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BusterBlintz
May 30, 2012

by Ralp
- POV porn. Some is not too bad, but can you film more than 3 inches away from the girl? No? Ah well

- This woman's face, ugh
look, a motley crue groupie


- Anything that involves the guy sticking his dick through a hole for the girl to work on. There's a site called "The Milking Table" where she jerks off this disembodied cock through a hole in a plywood board. Yeah, real sexy. I have a theory about glory holes, they're popular in porn because some guys don't like to look at other guys while they're jerkin it. They'll look at a cock, sure, but are horrified that they might see the rest of the guy's body, the horror. Same for IR glory holes, some dudes don't want to see a white girl with a black guy, but they do want to see a white girl with a black cock. It's weird and puritanical and I don't like it, so stop it.

- This guy's face, ughhh
woah is that Keneckie


- Hospital scenarios. I got a catheter up my dick, let's make out!

- When we don't get to see her shoes (full body shots). I like shoes in porn, I'm not going to slobber and jizz all over them, but I like them to be there. I feel kinda cheated that the filming guys got to see them and I don't.

- The depressing homogeneity of most "reality" scenes now days. Girl comes to the door, flashes her tits, strips and rides the guy in the standard 3 or 4 positions. Adequate cumshot. Fade out 2 seconds after the last sperm lands on her face. The early bangbus and gonzo scenes might have been sometimes annoying, but at least they had variety and character.

(I bet someone will say "the guy talking non-stop behind the camera" but really, that never happens these days. Most of the loving is done in depressing silence with no interaction. )

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Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG
-guys

also

BusterBlintz posted:

- POV porn. Some is not too bad, but can you film more than 3 inches away from the girl? No? Ah well

counterpoint:
http://i.imgur.com/vZtw63b.gif a little nws I guess

Flesh Forge fucked around with this message at 09:26 on Feb 11, 2015

Justin Godscock
Oct 12, 2004

Listen here, funnyman!
I was just going to come in here and say "the close-up of the dude's taint" and here is OP revealing what his porn tastes are in essay form.

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG
I hope a lot of people browse this porn thread from work and complain

Vim Fuego
Jun 1, 2000

I LITERALLY SLEEP IN A RACING CAR. DO YOU?
p.s. ask me about my subscription mattress
Ultra Carp
Dick going from the rear end to the pussy is just gross.

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

Vim Fuego posted:

Dick going from the rear end to the pussy is just gross.

rear end to mouth however

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)
I just clean shaved my dick and balls i am good to porn

BusterBlintz
May 30, 2012

by Ralp

Justin Godscock posted:

I was just going to come in here and say "the close-up of the dude's taint" and here is OP revealing what his porn tastes are in essay form.

Why are you staring at a dude's taint? Taste the rainbow of life, brother

BusterBlintz
May 30, 2012

by Ralp

Nation posted:

I just clean shaved my dick and balls i am good to porn

How do u get a close ball shave

xutech
Mar 4, 2011

EIIST

1. Gang members/Yakuza/Russian mobsters who make a video and decide they're going to be the guys banging hot chicks - They look terrible, and it's like eating a meal at a restaurant and a dog takes a poo poo in front of you. It doesn't matter how good the meal is, you're going to think about the poo poo.

2. Creepy sex tourists who decide to film some creepy probably underaged crying streetchild being banged, and they always blur their face. You're not anonymous, and you're weird.

3. Career joyless plastic bimbos.

a whole buncha crows
May 8, 2003

WHEN WE DON'T KNOW WHO TO HATE, WE HATE OURSELVES.-SA USER NATION (AKA ME!)

BusterBlintz posted:

How do u get a close ball shave

slowly

BusterBlintz
May 30, 2012

by Ralp

Flesh Forge posted:

I hope a lot of people browse this porn thread from work and complain

gently caress 'em


(get it?)

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG
Super nasally New Yawk accents AAOWW MAI GAWWAD

Dr. Video Games 0112
Jan 7, 2004

serious business
Yo on the real tho homie if you watch a 15 second clip of any given porno and didnt finish within that time because it wasnt exciting enough or didnt have shoes on or whatever, you are watching WAAAAAAY too much porn. Cut back a bit, it'll fix all of your complaints.

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



The under ball shot. Like a dude will be plowing a chick, and the brilliant director gets a shot from behind him, under the balls. Usually all you can see is her rear end and his dangling sack. gently caress that poo poo.

Cutting to the guys face as he jizzes. No one wants to see that.

Basically seeing the guy at all. Seriously, the dude is, for all intents and purposes, a sentient dildo here. Let's see as little of him as possible.

Khorne
May 1, 2002
Want to take turns guessing what aatrek would reply with?

quote:

Cutting to the guys face as he jizzes. No one wants to see that.
That poo poo's so 90s and earlier.

Radicals
Dec 16, 2005

A gaping butthole. Yes that is your colon, now please put something inside it.

Obligatory Handle
Feb 27, 2004

by Lowtax
Seeing my mom. :(

Macaroni n Smegma
Feb 2, 2005

shi't
strap-ons

if I'm going to watch girl-on-girl action I don't want one of them to have a penis

Dr. Video Games 0112
Jan 7, 2004

serious business

TheJoker138 posted:

The under ball shot. Like a dude will be plowing a chick, and the brilliant director gets a shot from behind him, under the balls. Usually all you can see is her rear end and his dangling sack. gently caress that poo poo.

Cutting to the guys face as he jizzes. No one wants to see that.

Basically seeing the guy at all. Seriously, the dude is, for all intents and purposes, a sentient dildo here. Let's see as little of him as possible.

If you follow this logic, no woman will ever want to watch it or like it in anyway. Also its inconsiderate to gay/bi people watching straight porn.

FuckenPunchOn
Nov 9, 2013
most of this goes for porn too

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9tErzYtyN0

bonvivant
Oct 1, 2014

I may be racist, transphobic, an antisemite and a misogynist, but I project like an angel ;)

xutech posted:

1. Gang members/Yakuza/Russian mobsters who make a video and decide they're going to be the guys banging hot chicks - They look terrible, and it's like eating a meal at a restaurant and a dog takes a poo poo in front of you. It doesn't matter how good the meal is, you're going to think about the poo poo.

2. Creepy sex tourists who decide to film some creepy probably underaged crying streetchild being banged, and they always blur their face. You're not anonymous, and you're weird.

3. Career joyless plastic bimbos.

yeah banging crying streetchildren is pretty weird

Republican Vampire
Jun 2, 2007

Women. Ick! Boners only, for this fellow!

BusterBlintz
May 30, 2012

by Ralp
Weakass cumshots. As I used to say back when I worked for UBU productions, "if you can't splatter then you don't matter"

krampster2
Jun 26, 2014

once i saw a porno where this black dude was banging a milf it was so hot then this teen came into the room and was like "what the gently caress mom!?!?" totally killed my boner

President Kucinich
Feb 21, 2003

Bitterly Clinging to my AK47 and Das Kapital

Loud gum chewing.

President Kucinich
Feb 21, 2003

Bitterly Clinging to my AK47 and Das Kapital

President Kucinich posted:

Loud gum chewing.

Loud cum chewing.

Fewd
Mar 22, 2007

#vmp #opsec #kolmiloikka #happoo
thank gently caress the slow motion editing died away with the 90s, it was pretty common to have those "welp this dude can't last, better cut down the speed of this here banging to 55%"

dad gay. so what
Feb 18, 2003

by FactsAreUseless
boners

President Kucinich
Feb 21, 2003

Bitterly Clinging to my AK47 and Das Kapital

Large birthmarks and keloid scars on the rear end and thighs.

toggle
Nov 7, 2005

spitting and those massive trails of deep lung phlegm hanging from a lady's chin. it's pretty loving gross

i want to know how porn will be in 10 years time though

Egoist
Aug 19, 2010

Love myself today
Let you go today
Lipstick Apathy
fake rear end acrylic french manicures

Panamaniac
Jun 18, 2007

HEROES NEVER DIE
Massive hanging beef curtains.

Howard Beale
Feb 22, 2001

It's like this, Peanut
when the baby starts crying in the next room

Yolomon Wayne
Jun 10, 2014

You call it "The Big Bang", but what really happened is
Grimey Drawer
Artificial superloud ultra-moaning.
Main reason i switched from professional to amateur porn, i like it when they sound natural.

Haruharuharuko
Mar 24, 2008

Yeah I lied; so what is the truth?

The amount of porn parodies like really did we need Ghostbusters XXX? I mean it gave us this but?





SHISHKABOB
Nov 30, 2012

Fun Shoe
I don't like it when the lady is all screamin and stuff

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG
Dirty feet OMFG seriously WASH YOUR GODDAMN FEET you filthy bitches ugh

BusterBlintz
May 30, 2012

by Ralp

toggle posted:


i want to know how porn will be in 10 years time though

Actually an interesting point. Back in 2004-5, I wondered what would the future of porn be? At the time, mainstream scenes and sites included slapping, spitting on the girl, groups of guys pissing on her, verbal degradation, vomiting blowjobs, girls "tricked" into sex as a storyline, sites with names like "Meatholes", "Farthammer" (yes, he farted on girls after loving them), and of course naziniggers.com..... I just worried that things would get more extreme and violent.

Turns out I was very wrong. The porn of today is so sterile and restricted, it's all lame storylines and silly parodies and everyone's very respectful. So I have no idea what will happen in the future. Probably the opposite of the things I like.

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BusterBlintz
May 30, 2012

by Ralp
The way James Deen fucks. His stupid "aggressive face" and fake slaps, trying to say "oh I'm so dominant I will FORCE the orgasm out of this girl by holding her face tight and staring into her eyes, chicks love that and I love chicks really cause I'm such a sweet guy"

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