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SEAL THE GATES
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 19:47 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 01:57 |
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release the hounds
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 19:50 |
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Aha! Is this our chance?
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 19:59 |
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You'll never escape! The only people who have ever escaped my inescapable fortress were those people that escaped that one time!
liquorlanche fucked around with this message at 20:04 on Feb 20, 2015 |
# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:02 |
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*is a bunch of chickens in the street, narrowly misses being trampled* BAWK AWK BAGAWK AWK AWK AWK BAWK
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:02 |
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im the guy driving the gasoline tanker that gets upended in the car chase WHHOOOAA-A! *boom*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:04 |
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*is the big leering giant that the protagonist befriended earlier on in the movie* Nuh uh uh *waggles finger and tosses guards into a table that collapses*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:04 |
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a hole-y ghost posted:im the guy driving the gasoline tanker that gets upended in the car chase i'm the trucker's wife who falls into a crippling depression after his death and lets my small children die of starvation
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:05 |
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NO, Mister Protagonist, I expect you to DIE
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:05 |
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*points* HEY LOOK! I'M OVER THERE!
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:06 |
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*is thrown over a railing by Slab McLargehuge*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:08 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:*is thrown over a railing by Slab McLargehuge*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:09 |
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*looks down at protagonist opening coat full of guns* Oh, shi-
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:11 |
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**runs around frantically while crazy antics piano music plays**
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:11 |
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*turns around to see big fucker standing directly in front of face* Who-a-a-a!!! *windmilling arms, falls off ledge*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:11 |
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Jerry Mumphrey posted:i'm the trucker's wife who falls into a crippling depression after his death and lets my small children die of starvation I'm one of the children that survive and make it my life goal to avenge my trucker fathers life guaranteeing a direct to DVD sequel
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:18 |
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0745: Drive to work in unlocked truck full of tarpaulin. Change into jumpsuit. 0800-0830: Briefing - "cover is for sissies and rebel scum" 0830-1045: Patrol laboratory corridors, staring straight ahead and never looking into rooms or behind crates. 1045-1100: Coffee break - stand at breakroom counter with back to the door 1100-1245: Move brightly coloured barrels of pressurized explosive liquid into position on catwalks and sniper towers 1245-1315: Lunch - eat in cafeteria with two other guards, sitting at different tables. Walk outside to smoke, staring dead ahead into the distance. 1315-1445: Patrol warehouse of wooden and metal crates stacked 50ft high. Patrol only ground floor, never looking up. 1445-1500: Break - loudly discuss sensitive information with fellow guard in front of a vent. Walk away in different directions, never looking back. 1500-1530: Training - "snowmobiles and the noble art of kamikaze". 1530-1700: Man guardpost. Make conversation with fellow guard. Approved topics - denigrating our enemies with racist epithets, abuse of women/children, beating prisoners, quality of rations. 1700-1715: Change out of uniform and shower. Leave password for security mainframe in easily picked locker.
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:26 |
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Careful with these new helmets. They knock you out if they touch another helmet even slightly.
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:31 |
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*takes long puff of pipe* *takes another* "gently caress the man, son"
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:32 |
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*is exactly as skilled at gunfights/car chases as the extra who plays him*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:32 |
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this is what i look like when i shoot at the protagonist
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:37 |
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Zzulu posted:this is what i look like when i shoot at the protagonist lol
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:41 |
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Robo Reagan posted:actually they were heavy to you because you're a noodley armed nerd but if you were a big buff mercenary bro who actually used that poo poo it wouldn't be as much a problem Hey, I'd always imagined a polearm to be something like a broomstick with a kitchen knife sellotaped to the end. These bastards were loving 2.5 inch fenceposts with a great lump of steel riveted to them and they weighed a loving ton. I now know where I stand in the sword vs polearm debate: swords are a lot loving easier to wave around when you're charging something. *Guards run at protagonist, who's stood on a narrow bridge over a bottomless chasm* *Get knocked over the edge, one by one. No, we don't have any bows and arrows to shoot him from a distance, as would be sensible.*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:52 |
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*pulls a knife on the hero* *20 seconds later is being stabbed with my own knife*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:53 |
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PlotDevice posted:*pulls a knife on the hero* Hours later, in a poor district of the city... "mommy, when's daddy coming home?" "soon, sweetie, he told us he'd be working late tonight. He's doing jobs for the Emperor himself now, you know! And guess what... He's told me, after tonight's work, he'll be able to afford that pony you've always wanted!" "oh boy! I can't wait to see him again, mommy!"
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:00 |
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**introduces a new character with a vibrant background and kills them off just as you were starting to like them**
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:03 |
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*Is standing nonchalant next to a revolving door as the guard runs circles*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:07 |
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*shot with three tranquilizer darts, falls asleep immediately* *wakes up from kick in stomach*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:15 |
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*hero parkours up to second floor window and bursts in.* *brothel ladies are in various states of undress lounging around* "HA HA. EXCUSE ME LADIES!" *WINK* *ladies screaming and covering they bosoms as hero jauntily ducks and dodges through the room* *but then they realise he is handsome and now they clutching at him "no, don't leave!"* *hero pauses* cut to guards searching brothel you know the rest he is dressed as one of the ladies and the guards eventually figure it out after some comedy and he bonks one of them on the head and jumps back out the window. in the next scene he is running along and somehow is back in his normal clothes again. then we find out later that the evil duke burned down the brothel and had all the whores that helped the hero executed for treason. they bodies are hung on the outside walls of the city as a message to any who would be foolish enough to aid our hero. it's all very game of thrones.
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:17 |
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*can't remember if the chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison or not*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:31 |
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*visual field consists of a forty five degree arc that the hero is constantly aware of*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:32 |
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*holds up a newspaper in front of his face like he's reading it just before the guards run up* *points* He went that way.
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:33 |
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Doppelganger posted:I'm SURROUNDED by imbeciles! You hired us, you trained us, you manage all day-to-day functions and establish the procedures we work by. I recognize that I'm not perfect. I walked into the cell slowly peering around in confusion instead of just looking up. That was a mistake and I own that. But I'm just a single minion. You need to acknowledge your own role here and own up to the fact that you are ultimately responsible.
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:33 |
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AKA Pseudonym posted:You hired us, you trained us, you manage all day-to-day functions and establish the procedures we work by.
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:33 |
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gnarlyhotep posted:*can't remember if the chalice from the palace has the pellet with the poison or not* its in the vessel with the pestle u fukkin noob drat edit: both guards get decapitated seconds later while arguing about poison with their backs turned. damn horror queefs fucked around with this message at 21:54 on Feb 20, 2015 |
# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:38 |
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SELL THE GATES!
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:40 |
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don't worry boss i am slavman strongovich i will beat handsome aryan hero. HA HA your punches are useless against my muscle body n-no, my one weakness -- kicked in the pierogies...
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 21:46 |
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*is an enormously fat woman who the timid, nebbish protagonist collides with during his escape, causing his face to land right in her cleavage* "How DARE you!" *throws protagonist like a lawn dart*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 22:03 |
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Noooo, my awkwardly placed fruit cart! *fruit goes everywhere*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 22:16 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 01:57 |
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*Is kicked into convenient vat of liquid nitrogen by hero* *Last conscious moment is being told to "chill out!" by a smug prick while painfully freezing*
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# ? Feb 20, 2015 22:23 |