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A man finds an old pocketwatch in his attic and discovers that when it stops, time stops, but when it runs, time keeps running. He begins using his ability to stop time to do all kinds of fun stuff, like rearranging diners in a restaurant, enjoying a nice long book, etc. But then one day he can't get it running again, and he realizes that the watch is a cheap replica of an old-timey mechanical watch, it's a solid-state device because it's the 21st century and it was never made to be repaired and he basically can't possibly fix it, which is an ironical criticism of the disposability of modern technology or something. The twist is that he eventually realizes this is perfect because now he has forever to do whatever he ever wanted to do, and fortunately he doesn't wear glasses or have any other problem that would prevent that. Then he turns the watch over and on the other side is an advertisement for an online MMORPG and he realizes he can never play World of Dongs again because you can't play a game with people who are frozen and anyway all the servers stopped when time stopped. He is so distraught at this eventuality that he hangs himself and as the camera zooms out we realize this means the universe will be frozen forever.
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Feb 5, 2015 21:32
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diamond grill is: cursed with hood magiks; can't be removed OR a parasitic alien entity that replaces your teeth
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Feb 5, 2015 21:50
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A heterosexual Republican congressman, to his horror, is slowly turning gay
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Feb 5, 2015 22:00
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The Scooby Gang catch their latest villain, only to find out that he isn't wearing a mask...
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Feb 5, 2015 22:07
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A woman invents a machine that turns her into a man. After spending a day as a man, she realizes how awful and sexist the world is and how much better off she is as a man. Soon she is sharing her invention with all her girlfriends, and then she starts hawking them on QVC. Within months, her sales are amazing (bolstered by how much easier it is for her to make business deals, now she's a man). In the end, as the last woman steps through the machine and comes out male, we, the audience, realize that by perpetuating gender inequality, the death of the species is all our fault.
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Feb 5, 2015 22:15
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A man strips naked at a soccer game, fully ready to streak across the field at the perfect moment. Right before he starts running, he comes to a horrifying realization. He has an embarrassingly tiny dick
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Feb 5, 2015 22:41
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A lonely virgin man with a tiny penis opens up a jar of wanking grease only to discover a genie pop out! He gets one wish so he wishes for a humongous penis. With his now impressively large dong, he gains a newfound sense of confidence and manages to convince a woman to have sex with him. He pulls down her panties only to discover that the genie turned all the vaginas and buttholes in the world to shrink down to an impenetrable size! Also the genie is Hitler.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:20
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A famous race-car driver is on the road, going to one race after the next, where he places well and occasionally wins. Meanwhile, his wife is alone at home with their young son, who misses his father. The boy becomes surly and disaffected, lacking the strong male role in his life, while the wife is pensive and sad, because her existence has little meaning without her better half present. Sad music plays to remind us of how the boy's childhood is being squandered and he will probably grow up to be a criminal or worse due to neglect. The one bright spot in their lives is watching the father's brief appearances on TV when he's racing. The father thinks of his wife and son sadly, deep inside knowing that pursuing his career is hurting them, and the public accolades begin to ring hollow. At the end of the episode, the father comes home in a new Nissan and the hollow-eyed mother and desperately lonely boy meet him in the driveway, where they all pile into the brand new car his meagre race-circuit earnings have afforded. The joy of a material possession compensates completely for all the psychological trauma up to that point, and the happy family drive off down the street, presumably to spend a few hours together before the dad goes back to work. The end.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:30
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A small child describes in horrifying detail how he died, and we realize he is a ghost. In the end, we find out that his parents had a large life insurance policy for him, so they cash in and the money completely makes up for the terrible way in which their only child was crushed to death by a falling TV.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:31
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A professional football player is served a delicious hot meal by his mother before the big game. But wait! Instead of soup, it's a bowl of melted cheese and burger, poured from a can! Eugh! The football man does badly and his team loses the big game.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:32
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A sexy woman entices a normal, average Joe with her delicious hamburgers. He goes on a quest to buy as many juicy burgers as he can, but wait... where did that gorgeous sexy woman go? She is nowhere to be found. There is nothing but sloppy fast food.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:34
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Leperflesh posted:A famous race-car driver is on the road, going to one race after the next, where he places well and occasionally wins. Meanwhile, his wife is alone at home with their young son, who misses his father. The boy becomes surly and disaffected, lacking the strong male role in his life, while the wife is pensive and sad, because her existence has little meaning without her better half present. Sad music plays to remind us of how the boy's childhood is being squandered and he will probably grow up to be a criminal or worse due to neglect. Then the boy steps out of the car and Tony Stewart runs him over
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Feb 6, 2015 01:37
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A girl is obsessed with a singer and does crazy things to attract his attention, but when she finally does she just gets raped by one of his entourage.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:38
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A man gets pressured into having a baby he secretly does not want. She dies during labor but the baby survives. The closing scene is the man sitting in the recovery room, his head in his hands, emotionally destroyed by the realization that he is now a single dad and wholly unprepared to care for his baby boy. Also the baby has a hitler mustache that cannot be shaved off otherwise he will die.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:43
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Automatic cars save lives but also force you to get oil changes at the dealer because it drives itself there when service is needed.
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Feb 6, 2015 01:44
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goatface posted:A girl is obsessed with a singer and does crazy things to attract his attention, but when she finally does she just gets raped by one of his entourage. a girl is obsessed with a singer and does crazy things to attract his attention but when she does it turns out he's hitler. or maybe he's a clown. something scary.
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Feb 6, 2015 02:12
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A tall, handsome blonde blue-eyed man barges into Hitler's home toting guns in both hands and is gunned down by nazis. Disappointed in his inability to change the timeline, he draws his last breath. Twist: He was a time traveler from an alternate future where Germany had won the war, forever destroying the genetic diversity and resulting in the extinction of the human species. Hitler then goes on to fail miserably anyway, because he's a terrible leader.
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Feb 6, 2015 05:27
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Acne Rain posted:a girl is obsessed with a singer and does crazy things to attract his attention but when she does it turns out he's hitler. or maybe he's a clown. something scary. Clown Hitler, def
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Feb 6, 2015 05:35
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Monkey Fracas posted:Clown Hitler, def Is that a clown dressed as Hitler, or Hitler dressed as a clown?
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Feb 6, 2015 06:30
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Snak posted:Is that a clown dressed as Hitler, or Hitler dressed as a clown? It's a Hitler who herds all the clowns into concentration camps and then gasses them to death. by this definition, regular-Hitler is Gay Roma Jew Hitler, but let's ignore that
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Feb 6, 2015 06:32
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A young psychiatrist from the far future travels back in time to witness the events that caused Hitler's rise to power, firsthand, in order to fully document the events and conditions that lead to the creation of one of the most evil men in history. His goals are an attempt to better understand and prevent the creation of evil. However, while traveling with a young Hitler on his way to an art school he causes a small misunderstanding which result Hitler being stabbed to death. The psychiatrist then realizes that in order to protect the timeline and preserve history, he'll have to become the man Hitler was destined to. The philosophers say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Just ask Dr. Montag, a man who once dedicated himself to the understanding of the nature of evil who is now forced to silently live in infamy as history's greatest monster. A road to hell, that crosses through, The Twilight Zone...
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Feb 6, 2015 06:51
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Leperflesh posted:by this definition, regular-Hitler is Gay Roma Jew Hitler, but let's ignore that A scientist is working late in his lab when, back at his house, there is a knock at the door. When his wife answers it, a man in a black poncho is standing in the rain and shoots her dead. Grief-stricken, the scientist spends months inventing a time machine during a montage. When his time machine is finally finished, he goes back in time to save his wife. He does, but the killer runs off. His wife goes on to become a politician, who ends up being very successful and influential. Every time he tries to fix it, the outcome is same. No matter how far he travels back, no matter how many times he tries, the giant mushroom cloud, now burned into his mind, is there, waiting for him. In the end, tears of desperation are lost in the rain as he shoots his wife dead when she opens the door. edit: JediTalentAgent posted:A young psychiatrist from the far future travels back in time to witness the events that caused Hitler's rise to power, firsthand, in order to fully document the events and conditions that lead to the creation of one of the most evil men in history. His goals are an attempt to better understand and prevent the creation of evil.
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Feb 6, 2015 06:58
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Our hero is an American spy in North Korea. He has a wild, thrilling adventure trying to gather intel, during which he sees all sides of the brutal totalitarian regime. The starvation, the hopelessly brainwashed people, and the vast disparity between the masses and the political elites. He is eventually captured and sentenced to be tortured and brainwashed. He gasps for breath between waterboardings, and blinking lights dance choreographed to distressing melodies and a voice keeps telling him about how wonderful Great Leader is. The American kicks and screams as his nipples are electrified, and the camera pans out... revealing the entire country of North Korea to exist within a snow-globe... and the autistic child playing with the snow-globe is Kim Jong Un.
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Feb 6, 2015 08:01
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JediTalentAgent posted:A young psychiatrist from the far future travels back in time to witness the events that caused Hitler's rise to power, firsthand, in order to fully document the events and conditions that lead to the creation of one of the most evil men in history. His goals are an attempt to better understand and prevent the creation of evil. I would watch this.
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Feb 6, 2015 08:20
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A modern man of the 1980s name Jerry is taken to an estate sale by his fiancee Kelly for some antiquing as they plan their marriage. While the pair are lazily disdainful of most of the tacky and untrendy furniture, Jerry eyes a collection of vintage Men's Adventure-style magazines within an ancient looking trunk and negotiates for both. Kelly is both offended and amused by the purchase, calling them misogynistic and bigoted semi-literature of a bygone and prejudiced era, matter-of-factly assuming they're going to be disposed of in the garbage once he gets home. Jerry admits the trunk is fairly nice though, and it can likely be restored and worth a fortune. That night, Jerry takes an opportunity to glance at the repeating covers of the magazines, hit with images of manly men and sexy women in outrageous danger from everything from "Sex Cult Kidnappers of Romania" to "Man-Eating Wolves of Russian Wilderness" to "I Escaped a Nazi Torture Camp". He wakes up the next morning to finds himself in an unfamiliar room with a familiar looking man across from him: Adolf Hitler and a team of interrogators. After blacking out again and waking up, he uncharacteristically punches a Nazi soldier in the jaw, steals his weapon and kills everyone in the room as Hitler escapes. Dashing through the halls he finds himself in an opium den in China, run by a legion of smugglers. Thinking this is a bad dream, he tries to wake himself before he's assaulted. Meanwhile, Kelly visits his apartment to find him gone, and the old magazines splayed out all over the floor. Disgusted with them, she piles them all up with the intent of throwing them out, until she notices how much the dangerous hero on one of the covers looks like her fiancee. Flipping through more and more of them, she discovers her fiancee's face is now on almost all of them. She starts reading the story of "The Scorpion Gangs of Sri Lanka -- Venom, Villains and Vice!", a cover story from one of the magazines where it looks like her fiancee is being sacrificed on some pagan altar and realizes that the dialogue in the story is full of cries of, "Help me, I'm not supposed to be here! Why can't I wake up!" from a character with his name. Horrified and confused by what is happening, and she grabs as many as she can and throws them into her car and rushes home. The man in the is at his wit's end, he finds himself surviving one ordeal after another and is now in a new one. He glares at his reflection in a puddle and realizes he's got the same haggard look of the man from the cover who was beset by murderous "Crocodiles of the Cuban Bay - Latin Love Leads to a Lethal Lake!" Horrified at the rustling sound behind him, he's tackled by a toothy croc and is forced to wrestle it for dear life beneath the water. Kelly has been reading Jerry's exploits that evening with a mix of fear, revulsion, embarrassment and arousal, becoming lost in the stories herself. Eventually, she finds herself passing out and the pair find themselves reunited, but trapped, in the 'true story' of "She-Pirates of South China Seas -- Those that they didn't kill begged for death!" 3 months later, another estate sale is occurring, but now at at Kelly's apartment. A neatly bearded old college professor and his wife are picking at knicknacks at the sale when he notices the kitschy old magazines in a box and offers to buy them. The wife examines them for a moment and points out how the titles of the stories seem like the most imaginative parts, commenting that the cover artists couldn't even provide much imagination to the designs of the characters. Even the husband notes they look like the same two people on every one. Driving off the pair laugh it off. "Imagine how hellish it would be if it WERE the same two people having to live through all those horrible experiences! Ha ha ha!" JediTalentAgent fucked around with this message at 09:04 on Feb 6, 2015 |
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Feb 6, 2015 08:59
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Everyone who rents in a mysterious newly built house dies within 7 days of their first night. A paranormal detective decides to sleep in the house with a network of video cameras to uncover the mystery. Can he do it before his 7 days are up? No, he dies in agony on the 7th night foaming at the mouth. The twist is the house was made with prefabricated materials from China and they emit odorless toxic chemicals at night. It turns out to be the Grover House.
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Feb 6, 2015 11:53
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A day in the life of a family in a world where everyone is forced to use glasses that make everyone look like genderless, raceless, average people to combat all those various -isms.
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Feb 6, 2015 12:34
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Long after the nuclear apocalypse Elvis is worshipped as a God by a community of degenerated mutants who find a still functioning record player with a single LP. A rival mutant community does the same thing but for Cher. The Elvis worshippers declare war and both tribes are wiped out to the last survivor. A vault dweller from Fallout walks through the carnage after the smoke clears and a loud mood breaking advertisement for the latest Bethesda game plays over the credits.
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Feb 6, 2015 13:00
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A man wakes up to find Hitler shaving in front of him. After several minutes of confusion, he realizes to his horror that he has become a mirror. A man wakes up and looks in the mirror, only to discover his own face is a mirror! He is further horrified to discover that he has become Cobra Commander.
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Feb 6, 2015 14:53
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Feb 6, 2015 14:59
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Radical Feminists start killing themselves in an effort to raise the female suicide rate and defeat the popular MRA talking point that men are more likely to commit suicide than women. MRAs catch on to the scheme and counter with a suicide campaign of their own. Fast forward to ten years in the future, America is a paradise of gender equality because all the sexists have killed themselves.
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Feb 6, 2015 15:14
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A race of shape shifting aliens have successfully managed to kill everyone in a small town and assume their human identities, allowing them to live on Earth without any interference. However, after finding that one of their own has been killed, they start to suspect that one of them is actually a human seeking to bring down their society from the inside. Suspicions and tensions come to a head leading to all of the aliens killing each other out of fear that the other is a human. As the last alien dies, the viewer sees a figure from the shadows step out into the light. It is Adolf Hitler
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Feb 6, 2015 15:24
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Cobra Commander is delighted to discover that he has woken up in the body of Hitler in 1937. Nazi Germany loses the war years ahead of time because they try to take over the world by sabotaging the 1937 World's Fair instead of the normal way.
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Feb 6, 2015 15:29
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A mirror wakes up and is horrified to discover that it has become a telephone.
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Feb 6, 2015 15:30
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A generic power-armored sci-fi protagonist is gunning down hordes of aliens, being praised by everybody he encounters for his heroism as he travels the ravaged landscape of an Earth under siege. After thirty or so minutes of uninterrupted violence, he rests for a moment and notices how calm everything is. The moment he stands and takes a step forward, however, he is bombarded by artillery, ambushed by a squad of aliens, and receives frantic calls from his comrades. After the ensuing battle, he looks behind himself, seeing one long, brushed metal corridor quite out of place in the post-apocalyptic landscape. Especially since he just came from a forest. The voices of his never-seen, always needy comrades ring in his helmet. Puzzled, he ignores his allies' entreaties and travels down the tunnel. There, he finds numerous doors labelled with bizarre plaques bearing titles such as "Bright Canyon Ambush" and "Unknown Highmarch". To his horror, he realizes these are the battles he has - or will - participate in. He also finds the static bodies of numerous fallen squadmates, arms extended out to the side and legs straight. Their glassy eyes stare through the protagonist, their bodies seemingly living but as full of life as a mannequin. Then he finds a room filled with weapons of every stripe: pistol, assault rifle, rocket launcher. There are even alien variants of these weapons and highly-advanced tech like railguns. He is able to test these weapons on a body that appears just like him, which vanishes and reappears every time it is knocked off its invisible mooring from a point in thin air. Fully loaded, he approaches the door labelled "Exit". Fury is in his eyes and dramatic music plays. Fade to dark and the sounds of gunshots. Never forget that your wish fulfillment can turn lethal.
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Feb 6, 2015 15:31
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After a tense black and white space travel and asteroid collision, Ufoman crash lands on a technicolor planet that has no intelligent life except for an unknown invisible entity. It starts to make him hallucinate he is back in his monochromatic home, but he's really just wandering around a rainbow desert, eating dead space bugs and space rocks. In his hallucireality, the world gradually turns spacey and colors and he starts flipping the gently caress out after his mom turns into a purple insectghostentacle thing. As he goes crazy running around the house/desert, the formermom catches up and eats him. Fade to black. In the monochrome world, realmom walks into the bathroom and finds her son is actually just tripping balls in the bathtub. "Everybody loves raymond" theme and laughter. Credits.
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Feb 6, 2015 15:34
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People start dying from the slightest changes in altitude, not able to even ascend or descend from one floor to another. Basement dwelling neckbeards become fatally confined to their underground dungeons.
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Feb 6, 2015 15:45
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Die Hard with Hitler on a Zeppelini. E: Just Hitler in general, really. quakster fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Feb 6, 2015 |
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Feb 6, 2015 15:46
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Christian fears become true as they are forced to gay-marry at gunpoint by the evil king Obama. Only one man can save them from this queer fate. Adolf Hitler.
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Feb 6, 2015 16:03
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You're riding the bus home from work and find yourself feeling drowsy. You decide to rest your eyes, but end up sleeping past your stop. You wake up disoriented and confused. The bus driver announces that the final stop is The Friend Zone. A nice guy who is beloved by all does a series of escalating favors for a beautiful girl. On one of his visits, he notices she has been crying. He asks her what is wrong and she tells him she's just been dumped by her hot boyfriend and that she feels like nobody could ever love her. He comforts her and tells her that she was too good for him, and that she deserves a man who appreciates her, because she could have anyone she wants. She is heartened by his words and tells him that he's right, rewarding him with a kiss on the cheek. The next day, he shows up at her house with a bouquet of flowers, ready to begin their courtship. When the girl answers the door however, she is accompanied by a tall, strikingly handsome man. The nice guy is taken aback and asks the identity of the athletic stranger. The girl explains that the handsome man is her new boyfriend, and thanks the nice guy profusely for giving her the confidence to finally ask the man of her dreams on a date. "Oh, that's... wonderful," answers the nice guy, choking back tears. Fade out on the nice guy's discarded bouquet, now moldering in the gutter.
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Feb 6, 2015 16:11
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