i have converted to Islam

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > General Bullshit > i have converted to Islam

«‹›2 »

GastonEatTheEggs: Nov 7, 2012

OP: the cia thinks i'm working for alqaeda??!?!

me: i...i think your working for alq aeda

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:36

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 26, 2024 18:43

Hingehead: Nov 24, 2013

TEAYCHES posted:

who is the rightful sucessor to muhammad - dont loving dodge the question

How many letter "A"'s are in Surat Al Baqarah too? Important question I need to know if you are fake muslim or real muslim.

Also You are an American, you are not arab, Stop coverting to arabism. It not your country.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:39

ChrisHansen: Oct 28, 2014; Suck my damn balls.; Lipstick Apathy

Op, do you ever fall asleep on your face during prayers?

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:41

Ride The Gravitron: May 2, 2008; by FactsAreUseless

I iroincly advocate the US military adding bacon bullets to their arsenal

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:41

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

Volume posted:

I iroincly advocate the US military adding bacon bullets to their arsenal

you are iroincly a retard

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:41

Hector Beerlioz: Jun 16, 2010; aw, hec

Volume posted:

I iroincly advocate the US military adding bacon bullets to their arsenal

Someone post that bit from the Tom Clancy book where the US soldier makes the dieing Arab hold a football to send him to hell.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:44

Hingehead: Nov 24, 2013

ChrisHansen posted:

Op, do you ever fall asleep on your face during prayers?

The force of gravity is simply too strong for OP to overcome everytime he bows down into submission to moon god isis, so the answer is yes, every single times. Goon's body are typically fragile.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:44

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

I wonder how many people fart during prayers at a big mosque.

I mean if say there's a 1000 dudes bending over, are there like a 100 guys farting?

And is there tradition on how you deal with a fart during prayers?

Asking for a friend.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:50

Frank Jameso: Nov 24, 2014

redshirt posted:

I wonder how many people fart during prayers at a big mosque.

I mean if say there's a 1000 dudes bending over, are there like a 100 guys farting?

And is there tradition on how you deal with a fart during prayers?

Asking for a friend.

how dare you ridicule us while we commune with the source

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:57

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Frank Jameso posted:

how dare you ridicule us while we commune with the source

It's not ridicule, friend. Farts happen regardless of Allah's will.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 02:59

Frank Jameso: Nov 24, 2014

redshirt posted:

It's not ridicule, friend. Farts happen regardless of Allah's will.

only an infidel would bring up such questions.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:01

Hingehead: Nov 24, 2013

redshirt posted:

I wonder how many people fart during prayers at a big mosque.

I mean if say there's a 1000 dudes bending over, are there like a 100 guys farting?

And is there tradition on how you deal with a fart during prayers?

Asking for a friend.

Before prayer begins, you have to ablution ; wash your face, nose, mouth , feet and hands with water. If you fart after ablution, you have to start over again. If you fart during prayer, the prayer won't count and you have to start everything over again. That or be quite about it, keep it between yourself and Allah. Serious answer ( I was a muslim convert).

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:02

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

Hingehead posted:

Before prayer begins, you have to ablution ; wash your face, nose, mouth , feet and hands with water. If you fart after ablution, you have to start over again. If you fart during prayer, the prayer won't count and you have to start everything over again. That or be quite about it, keep it between yourself and Allah. Serious answer ( I was a muslim convert).

So if you fart during prayer you're supposed to get up and go wash up again?

In a big mosque this is probably a funny sight.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:06

TEAYCHES: Jun 23, 2002

its not just a muslim skill to hide your fart but yeah it must be difficult when you are bending over near-prone

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:07

redshirt: Aug 11, 2007; Reporting for shovel mission Sir.

TEAYCHES posted:

its not just a muslim skill to hide your fart but yeah it must be difficult when you are bending over near-prone

And your rear end is pointed towards someone else. It might be hard to mask a fart like that, whereas if you're sitting in a pew its far easier to get away with.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:08

The Taint Reaper: Sep 4, 2012; by Shine

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:10

Hingehead: Nov 24, 2013

redshirt posted:

So if you fart during prayer you're supposed to get up and go wash up again?

In a big mosque this is probably a funny sight.

lol good question. You'd keep fake praying, then when everybody is done you wash up and make up for the fake post fart prayer.

The Taint Reaper posted:

It's not what it used to be. nowaday you get a plane embedded into your office building for doing something like this. I think we should go to Iraq to troll ISIS like this.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:25

RaceBannon: Apr 3, 2010

i like how some swedish architect came up with a church/mosque hybrid building meant to foster brotherhood amongst swedes and muslim immigrants but because of some saying in the koran the minaret had to be taller than the cross on the church part of the building. because gently caress you to your native swedish culture, right?

# ? Feb 20, 2015 03:27

David Copperfield: Mar 14, 2004; im david copperfield

how do you feel about going to a middle east country to do the hora around a space rock

# ? Feb 20, 2015 06:48

burritolingus: Nov 6, 2007; by Ralp

Welcome to the True Religion OP.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 06:52

Pivotal Lever: Sep 9, 2003

The Taint Reaper posted:

lmao

# ? Feb 20, 2015 06:54

SMILLENNIALSMILLEN: Jun 26, 2009

i have converted to ogg

# ? Feb 20, 2015 06:56

a messed up horse: Mar 11, 2014; by Nyc_Tattoo

The Taint Reaper posted:

owned

# ? Feb 20, 2015 06:56

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i thought we all did this in October?

Allah ackbard, muhammad is the greatest and best true prophet , death to infidels and apostates

Signed,

Number One Poster Al-Canadi Muhammad Ackbar

# ? Feb 20, 2015 07:02

The Taint Reaper: Sep 4, 2012; by Shine

# ? Feb 20, 2015 07:08

Gatekeeper: Aug 3, 2003; He was warrior and mystic, ogre and saint, the fox and the innocent, chivalrous, ruthless, less than a god, more than a man.

i too attended college and wanted to piss off my parents, it was pretty awesome. it was a lot like that law and order episode where shawn from boy meets world wants to be a suicide bomber only instead of making that sick bomb vest i got stoned and ate a lot of shawarma from that cool truck by the supermarket

# ? Feb 20, 2015 07:16

numberoneposter: Feb 19, 2014; How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

The Taint Reaper posted:

god willing they will all be defenestrated for this

# ? Feb 20, 2015 07:48

Not_Rainbow_Horse: Nov 11, 2013

guys i ate pork and im muslim should i throw up ???

# ? Feb 20, 2015 07:58

CAPT. Rainbowbeard: Apr 5, 2012; My incredible goodposting transcends time and space but still it cannot transform the xbone into a good console.; Lipstick Apathy

Frank Jameso posted:

i was blind until i found the teachings of Muhammed and now i walk in the light of Allah.

At what point in the process do they remove your ability to understand jokes?

I'm asking for a friend.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:18

give me thread: Dec 29, 2008

islam? more like shitslam

# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:30

Tarquinn: Jul 3, 2007; I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you
my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.; Hell Gem