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IzzyFnStradlin
Jun 19, 2004

Windows 98 posted:

You don't need to be chief of police to figure out this mystery. And I'm sure shaking down a 15 year old would get you some answers.

A mom is teaching her daughter how to drive without any kind of permit. He daughter is understandably a lovely driver and is going terrifyingly slow. A guy pulls up behind them and starts tailgating. Mom in the passenger seat gets pissed off. They decide to pass and she slams on the horn as they go by. They get pissed and stop the car forcing the kid to stop as well. The other drivers come over and scream at the daughter and momma bear gets crazy pissed off. They book it right home and mom convinces son to come with his gun so they can attempt to scare the other drivers because NO ONE YELLS AT MY BABEH. They find them, maybe the other drivers even went to hunt them down as well, who knows. Son starts talking poo poo and ends up firing. He caps his mom in the head and the other driver speeds away justifiably. Other driver probably didn't even have a gun or shoot at them. Son lies about other driver having a gun and shooting first to side step committing manslaughter while attempting to commit premeditated murder. Daughter lies about being the one driving because she wants to come off as squeaky clean and an innocent bystander.

Yeah, except none of your facts are right.

1. the mom was driving when the first encounter occurred.
2. after the mom and son found the guy, more words were exchanged, but no bullets.
3. The mom and son left and drove home.
3. the guy followed the mom and son home and began shooting.

so no, not really, Columbo

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Nonsense
Jan 26, 2007

The 5th Foid posted:

You're all very sick people and would benefit from going to church.

enough with these histrionics and be lobotomized already

spooky girlfriend
Oct 21, 2014

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

Yeah, except none of your facts are right.

1. the mom was driving when the first encounter occurred.
2. after the mom and son found the guy, more words were exchanged, but no bullets.
3. The mom and son left and drove home.
3. the guy followed the mom and son home and began shooting.

so no, not really, Columbo

"facts" lol

Windows 98 storyline is very plausible, and he beat a guy with a shovel and got away scot-free so I will bow to his criminal knowledge.

My Q-Face
Jul 8, 2002

A dumb racist who need to kill themselves

Frog Act posted:

99% of teh time if you're going somewhere to fetch your armed son you're dumb and wrong

100% of the time. If you can go get your gun and go back into a situation, you're not in danger and have no justification for shooting somebody.

IzzyFnStradlin
Jun 19, 2004

spooky girlfriend posted:

"facts" lol

Windows 98 storyline is very plausible, and he beat a guy with a shovel and got away scot-free so I will bow to his criminal knowledge.

there are infinite "plausible" scenarios, but only one real one - and that one has been disclosed to the public by the police, witnesses, and victims. and it is not "windows ME's" story.

Control Volume
Dec 31, 2008

Windows 98 posted:

You don't need to be chief of police to figure out this mystery. And I'm sure shaking down a 15 year old would get you some answers.

A mom is teaching her daughter how to drive without any kind of permit. He daughter is understandably a lovely driver and is going terrifyingly slow. A guy pulls up behind them and starts tailgating. Mom in the passenger seat gets pissed off. They decide to pass and she slams on the horn as they go by. They get pissed and stop the car forcing the kid to stop as well. The other drivers come over and scream at the daughter and momma bear gets crazy pissed off. They book it right home and mom convinces son to come with his gun so they can attempt to scare the other drivers because NO ONE YELLS AT MY BABEH. They find them, maybe the other drivers even went to hunt them down as well, who knows. Son starts talking poo poo and ends up firing. He caps his mom in the head and the other driver speeds away justifiably. Other driver probably didn't even have a gun or shoot at them. Son lies about other driver having a gun and shooting first to side step committing manslaughter while attempting to commit premeditated murder. Daughter lies about being the one driving because she wants to come off as squeaky clean and an innocent bystander.

you forgot the detail where the other driver didn't contact the police, which can be explained because the driver was black, and knew he would be murdered by the police if he reported it. he originally went to the house to tell them they were being very rude and should stop that, in a peaceful manner. the son didn't mention the driver being black because he's hiding that he's blind, which is how he shot his mom in the head.

Peztopiary
Mar 16, 2009

by exmarx
Until they update again in a day or two. That said yeah, Windows' version doesn't seem particularly likely. I wonder if the other driver even knows this happened?

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
Live as a crazy gun owner, die by a crazy gun owner.

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.
Can't wait until the ballistic tests come back :allears:

My Q-Face
Jul 8, 2002

A dumb racist who need to kill themselves

Pitdragon posted:

Yeah, the police sergeant basically says outright they did some extremely shady poo poo (getting the son with a gun and going out to "track down" the person who had offended them), then takes all these pains to absolve them of any wrong doing. This whole thing doesn't add up.

ACTUALLY... As a duly appointed representative of the state, If he says anything that can be construed as accusatory before the investigation or trial, it could be considered prejudicial and be used by their lawyer to get them off without charges, so he has to do that, no matter how open and shut it actually is.

Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post

Control Volume posted:

you forgot the detail where the other driver didn't contact the police, which can be explained because the driver was black, and knew he would be murdered by the police if he reported it. he originally went to the house to tell them they were being very rude and should stop that, in a peaceful manner. the son didn't mention the driver being black because he's hiding that he's blind, which is how he shot his mom in the head.

A lot of people don't report crimes, especially a murder, if they were semi involved and obviously in a previous altercation with the murdered. I wouldn't want to be connected to this poo poo. I mean look how quick they were to push blame on this guy already. Imagine how hosed this guy would be if he came forward, simply because of some children lying. Witness testimony > science in the court system. It would turn into a game of he said she said, and they have a murdered mom. Murdered mom trumps any kind of sympathy for this guy not wanting to be involved with this kid shooting his mom on accident.

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless

Control Volume posted:

you forgot the detail where the other driver didn't contact the police, which can be explained because the driver was black,

No. He was white I posted the full color police sketch already and see it quoted.

ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug
While its obvious the kids are lying about a lot of things and there story is all over the place I doubt they'd try to lie about shooting the mom if the son did it. No way they wouldn't know that police can determine which gun fired which bullet.

AKA Pseudonym
May 16, 2004

A dashing and sophisticated young man
Doctor Rope

Windows 98 posted:

You don't need to be chief of police to figure out this mystery. And I'm sure shaking down a 15 year old would get you some answers.

A mom is teaching her daughter how to drive without any kind of permit. He daughter is understandably a lovely driver and is going terrifyingly slow. A guy pulls up behind them and starts tailgating. Mom in the passenger seat gets pissed off. They decide to pass and she slams on the horn as they go by. They get pissed and stop the car forcing the kid to stop as well. The other drivers come over and scream at the daughter and momma bear gets crazy pissed off. They book it right home and mom convinces son to come with his gun so they can attempt to scare the other drivers because NO ONE YELLS AT MY BABEH. They find them, maybe the other drivers even went to hunt them down as well, who knows. Son starts talking poo poo and ends up firing. He caps his mom in the head and the other driver speeds away justifiably. Other driver probably didn't even have a gun or shoot at them. Son lies about other driver having a gun and shooting first to side step committing manslaughter while attempting to commit premeditated murder. Daughter lies about being the one driving because she wants to come off as squeaky clean and an innocent bystander.

The whole road rage thing is probably completely fabricated. Guy just shot his mom in the face for some reason and is making up stories. Originally he said the other driver just followed his mother home and shot her right there while he tried to defend her. When that didn't add up he changed it to include the cockamamie bullshit about trying to hunt the guy down. The rest of the story with weird poo poo like the passenger reaching over to honk the horn is probably coming out of he and his sister's inability to keep the story straight under pressure.

Control Volume
Dec 31, 2008

the dad was very likely in on it, have they checked what kind of life insurance this lady had?

HollywoodDialysis
Jan 19, 2005

not doing nothing
Grimey Drawer
I'm actually willing to go with Windows 98 on this.

fanged wang
Nov 1, 2014

by Ralp
angela goonsbury

Ape Fist
Feb 23, 2007

Nowadays, you can do anything that you want; anal, oral, fisting, but you need to be wearing gloves, condoms, protection.
i was going to come in here and post that its ok that she died because she was white but a lot of people have already done it for me

a shiny rock
Nov 13, 2009

My Q-Face posted:

100% of the time. If you can go get your gun and go back into a situation, you're not in danger and have no justification for shooting somebody.

what if its terrorists trying to 9/11 someone

IzzyFnStradlin
Jun 19, 2004

fanged wang posted:

angela goonsbury

lol

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

spooky girlfriend posted:

Windows 98 storyline is very plausible, and he beat a guy with a shovel and got away scot-free so I will bow to his criminal knowledge.

whoa, really?

My Q-Face
Jul 8, 2002

A dumb racist who need to kill themselves

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

Yeah, except none of your facts are right.

1. the mom was driving when the first encounter occurred.
2. after the mom and son found the guy, more words were exchanged, but no bullets.
3. The mom and son left and drove home.
3. the guy followed the mom and son home and began shooting.

so no, not really, Columbo

Colombo usually noticed an important fact that Witnesses lie to make themselves look innocent or even heroic. That was like his whole shtick.

Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

My Q-Face posted:

Colombo usually noticed an important fact that Witnesses lie to make themselves look innocent or even heroic. That was like his whole shtick.

the poster you quoted is literally retarded

Anorexic Robot
Nov 11, 2012
The mother took her daughter out to teach her to drive but was ashamed of her daughters inability to pull off a Tokyo Drift. The mom shot herself due to her shame in her daughters skills and lived. Embarrassed by her own inability to take her own life she dressed up as a police officer and claimed she was murdered coming up with a story with her family to cover her tracks. They wanted a good media picture as well but now that she was shot in the head one could not be taken. The son then came up with the brilliant idea of the sombrero hat to hide the bullet hole.

My Q-Face
Jul 8, 2002

A dumb racist who need to kill themselves

Blue Train posted:

the poster you quoted is literally retarded

Well now I just feel like an rear end in a top hat!

IzzyFnStradlin
Jun 19, 2004

Blue Train posted:

the poster you quoted is literally retarded

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

Blue Train
Jun 17, 2012

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

lol touched a nerve huh

inokichi
Nov 3, 2005

My Q-Face posted:

Colombo usually noticed an important fact that Witnesses lie to make themselves look innocent or even heroic. That was like his whole shtick.

His whole schtick was waving his hand near his face and saying "There's just one thing that bothers me...." and then homing in on the main flaw in the persons's story

whoflungpoop
Sep 9, 2004

With you and the constellations

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

hahah youre retarded mantrash

Robo Reagan
Feb 12, 2012

by Fluffdaddy

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

oh poo poo guys it's on

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Nhcv6Ho3ic

Windows 98
Nov 13, 2005

HTTP 400: Bad post

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
The family left out the part where the husband and daughter burst out of the garage yelling "IT'S A PRANK! IT'S A PRANK!"

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

Setzer Gabbiani
Oct 13, 2004

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

there are infinite "plausible" scenarios, but only one real one - and that one has been disclosed to the public by the police, witnesses, and victims. and it is not "windows ME's" story.

GBS actually has a lot of restraint to wait on going with the most obvious/correct scenario of "women drivers" within 6 pages

Scrotum Modem
Sep 12, 2014

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

big black turnout
Jan 13, 2009



Fallen Rib

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

hahahahahahahahahaha

Bloodfart McCoy
Jul 20, 2007

That's a high quality avatar right there.

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

Figuratively then. Whatever.

Sponge Baathist
Jan 30, 2010

by FactsAreUseless
Does anybody feel that "Top-5 rated school", " World's Biggest Ham", and other claimed title to fame are only really relevant to those who wave it around and everybody else couldn't care less?

gnarlyhotep
Sep 30, 2008

by Lowtax
Oven Wrangler
idk biggest ham sounds good, tell me moer

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ArbitraryC
Jan 28, 2009
Pick a number, any number
Pillbug

IzzyFnStradlin posted:

first off, who the gently caress are you?

second, what's your problem?

third, someone who is "literally retarded" can't become a student at a top-5 law school (which I am)

What's you IQ?

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