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 "I was stuck in a dead-end job and had no way to afford college. ISIS gave me the opportunity to explore my country, get on-the-job experience in my chosen field, and serve a great cause. Go ahead and sign up; you'll be glad you did. Trust me." -Photogenic ISIS Terrorist
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Jan 26, 2015 03:26
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I was a deadbeat dad living paycheck to paycheck on payday loans and working for a boss that hated me. But thanks to ISIS I turned my life and this plane around! I've always wanted to visit Chicago.
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Jan 26, 2015 03:29
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"I used to deliver pizzas after class to support my family and myself. Then I saw an internet video about ISIS and left, and now I'm delivering far more exciting things to people!"
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Jan 26, 2015 03:32
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I used to be a basement dwelling, disability collecting, professional Something Awful Forums poster. Now I get to behead my enemies in the name of Allah the true god.
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Jan 26, 2015 03:34
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"I didn't have a tea cozy for a hat, now I do"
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Jan 26, 2015 03:36
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There is a Pabst blue Ribbon commercial Vibe coming from that picture.
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Jan 26, 2015 03:37
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Crisis? ISIS
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Jan 26, 2015 03:38
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Western society failed me and ISIS gave me the tools to strike back! Also, a competitive benefits package.
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Jan 26, 2015 03:40
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Before I joined up, I couldn't find a date to save my life. ISIS found the woman of my dreams and made those dreams a reality. Now she and I can be together forever.
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Jan 26, 2015 03:45
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My wife and I felt things were getting stale in the bedroom, so we signed up for a three-week couple's retreat at ISIS. Now that my wife knows penetrative sex is purely for the enjoyment of the man, we could not be happier!
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Jan 26, 2015 03:47
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I was working as a line cook in a local restaurant. My head chef wouldn't recognize my knife skills. Fry cook Abdul introduced me to his cousin and the rest is history. Now I'm learning about Japanese cuisine. Thanks ISIS!
BULLETKISS fucked around with this message at 03:50 on Jan 26, 2015 |
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Jan 26, 2015 03:48
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Ragtime Cthulhu posted:My wife and I felt things were getting stale in the bedroom, so we signed up for a three-week couple's retreat at ISIS. Now that my wife knows penetrative sex is purely for the enjoyment of the man, we could not be happier! Did they sew up her vagina, leaving only a small hole for urination?
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Jan 26, 2015 03:49
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I understand they will take any unwanted 8 year old girls right off your hands no questions asked. They'll take wanted ones too!
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Jan 26, 2015 03:50
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Jose Oquendo posted:Did they sew up her vagina, leaving only a small hole for urination? Oh, the missus fought at first, but when she sees how much pleasure I receive, she knows she made the right decision.
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Jan 26, 2015 03:51
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Ragtime Cthulhu posted:Oh, the missus fought at first, but when she sees how much pleasure I receive, she knows she made the right decision. that poo poo is tight, yo
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Jan 26, 2015 03:51
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Thanks to ISIS and their cut-throat business tactics, I'm now the head of a major corporation!
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Jan 26, 2015 03:59
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Spanish Manlove posted:Thanks to ISIS and their cut-throat business tactics, I'm now the head of a major corporation! Those are good puns. 
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Jan 26, 2015 04:00
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i just want to murder some folks in the name of religion
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Jan 26, 2015 04:12
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Spanish Manlove posted:Thanks to ISIS and their cut-throat business tactics, I now have the head of a major corporation! Fixed this one for you.
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Jan 26, 2015 04:21
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Behead some more reporters, that's always funny. E: Actually, behead some dumb Western "war zone" tourists, because that's genuinely hilarious.
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Jan 26, 2015 04:24
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In America, they say you're free, but try walking into a deli and urinating on the cheese. With ISIS, I know where I stand.
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Jan 26, 2015 04:27
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Thanks to ISIS, I now can have my way with lots of pretty ladies that our leaders have captured to keep us in line.
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Jan 26, 2015 04:34
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SLICK GOKU BABY posted:Thanks to ISIS, I now can have my way with lots of 8 year olds that our leaders have captured to keep us in line.
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Jan 26, 2015 04:36
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The homegrown ones never get any pussy out of it, but at least they get ten times the media coverage for their shooting spree.
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Jan 26, 2015 04:37
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now i know what youre thinking: "but isis, my western propaganda says youre the bad guys?"
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Jan 26, 2015 05:04
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gary oldmans diary posted:now i know what youre thinking: "but isis, my western propaganda says youre the bad guys?" Ahaha! Here at ISIS, we believe everybody is entitled to their opinion, but remember: God is with us, and God is always right!
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Jan 26, 2015 05:11
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If I didn't shave for a month my beard could be twice as sexy as the op.
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Jan 26, 2015 05:15
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dont all the westernres get sent on suicide missions or just straight up killed. I think a goon did it
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Jan 26, 2015 05:24
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Can you get my linens brighter?
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Jan 26, 2015 05:49
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the desert is clean
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Jan 26, 2015 05:49
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Pretty sure they can clumsily cut my head off with a small knife while I'm bound and kneeling and thats about it.
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Jan 26, 2015 05:54
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Their dental plan is amazing, just sayin.
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Jan 26, 2015 06:03
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ISIS is problematic...
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Jan 26, 2015 06:08
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i'm only using the isis intership to get a real gig in boko haram tbh
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Jan 26, 2015 06:09
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Hexel posted:Pretty sure they can clumsily cut my head off with a small knife while I'm bound and kneeling and thats about it. Oh so they CAN help me...hmm
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Jan 26, 2015 06:16
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Pookum posted:dont all the westernres get sent on suicide missions or just straight up killed. I think a goon did it nah mostly bitch work like cleaning latrines or cutting potatoes they've actually had a big problem in that their PR stuff has been better at recruiting folks from civilized states that have 0 combat training and are too soft to be useful even for poo poo like suicide vests, when they want more hardcore guerrillas from scary places that can actually fight
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Jan 26, 2015 11:58
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they can take a little bit off the top. really lift some weight off my shoulders
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Jan 26, 2015 12:03
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welp I knew you guys would tediously post about this poo poo instead of trying to make jokes, no matter how tepid and stupid.
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Jan 26, 2015 12:12
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Coolness Averted posted:nah mostly bitch work like cleaning latrines or cutting potatoes they've actually had a big problem in that their PR stuff has been better at recruiting folks from civilized states that have 0 combat training and are too soft to be useful even for poo poo like suicide vests, when they want more hardcore guerrillas from scary places that can actually fight How long until they start hiring independent contractors and PMCs, like the US does?
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Jan 26, 2015 12:15
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I always wanted to visit NYC, and now thanks to ISIS, I'm on an express plane towards it!
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Jan 26, 2015 12:20
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