, 2015 19:33

Kilmers Elbow: Jun 15, 2012

quote:

The cold cum that comes out is very refreshing and the cool cum is great to store for future use.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 19:35

Father_Johann: Aug 28, 2008

Freeze...cum...for...future...use....

That's gonna be one hell of a dirty martini on the rocks.

# ? Jan 23, 2015 19:41

a bay: Oct 14, 2014; by Lowtax

I like to get off by violently assaulting people that know and trust me

# ? Jan 23, 2015 22:50

Luitpold: Aug 2, 2009; Talking of excrement ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI6ZN-CAaKQ

# ? Jan 23, 2015 23:03

BONE DOG: Jun 7, 2009; by Fluffdaddy

I'm jo'ing to skeleton ghost

# ? Jan 23, 2015 23:05

Windows 98: Nov 13, 2005; HTTP 400: Bad post

Father_Johann posted:

Freeze...cum...for...future...use....

That's gonna be one hell of a dirty martini on the rocks.

But god does it taste good

# ? Jan 23, 2015 23:10

gary oldmans diary: Sep 26, 2005

that one beats the flying windows windows 98

i flip through porn like some people flip through tv channels
"never anything good on"

# ? Jan 23, 2015 23:12

pwnyXpress: Mar 28, 2007

I masturbated to my wife this morning while she did her makeup topless. Kind of busy now, but thanks for the invite.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:10

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Masturbation challenge. Every time you rub one out, look at smaller and smaller thumbnails. Videos and gifs are not allowed. No text descriptions either.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:16

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 16:48

enziarro: Sep 4, 2004; I'm not an angel - I'm a Galactic Pioneer.

# ? Jan 24, 2015 01:19

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