ITT we are Shinra employees

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Video Games > ITT we are Shinra employees

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

yeah this is front desk

some fag in a gimp suit with a giant sword rolled up on a motorcycle and he's nosing around the lobby. I was going to have security escort him out, but he's got a black friend with him and I know we've been having some PR trouble lately.

please advise

# ? Feb 20, 2015 19:52

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 23:52

Blue Raider: Sep 2, 2006

feed them cheap liquors

# ? Feb 20, 2015 19:56

swimming anime: Jan 4, 2006

Yeah, I mean working for a giant soulless corporation like Shinra wasn't what I was hoping to be doing at 28 with a masters in english, but my domestic partner Brian has thyroid problems and I'm able to get health insurance so it's worth it.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 19:58

Good soup!: Nov 2, 2010

sucks living in the slums but at least there haven't been any terrorist attacks on the reactor I work at to make ends meet, the kids will be so happy when I get home :unsmith:

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:00

Modulo16: Feb 12, 2014; "Authorities say the phony Pope can be recognized by his high-top sneakers and incredibly foul mouth."

I'm the IT guy and I hate everyone. I hope this place explodes.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:01

abagofcheetos: Oct 29, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

some day i hope i am remade to be comprised of more than 30 polygons

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:01

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

sorry bae, I've gotta pull overtime again tonight. they threw another chick in the giant tiger rape pen and it's all hands on deck

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:02

Punch Card: Sep 13, 2005; by Ralp

it takes me hours to type with these stupid loving box hands plz help

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:02

jBrereton: May 30, 2013; Grimey Drawer

planet dead. so what

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:04

knockout: Apr 27, 2014; my reputation's never been worse, so

jBrereton posted:

planet dead. so what

shinra has no wfh policy

if youre too dead to work, its coming out of your pay

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:05

Chillgamesh: Jul 29, 2014

yeah who let all the flying chainsaw snake monsters loose on the midgar development model floor, we need to hire an entire new engineering division because of you pranksters

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:06

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Punch Card posted:

it takes me hours to type with these stupid loving box hands plz help

I talked to OH&S and they said we can't accommodate those 12 foot keyboards so you'll just have to make do

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:07

Sephiroth_IRA: Mar 31, 2010

Index funds? :lol:

I'm putting all my money into Mako futures.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:07

LordHippoman: May 30, 2013; I, frankly, want this smug Jagen to be my avatar on all forms of social media immediately.

Palmer's in the hot tub again, his polygonal moobs are creeping me out, please advise.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:08

Mercury Crusader: Apr 20, 2005; You know they say that all demons are created equal, but you look at me and you look at Pyro Jack and you can see that statement is not true, hee-ho!

Hey-hey! Tea! Can I have some too? With lotsa sugar and honey and... oh yeah, don't forget the lard!

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:09

abagofcheetos: Oct 29, 2003; by FactsAreUseless

Sephiroth_IRA posted:

Index funds? I'm putting all my money into Mako futures.

you really shouldnt be so reckless with your sephiroth ira account

thats supposed to be for the retirement of the planet

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:09

Space Bat: Apr 17, 2009; hold it now hold it now hold it right there
you wouldn't drop, couldn't drop diddy, you wouldn't dare

Hello, my name is Mr. Arnihs. Yes, that'll do. Anyway, I say we reinvest that money back into the Mako Reactor Plant.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:10

Good soup!: Nov 2, 2010

gotta work a double shift tonight, my wife blew all of our money on a lifetime membership to gold saucer, keep telling her she needs to get therapy

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:11

Dr Pepper: Feb 4, 2012; Don't like it? well...

AVALANCHE killed my brother in a reactor bombing.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:13

Saint Freak: Apr 16, 2007; Regretting is an insult to oneself; Buglord

Gya haa haa haa!

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:15

Punch Card: Sep 13, 2005; by Ralp

jews did reactor 1

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:16

evilmiera: Dec 14, 2009; Status: Ravenously Rambunctious

loving hell, why do they always send us on these worthless courses? Mako reactor safeties, Giant robot handling, and now Firing from a stationary position at a sea-based target. I mean we practically own the planet, who're going to send a fleet or cruiser at us?

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:17

Iretep: Nov 10, 2009

Punch Card posted:

jews did reactor 1

you mean Cetra did it.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:18

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Dr Pepper posted:

AVALANCHE killed my brother in a reactor bombing.

same except they put him in a cage and lit him on fire

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:18

Dongattack: Dec 20, 2006; by Cyrano4747

please explain the backstory so i can shitpost

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:21

Doctor Goat: Jan 22, 2005; Where does it hurt?

GRARGRGH I AM A MONSTER IN A CAGE IN HOJO'S LAB

here's your 1099

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:21

Roman Reigns: Aug 23, 2007

Look I'm not saying it was difficult being the company PR guy. That's...I mean its pretty pretentious to assume that considering whats happened the past few months with the loving meteor and giant monsters and poo poo that my problems were somehow worse than others.

Its just...ah, Christ *takes a drag on cigarette* I mean poo poo like reporting that your CEO got stabbed by a dead ninja thing and having helicopters around the area when that plate dropped on Sector 7? Its not easy to spin that into something even remotely sensible. S'all I'm saying, man...

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:22

Dr Pepper: Feb 4, 2012; Don't like it? well...

Dongattack posted:

please explain the backstory so i can shitpost

evil megacorp that builds powerplant that literally burn souls.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:23

Jerry Mumphrey: Mar 11, 2004; by zen death robot
(and can't post for 4 years!)

Dr Pepper posted:

evil megacorp that builds powerplant that literally burn souls.

mako doesn't burn hot enough to melt souls

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:24

Good soup!: Nov 2, 2010

Haha did you see that blonde haired dude tried to apply for SOLDIER, dude gets loving motion sickness, what a gigantic pussy, heard they just put him in a standard uniform and sent him into the countryside for some stupid bullshit

Anyway I gotta make sure this giant plush with a cat riding it is all good to go for later

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:25

Dr Pepper: Feb 4, 2012; Don't like it? well...

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

mako doesn't burn hot enough to melt souls

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:25

Funky Valentine: Feb 26, 2014; Dojyaa~an

Mr. Shinra says that our department will get actual mouths on our models if we can build a Barrett-proof reactor.

Jerry Mumphrey posted:

mako doesn't burn hot enough to melt souls

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:28

Jibo: May 22, 2007; Bear Witness; College Slice

loving hojo asked me to drain the headless corpse tank earlier and refill it

god i hate this job

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:29

Solomonic: Jan 3, 2008; INCIPIT SANTA

I'm Popeye the sailor man :saddowns:

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:30

Orange Fluffy Sheep: Jul 26, 2008; Bad EXP received

There's a dog in the back of this truck.

I'm gonna hit it with this billy club. Yeah. That'll show it.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:30

Nelson Mandingo: Mar 27, 2005

Sigh. My shift's almost up then I can go to the Honey Bee Inn for a few hours before having to go home to my nagging wife....

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:31

knockout: Apr 27, 2014; my reputation's never been worse, so

�Safety is our #1 priority�

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:32

Funky Valentine: Feb 26, 2014; Dojyaa~an

That gently caress Hojo came by the office today with his harem.

rear end in a top hat.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:33

Jibo: May 22, 2007; Bear Witness; College Slice

Funky Valentine posted:

That gently caress Hojo came by the office today with his harem.

rear end in a top hat.

I've heard rumors that he's been having these threesomes with a talking wolf and that babe who sells cheap flowers on the street. That dude is hosed up.

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:36

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# ? Apr 24, 2024 23:52

Sephiroth_IRA: Mar 31, 2010

Do you guys ever wonder why management takes our materia away the second it levels up?

# ? Feb 20, 2015 20:37

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