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satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

Anastasia "Zelda" Raskolnikov is a 21-year-old princess attending tutoring sessions in Hyrule Castle with her best friend and old maid, Impa, who gives her sagely advice and keeps her safe from suitors. Due to Gannondorf's interference in politics, Zelda goes around her father to find a real hero. Zelda interviews a mute and ambiguously male Link, an incredibly successful and wealthy young cowboy. Zelda is instantly attracted to Link's skirt and tights outfit, but also finds him intimidating. As a result, she stumbles through the conversation asking questions about his personal life and relationships, getting only nods and grunts. Zelda tries to console herself thinking the two of them will never meet again.

She is surprised, and horny, when Link appears at her window in the middle of the night, and watches her sleep.

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GET MY BELT SON
Sep 26, 2007

zelda was fun back in the early 90s

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Well EXCUSE ME, PRINCESS!

Nefarious
Sep 26, 2000

by XyloJW
THE OP hosed A DOG IRL

Bro Nerd Alpha
Aug 27, 2012

going on pussy patrol
Pay me for the door repair charge

Recycled Reader
Mar 19, 2005

These books are made for walking

Applewhite posted:

Well EXCUSE ME, PRINCESS!

Number one TV catchphrase of all time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPxY8lpYAUM

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

I'm boycotting the Netflix series if the pilot does not contain at least once instance of it.

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009


The heroes stand tall on a hill overlooking Hyrule. Death mountain lingers in the far background as the sun begins to rise over the peak.. Link holds her hands. The man in a skirt and woman in a dress are silhouetted by sunrays. Link bends down to kiss, but Zelda pecks him on the cheek. Link's brow furrows as she whispers something in his pointy ear.

"WELL EXCUSE, ME PRINCESS!" He yells as he turns around.

The studio audience laughs, a reggae remix of the main theme plays during a cut to credits.

Randarkman
Jul 18, 2011

wait
this is a thing thats happening


why?

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Randarkman posted:

wait
this is a thing thats happening


why?

"To compete with Game of Thrones"

because the best way to compete with something is to do the exact same thing as it, rather than coming up with the new thing that will replace it.

matrix ripoff
Mar 16, 2005

~~~~~~~
i only suck dick in self defense
~~~~~~~
and at the bookstore
~~~~~~~
i hope this gets cancelled a year later and there's nothing to show for it and i get a loving hardon from all the sad nintendo fans post on the internet

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Nefarious posted:

THE OP hosed A DOG IRL

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Applewhite posted:

"To compete with Game of Thrones"

because the best way to compete with something is to do the exact same thing as it, rather than coming up with the new thing that will replace it.

yes historically it's cheaper to copy what's popular instead of hoping to luck out with the new hotness

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014



i'm excited that you all will be spending more time inside away from outside

Oh Hell No
Oct 10, 2007

I've got the world on a string.


if Danny DeVito doesn't get a recurring role as a Moblin i will boycott this show

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Robo Reagan posted:

yes historically it's cheaper to copy what's popular instead of hoping to luck out with the new hotness

And that makes it better?

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



Applewhite posted:

"To compete with Game of Thrones"

because the best way to compete with something is to do the exact same thing as it, rather than coming up with the new thing that will replace it.

They never said this. One single article compared it to Game of Thrones as short hand for "it's a fantasy series."

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

Applewhite posted:

And that makes it better?

The Legend of Zelda has not just seven books, but over ten games, television shows, and novelizations to pull from. Mark my words, this series will be epic.

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

Applewhite posted:

And that makes it better?

who said anything about making it better this is about money

Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008



Also loving lol at all the nerds getting mad at this because they think it's for them. Just like the Zelda games, this series is going to be for children. You're getting mad at a kids show being made.

social vegan
Nov 7, 2014




Vince MechMahon
Jan 1, 2008




I'm not angry at them making stuff like Batman: The Brave & The Bold and in fact think it's awesome. There is the difference.

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

The Legend of Smellda: A Dink to the rear end

Extra Large Marge
Jan 21, 2004

Fun Shoe
I'm sure adult Zelda fans will react to this show in a reasonable manner

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost

Arian_Samurai posted:

I'm sure adult Zelda fans will react to this show in a reasonable manner

*The resulting riots are the reason it's called Neo Tokyo in the future*

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

The Legend of Zelda will be good.

The Legend of Link will be funded by Kickstarter. It will be the tale of of gender swapped Zelda and his adventures through the land of Hyrule. It will be better than The Legend of Zelda.

LargeHadron
May 19, 2009

They say, "you mean it's just sounds?" thinking that for something to just be a sound is to be useless, whereas I love sounds just as they are, and I have no need for them to be anything more than what they are.
https://web.archive.org/web/20040724092835/http://www.zelda.com/

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

I hope there's an episode that's just an owl monologuing for the full runtime, repeating itself four times because Link keeps nodding in a "get on with it" way and the owl takes it as an affirmative answer that yes, he wants to hear it all again.

cthulusnewzulubbq
Jan 26, 2009

I saw something
NASTY
in the woodshed.

Ryoshi posted:

I hope there's an episode that's just an owl monologuing for the full runtime, repeating itself four times because Link keeps nodding in a "get on with it" way and the owl takes it as an affirmative answer that yes, he wants to hear it all again.

BottledBodhisvata
Jul 26, 2013

by Lowtax
They mentioned Game of Thrones as inspiration so I want lots of naked Link in this adventure.

In fact could this just be a softcore porn version of Zelda could we just have that

...i mean uh

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Yo I'm hyped for that Majoras Mask remaster.

Dresh
Jun 15, 2008

hrmph.
I want people to walk up to Link and explain things like L-targeting and how to equip his shield.

Jerry Mumphrey
Mar 11, 2004

by zen death robot

(and can't post for 4 years!)

Dresh posted:

I want people to walk up to Link and explain things like L-targeting and how to equip his shield.

an episode where he keeps going in and out of the same house and smashing the regenerating vases full of rupees

Germstore
Oct 17, 2012

A Serious Candidate For a Serious Time

BottledBodhisvata posted:

They mentioned Game of Thrones as inspiration so I want lots of naked Link in this adventure.

In fact could this just be a softcore porn version of Zelda could we just have that

...i mean uh

They said "family friendly Game of Thrones" which is a pure nonsense statement.

Lil Swamp Booger Baby
Aug 1, 1981

Germstore posted:

They said "family friendly Game of Thrones" which is a pure nonsense statement.

Game of Thrones is already for retarded children.

Rockman Reserve
Oct 2, 2007

"Carbons? Purge? What are you talking about?!"

Link is getting badly beaten by a giant crab with one eye that has apparently been living for centuries in a dungeon chamber with no food. Bleeding and near exhaustion, Link is tossed into a wall, shattering the decorative ceramic pots placed there by the crab to make the place feel homely. Out of the cracked remains of one of these pots flies a solitary glowing fairy, eager to tell Link the secret to the crab monster's downfall.

"Link, you need to hit the--AAARGHH!!!"

Link swallows the fairy's torso and shoves the bloodied legs into his mouth, chewing and wiping his mouth as he retakes his feet. He feels reinvigorated.

LargeHadron
May 19, 2009

They say, "you mean it's just sounds?" thinking that for something to just be a sound is to be useless, whereas I love sounds just as they are, and I have no need for them to be anything more than what they are.
https://web.archive.org/web/20010711211618/http://www.zelda.com/

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013

No, no. Follow ME to the Zelda Universe.

satanic splash-back
Jan 28, 2009

Narrator: Link desperately needs two hundred Rupees to buy a shovel, which will allow him to dig holes. This will lead him to find a stuffed animal ,which he will trade to a young girl for her bow. That bow is traded to a raccoon, which gives him a leaf, a special leaf Link trades for a sapling's love. The sapling's love hardens its nectar into a perfect bell flower shape, which actually allows him to enter the dungeon deep in the heart of the Coricidin forest, a dark place housing numerous horrors and skultulas, eventually leading our hero to a golden chest containing something incredibly valuable.

*montage of Link entering a house, smashing the home owner's five pots and picking up the money stored inside, then exiting with a camera change, and repeating for ten minutes and thirty one seconds*

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naem
May 29, 2011

Link stubs toe, looses ability to spin in perfect circle with sword until he finds and consumes a human heart

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